She felt her breathing spiral out of control but she could make no move to fix it. Instead she welcomed it as the darkness closed in on her mind and dragged her under leaving her with a final sight of concerned brown hovering just over hers.

When Jess finally came to she had no idea where she was. She could feel a hard mattress under her and the faint buzz of people talking along with an annoyingly persistent beeping in the background. She cracked open her eyes to try and get a better idea where she was but her eyes were immediately assaulted by harsh light. She threw an arm over her face and groaned.

"You're awake." Jess squinted past the light when she heard the familiar drawl beside her. When she could see it became apparent that she in a hospital, laying in a private room. Lester sat beside her reading a newspaper, his eyes fixed on the font. Outwardly he looked calm but Jess saw how white his knuckles were from how hard he was grippin the paper and noticed how much more clipped his words were than normal.

"What happened?" Jess winced at the raspy scratching of her own voice.

Lester didn't even look up from his paper when he answered her, "Captain Becker, Temple and you all emerged from the ARC with Cutter-"

"What happened to him? Is he alright?" Interrupted Jess with worry predominant in her mind. She had risked so much in going to save him and she wasn't sure what she would do if it turned out it had all been for nothing.

"He's been out of surgery for two hours," Said Lester with his tone still perfectly even but a flicker of emotion ran across his face as he carried on, "It's touch and go from now."

Jess tried to hold back the tears that had started to form in her eyes. She really didn't the professor to die. Not just because it would mean she had failed but because she had become genuinely fond of the man. She didn't want to have to witness the after effects of such a loss either, not when she'd already see how it affected people in her time.

"You on the other hand," Said Lester finally folding the paper in his hands and setting itdown, "are free to go."

Jess frowned, "Why am I here in the first place?"

Lester sighed and looked towards the door as though he desperately wanted to leave but answered anyway, "You had to be treated for shock and smoke inhalation. After you were sedated."

That would explain the voice thought Jess. "Why are you here then?" Asked Jess. She wasn't expecting the steely glare she got from Lester in return. In her time it was common knowledge that Jess was the only one who could even begin to sway Lester's opinion on anything and it was no secret that she was his favourite. To see no recognition in the eyes that stared at her was unnerving. She knew that Lester cared deeply for the team though he would prefer to take that particular secret to the grave and she should have anticipated this reaction. The blame in his eyes almost made her flinch.

"Because someone had to make sure you wouldn't disappear again."

With that departing sentence he swept out of the room leaving Jess feeling suddenly very small and alone in the world.

~o~o~o~

It seemed that even though Lester had said that someone had to stop her from leaving again none of the team were outside her hospital door. It was all too easy to just leave and find the nursing desk. After that it was simple enough to query what room Cutter would be in.

The next problem was in getting there. It turned out that the hospital corridors seemed to have been inspired by a maze. She was sure that she must have walked trough the same hall at least three times although she wasn't sure if the sedative she had been given had totally worked its way out of her system yet.

Eventually, she wound up outside the door which she had been told was the correct one. Steeling herself, she took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

The scene that met her was not unexpected. In the centre of the room was Cutter on a hospital bed with wires winding themselves into his arms and machinery. Jess had to repress a shiver when she saw how terribly pale and still he was; if she didn't know any better she would wager that he was already dead.

Sitting on the bed next to him looking very out of place in her still pristine suit was Jenny Lewis. She was holding his hand, carefully avoiding the various tubes and IVs. There were two plastic hospital chairs next to the bed, occupied by Connor and Abby, both of whom looked up when she pushed open the door. Sarah, Lester and Becker were leaning against the wall talking with grim faces.

When everyone finally noticed that she had entered the room silence reigned. Only Becker, and surprisingly, Sarah didn't look at her with condemnation in their eyes. There was a beat when no one dared to move.

It was Connor who broke the atmosphere first. "I think you should leave." He said in the coldest voice Jess had ever heard from him. It was strange to see the usually jovial and kind man look so deadly serious.

When Jess didn't move and just looked down at her feet he opened his mouth to speak again but it was Jenny's voice from Cutter's bed that cut across him, "You could have saved him." Jess didn't have time to defend herself before the older woman carried on with her voice still sounding oddly broken, "You could have stopped all of this. But you didn't."

It was like a damn had broken. Suddenly it seemed like everyone was hurling accusations with their voices getting louder and louder.

"You could have stopped this!"

"It's your fault-"

"Why didn't you just tell us?-"

"He could die and you're just standing there-"

"You said you weren't on Helen's side!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Jess looked up in surprise as one voice effectively drowned out the rest. Becker stood almost in front of her having moved from his position by the wall with his hands curled into fists as he looked at his team in anger, "Jess is the reason he's still alive!"

There was a moment of silence before Sarah stepped forward to join Becker. "From what you two said," She said gesturing to Connor and Becker, "She was the one who killed Helen. I wouldn't say that's something she'd do if she was on her side, would you?"

Becker relaxed as Connor sat down rubbing a tired hand across his face and once everyone seemed less inclined to attack Jess, either verbally or physically, he finally relaxed and moved from in front of her though he stayed close by.

Sarah sighed and turned around to face Jess. "I think it's time you told us everything."

Jess spluttered in shock before finding her voice, "I really don't think that's a good idea… do you know how much I've already messed up? No, it's better if I don't say-"

"No." Jess looked around slightly hurt by the person who had stepped in, "You need to tell us. Right now."

Jess just stared at Becker. He didn't look angry like the others but he didn't look like he was going to back down either.

Jess looked at every face in the room, all of them looked at her in either expectancy or anger. All except one. Cutter was just as still and unresponsive as he had been when she had entered the room, despite what had happened since. It was one look at him and she had decided.

"I'll just start from the beginning, shall I?"

….

A/N- Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for such a unexciting chapter but it had to be gotten out of the way. I can promise better for the next one and I also have a massive surprise in store! If anyone can guess…yeah nothing will happen, but I'll tell you if you're right or not!

Also I know some of the characters might seem uncharacteristically mean here but you've got to remember that to them it seems like Jess just let Cutter be almost killed but all gets explained next chapter.

Thanks for reading and reviews are always,

VE