Chapter 4: Interior Motives
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"Look at me. It's Jake. You know I'd never hurt you, honey. But, if you want me to go, I will. Do you want me to?"
She hesitated, "Yes."
"Can I get a hug first?"
He leaned toward her, but she cringed, trying to back up further into the headboard. This was unreal. He drew away, and plopped down, sitting on the edge of the mattress.
God dammit! Is this how it's gonna be? The leech ruins you, and I get to pick up the pieces—all over again?
"Jeez, Bella. Look at you! I wanna kill him. This is his fault; he did this. God, I wish you had just listened to me."
Jacob started to choke on his words. "I can't stand seeing you like this." He hung his head, covering his face with his hands. He wished he could cry, but the tears wouldn't come. He was hurt and angry and frustrated all at the same time. Bella stared at him in a daze, too inside of herself to reach out to him; and still in her own world of hurt.
Jacob sat there for a few minutes, trying desperately to compose himself. When he was a little more in control, he stood beside the bed.
"I'm gonna go now. I can't help you if you won't let me. I'll wait for you to come to La Push. I won't come back here unless you ask me to ... it's just too painful. Bye, Bells. I love you." With that, he trudged down the stairs, and left by the front door.
When he got home, he was immediately on the phone calling the Cullen residence. Esme answered.
"How are you, dear?"
Why'd she always have to be so sweet? He was not in the mood for politeness. "Not good," he responded.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Not quite as gruffly, he remarked, "No thanks, . I need to speak to Edward. Can you call him to the phone?"
"Oh, he's right here, Jacob."
No duh ... of course he was. The mind reader had her brain picked clean before she could utter a word.
"What do you want, Mutt?"
Jacob heard Esme chastising him. "Now, Edward, be nice."
Pfft ... let Edward be nice—but there was no way in hell the wolf boy was going to be nice. Blunt and rude, that was Jacob's style when it came to the freakin' vampire. It was too exhausting to beat around the bush.
"Meet me at the treaty line in thirty minutes. It's about Bella."
"And if I decide not to comply with your request?"
His voice raised a couple of decibels, and he was starting to vibrate. "What request? I'm not asking you; I'm tellin' you. You better be there. Trust me, you don't want me to come and get you. I'm already pretty upset."
Edward was well aware that Jacob was in a murderous mood. The animosity was practically oozing, thick and hot from the phone.
"We wouldn't want to get you more upset now, would we?"
"You're not as stupid as I thought. Thirty minutes, leech—no more."
They met at the treaty line as planned, Jacob being the first to arrive. The silver Volvo pulled up just a minute or two later.
Jacob walked with determination to the vehicle and wrenched the door open. "Get out!" he commanded.
"Make it quick," Edward growled. "I don't have all night."
With all the sarcasm he could muster, Jacob spit out, "I thought you had all of eternity. What's your hurry? Is it feeding time at the zoo? Oh, my mistake," he corrected himself. "It's time to ruin another girl's life."
Edward's nostril's flared, as he fired back, "I don't have to listen to this. Just get to the point."
"Here's the point, bloodsucker. I left Bella in her room a few minutes ago. She was scared to death—of me, and it's you who made her act that way.
"Sneak a peek, Eddie." Jacob clenched his teeth, and seething, hissed, "I hope it makes you happy."
Thinking about Bella at his recent meeting with her, Jacob's memory was loud and clear. He watched as Edward's face crumpled in distress.
"Nice work, huh? You've changed her all right. She's not one of the undead, but she's dead to everyone around her. Hope it was worth it to you, Leech."
He trotted back to his Rabbit—mission accomplished. Maybe that was a cruel thing to do, but the bloody parasite needed to know what turmoil his selfish actions were responsible for. He would've liked to rough him up a bit, but then the whole treaty would fall apart, and it would be his fault. This was between Jacob and Edward, no sense in dragging the whole tribe into it.
Edward already was apprised of the physical injury he had caused Bella. But seeing her in such a state now, and in living color, left nothing to his imagination. The realization of what harm he did pierced the distraught vampire like a wooden stake, and he slid back against the door of his car. Could he ever atone for what he had done? He'd lost her for sure.
Jacob's mind was worn out with worry and thinking about what he could do to help his girl. Light bulb moment! He'd pass the ball to Leah. He knew she would never break his confidence, and she was a master at shielding whatever thoughts she wanted to remain private.
The door to the Clearwater residence opened, and Leah peered out. With her ever-present scowl apparent, she blurted, "Oh, hell, it's you. Look ... it's not my turn to patrol, so go tell himself, to find someone else."
His face was flushed in embarrassment. Imagine, Jacob Black stooping to get Leah's opinion on what was ailing his girl. She didn't like Bella, and didn't bother to hide it either. Would she even want to help? He wondered if this was a good idea or not, but desperation had driven him to this point, so he soldiered on. "No, I'm not here with any message, I just need some advice."
"Whaaat? Don't tell me—Swan. It's always that Swan chick. I'm tellin' ya. She is poison, and you need an antidote pronto. Ya know, Mary Tsosie sells these little bottles of helpful potions. You should go pay her a visit."
"Yeah, well not today. I don't want an antidote. I'm still hopelessly in love with her."
"You're hopeless all right. Gawd, what a sucker you are. So what is it this time?"
Leah, shoved the door open wider. C'mon in and tell me all about it; lucky for you, my Soap got canceled."
They sat at the kitchen table while Jacob collected his thoughts. Leah kept eye contact with him, waiting for him to start the damn conversation.
She started drumming her fingers on the table top. "Well, are you gonna say somethin' or just stare at me all day. I have things to do, ya know. I could be polishing my nails or playing an exciting game of tiddly-winks."
