Inside

Chapter Fourteen: Cool

Hermione's POV

My eyes fluttered open early the next morning; the sun was only just beginning to rise over the horizon. I could feel a deep ache all over my body, and was reminded all too soon that what had happened with Harry was real, and not just something in my dreams; a fear played out subconsciously, but as real as me and everything around me.

I tried to sit up, but instead fell back instantly onto the bed, a high pitch screech escaping my lips on its own. My ribs were screaming, my shoulder pounding; matching my racing heart, and wrist so sore the thought of cutting it off was not far from my mind. Everything hurt, everything. There was nowhere that I could not feel pain. It was cruel, what Madam Pomfrey had done, not giving me any potions, but instead making me heal, quote, "naturally," saying that the amount of injuries I have versus the amount of potions I would have to take to heal fully would do nothing but make me sick. Sick? I wanted to ask her, potions were for healing – well, in this case, anyway – not for making your body more ill. I had half a mind to think McGonagall put her up to it… Honestly, what that woman had against me this term I did not know.

It was not as if personal lives were compatible with our lives at school; sure, we had to live on campus for the year, but that didn't mean the two always had to mesh. Why Professor McGonagall seemed so keen to butt into every little detail of my life – school and personal - I did not know, but it was seriously starting to annoy me. Not everything having to do with my personal life had only to do with me. There was me, of course, but there was also Narcissa, Draco, Harry and Severus, and revealing my personal life to her would also reveal their parts in it, and frankly, sharing my personal life was undesirable enough, sharing theirs was even less so: it wasn't fully mine to share, nor was it her business to hear about.

A sudden snort and grunt, followed by a holler of pain, reminded me I was not alone.

"Bloody hell!" Ron gasped, sitting up with wide eyes. "Forgot for a minute there."

"Forgot what?" unexpectedly, and quite regrettably, he screamed. My voice scared him, and his scream scared me, and I jerked automatically, sending ripples of condensed pain all throughout my body. Another screech escaped my lips as my body filled with white hot, freezing pain. "Ronald!" I moaned. "Don't do that!" I pleaded with my eyes squeezed shut.

"Well bloody hell!" He complained, "I don't do that? You don't do that first!"

"What are you talking about, I didn't do anything!"

"You talked, I wasn't expecting to hear a voice… sorry."

"No, it's not your fault, Madam Pomfrey is unreasonable… Forgot what?" I asked, referring to his early statement.

"Forgot? He asked, "Oh, yeah, that… I forgot it was Harry who put us here, not the spiders."

"Spiders?" I asked, opening my eyes and turning my head to face him. "What spiders? Ron, there aren't any spiders…"

"For you there aren't, but for me they've been there for years, always haunting my dreams… This time they had bread pudding and were trying to get me to play a game of Quidditch with them. Only, when I said no, they had the Bludger attack me like it did Harry in second year; chased me all the way to Hogsmeade. I got into Honey Dukes, but they found me in the cellar just as I was about to climb into the secret passageway back to the school, as well as the Bludger… I never thought I was going to wake from that one, seemed to go on forever it did."

"Actually I think I'd prefer that reality." I decided after a moment.

"Are you mad!?" He whaled. "We're talking about spiders here, Hermione! Spiders, you know, eight legged monsters?"

"Yes Ron, I know perfectly well what a spider i-"

"Big enough for Hagrid to ride on, they were! Playing Quidditch, Quidditch! And they had bread pudding… do spiders even eat bread pudding, or can they?" he wondered, "They chased me for miles!" I should have learned by now: nothing, nothing could get through to Ron when spiders were involved… even, it turns out, getting the living shit beat out of you and put in the Hospital Wing by your best friend…

"Sure they can!" Came Hagrid's voice as he made his way towards us. "they get big 'nough, they can eat anything they put their mind to, even one of us, even me!" he went on as he stopped between the two of our beds. A smile spread across my face at the sight of him, and Ron seemed to cower deeper and deeper into his covers as he sank back to his mattress.

"No they can't…" he whimpered. "They can't, can they? You're lying, aren't you? Nothing's big enough to eat you…" Hagrid frowned and focused his attention towards me.

"How you doin' there, Hermione?" He asked with concern clear in his voice and expression.

