Another Rainy Day in Nerima

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form.

Author's Notes: fewer reviews than I was anticipating, but only one complaint that Ranma and Akane would work and one complaint from an ultra-hard anti-Akane reader, so it's all good.

Teturo: I concede that the evidence doesn't really exist that Ranma hates homosexuals, but that was never the point I was trying to make. That point is that Ranma doesn't consider "Ranko" to be himself, so he would never love a lesbian who fell for "her". He considers his curse to be a useful tool and grows more comfortable with using it as the series progresses, I'm not denying that, but he never truly accepts it. Up to the very end of the manga, he still jumps at any chance to get rid of it- before Akane got kidnapped, he got involved in the Jusendo affair because it was claimed that it would leave him without a cure forever. Yes, he did flood the springs, but it was them or Akane's life, and Ranma has never been callous enough to leave someone to die, not even his worst enemy (besides, I'm pretty sure that the flooding was an unforeseen side-effect of the fight). And let's not forget that in the final chapter, where Ranma has admitted (to himself at least) that he loves Akane and he's on the verge of finally going through with the wedding… one mention of the Nanniichuan cask and he all but dumps Akane at the altar to try and get his hands on it.

Lord Edric: Maomolin's bell is from the anime's seventh season and the manga's… can't tell you which volume. Basically, Shampoo was trapped in an abandoned temple by a giant bakeneko, who cast a curse on her that would trap her permanently in cursed form unless she got a kiss from Ranma before the temple bell tolled 108 times that night.

Youko-Taicho: there's already a oneshot where that happens on FFN, though I don't recall the title off the top of my head.

DCWestby: the thing is, neither Nabiki nor Ranma have anything to offer the other that would persuade them to so much as call a truce, let alone try and have a relationship. Nabiki sees Ranma as a cash cow, and while Ranma now knows that she's not entirely heartless, she's simply too callous for it to be worth his time and effort to try and break through to her, particularly when there are several others he could make a relationship with instead. As for Yuka and Sayuri… while the two might find Ranma attractive (Ranma the Lady Killer), they're too much of Akane's friends to try and steal her fiancé, not to mention that A: Ranma's life is pretty intimidating to a norm, and B: they're probably at least half-convinced that Ranma is a good-looking scumbag, due to Akane's habit of ranting to them about his 'misdeeds'. As for Ranma… I don't think he even knows that they exist. On the topic of Kodachi, you have a point, but by this point in the timeline, given how much the "pigtailed harridan" has "harassed", "humiliated", "cheated" and otherwise "abused" Kodachi, would she really take the revelation that the two Ranmas are the same person calmly? It seems more likely she'd swear off having anything to do with him.

Chapter 13: Random Chance

Shampoo fought to prevent herself from betraying the pain she felt from her head. Unlike most modern martial artists who used them, Shampoo's chúi were the real things, their heads solid lumps of steel, and that equated to a lot of pain. For both her enemies and herself. Methodically, silently, she took in the form of the boy who had defeated her, the handsome stranger with the same name as her enemy. Now, technically the win hadn't been official, as he hadn't challenged her -hell, he'd been aiding that scrawny Japanese girl against Shampoo's interrogations when he'd knocked her out- but he was clearly skilled, good looking too, and let's not forget the two most important things: he wasn't Mousse, and Shampoo was, frankly, rather desperate.

She hadn't had a real date since she'd hit puberty, thanks to that blind stalker and his attacking any boy (or girl, or animal, or inanimate object) who he thought might be interested. Mousse wasn't the most powerful fighter in the village, but those of better skill than him tended to be either not Shampoo's type, so egotistical that they didn't think she was worthy of them, or engaged already. It had to be admitted that Shampoo's own diligence in pursuing martial arts prowess had also alienated those of her generation, and coupled with Mousse's borderline crazed "defense" of her, the result was that all Joketsuzoku who might be interested in her were kept away.

But that didn't matter anymore; now, she had a cute Outsider husband who was an even stronger martial artist than she- although she would have to take steps to rectify that once this whole messy business with that insulting Outsider girl was over with. After all, it just wouldn't do for one member of a married Warrior couple to be weaker than the other. Now if he'd just stop backing away from her- and what was he babbling about? Her grasp of Japanese wasn't all that good, but he seemed to be insisting that she hadn't really lost the fight. Modest, eh? That was attractive...