"Jeez, I don't know how to tell you this without shocking the freakin' hell outta you."
Her mouth dropped open in mock surprise. "No ... You mean Bella is really a guy?"
Jacob couldn't put a stop the smile that sneakily spread to his lips. "Okay, here it is. She and that vamp lover of hers actually got it on. And—"
"Stop—stop! Gawd, no details, puh-leeeze. What ever possessed her to let him—"
This time, Jacob interrupted. "Yeah, I know. It's horrifying, but anyway, when he finished with her, she came to me all ripped to shreds, and mapped out with purple splotches. She dumped him, and said she changed her mind and wanted to know if I still loved her. She's chosen me now, but the thing is, our relationship was goin' great until we got a little physical. All of a sudden, she started avoiding me, and she wouldn't let any guys near her.
"Even her dad is concerned. He asked me if I knew anything. What was I supposed to say? Jeez, Charlie, your daughter's vampire lover did a lousy job of screwing her, and now she's seriously screwed up?
"Then to make matters worse, the other night, she actually backed away from me, and flinched when I tried to touch her. She was curled up into a ball when I left.
"I don't know, Lee, I put her back together once, but this is different. Do you think I can do it again?"
"You're asking me? I was amazed at how patient you were with her the last time she fell to pieces. I woulda told her to hit the damn road. But, there's a bigger question here, and that is: Is she really worth it?"
"Well then let me ask you—if Emily wasn't around anymore, and Sam needed emotional support, would he be worth it?"
Leah stood, pushing the chair away from the table, and pointing a finger at Jacob, groused, "You just had to bring up Sam, didn't you? Okay, Black, touché.
"Geesh, this is a tough one. You're gonna hafta take it reaaallly slow, no matter how much your hormones are hammerin' at ya. She needs serious proof that you're not gonna go at her like he did. I know you've got a boatload of patience, but this is gonna stretch ya to the limit."
She wet her lips and continued, "I gotta say though, this is way beyond me. Looks like she might need more than your help. What I really think is that you should let Billy know, and maybe he can leak it to Charlie someway. Sounds like her dad already realizes there's somethin' goin' on with her anyhow. Sorry, that's all I've got."
Jacob kicked his chair back, getting ready to leave. He walked toward his pack member, and gave her a hug.
She pushed him away gently. "Oh gawd, don't get all mushy on me now."
"I really appreciate this. Thanks, Lee."
Leah smiled—well almost. "Whaaatever ... Now get lost."
He trotted back to the little red house, his head all jumbled and his heart running on empty. A thousand ways to break the news to his dad ran a dress rehearsal inside his brain.
When he entered his home, Billy wheeled into the living room to meet him. He had an inkling that his son was finally going to spill the beans. It was not like him to be so somber; something was gnawing at him—something big—at least in the heart department.
"So, Jacob, you ready to tell me what's on your mind these days? Or should I ask: What's that girl done to you this time?"
How did his dad always seem to know? It was uncanny.
Jacob sat across from Billy. "Yeah, you hit a homer. I just came back from Leah's and she told me I needed to talk to you."
Billy's head tilted at a slight angle. "Bella's not pregnant, is she?"
"Jeez, I hope not."
"It's a matter of the heart then, eh? Well, you came to the right place."
"God, I don't know how to say this."
"One word at a time, Son."
"Here goes nothin' then. Edward scored with Bella, if you get my drift." Jacob winced at this point. "Only, it ... didn't go so well."
His father tipped his head back, and with eyes closed, shook it back and forth in disappointment. He took in a lungful of air, and started. "Remember that day when I sent you to the car to look for your sisters' picture. I told her at that time, how dangerous he was, and that she should stay away from him. I guess I wasted my breath. I should have realized she wouldn't take a warning from a superstitious old man."
"That makes two of us. She didn't listen to me either. But that's not the end of the story, Dad. Bella came to me right after the deed was done. She was all covered in bruises, and well, to put it politely, she was torn and bleeding from her female parts."
Jacob leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "I helped her break up with the jerk, and she said she wanted to be with me. Now, all at once, she acts like all guys are gonna jump her bones. She won't let me touch her, or even get near her. I don't know what to do. I still love her no matter what."
"I know that—but there's something else you need to think about. The fact is, she may never be the same; she may never get over this. If in the future you decide to stay together, there's a possibility that you might never be able to get intimate with her. I'm not saying it will happen, but the possibility is there."
"I don't care about that."
"You can say that now all you want, but the truth is, it'll come between you. You'll begin to resent her, and all the love in the world won't save your relationship."
"But what can I do right now?"
"Hmn ... I'm thinking. But first of all, does Charlie know about this?"
"Are you serious? I doubt it. If she won't talk to me, she definitely won't talk to her dad. You know how they are. He's worried about her too; he even told me so. I gave him my word that I'd let him know as soon as I found out what was goin' on with her, but I don't think it's my place to do that."
Billy looked into Jacob's eyes. "And now, you want me to help you out? You want me to talk to Charlie?"
"Would you? I mean ... what do you think?"
"I think if it was my daughter, I would want to know."
Jacob sighed loudly. "Why does love have to be so damn hard?"
"If it was smooth sailing all the time, life would be boring. You can stop your worrying. You're going to get wrinkles like your ol' man. I'll take care of this. Now come over here and give your dad a hug."
His dutiful son knelt in front of the sage, wrapping his long arms about the older man's shoulders. Billy patted him on the back. "I know how hard it was coming to me like this. I'm proud of you; I love you, Son. Everything will be all right. You'll see."