Disclaimer: I do not own VK. Nor do I own KV, VV, or K-Inc.

Bloodbath

Zero thought about jumping in front of the engine as he waited for the train to take him back to Tokyo. He considered throwing himself onto the tracks, breaking his body irrevocably and snuffing out his pain in an instant's explosion of it. Who cared about him anyway? He wasn't even good enough for Yuuki. She'd probably been happy in Kaname's arms. Happier than she had ever been in his.

Yet something held him back. He wasn't sure what it was; perhaps the imminent birth of his first child, the promise that no matter what happened, there was someone left to whom he could still matter. Something he still had to live for. Or maybe it was a tiny impulse in the back of his fevered mind, telling him to slow down, that everything would be all right and he and Yuuki could still be together. Somewhere, somehow.

His mind swung between extremes like a seesaw. Maybe she wasn't cheating at all. Maybe he was forcing himself on her. Maybe she's crying herself to sleep right now because I left her alone because her scumbag brother tried to rape her. I wouldn't put it past him.

Maybe she hates me. Maybe I'm not good enough for her, not good enough to be a father, and Kaname is the one who can give her what she wants. Maybe she thinks he'll be a better father than I would—God forbid—and wanted me to see that to get me out of the house without having to face me directly.

Either way, I really am just a worthless piece of shit.

Then his mind swung back and forth between defending her and defending himself.

The ball's in her court. She had no right to do that to you. Leave her alone with Kaname and only see her when you pick up the child. You deserve better.

It's better this way. You never deserved her anyway. Now she's with someone who never turned on her right when she needed him most, never pointed a deadly weapon at her. Sure, he's threatened her, but that's a step up from you, huh?

The despair mounting in his chest just grew worse with thought, and the more upset he became, the more out-of-control and irrational his thoughts grew.

Kaname will never make a good father. That child will grow up as evil as he is.

But the child would probably be better off dead than raised by you.

Ironically, the worst one was the one that made the most sense.

I'm going to die without her.

--

"Yuuki, you have to stay down. You were out for a good ten minutes—Kaname-kun was about to call the Senate to get a doctor out here." The Chairman rung out a washcloth in the bowl of icy water and replaced it along his daughter's forehead. "Let us worry about Zero-kun."

"No!" She protested and tried to sit up again, but Kaname's firm hand held her down. "I have to talk to him! I have to…"

"I just tried," Kaname said, holding up the receiver from the kitchen phone in his free hand. "His phone is turned off."

"You liar," Yuuki seethed, pushing against his hand. "I've been asleep four damn hours. I'm thinking I'm all right by now."

"Yuuki!" The Chairman insisted. "Just stay down, okay? You're so far along. Don't put the both of you at risk by forcing yourself beyond your limits. I'll try Zero later, so just get some rest. Holler if you need us, all right?"

Sagging in defiant defeat, Yuuki lay back, watched them depart. As soon as the familiar patterns of creaks on the stairs finished and their footsteps stopped in the living room, she jumped out of bed, grabbed her cell phone, shut the door, and leaned back against it. Hands shaking, she dialed the six glowing digits that would take her to Zero. If he was willing to talk to her.

Hi. This is Kiryuu Zero. You know the drill. His simple message picked up without the mercy of one ring. Kaname was right. His phone was turned off, and she prayed it wasn't for the reason she thought it was. Her stomach lurched and she gasped. Was this nausea from her baby? Or was it from losing Zero so fast?

She tossed her phone on her bed and waddled over to her open window, letting the late summer breeze tickle her face. Four hours—she'd slept a long time after they'd woken her from her fainting spell. She gazed out into the night, wiping her eye as she listened to the sad calls of the singing night birds. Their songs were so lonely, and each note dropped another pound of despair on her heart. Four hours, and already she missed Zero so desperately. This was so unfair! She would never have kissed Kaname, and she didn't know why she did when he'd kissed her—reflex, maybe? Or maybe nostalgia, a longing for when she had kissed him and enjoyed it…

And she hadn't even had the chance to explain things to Zero, to apologize to him, and tell him she'd hated the kiss with Kaname and he was the only man she could possibly ever love…

"Zero…" she whispered into the night, clutching her chest and clenching her hands in grief. "Zero, darling…please, I'm so sorry…"

--

Maybe, deep in his heart, he'd always known he was never good enough. What kind of husband, boyfriend, friend pointed a gun at their most beloved? He didn't care that Kaname's blood had been influencing him. He was fucked up—too fucked up to be worthy of Yuuki's love, or anyone's love, for that matter.

