CHAPTER THIRTY (THE WINDS OF CHANGE...)
Jim Brass was impatient and short tempered. He realized the fact, but people were used to his moods and seem accept them so, he didn't think much about it one way or another.
He didn't know why he was so pissy. He just knew, he was. Everything irritated the man...everything!
"Weena." He exasperated under his breath, having noted the woman had yet again wandered off on one of her tangents. He motioned for her to join him, having caught her eye. She politely said her 'goodbyes' then made her way back into his office.
Jim wasn't sure if he liked or disliked the open atmosphere of this new office space. He could see everything that was taking place outside his office but today..he didn't like it. He missed the privacy of the old office with it's closed door. Not that he had ever closed his door, but had he wished to do so..he could have.
Jim had watched Weena from his desk chair for some few minutes now, having tried to concentrate on getting the needed reports out to the file clerks which was an intregal part of Law Enforcement..a part which he hated. Paperwork!
"Yes, Jim Brass?" Weena had leaned into the doorway, her long hair swinging free, the curls bouncy and vibrant this day. "Did you want something?"
"Jim." He revised curtly..then, catching the expression on her face, altered his tone and manner a bit. "Jim..honey or..James." He forced a smile. "Whatever..Call me one of those, ok?"
Weena's scowl became genuine. She straightened, stepping into his space.
"I'm sorry but..the other is a little....." Should he say it? "...Irritating."
"Most things appear to have that effect on you of late." She had noted. "Have you asked yourself..the reason?"
"I'm not..irritated. I'm just..busy." He indicated the mess on his desk. "And I know this is crappy for you, having to hang around with nothing to do. I'm not used to having someone to.."
NO..that wasn't wise at all. He halted rapidly, realizing where his statement had been headed.
"Babysit..I believe is the word you seek." Weena was too intelligent not to have caught his slip.
"If you will recall..it was originally my plan to journey to my.."
"I didn't mean that." The lied, knowing full well he had and it bothered the shit out of the man. "I wanted you with me this morning." Which implied..he did not want her here now? "It's just that..well, you're not supposed to bother the guys out there. They have work too."
Weena glanced back out to the activity taking place in the outer offices and front desk area. There seemed none at the present. All was quiet and orderly.
"I was not aware that was what I was doing." She lifted stylishly arched brows. "Perhaps I should ..go then. Since I seem to be..in your way."
Weena was a decision maker. A valued one in her world. She had the ability to see a problem, work out it's solution and state the fact in clear, precise terms.
She put her skill to use in this situation.
"Don't take it so personally. There's no need to get defensive." Brass had sighed heavily. Women..you had to watch what you said and how you said it. He had forgotten, not having been in a 'relationship' for so long.
"I was not." Weena seemed puzzled by his accusation. "I merely state the obvious." She observed the man evenly. "Perhaps you should rethink your decision concerning this..female to which you have become attached. Your assessment of the matter seems..flawed."
"Look.." Brass should have expected that one.. "This has nothing to do with Haley."
"If that is so, then we have an even greater issue with which to deal." Weena cut his explanation short. "I am..what you see." She lifted her hands slightly from her sides, palms up. "I am insatiably curious by nature, just as it is my way to explore and analyze. If you find this characteristic ..annoying now, it is certainly not going to get any better with time."
Brass drew in a weary breath. "You are misconstru.."
"Am I?" She seemed doubt his words. "I can only deal in realities. I must accept what 'is'..Jim Br.." She caught the error. "...James. Perhaps, I have merely arrived at the obvious conclusion a little before you."
Brass' stomach churned, hitting rock bottom, the color draining from his face as the 'reality' of her words begin to sink in. "..What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means..a problem looms on the horizon. Whether it is an insurmountable one? Only time can tell." The brown eyes cooled by degrees.
The phone rang jarringly on the man's desk. Jim glanced at it.
"I shall apologize to your constituents." Weena appeared contrite. "It was not my intent to disrupt their work schedule."
"Weena..look, I only meant.." Brass sought a little 'damage control'..women liked groveling, after all.
"Yes? What did you mean?" She seemed curious but..guarded. "Exactly?"
An apt question. One to which, Brass had no ready answer.
Weena turned, exiting the police station, stopping only to extent her apologies and to say farewell to the people that had been so pleasant to her of late.
Jim felt horrible. He knew he had hurt the woman. He knew he should go after her..apologize himself.
But..he did not. He stood, rooted to his desk, his hands gripping the edge so tight, his fingers were white from the exertion. He watched her leave.
Without a word between them. Without even a 'goodbye'.
The phone continued to ring. Brass did not hear it.
He sat finally. Too weary to stand another minute, leaning back heavily into his chair's embrace.
He felt old and used up. That had been..just wrong. On so many levels!
Why had he done such a shitty thing?
WHY?
The man leaned his head back, staring at the holes in his perforated ceiling. He shook his head, wondering at his own actions. Was he insane? Was there something terribly wrong with him?
The phone rang and...he automatically picked up the receiver.
CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI
The house was dark. Jim had remembered to turn off the porch light this morning.
He flipped the switch and light bathed the living room. The man stood, surveying his home. It had been a long, indeterminable day. He was glad it was over.
