Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine, and I'm not his. Because, you know, that'd be pretty weird.
A man named Daijiro Tomemura suddenly lurched forward on his way to an impromptu meeting of Konohagure's elders. There was no evidence as to why this occurred, and at first had alarmed his wife, as could be imagined. Even though the man regained his balance within seconds, the woman tried to insist he see a healer, fearing that old age may have finally caught up to her husband in the form of a stroke.
Though he insisted he was fine, Daijiro's deep brown eyes were wild behind his weathered eyelids. He staggered for a few steps before regaining his balance, and again his wife pled with him to see a doctor, but he was deaf to her urging. The poor woman eventually gave up, but not without getting Daijiro to promise to get examined after the meeting was adjourned.
Once inside the council chamber, Daijiro found his chair with robotic efficiency. His thick eyebrows knotted themselves up in a frown as he spotted a blonde boy stirring on the audience bench below him.
Naruto Uzumaki opened his eyes, head spinning from the sensation of being torn from and then placed back into reality. He wasn't proud of himself for acting out in his last cycle of this event, but he didn't hate himself, either. If it weren't for the extremely uncomfortable sensation of death, he would be willing to write of the event as something that had never happened.
With the recollection of his impatience and composure, Naruto had decided to lay low through this meeting. He would be patient, and he would take any abuse with a stride. The last thing he needed was to blow an internal fuse again. After all, continuity was becoming a rare treasure in his world.
Naruto's eyes moved through the crowd that had no recollection of being terrorized by him until they fell on the face of someone who was looking at him with something other than disgust or indifference. The face of the councilmember he had spared before his glorious exit of the council meeting via sword regarded him with serene confusion, if such a thing existed. The intensity of the man's gaze caused a spark of nervousness to place itself in the Uzumaki's gut before the man nodded and turned away.
In the same manner as the time before, Kakashi entered late with a weak excuse and was reprimanded. This time around, Naruto was able to actually smile to himself with the futility of their scolding. Kakashi may have acted sorry, but he only behaved that way because of the Hokage's influence. In the end, even the elite jounin couldn't ignore the authority of Sarutobi.
Yukina's voice broke through his reverie, the same accusations splitting the atmosphere of the audience chambers, prompting the Sandaime to speak in the boy's defense. Naruto bided his time, waiting for an opportunity to present itself, if such a thing were possible.
The meeting wore on, and Naruto decided that the best anger management method was to stop listening altogether. He watched the council's wrinkled faces quiver and move with speech, counted liver spots, and mentally pictured the governing body(no pun intended) naked. As a result, he was completely unprepared when the indecisive councilman Daijiro stood up with a request for Naruto to talk in his own defense. In fact, he wasn't even aware of the development until he received a jostling nudge from the Sandaime.
All eyes were on Naruto, weighing his every action carefully as he shook out of his childish fantasy to testify, despite the fact he hadn't really been paying attention and didn't know where to start. Still, there was almost always a safe way to diffuse a situation.
"Sirs and Ma'ams, I get why you don't trust me, but then again, I don't. This really could have been, y'know, avoided if I had just been retrieved sooner. I didn't tell anyone I died. That was just an assumption. So, that's score one for me NOT being a criminal."
In retrospect, Kakashi thought to himself for what must have been the twentieth time,-that wasn't a very smart call.
"Also, I think you should know that the two that borrowed me without my permission were sorta… insane. You know, crazy. Some sort of honor or something. It didn't add up, but what could I do? Nothing, really, as I was usually both tied up and supervised like a dangerous animal."
A pudgy man interrupted at this point, somewhat skeptical. "Ropes? That was all they had? You didn't escape from flimsy ropes? And you call yourself a shinobi?"
Naruto put a hand to his face, not really needing to save dignity he didn't have. "I didn't say I didn't escape. I just never got away."
"Explain." Yukina said, her voice not as vicious as before.
"Think about it, ma'am. Zabuza was an elite 'hunter' of men. I could escape from those ropes. Heck, I could get up to ten miles away, but they'd always find me. I tried everything, and I mean that. I was so desperate I captured a wild squirrel and wrote a message on a leaf, for Icha's sake!"
"This still doesn't explain why you aren't dead. Or why we weren't issued a ransom demand. Judging by your girth, they could have starved you into submission. How do we know you didn't feed them information? Agree to work for them?"
"You don't know. I know that, but I think Ibiki might be more believably. Right, Ibiki, sir?"
The addressed man nodded, which caused Yukina to once again call for the ANBU's verdict on the matter."Well?"
The bear-like ANBU gave a rumbling chuckle, thinking on his feet. "He's a teenage boy, madame. He's not preoccupied with any sort of scheme, but I'll admit his psyche is not a normal place to be. Actually, there were several fantasies about a fe-"
"Enough, Ibiki, we get the picture." Yukina mumbled, eyeing the would-be defendant's blush with disgust. Several chuckled drifted through the room.
"Well, Yukina, I believe that this would settle the situation? He IS a shinobi, leaving his fate in my hands." Sarutobi smirked, sensing a definite shift in the atmosphere of the chamber.
"You would just let us have him continue as if nothing ever happened?" a woman near the rear barely managed to annunciate, sounding more confused than angry.
"Yes, Tsu-san, that would be the case." Daijiro Tomemura informed her before Sarutobi even had a chance to speak. "Surveillance and incarceration consume resources. This is actually a rather fortunate situation."
"Agreed." Sarutobi nodded before the council,"-and it should be said that we should be grateful that nobody died."
"Except Gato!" Naruto volunteered, causing a few confused glances by the shopkeepers who hadn't bothered to read the reports. "Um, that's a good thing." Thankfully, the hokage interrupted before the genin could make things any worse for himself.
"Well, if that will be quite enough, I have the matter of Naruto's displaced housing to attend to. So, if you don't mind, why don't we adjourn for now?" the hokage suggested, his voice optimistic. The upward turn of the old man's lips indicated a smile.
"Agreed. Council adjourned." Yukina announced begrudgingly.
Naruto blinked with disbelief. While the councilroom emptied, he didn't dare move or breathe. Well, the latter of which is a lie, but he didn't breathe with as much gusto or consistency, much to the dismay of his already-overworked grey matter.
"There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Sarutobi patted Naruto's back, noting the look of surprise on the boy's face. When he didn't receive a reply, the old man added,"-it's over now, at any rate."
"It is?" Naruto echoed, his eyes greeted with a thumbs up from Kakashi. A smile began to form on his face.
Kakashi looked at the quickly-rejuvenating Naruto with relief at first, but it soon gave way to horror as he recognized the look in the boy's eye. The Hatake made to escape the chamber before it was too late, but it wasn't to be. Much to his pride's dismay, the Uzumaki accomplished what he set out to do.
"YAHOOO!" Naruto bellowed, pouncing on his teacher with a gross disregard to the man's love of personal space. The hug that followed was worthy of Gai's theatrics.
"Hm. I didn't think it would be that easy," Ibiki murmured from a few feet away, giving the hokage an enigmatic glance that only the two understood(probably not in the way some people are thinking). It was a question bordering on a command. Whatever was going on had Ibiki involved. And, if he was going to be involved, he knew well enough to get the entire story of what was going on.
"Later, Ibiki." The fire shadow assured his subordinate under his breath, and began to walk away. Ibiki Morino watched the back of the hokage's head until he turned the corner before being distracted by Kakashi's irritation.
"Naruto, get the f*** off me."
Author's note: Short. I know. That, and I can't make everyone happy. If you're reading my story and don't like it... you're not obligated to finish it.