"Better than some," I sighed, looking over at Ron.

"Aye that," he agreed, looking over at our trembling redhead. "But really? How are ya?" he asked, looking back at me.

Choosing words as my last option, I closed my eyes and reopened them, shaking my head.

"Still can't believe it," he nodded. "Wouldn't at firs'… had to come see the two of ya fer myself. Would've come las' night, had I been told when it happen.

"I jus' can't believe Harry'd do something like he did, beatin' on the two of ya… what happen made him do it?"

"Ah, dear Hagrid," Dumbledore said as he strode down the floor, Professor McGonagall and Severus close behind him. "I quite thought you would try to make it here to see your favorites this morning. I was not mistaken, I see."

"'Course I came ta see 'em, Professor Dumbledore, Sir, affer what happen, that is, anyone who cared would come, you ask me."

"Of course," Dumbledore agreed. "Though, I may say others would have waited until the sun had risen all the way, though, as it appears Miss Granger and Mister Weasley appear awake… Somewhat." He added, looking over at Ron. "I see he has had a difficult time absorbing this all, as I understand, it was not a pleasant night."

"No," I shook me head. "I mean, no, it's not that…" I said, looking over at Ron. "Spiders."

"Spiders?" Dumbledore asked curiously. "Magnificent creatures; both unsuspected and mysterious."

"Can we please talk about something else?" Ron whimpered, seeming to have regained himself somewhat… somewhat.

"Of course," Dumbledore nodded. "The topic of spiders seems to both be upsetting Mister Weasley and is, to say the least, quite random. As it is, there is another reason we have come in here this morning, as I assume and don't doubt you both already know why, especially seeing as it is the reason the two of you are here in the first place, and that is to discuss your friend – if you still wish to call him that – Mister Potter, and his recent violent actions towards the two of you."

"Where is he?" Ron asked, pulling himself up to sit and wrap his arms around his knees. "Everything was so chaotic last night, I remember him leaving, but at the same time it was hard to focus on anything…" he trailed.

"As you are quite right, it was indeed chaotic… Mister Potter will be spending the remained of the school year at home with his cousin and Aunt and Uncle. It seems he will be quite unable to come back after an explosion such as the magnitude of last night. You may write him, if you like, though, weather or not he will respond, I can not say. Nor can I say if that was too bold an assessment to suggest you write him in the first place?" Ron and I looked at each other silently, then down at our laps. "As I had assumed. I would like to ask, then, if it is not too soon after, what made Mister Potter act in a such a way as last night?

"Forgive me, I do not intend to open such a fresh wound as this one – knowing the answer may further prevent anything of this nature from occurring in the future."

"I really don't think it'll be a problem anytime soon," I said, more to myself than anyone.

"And why is that, may I ask?" he wondered, taking a seat on a chair he had pulled up between the ends of our cots'. He folded his leg up over his opposite knee and placed his cupped hands on his knee. Professor McGonagall stood at the side of Ron's bed, and Severus at mine. I wanted so badly to sit up and crawl over to him and have him hold me, kiss me, tell me he loved me… but I knew that would be both impossible because of the pain, and completely and utterly stupid due to the lack of aloneness we currently had. Still, the desire I had to ask him to lay beside me and wrap his arms around me, my back against his chest… it was hard to focus on anything else after having been through such a traumatic experience, and have the man I loved enter the room, and have to pretend we were nothing more than tolerant student and teacher… if the pain wasn't already agony enough.

The look on his face told me he was struggling with a similar – if not the same – desire. To be so close yet have to pretend to be so far apart, it killed.

"Miss Granger?" Dumbledore asked, looking over at me.

"What?' I asked, realizing I had been laying there like a mute idiot, lost in my romantic daydreams of being held by my Severus…

Dumbledore smiled, almost knowingly. I swallowed down a lump in my throat and drew my eyes away from him and back to my own hands, it were as if he could read into my eyes and see my every thought…

"I think we may have come to question you too early, it would appear." He smiled as he unfolded his leg from atop his other, and stood up. "Perhaps we will come back in a few hours, once the two of you have rested up a bit more, and have some food in you and clearer minds. So sorry to have disturbed you at such an early hour."