He wasn't going back to school. He knew he'd have to turn around and go right back to the Academy to help care for his infant. Maybe he could get a job and live in the village. Vend food on the streets or take up a janitorial position or something. In any case, despite what he'd said to Yuuki, he was just coming for the rest of his things and to relinquish his part of the lease on the small two-bedroom apartment. Despite what he'd said to Yuuki, he knew he couldn't stay in Tokyo long. He had to be there when his baby was born. That child deserved the loving arms of both its parents.

Zero had been marinating in his apartment in Tokyo for a day and a half when his cell phone rang for the first time in as long as he could remember. He forced himself off the sofa and yanked it from the charger cord.

Cross Academy. He'd figured as much. Probably the Chairman—Yuuki always called from her cell phone.

"Yeah?"

"Kiryuu."

Zero's blood boiled. "What the hell do you want, Kuran?"

"I don't want to fight with you, Kiryuu. Let's keep this short and simple. Last night, Yuuki started having contractions. This is a serious situation. Yuuki…Yuuki's very sick."

Zero's boiling blood now ran cold. "What?"

"She went into labor yesterday. We took her to the doctor, but we had to leave because he began to catch on to us. She was screaming all night, and this morning she had the child, but…"

"But?"

"It…didn't make it. We don't know if it died during labor or if its death is what set it off. Either way, it was a stillborn, and…I'm sorry, Kiryuu."

Zero's boiling blood now ran cold. The phone slipped slowly from his paralyzed hand and fell on his unmade bed, bounding once and landing buttons-down.

"Kiryuu? KIRYUU!" The voice spilled from the speaker, tinny and insignificant. Shaking furiously, Zero slowly leaned down and picked up the receiver, raising it to his ear as the room melted away around him.

"Wh-wh-why on Earth wasn't I contacted?"

"She didn't want to worry you. Plus, your damn cell phone's been turned off for days."

"I-I don't believe you. It's not true." It CAN'T be true.

"Believe what you want. Yuuki is only eighteen, and you of all people should know how complicated her pregnancy was. This shouldn't be a huge surprise."

"What about Yuuki? Is she going to be okay?"

"We took her to another doctor and he looked her over. She's going to be all right once she recovers."

"L-let me talk to her."

"Yuuki's very sick and very distressed, obviously. I don't know that she's in any condition to talk to you right now."

"I…I think I have the right to hear this from her."

"Yuuki's miserable and grieving because the baby she was having with you died. If you hadn't chosen to do what you did to her, none of this would have happened." Zero raged at the way Kaname made his lovemaking to Yuuki sound like rape. The line was silent for a moment, then Kaname's voice came back, quieter now. "Don't you think you've messed up her life enough, Kiryuu?"

Shaking, Zero stepped back and covered his eyes with his free hand. As much as he ached to, he couldn't ignore the truth in those words. Because, in the end, he knew Kaname was right. He had screwed up her life. Maybe she really would be better off without him.

"Are you still there?" Kaname asked.

"G-go fuck yourself!" Zero snapped the top of his phone down with the force of an angry lion. Reeling, he collapsed on the bed and heaved wretched, empty howls, his crying unlike anything that had ever come from his throat. Maybe Kuran was lying, he told himself. He was probably lying, to keep him away from Yuuki. It's something he'd do to get her back. It's something many people would do to get their loved ones back. Zero wondered if, had the situation been reversed, he himself would have done it. After all, it wasn't something you really knew about until it actually happened to you.

But better knowledge tugged at his stomach and somehow, every time he told himself it wasn't true, the tears flowed harder. Perhaps he was crying for more than just his child; perhaps he was crying for his parents, the man and woman for whom, despite his wretched sorrow, he'd never shed a tear; perhaps he was crying for Ichiru, his identical twin, the young boy who never saw his eighteenth birthday, who'd thought he'd hated Zero but in the end had loved him with all his soul; perhaps he was crying for his split with Yuuki, the love of his life, the young woman who had held him and refused to leave his side even when he'd made it clear he didn't want her there.

It all led back to one thing, though. Zero cried himself into a nightmare-stricken sleep for the family he'd never have. Never deserve.

--