I woke up to Dagonet poking my side, he had come to check on me again and this time bringing Lancelot along.
"What do you want Lancelot?" I groaned. I could see the look in Lancelot's eyes that told me what he wanted but I would never give it to him. He stared at my form underneath my blanket and sighed, my mind was racing with thoughts of him. He was handsome, oh was he handsome. He was strong and had the grace of any loveable man. I could easily fall in love with him, I could easily give him what he wanted. Shaking my head I cleared my mind of all kinds of thoughts concerning him. He was a distraction and only more heartbreak.
"To see the most beautiful women I've ever laid eyes on," He said after a minute of staring at me.
"Watch what you say Lancelot," Dagonet muttered, "You know nothing about her and nothing about what would happen if you broke her heart too."
"What makes you think I will let him have my heart in the first place?" I asked propping myself up on my elbow. I felt insulted, what Dagonet had said made me even more determined to not fall in love with him. I did not just want to be another girl who could add to his collection. I wanted to be special, to be…loved.
"In the end Lass," Bors said walking over sticking his head into the tent when he heard our conversation, "Lancelot always seems t'win." I stared defiantly at him but he did not notice my stare.
"It's my charm," He replied batting his eyelashes at me, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Get out," I said trying to be patient with the three men, "Get out" I yelled when none of them moved.
"You're sure you are all right?" Dagonet said from outside the tent. I did not respond and he grunted.
"She is starting to get on my nerves. I try to help her but she doesn't seem to care that she was near death," Dagonet said once he thought he was out of ear shot. He wasn't though and I heard every word he said. It bothered me a little because they thought I didn't care. I did care that I was almost near death. But I was more afraid of getting attached to the Knights. I was more afraid of not being able to forget them when I had to leave. Because I had to leave, there was no way I could stay with them. I would put them in too much danger.
"But she is still beautiful," Lancelot said and I closed my eyes holding back a stream of curse words. He was making it extremely hard for me to push him out of my mind. He was just another monster waiting to claim me, another man to use me.
Flashback-
I was sitting in my room brushing my curly brown hair out when my father barged in. I stood up quickly and stared at him. I opened my mouth to tell him to get out of my room but he cut me off.
"Listen closely;" He said to me clearly, "A close and powerful friend of mine will be staying with us for awhile.. Do not embarrass me or you will be punished, understood?"
"Yes father," I muttered softly the new cuts on my back itching defiantly.
"You will also be joining him in his room tonight," He said and I looked up at him with horror on my face. He only smiled a crude smile.
"And what if I don't?" Fire blazing in my eyes. He advanced on me his arm raised. I cowered and he hit me sending me to my knees.
"The worse thing possible will happen," He whispered into my ear as he pulled my head up by my hair. Tears were streaming down my face. I pushed him off me and slapped him across the face, a satisfying sound emitted. But then the evil in his eyes, the hatred, and power-seeking look stared back at me. He pulled me up by my neck cutting my air circulation off. He threw me against the wall and I fell to the ground. My head was pounding, blood was oozing from the back of my head. Everything was moving from side to side, I was seeing black spots at the edge of my vision..
"I…I won't…won't have sex with that man," I said woozily, my father only walked towards me and pulled me up to my feet.
"And why not?" He asked me through clenched teeth. His hold on my wrist was bruising me.
"I…," I faltered trying to come up with an excuse, "I-I wouldn't want to embarrass you if I made a mistake with him." Color rising to my cheeks. He was silent for a minute and then his gaze fell down my form.
"I can solve that problem," He said softly, leaning in and smelling my hair. His right hand held me against the wall as his left hand cupped my breast. Then it fell to the back of my dress, where the lace was. He started to untie it and I whimpered. He pressed harder on my throat to shut me up.
I shook my head making my memory disperse. I was only 15, when he forced me to sleep with his guest. Every time I tried to fight my father he ended up nearly killing me. It got to the point where I couldn't fight him…I gave up. It lasted for a long time, he would seek company when my mother did not feel like giving it to him. I had no idea if she knew or not, but if she did then she didn't care. He would hit me and bruise me in places that no one could see. He would leave my face alone to make it appear that I was a fine child. Mostly he would whip my back, creating cuts over cuts over scars. He nearly killed me 4 times, and on the 4th occasion I had had enough. I thought every time that maybe this will be the last; he'll get it out of his system and then love me. But he never did, after nearly killing me the last time I got off the floor after he left; I packed two bags and saddled Jibe. Then I ran away. I shook my head again trying to rid my mind of the memories.
