Disclaimer: Naruto is not what I make it into. I think it's what we make it, deep in our hearts.

Naruto stewed over the campfire with his body covered in mud. It had been a whole two weeks, now, and he had been caught trying to escape from his two 'tutors' for the nineteenth time, though his strategy varied with every attempt. This time the plan had included a hornet's nest, thirty shadow clones, and a sexy no jutsu, though not necessarily in that order. At first, it had seemed like a success. His shadow clone had managed to pull Haku and Zabuza in the wrong direction. Well, it had seemed like it at the time. With gusto, Naruto had managed to cover a decent eleven kilometers and had nearly reached Tazuna's village when he was grabbed by the back of his dirtied collar by a mildly entertained Zabuza.

"WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LET ME GO?!" the young escapee had demanded, surprised by the enjoyment Zabuza was making of his misery.

"I said a month, Kid," Zabuza had replied, soon being joined by a masked Haku with his debilitating weapons at the ready. "-but I'm tempted to say until you can actually escape from me without leaving a trail of your nervous energy."

"You can TRACK that?!" Naruto managed to choke out before being forcibly dragged out to the campsite he had ditched.

"Damn it…" Naruto sulked, staring into the flames and fidgeting with his tied hands. Granted, he knew how to untie a knot, but it would take a lot more than the standard trick to get past his larger captor. If they kept him any longer than a month, there was more than his own life at stake. The Chuunin Exams, if he remembered correctly, would happen within two, and if he didn't get back on time, he shuddered to think of the fates of his fellow villagers. He tried to explain his plight to Haku with the framework of a schedule, but the ninja laughed at what had seemed an improvised fabrication on the part of his new friend.

Why is it nobody listens to me, I wonder?

Zabuza's ward had undertaken a project those past few nights. Ironically, Naruto's little escape plan had coincided with a trip the orphaned kekkai genkai user had intended to take anyway. Haku sensed the unhappiness surrounding Naruto and gave him a brief nudge, causing the boy to perk up a little. He had still managed to do something right. If it hadn't been for him, there would have been no Haku sitting to his right now, sewing something orange. Why was he sewing something orange, anyway?

Speaking of which…

Naruto looked down at his clothes. He had washed them a few times, but there really wasn't much in the laundry opportunity department in the wilderness. They were stained with his blood, sweat, and the mud he had become so accustomed to. On that note, Naruto could feel his blonde hair growing shaggy, as some of his bangs now covered his eyes at all times. If it weren't for the bright colors that Naruto was associated with, he doubted very many people in Konoha would recognize him through the mess.

"Do you like it?" Haku asked, sounding more feminine than usual. Naruto looked back to the orange cloth in the unmasked Haku's hand, surprised he didn't notice what it was supposed to be before. His blue eyes observed what must have been a specialized cotton with awe. "I got the last of the threads this morning."

Naruto felt guilt bubbling up inside him for the thought of ditching Haku without saying goodbye. Sure, his master was a jerk, but Haku?

"Y-yeah! Thanks!" Naruto responded, reaching out to touch the completely new orange shirt being dangled in front of him. It wasn't really a fashion statement, but even a nightgown was an improvement to the torn-up threads he was sporting at that point. The design was practical; a few pockets resided in the sides, and it looked like it would reach about down to his knees. Also, he noted with pleasure, it looked like it would be much easier to wash until he was able to get back to his village.

Haku smiled knowingly placed the new garment aside, aware that Naruto wasn't really in a place where he could put it on with his hands bound. He knew something that would further lighten his captive's mood, however.

"So, what do you want to learn tomorrow?" Haku asked brightly while picking up his materials.

Naruto scrunched up his face for a second in thought, as he did every time he was asked. It was a hard decision, really. He always wanted to learn something useful, but at the same time, he often tried to learn something that would help him escape or communicate with those who were uninformed of his situation.

Thus far, Naruto had mastered two jutsus, the water dragon and prison. He had also learned some basic drills used by the hunter-nin policing force for flexibility and chakra control.

After some deliberation, Naruto finally just asked for Haku to surprise him so he could plot some more.

Sleep that night was business as usual, having the campfire doused before the darkness came, burying it, and covering the loose soil with a big rock. With that precaution taken, the three slept in their mats on the grasses with sticks below, positioned to make it look like deer had slept where they had. It was an uncomfortable way to doze, but terribly inventive.

Naruto couldn't help but marvel at how thorough the two rogue ninja were at covering their tracks. It was no wonder the Momochi had never been caught.

The stars were beautiful that night, barely any clouds in the way of his view. The sky was so vast and amazing, but Naruto probably wouldn't have admired the backdrop if it were raining gold nuggets. All he could think about were his teammates.

"Please don't hate me, guys.." he muttered to no one, allowing his worries to take him far into the night before he actually dozed off.