All he had wanted was to come home. He had kept busy, not even stopping for lunch. He had grabbed an energy bar from his desk drawer and some coffee. He should be starving, but..he had no appetite.
The man lay his jacket unto the back of his leather recliner, unloading his laptop into the seat.
The nightly ritual began. Duty belt off, keys in the black ceramic bowl on the bar top. Weapon securely tucked in the drawer of his night stand.. ..no. No, that..could wait.
He couldn't face that particular room just..yet.
He lay the holster and weapon on the bar, staring at it for a goodly beat, his thoughts preoccupied. He was low on coffee. He needed toothpaste, having squeezed the tube pretty hard this morning to empty what was left. He should have stopped at K-Mart.
Brass crossed his kitchen, opening his pantry, grabbing a couple of black trash bags.
He started in the front room with the empty pizza box and in about twenty minutes, he had the place in order again. Trash out to the curb, it was pick up day tomorrow, dishwasher loaded and running, counters cleared and wiped down..sort of..even a load of laundry started.
He had piled a basket full of soxes and boxers pulled from the dryer, taking it into his bedroom to 'file'.
The man's eyes fell on the carefully made bed. Weena had straigtened it while he was in the shower. It had that woman's touch. She had even replaced the pillows..the ones he kept thrown into a corner over by the dresser.
Jim sat the basket down in a nearby chair, glancing around the room. Everything needed a good dusting. Even in the dim light of the one lamp by his bed, a layer of dust shown on top of his furniture..on the television screen. He kept it on most nights for 'white noise'. It helped him relax.
The man sat heavily on the bed, the sounds of his home settling about him. Sounds he knew by second nature now.
The swishing of the dishwasher..he needed to upgrade to one of those newer models..but, he thought, secretly, he would miss the..hummm of the old one.
The beep of the washer letting him know he needed to add fabric softener. Well, he didn't have any fabric softener. He had ran out of damned fabric softener.
The quiet of the house sank into his mind.
It was..very quiet. Very..familiar and where before, it had always given the man comfort, tonight..it was an unwelcome visitor.
Was this to be his future? Work and..this? Was this all that was allotted him?
Of late he had been thinking...maybe not.
Why had he been so irritated with Weena? The very thing which had attracted him to the woman, her enthusiastic, child-like approach to life, had pissed him off today..royally
But, he had felt so shitty when he had left Haley. It had been so..hard. More difficult than he had ever imagined.
But, Weena was carrying his kid. His loyalties had to lie with her.
Jim's eyes shifted. He ran his palm over the soft brown of the suede cover on his bed. When they had made love..here. His eyes searched the expanse of the structure absently. I t had felt so..right.
When he lay with the woman in his arms..afterwards. He could feel his kid move and squirming inside her. He had spread his hand over the small bulge and..marveled at the life inside her. It had filled the man with an inner peace. A wonder that had sorely been missing from his life of late.
Weena clearly wanted the kid. Not like Nancy..and it WAS..his kid. Not like..
No! He wouldn't think that crap. Ellie was his kid..if not by his seed, then..in other more important ways. He had just failed with Ellie. It wasn't the kid's fault. Ellie had needed him. He had not been around.
And today? Maybe he had failed this kid! He knew for fact..he had failed Weena.
Weena hadn't done anything wrong..nothing!
Jim had been feeling guilty as hell over Haley. He had felt maybe, more should have been said. More done to..let Haley know she had not been simply, someone who filled in for another woman.
If it had started like that, the emotions had deepened. Had he said that? Had he told her? How deeply he had felt? He felt like the biggest son-of-a-bitch in the history of the world. Or..he had, when he had left that damned motel room.
Had Jim known Weena would come back, he never would have allowed himself to become so involved with Haley..or..would he have?
It scared the shit out of the man. Would he have broken his promises..relinquished his loyalty..for another woman? Would he have betrayed Weena's trust?
He was falling in love with Haley Meadows..each day spent with the woman deepened his emotions for the woman. He could not deny that.
But..he was in love..with Weena.
When he had seen her..that night. When he had realized she was..real! That she wasn't one of his horrible dreams where he would awaken to find his bed empty..cold. His world shattered once again..that he was alone. Always..alone.
God had given him another chance. And like always..he had blown it.
Jim Brass hung his head, depression settling deep into his body and mind.
Haley didn't want kids. It was ok that she didn't want kids. But..in that instance, Jim suddenly knew..he did.
He had always wanted a kid..hell, a whole parcel of them. A large family. Lots of kids to worry over and buy Christmas gifts for and pay for weddings and college tuitions and..
To fill the house with noise and loud music, music he probably would hate and dirty tennis shoes and girl things, maybe. Posters of rock stars or movie people that he would have no idea who they were or what they starred in because he was 'dad' and too damned old and out of it to 'get it'.
He had missed so damned much in life. The job had been everything. Well, the job was important, yeah but, it wasn't everything. Jim knew that now but..maybe it was too fucking late..as usual.
The man searched his person for his cell phone. He desperately needed his cell phone. He had left it on the bar.
He arose..headed for the kitchen.