She managed to keep her surprise hidden when he suddenly lunged forward towards her- no, that other strange boy (and where had he come from, anyway?) had pushed him towards her. Shampoo felt a momentary pulse of gratitude towards the other, but it was quickly ignored in favor of catching her husband in her arms and twining them around his back. She leaned into the impromptu embrace, enjoying the warmth, the feel of him. She looked up into steel gray eyes, unusual for a Japanese but not so out of place amongst her people (her own eyes were a deep red, after all), filled with confusion. With a gentle smile, she spoke three words to him in a soft voice, words in her native language.

"I love you."

She thought she heard the motherly girl in the apron translate her words into Japanese, but she didn't particularly care. After giving her husband a few moments to let those words sink in, she quickly set her lips to his; taking up the part of the engagement ceremony she had been anticipating the most.

Shampoo knew that any given Outsider's reaction to the Kiss of Marriage was unpredictable, and also that her new husband passionately returning her kiss was unlikely at best, but that still didn't prevent her from being disappointed. He didn't react in the slightest; she might almost have thought she was kissing a dummy of some sort. Then, to her surprise and delight, the arms that had previously been dangling loosely in the air closed around her with gentle softness, and the lips she was kissing began to kiss back. Hesitantly and awkwardly at first, admittedly, but that didn't trouble Shampoo in the slightest; it was merely proof that her husband was shy, and as inexperienced as she was, if not more so. She could have happily kissed for an eternity, but things, alas, took a different turn.

The sound of steel impacting against bone would have caught her attention anyway- that it coincided with her husband's lips suddenly falling slack and his almost boneless collapse to the ground ensured that she was startled out of her romantic daze.

"Darling?" She asked automatically, catching him before he could fall all the way. Then she noticed the broken chúi head currently dented against the contours of his skull, and she allowed him to finish his collapse in her surprise. Looking around drew her attention to the only possible culprit; that scrawny girl from before, currently glowering angrily at the unconscious boy on the floor.

Shampoo shot to her feet, meeting the Japanese assailant's stare with one of her own, anger boiling within her heart- how dare she do something like that to Shampoo's husband! Subtly she edged towards the remaining intact chúi; if this got physical, like it would have in the village, then she wanted to be ready- while she was no slouch at unarmed wu shu, her particular skill lay in her mastery of weapons, in the wielding of the chúi and the dao. All the while, she met the other girl's gaze steadily, not looking away, not blinking. The stare finally ended when the Japanese girl stuck her nose up in the air with a disdainful sniff, though Shampoo would swear she had caught a glimpse of rightly earned fear in her eyes, and stomped away. Shampoo watched her go, her gaze burning the proverbial holes into her back, distracted only when a tall, lean, authoritative-looking Japanese man suddenly strode into the room, firmly demanding to know what the fuss was.

The motherly girl spoke to the older man (her father, perhaps?), and he evidently didn't like what he heard, as he promptly turned angrily to... the panda? That, however, was when her husband promptly regained his senses, startling Shampoo with the speed with which he shot up and... also began to harangue the panda. Shampoo seriously wondered for a moment if that maniac had somehow damaged her husband's brain, then reassured itself it was just part of the obvious concussion- after all, nobody could get hit that hard and not feel a little strange afterwards. As he was talking, she figured it would be impolite to cut him off with a kiss. She settled for eagerly cuddling up to him and nuzzling him instead.

That turned out to be the wrong move; she wasn't a hundred percent sure that the old man had been asking about her before, but he definitely was after seeing her being affectionate. Once everyone in the room was seated at the table, the old man began to question her husband in a rather angry fashion. Hmm... was he her husband's father? That might explain why he was so acting so strangely; trying to be helpful, Shampoo showed him her manual version of the Joketsuzoku Book of Law.

Apparently mollified now, he took it from her and began leafing through the pages, suddenly pausing. Eagerly, Shampoo's husband leaned in and asked him what the book said. With a disgusted expression, her husband's father flicked it away. Now, Shampoo's Japanese was rather rudimentary, but she was pretty sure that what he said next boiled down to him being completely unable to read Chinese, at which she fought the urge to slap her head in disbelief. How had he missed the Japanese translation? She really hoped her husband had more brains than his father did...

Sighing, Shampoo grabbed the manual, flicked to the right page and slapped it down on the table, finger pointing squarely at the Japanese translation, at which point her husband looked it over and then read it out loud to the others, the words drawing the attention of everyone in the room as her husband informed them of the marriage laws.

Immediately there was a storm of uproar and shouted questions and it quickly became very, very confusing for the next few minutes.