Unfortunately for the Kyuubi's host, sleep was not a reprieve that night. Nightmares of a hysterical, axe-wielding Sakura abounded, followed by a Sasuke completely possessed by Orochimaru.

From the very moment Kakashi and his pupils entered the gates, he felt an extreme sense of shame kick in. The chuunin sentries of Konohagure had known better than to pry, but there was a grim flash of recognition in their eyes as they counted three members returning in the place of four.

The regular mission papers were handed to Kakashi alongside a very foreboding yellow slip. He hadn't seen that parchment in a long time, but he knew he was going to have to fill one out. Names on those slips were put into one of two categories-KIA or the ANBU's archives, depending on the circumstances. He remembered Minato writing Obito's name on one all those years ago.

Sakura and Sasuke waited behind him, winded from the journey and eager to be dismissed. The paper had retained his attention, however, so their stint in the sun was elongated.

"The hokage has been waiting for your return, sir. You should show your reports as soon as possible." the shorter one of the sentries announced after allowing the returning shinobi to space out for about two minutes. The gray-haired man nodded and turned to the two adolescents standing behind him.

Sakura looked at him expectantly and motioned to her bags.

"You can go home. I'll send for you if I need you." he told them, the two bowing respectfully and walking off their different ways. With them gone, he sighed dejectedly and walked to his own apartment with the paperwork in hand. As it could be imagined, all he wanted was to go home in peace and write out his report. Of course, fate wasn't about to allow that to happen.

Of all the people for the lone wolf Kakashi to run into at that time, the one he dreaded most was not Gai. While the man may have been a pain in the ass, he at least wouldn't have a personal vendetta against him within thirty seconds of their meaning. No, the person he had wanted to avoid most was the mother hen of a male they called Iruka.

"Hey, Kakashi!" came the cheery greeting that caused Kakashi to stop dead in his tracks. He didn't dare turn around. "I bet you're just ready to tear your hair out, huh?"

Footsteps indicated that the chuunin was catching up to him, and the Hatake fought the urge to flee and lock his doors.

"Ah, what's the matter, Kakashi? Headache? I wouldn't be surprised, that Naruto is a downright pain sometimes, isn't he? I know he doesn't get along with Sasuke, that must have been fun."

The soon-to-be wreck of a man was closing in, and there was nothing Kakashi could do to spare him.

"You probably have to fill out your mission reports, right? How about we do it over a cup of t-" Iruka was looking over his shoulder now, his breath hitching in his throat upon sighting the yellow slip Kakashi was rushing to conceal.

Iruka grabbed the slip directly out of Kakashi's hands and eyed it in horror as the speculation rushed through his brain. There was no way in hell this was really in the stack of reports Kakashi had to fill out. It had only been a C-ranked mission!

"Iruka… give that back." Kakashi sighed and reclaimed the piece of paper. To his surprise, Iruka's face was only on of slight irritation.

"I hope you're going to complain," the younger man stated seriously while returning the slip,"-that's a really big misfile. Those are to be treated with more respect, you know. You don't just hand them back to any returning group, especially ones with genins members."

Kakashi continued his marathon of not facing Iruka, and added an event of not responding to the event. Iruka's face slowly fell, but his hope remained.

"It's not like you need it or anything, right?" he asked, keeping a note of jest to his voice. "Right?!"

The last of the Hatake continued to stand absolutely still, unmoving until Iruka couldn't stand it and stepped in front of his co-worker and looked at him directly in the carefully-guarded eye.

"Kakashi, there's something you're not telling me."

Kakashi didn't know how to break the news, so he didn't. The jonin pushed past his associate and continued walking towards his apartment, which prompted something primal in Iruka's internal mechanics.

Suddenly realizing the truth of the situation, Naruto's cherished mentor felt his hands shake and his heart fall. He felt like it had dropped a nice few degrees in temperature, as well.

"Who is it for?!" Iruka now demanded, halting the copy ninja's retreat by stepping in front of him once more, "WHO IS THAT ACCURSED THING FOR?!"

Kakashi felt like he was going to break, and his face showed it. Though he once again gave no verbal answer, Iruka just knew.

"No…" he muttered, eyes suddenly like an injured child's. "Tell me this is a joke, Kakashi. Tell me this is another one of your sick, twisted jokes. Tell me that slip is just for show."

"Iruka, I'm sorry…" Kakashi began, voice hushed, but the damage was done, and Iruka's face contorted quickly. Where before there had been a gentle-spirited teacher of elementary students, there now stood a wounded animal clenching its fists.

"You have to fill out those reports, Kakashi." he hissed through clenched teeth. "I'll just wait for you in Hokage-sama's office."

Kakashi watched as Iruka stormed off, leaving him alone with the papers in the alleyway he had been walking in.

"Well, that could have gone better."

Author's note: Angstometer maxed out. I wrote another 2k while answering questions. Moo.