"Sir, if I may ask a favor?" Ron asked, clearing his throat. Dumbledore looked over at him, waiting. "It's just that, well, Hermione and I have been through a lot, it's true… I can't help but think, know, really, that we'd get better rested if we were allowed to sleep in our own beds…"

"As much as I would like to allow that and oblige, Mister Weasley, unfortunately I am only Headmaster of the school, the regulations of the care of the injured or ill students rests with Madam Pomfrey." He told us. And, as if only realizing now she hadn't been around yet, began looking around the room. "And, speaking of which, where is Poppy this morning? How very unusual for her to stay isolated in her office while she has students."

"Not meaning to sound disrespectful or anything, Professor," Ron continued, pulling himself up straighter. "Should we really take her advice? I mean, look at Hermione, she didn't even give her anything for her injuries, just making her lay there and suffer…"

"As I have been informed." Dumbledore nodded, "As it is, Miss Granger's injuries are not quite severe enough to take potions for, but just annoying enough, if I may say, to cause complete discomfort."

"Discomfort?" Ron asked. "Discomfort? You call that discomfort? She has screamed twice already from being in so much pain. Well," he added. "Technically it was three times, but the last time I scared her, or no, there were a few other times after that, but I only scared her the once."

"How very odd," Dumbledore mused. "I was not informed your injuries were that severe, Miss Granger. Let me see if I can not find Poppy, won't be a minute." He said, turning on his heal with one hand at his side and the other held midway in the air. Looking at McGonagall, my earlier suspicions were confirmed, the look on her face gave it all away: she had convinced Madam Pomfrey to withhold and lie about giving me potions, she had probably thought the more pain I was in the more likely I was to reveal everything to her when she got herself alone with me, as Ron was clearly not as injured as myself. Once she was properly satisfied with my answers, she would allow Poppy to cure me, claiming I was ready to be healed all the way. I wished so much that was not the truth, but I knew already it was. Bitch.

Dumbledore returned from Madam Pomfrey's office with Madam Pomfrey following closely behind him, a smile on both their faces. In her hands she carried three bottles of different potions. She set them down on my bedside table and began removing one of their lids; Severus looked relived and Professor McGonagall as if she could transform Madman Pomfrey into a rat. I smiled over at her, and she, with a severe look on her face, left.

"Now that that is taken care of, I shall see you both at dinner, where we may, if you are very much up for it, conclude the evening by having that discussion in my office." He did not wait for a response, but instead, knowing Ron and myself well enough by now, knew our answers already. "Good day." He smiled with a nod, and strode away. Glancing at me for a moment, Severus folded his arms behind his back and followed Dumbledore from the room.

My first thought after being healed and dismissed by Madam Pomfrey was to go directly to Severus and into his arms until dinner, but what had happened in the Hospital Wing and the look on Professor McGonagall's face would not leave me. They were haunting me, like Ron's spiders. Though, unlike Ron, I decided to face what was haunting me directly.

I stood outside her door, contemplating my options. I had been deliberating over several choices on how to confront the situation. One, I could storm into her office and demand to know what her problem with me was this year, which seemed both rude and completely out of my character – and not to mention childish – which, would, according to her claims of me, just give her more to go off with about my 'dramatic change in character', which, to be honest, I would like to avoid. Two, I could knock on her door and demand I do all the talking and ask the questions, or three, and more reasonably, I could knock on her door and try to have a calm and civilized conversation with the woman. Sighing, I raised my hand to the wood of her door, and knocked gently three times.

"Come in," came her voice through the thick door. "I have been expecting you, Miss Granger. Please," she said. "Have a seat." She removed her glasses and set them onto her desk, and folded her hands into her lap. Before I was able to open my mouth to speak, she went on. "I must begin by apologizing to you, Miss Granger, for how I have been towards you since the start of term.

"I admit, I have been a bit harsh. And I don't think I would be going too far by also saying that I have been unreasonable with you?" The look on my face must have said it all. She nodded and went on. "I am about to admit something that I may regret saying, or may say without purpose in the first place. But, nonetheless, it is how I feel, and how I can't help to feel.

"When you first arrived here this year you were immediately attacked, by an accident, I know, but nonetheless, you were indeed attacked. I immediately felt obligated to defend you, for you are not only my House but also, I like to consider, a sort of friend to me, and I hope, myself to you.