That evening, Shampoo was calmly cuddling up to her husband after all the chaos that had occurred as he gulped and started speaking slowly, having apparently noted her language difficulties as Shampoo turned her face up to his so she could listen better.

He was getting more and more flustered as he tried to make his case about the marriage laws, something about them not being valid outside the village and because of that, could she perhaps call the engagement off?

Shampoo pouted as she shifted to press her body against his and leaned in, before quite calmly making her point clear. "No."

She then continued, carefully pronouncing every word to avoid mistakes, "Shampoo...like Ranma...can see Ranma...like Shampoo. So...there no problem."

Ranma started to protest again, and every time he did so, Shampoo calmly restated every time, "There no problem." As she kept this up, the protests became more and more haphazard, until Shampoo finally noticed that he had stopped backing away from her at some earlier point, so their faces were now nearly touching.

Shampoo grinned cattily at the nervous look on her husband's face, "What Ranma's problem?"

The kiss after that told her that there was no problem after all.

In all of the confusion of the day, one might easily have thought that Shampoo had forgotten her original mission, of slaying the "girl type Ranma" who had disgraced her. Night had fallen and she had quietly slipped out of the house and into the yard, preparing to venture forth into the city in hopes of finding the girl- she wasn't too sure how she'd find the girl, but she hoped that she was still in the city. Her head perked up as she heard two female voices arguing in Japanese.

One sounded like the bitchy Japanese girl who had assaulted her husband, the other was unmistakably that of her quarry. She knew that scrawny witch had been hiding her! Pulling out a dao and a chúi, she ran towards the sound- she wouldn't get away this time! Shampoo would have her revenge, and then she and her husband would return home in triumph! She came onto the scene as a massive boulder flew clumsily through the air and landed just beside her quarry. As the unwitting redhead shouted angrily at the girl who threw it, Shampoo announced her presence by flinging her chúi at the boulder, splitting it neatly in half. The female Ranma screamed in shock, then blanched at the sight of the Chinese Amazon.

"Ranma!" Shampoo shouted, flourishing her dao. "I kill!" And with that she sprang at her foe, preparing to avenge her loss or die trying.

"Wait! Hold on a moment Shampoo! It's me!"

Shampoo wondered for a brief moment whether she had heard the girl right, and then why she would say such foolish things. "You die, Ranma!" She shouted, her blade flashing through the air in a sweeping arc that would have easily severed the Japanese girl's head if she hadn't twisted out of the way with astonishing flexibility. As always, she raced off, running rather than fighting, and Shampoo snatched up her chúi and followed her. Around and around they went, over the roof, through the house, along the walls, until finally the redhead managed to get out of Shampoo's sight and disappear. Shampoo snarled to herself in frustration as she stalked through the garden- how was it that the red-haired bitch always managed to do this? Why would she never stand at fight? If she wanted this to end, then why not finish it in battle? She was drawn from her angry musings by the sounds of bushes shuffling, of people struggling, voices arguing and a feminine cry of pain. Quickly investigating the sound, she saw her enemy possessively clutching a kettle, a triumphant expression on her face.

"Shampoo kill you!"

The blade of the Dao sang as it swept in a perfect killing stroke and in her blood-lust, Shampoo didn't see the expression on her enemy's face as she shifted the kettle into the path of the blade and there was the familiar shriek of metal cutting metal as steaming hot water was sprayed out.

Almost immediately, Shampoo twisted her grip into a reverse position and placed the palm of her free hand against the hilt, intent on driving the blade straight through the heart of the cowardly bitch when her eyes saw a familiar male face covered on hot water and she froze, sword tip hovering millimeters from his heart as Shampoo's eyes widened in shock, and then horror as it became all too perfectly clear what had happened.

The blade quivered slightly as tears began to form in Shampoo's eyes as the realization she was about to kill her husband, her Jusenkyo cursed husband, not some Outsider girl who had defeated her.

Ranma flinched, expecting at any moment to feel the icy fire of Shampoo's blade carving into his flesh- how could he have been so stupid?! How had he allowed that damn kiss to dull his mind so much that he forgot she was still intent on killing his female side? …Wait, where was the pain? He opened his eyes to find himself staring down at a sword's blade, one that was currently trembling at a steadily increasing rate. A soft, feminine exclamation of emotion caught his ears, and he looked past the blade to the Chinese girl at the other end of it, whose eyes were currently welling with tears. As he allowed his confusion to shine in his own eyes, she dropped the dao with a cry of despair, and the next thing Ranma knew she had thrown her arms around him and was sobbing, quite unreservedly, into his chest.

