Gohan stormed through the house, energy radiating from him. He hadn't felt angry like this since the day he was called to the hospital. It was none of their business what had happened – at least, not the part that he was trying to keep from them. What possible benefit could there be in them knowing that? It was bad enough that he knew. His stomach twisted at the thought. He wanted so desperately to move passed what had happened and get back to everything being normal.

It drove him mad that they had changed her the way they did. The way she cried in her sleep at night made his heart ache, even as he tried to hold her and comfort her. Even little things that most people wouldn't notice were enough to make him want to cry. Like the way she would side-step to avoid touching another person or the knee-jerk recoil she did when Gohan tried to hug or kiss her. The hunched shoulders, her eyes distrusting and hollow, the constant chewing at her lip – it all added up to this frightened, broken person that he didn't know how to fix.

He didn't stop walking until he'd reached the front porch railing, gripping it tightly and causing the smooth, aged wood to crack.

A hand came down on his shoulder and he wheeled around, fist raised, and found himself face to face with Goku.

"Oh, dad, it's you," Gohan said quietly, lowering his arm.

"What's wrong, Gohan?" Goku asked, concerned.

Gohan shook his head and turned to gaze over the yard again, his blood pounding in his ears. "No one understands."

"What do you mean?"

"No one understands what this is like," Gohan said through gritted teeth. "To know you could have kept the person you love from harm. To feel like you're losing her more and more each day. And the need for everyone to just back off and just give us some space so we can. . . move on."

"You're right," Goku agreed, "we don't understand what either of you are going through. But it might help for you to talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it, dad! That's the point! I want this to just all fade away and for things to go back to the way they were!"

"That's not how it works, Gohan," Goku said. "Ignoring your problems doesn't fix them. It can even make it worse. Think of it like this: if we'd ignored every threat to the earth, would it have made it any better? Would our problems have just vanished? No. You have to meet this head on and find a way to deal with it."

Gohan rolled his father's words around in his head before heaving a deep sigh. He knew his dad was right. He slowly relaxed his muscles as his hair fell back into place, returning to its jet black color. He turned to face Goku once more.

"What do I do?" he asked in a defeated sort of way.

"Just listen to her. Let her get it all out. This isn't going to fix itself overnight."

Gohan nodded, dreading the conversation he realized was unavoidable. There was one thing he still didn't understand. "Why did this have to happen?" he wondered aloud.

"It's a test, Gohan. If you can get through this, your marriage will get through anything."

It took awhile for Gohan to find Lindsey. He hadn't seen her since dinner. He finally found her in the barn, sitting near the window in the hay loft.

"Hey you," he said as he carefully walked across the loose, slippery hay.

She gave him a small smile and returned her stare out of the window. He sat across from her and took her hand. He swallowed the lump in his throat as her arm involuntarily jerked back. Her hand never left his, but he still felt her pull.

"Why do you do that?" he asked quietly as he stared at her hand in his, the diamond ring she wore catching the light from the setting sun.

She stared at her hand as if it had betrayed her. "I don't mean to."

"I miss you," he said, meeting her eyes. God, this was painful already.

"I miss me too," she answered softly.

He wasn't expecting that answer. A pain swelled in his chest. Missing yourself? What must it be like to know you're not the same and to miss the way you once were? At least she acknowledged that she wasn't the same anymore.

"I know I'm a mess," she went on. "I don't know how to go back to the way I was. I hate my life now. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat. As if you didn't know all that already."

He sat quietly, waiting for her to continue.

"I'm all broken and damaged now," she said sadly. "You deserve better than this, Gohan. You're a good person. You don't need to be with someone like me."

"Wait just a minute!" he protested. "What are you saying?"

"It's selfish of me to try to hold onto you," she answered. "Things will never be the way they were. I'll never be me again."

He felt like his heart had stopped. "Don't do this," he pleaded softly. "Don't give up on us. I need you."

She snorted. "Like a hole in the head."

He leaned towards her, grabbing the back of her neck and pulling her towards him. She jerked back, but his firm grip held her in place. "Don't pull away from me!"

She stared at him, her face full of doubt and an unexplained fear. He closed the gap between them, kissing her. She kissed him back, tight-lipped and stiff as a board. He released her and she slunk back against a bale of hay.

"You don't even want to kiss me anymore," he muttered.

"Yes, I do," she answered. "I just feel so dirty. Like you shouldn't want to touch me at all."

"When are you gonna get it through your thick skull that I love you?" he asked, only half joking.

She shook her head. "I get it. I just don't understand why."

"Can't we just. . . go back to being us again?" he asked. "Just pretend like this never happened? We never have to talk about it again. I just want things the way they were."

She sat deep in thought for a couple minutes. Couldn't she at least do that for him? Just fake it until perhaps even she believed it herself? She was killing him and she knew it. If she could convince him that she was okay again, maybe things would eventually fall back into place. "We can try," she finally answered.

Gohan breathed a sigh of relief. "Now come here," he said and reached for her, pulling her into his lap.

She leaned back against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. She felt tense and nervous. He kissed the back of her neck, sending an unpleasant chill down her spine.

His hot mouth closed on her neck as he slid his hands up her stomach to her chest. If he could just hold her again, make love to her the way he used to, she'd see that everything would be okay again. He pulled the neck of her tank top down and her bra with it, exposing her breasts to the warm air of the loft. He ran his hands over her soft skin, gently pinching and teasing her nipples. They firmed at his touch and he smiled as he continued to suck at her neck. Her chest filled his hands, the heavy curves smooth and enticing.

She suddenly cringed away from him. "Stop, stop, stop. I can't. I just can't!"

Gohan froze and sighed. "I'm sorry. It's too soon. I shouldn't have."

Fixing her clothes, she placed her forehead on her knees, still sitting in his lap. What was wrong with her? This was Gohan, for crying out loud! The one person in the world who would never hurt her. Taking a deep, shaky breath, she turned to face him.

"Can we just take it slow?" she asked. "I'll try. I promise. Just, one thing at a time, okay?"

He nodded. "How about this for now?" he asked as he pulled her to him yet again and held her firmly against his chest. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself into the warm comfort of his arms. She fought back the tears that threatened to fall again as she allowed herself to relax into his embrace. This small gesture felt like a huge vulnerability to her. The logical side of her brain knew that she was safe. The emotional side of her screamed in agony. If only there was a way to make that insecure, emotion-driven part of her shut up.

Her eyes flew open as the answer flashed through her mind.

Kolya.