"Professor Snape stayed the Summer Holiday at your house, and I suppose something happened there that none of us could have ever expected, or saw with the furthest stretch of the imagination happening." She said, and I felt my heart stop. No, she can't… there is no way… "You developed a closeness, a bond, one might say.

"He took care of you after Mister Malfoy hit you with that blasted curse he invented, which was, to say the least, necessary, due to Professor Slughorn's lack of ability to work at a moments notice, let alone under pressure.

"I saw when I entered his room and looked upon the two of you that there was a comfort between the two of you that had never been before, and I admit, I was a bit jealous.

"I realize I am not the only Professor at the school, but I am in fact Head of Gryffindor. And being such, I had always found that the Head of House becomes closest with his or her House, and to each his or her own.

"You rushed out on Professor Dumbledore's speech, well, one of them, anyways. My first instinct was to follow you to discover why you had run off like you did, and allow you to, if you had wanted, confide in me.

"However, Professor Snape was again, there and ready along with myself.

"I allowed him to speak to you instead of myself, thinking that you would immediately turn him away and give me my chance to come and speak with you, woman-to-woman and Gryffindor-to-Gryffindor.

"However, you did not return, nor did he. Telling me you have in fact developed a sort of friendship with him, which is, while unusual, also healthy.

"It is good to develop closeness's with as many people and teachers as you can, but, Miss Granger, I can't help but feel you have shoved me aside and allowed him to take my place. And while I know that is petty of me to grow upset over, it is nonetheless the truth, to how I feel, at least.

"You have changed this year, and I can't tell what it is, but I do see a change in you. I do not see it as being for the better or worse as of what I have looked upon yet, but I have wished, and hoped, that you would confide in me some of the reasoning.

"I admit I was being a bit overly-pushy about it. One might go so far as to say I was being noisy, which, admittedly, I was. That was, until this morning, shortly after returning from the Hospital Wing, when I received two letters.

"The first being from a Narcissa Malfoy, and the second from her son and your classmate, Draco." She leaned forward and grabbed a small stack of folded parchment, undoubtedly being the letters. "Now, I think we both know what a majority of what the letters say are.

"So, that being said, I apologize, from the bottom of my heart, for treating you the way I have been, by giving you unreasonable detentions – unnecessary, I correct myself – and by assuming the worst or least, when, as it turns out, it was really never my business to butt into in the first place. I think, that if I were in your shoes, and had one of my Professors done to me what I have been doing to you, after going through what you have, I would have reacted the same way.

"As it is, my actions towards you were not as subtle as I would have liked to think they were, for if they were, I doubt I would have received a letter from your half brother and Mother, or had so many late night or early morning confrontations with Mister Weasley about it.

"I admit I have acted, to say the least, childish towards you. I have been trying to restrict your freedom and self, and apologize, and promise here and now, to never do it again.

"From now on, if I see you acting differently, or strangely, or anything other than what I am used to, I will ask only once, and if you tell me, you do. If you don't, you don't. I will bite my tongue and wait patiently for you to come around, even if you never do.

"Now, you may go about with your day in peace. There will be no reason for yourself or Mister Weasley to meet in Professor Dumbledore's office after dinner this evening, for I have all the answers we need right here, and I daresay Professor Dumbledore does as well. Still, I will show him these nonetheless, just in case I am mistaken and I am the only one who has this information.

"I must ask, though, Miss Granger, before I release you… if you forgive me for my actions."

I thought for a moment, and realizing if the roles were reversed as she said, if I were in her shoes, I probably would have done the same as well. "Yes," I told her with a smile. "Yes Professor, like yourself, I would have done the same had I had a student acting the way I have been. We're more alike than we think, I believe."

"I would like to think so," She smiled, nodding. "From what I hear, and from what I see for myself… You are not only exceptionally bright, but quite cool as well.

"I will see you at dinner, Miss Granger." I left with a humored, wide smile on my face.

Cool, I thought, my Professor just called me 'cool'. And here I thought I had gone through the weirdest already.

I could hear Professor McGonagall chuckling to herself as I pulled the door closed behind me, and began the walk to Severus's office with a smile on my face.

TBC