Confusing as this was, it was only made more so when she finally managed to compose herself sufficiently to babble something in Chinese. It took several minutes before Ranma finally managed to figure out that she was frantically spouting apologies. Now, while those were far from unwelcome, Ranma wanted something else: namely, an explanation of what the hell was going on.

"Shampoo, why are you sorry?" He finally asked, after spending several long moments trying to think of a way to get his point across. Shampoo paid no attention for a moment, then sniffled loudly before she finally managed to start speaking. The combined flaws of her rudimentary Japanese and her emotional state made her hard to comprehend, but Ranma finally thought he'd managed to piece together what she was saying.

"Shampoo sorry- too-too sorry! Shampoo not know! Shampoo never hurt Ranma, not if know truth-" here she suddenly broke off, fixing Ranma with a stare that was no less penetrating for the gleam of tears it was filtering through. "-You is man?" She asked, suspicion in her tone.

"Yes!" Ranma shouted in his attempt to ensure his answer was emphatic as possible. Shampoo flinched at the sound and Ranma couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. That was quickly drowned by a more important realization. "So, you're calling off the Kiss of Death?"

Shampoo nodded rapidly and clarified herself as best she could, her tears drying fast (though her death grip on Ranma remained firm as ever). "Ranma is man, Shampoo no can give Kiss of Death. If know Ranma is man, Shampoo never try kill Ranma."

"So, you mean, if that idiot guide had just drenched me with hot water, I'd've been safe back in yer village?" Ranma didn't expect an answer, but evidently Shampoo got his jist, and her nod of conjecture gave Ranma cause for an extra surge of rage at the bumbling oaf who had taken them first to Jusenkyo proper, and then to the Amazon village.

"Ranma please forgive?" Shampoo begged, eyes starting to grow wet again. "Shampoo swears, Shampoo never hurt Ranma, boy or girl."

Now, most people would have been pretty hesitant to forgive a girl who had been chasing them with murderous intent. Ranma, however, wasn't most people. Thoroughly immersed in the "unique" culture of martial arts, Ranma had a far lighter view of murderous intent than the average non-combatant; he could understand Shampoo's motives, to an extent, and thusly empathize with them. The fact it had also all been a big misunderstanding, and one that was evidently settled in a much better manner than a similar misunderstanding (damn Ryoga), helped quite a bit. Of course, Ranma was also something of a sucker for a crying girl, but that was a relatively minor element.

"It's alright, I forgive you." After a moment's hesitation, he promptly added. "But that don't mean I'm marrying you. We're in Japan now, so that stupid rule don't count here."

Shampoo didn't bother to deny Ranma's claims. She was just happy that he'd forgiven her for her terrible mistake, and knew that if he could so easily forgive her trying to take his life, then he was as good as hers already - what other reason could there be for his forgiveness but him already being in love with her? All she had to do was wait for him to admit that to himself, and they would be married. She could be patient.

Unfortunately for the two teens, they were unaware that they were being watched. The struggles that had alerted Shampoo to "Girl Type Ranma's" presence had been Ranma tearing a kettle of hot water from the ever-greedy, ever-unscrupulous Nabiki's arms, and she was not happy. Not just because she'd lost a chance to get money, but also because the force with which the boy-turned-girl had taken the kettle had left her arm throbbing with pain- in fact, she was convinced that it was sprained. The fact that Ranma probably could have torn it clean out of its socket, or snapped the bones like kindling, failed to register with Nabiki, who was instead fuming with anger and vowing that Ranma would pay for what he had done. She wondered how Akane would take this 'challenge' if she presented the new facts to her- after all, whether or not she did have feelings for Ranma, she always was very possessive...

Five days later, five long, havoc filled days as Akane, Nabiki, Kuno, Genma, Soun and Ryoga all took their turns at trying to tear strips of proverbial (and literal, in some cases) flesh out of Ranma...

"Ranma? Wake up, Ranma; we need talking." Shampoo whispered. It was late at night, and everyone else in the Tendo household was asleep. Including her reluctant husband to be, who was currently snoring softly. Shampoo frowned; why did he have to be such a sound sleeper, on tonight of all nights? When shaking him didn't get any reaction, even when he was practically a blur from the speed with which she was doing so, Shampoo reluctantly pulled out the ultimate weapon... a kettle of boiling hot water, which she poured over Ranma.