I couldn't fall asleep after that, I was afraid to close my eyes. Afraid to see what I could remember when everything went black. I pulled the blanket around me tighter and walked silently out of my tent. It was pitch black out but I could see faintly because of the moon. Galahad was on duty, he looked up from his position near the empty fire pit to watch me.
"You should be resting," Galahad murmured when I past him. I stood on the edge of the forest and listened, "Are you listening to me?"
"No," I replied softly shaking me head, "Please Galahad, I'm not a little child. I ran away-," Careless! I screamed at myself, I whipped around to see if he realized what I had said. He did.
"You ran away?" He asked standing up and walking towards me.
"No," I said shaking my head, "I have no home."
"That is not what you just said a few seconds ago," He pointed out softly, I stared into the forest. I knew the woads were watching me, I could feel them, smell them. But they were only watching, no harm done.
"I am tired I do not know what I am saying," I said, he raised his arm and tried to wrap it around me. I tensed from his touch and drew away from him, "Don't touch me Galahad."
"I was just-," He started to say but I walked away and went into my tent. I shivered and pulled the blanket closer to me. I lay down but I couldn't close my eyes, I couldn't fall asleep.
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"Is Dorinda up?" Someone asked, my eyes snapped open. I did not remember falling asleep. I must have fallen asleep a couple hours before sun rise.
"No," Dagonet replied.
I left my tent and headed for the wagon with my things in it. I grabbed my bags and went back into my tent. Dagonet and Galahad stared at me as I made the 10 second trip.
I changed into a light purple dress and then took my tent down. Arthur started to walk towards me so I quickly finished folding the tent and walked behind a wagon, I evaded Arthur by running behind a wagon and then diving into another one. Arthur walked past the wagon with out looking in and I heaved a silent sigh. I climbed out of the wagon and then snuck to the wagon where Guinevere was sitting. I climbed in and sat with my legs crossed.
"There you are Dorinda," Arthur said appearing out of no where, "Let's talk." He held out his hand to me and I slowly grabbed it. He helped me out of the wagon and led me towards the forest.
"So who was the man that you killed?" He asked bluntly.
"Do I look like a killer to you?" I asked him innocently and he looked at me for a minute.
"Tristan saw you kill him," Arthur said tilting his head to the side, "I do not doubt my scout's word."
"Yes yes I know," I said waving my hand at him.
"How do you know?" He asked curiously and I was silent, "Who was the man?"
"No one," I replied, "No one will miss him."
"He has to be somebody's son, husband, cousin, nephew," Arthur said crossing his arms.
"He was a nobody to me Arthur," I said my eyes narrowing; "Stop asking questions that you don't deserve the answers to!" I yelled at him, turning my back on him and facing the forest. Woad was up in a tree staring intently at me, I stared back at him and he appeared shocked that I noticed him. He disappeared deeper into the forest.
"What do I have to do to deserve them?" He asked, "Because I think I bloody well deserve to know why a young innocent girl like you is killing people!" I turned to stare at him, a stare that would have frozen anybody…but not Arthur.
"That's your problem Arthur!" I yelled at him, by then the entire Caravan plus the Knights and Guinevere were staring at us, "You judge before you know people!" I screamed at him at the top of my lungs. I turned and headed towards the forest. Arthur caught my arm, I grabbed his arm with mine and threw him over my hip.
"Don't touch me Arthur," I said as he looked up at me from the ground.
I walked to the edge of the camp and stood before the forest. I wanted to go in there so badly, I wanted to be free again. I want to be alone. These people trying to take care of me, trying to understand me. No one understands me! I felt suppressed, I felt like they were doing the same thing as my parents. They were caging me, keeping me from what I wanted. I took a step towards the forest, it was calling my name. I took another step forward and stopped for a minute. It looked so peaceful, so freeing.
"Dorinda!" Arthur yelled but I didn't hear him. I took another step forward and I was close enough to a tree that I laid my hand on it. Energy came rushing in at me, I felt…alive. More so then before. I ran into the forest disappearing into the depths of the un-known. When I was far enough away from the camp I put two fingers in my mouth and whistled an earsplitting noise. I heard him running towards me. Jibe, my horse, a raven black stallion came rushing towards me. I patted him, and whispered loving words into his ears. He had kept my two bags safe. I mounted him and urged him back into the forest. I did not tell, or lead him in any direction. I let him choose where he most desired to go.