"That's hot!" Ranma shrieked, at which Shampoo promptly slapped a hand over his mouth in fear that he'd wake somebody up. Both teens froze, as if waiting for the hammer to drop, then sighed in mutual relief when Ranma's cry in the night went unnoticed. Shampoo took her hand off of Ranma's mouth and Ranma fixated her with an icy stare.

"What's going on? Why'd you wake me up?" He grumbled in an exasperated whisper. Sleeping was one of the few times he got any peace, especially in these days.

"Shampoo need talking with Ranma. Ranma not like what happening here, yes?"

"Well, duh. Things weren't exactly pleasant here before, but this is the pits." Ranma complained.

"Then why stay here?" Shampoo asked.

"I ain't exactly got any place else to go." Ranma pointed out sarcastically.

"Ranma come back to China; get cured there too." Shampoo immediately responded.

"I've told you already, I ain't gonna marry nobody!" Ranma hissed.

"Shampoo no say you marry Shampoo." She snapped back. Of course, she was thinking it, but still! "Nyucheizu is village of martial artists; Ranma be welcome- more welcome! Besides, is much more good, no?"

"...I don't follow." Ranma admitted, unable to decipher what she was saying even with his new experience in compensating for her linguistic faults.

"Ranma want waste life here?" Shampoo asked, waving a hand at their surroundings. "Get old and weak teaching basics to bored weaklings? Never grow as true warrior? Struggle to feed self while care for stupid panda and stupid noisy man and bitchy girl? In village, Ranma become true warrior, gain much, much skill- we have thousands of techniques to teach, and Ranma be most welcome student."

Ranma had to admit that Shampoo did have some points- he had spent his whole life training to be the best; how was he ever supposed to achieve that goal running a run-down dojo? Oh, he'd take students eventually, but not for years yet, he still had a lot to learn himself. Still, there was one problem she hadn't thought of, and Ranma was quick to bring it up. "And what about the others, huh? You think they'll just let me up and leave?"

"Most of them, yes." Shampoo replied without hesitation. "Stupid Kunos and Tendos lived without Ranma; Ranma leave, they get over it and go back to old ways. Idiot pig get lost all time, so he no trouble." Shampoo had found out about Ryoga's existence and curse on roughly the third day; learning about his masquerade as P-chan had not endeared the eternally lost boy to her, nor had it helped her opinion of Akane's intelligence. "Only trouble is old fatso; is too sneaky... but Ranma and Shampoo is sneaky too. We smart, we strong, we fast, we work as team, we can beat old fart if he ever catch us, then run again."

It said wonders for Shampoo's intelligence that she had realized long before now that casually suggesting they simply kill Genma right then and there while he slept was the absolute worst thing she could have done. She waited for Ranma to reply, hoping she had convinced him; she'd had it up to the back teeth with Nerima and the punishment that these ignorant outsiders were inflicting upon her husband, and she swore she'd leave here even if she had to carry him.

Finally, slowly, Ranma nodded his assent. Shampoo fought to repress the urge to squee in delight, instead settling for a rib-cracking hug. A few minutes were all it took for them to gather up Ranma's meager belongs and slip out through the window, Ranma taking the lead as he, naturally, had rather more experience with stealing out of houses than Shampoo did.

Ranma-prime chose that moment to pull the Eye away from this timeline, anticipating that it would be a successful match between himself and the Chinese Amazon and not really feeling in the mood to watch that. Though he kept his face surprisingly blank, he was still deeply puzzled by a single question: why? Why did he see so many other versions of himself marrying girls he had never expressed any interest in? Was he really blinding himself as to the nature of all of the girls after him?

Abe silently watched his current and only customer, who was still staring silently into the Eye. He hadn't spoken a word since that timeline with Akane; not that Abe could blame him. It was hard having to confront such painful truths. He hoped the boy would be all right…

A rather different style this time around, but I hope that you all enjoy it; it's good to have a bit of variety in your work, yes? Only 4 oneshots were sent to the scrapheap with the last session of voting, but I've decided to scrap the "What if Ryoga tried to hook Shampoo up with Ranma" oneshot as well, as the Mousse-orientated oneshot way back when this story began was noted by fans as not really working that well. We had some reviews saying that "A Different Route Taken" was starting to decline in quality, so we've decided to focus on finishing off this story first in hopes of regaining our creative spark. For the interested, the top three oneshots are currently: What if Kaori won the race, what if Cologne's plan with the Reversal Jewel worked, and what if the Girly-Girl Gambit succeeded. Please read, review, and vote.