Chapter 10

Going forward is difficult.

Every time I try to look to the future, I'm dragged back to the past.

I don't want to live there anymore. I want...

I want...

Riku broke out of Naminé's grip and raised his fists, spreading his legs apart slightly to achieve a firmer fighting stance. Naminé stepped back behind him nervously.

"What do you want?" he growled. Axel shook his head and laughed.

"Can't the Organisation call by every now and then for a cheerful howdy?"

Riku didn't reply. If anything, he became more angry. Naminé wasn't unsettled by anything to such a degree, and it annoyed him that Axel was able to do that to her. He wanted to pound that man's red-haired head against the train tracks.

Axel put his hands on his hips and pouted. "I guess not then. You know, I thought you'd be taller for some reason, Riku."

"Shut up." His voice told Axel immediately that he was not in the mood for games.

"Seriously, though. It must be the shoes he had on or something. That replica was damn accurate after all."

"Did I not just tell you to shut up?"

Axel laughed again, a gesture that continued to test Riku's patience.

"What are you going to do, fight me? In a train station full of innocent people? Which, by the way, are finding us rather interesting right about now."

Riku, slowly, hesitantly, lowered his hands, though he kept his fists curled.

"You're not taking me back," Naminé blurted out suddenly. "I'm not going to do what you want anymore!"

Axel turned his attention to from Riku to her, as if he'd just seen her for the first time. He grinned, making Naminé take another step backwards.

"Ahh, because now you're not alone, is that it? Because you have someone who'll tuck you in and kiss you goodnight?" Axel raked his fingers through his hair and sighed, the kind a parent would heave before lecturing a small child. "You had that before, but you messed that up real good, didn't you?"

"Stop it," she said. Riku looked at her, confusion etched across his features.

"Naminé, what's he talking about?"

"Oh, how great is this!?" Axel said cheerfully, clapping his hands as if he had the most select piece of gossip ever heard. "So he doesn't know? When were you planning on telling him?"

"Please.." she whimpered.

"How do you know that you won't do it again? What if it's Riku this time? Then you really will have failed at being human."

Naminé couldn't take it. She didn't want to see the look on Riku's face when he found out. The disappointment he would feel. The shame in being associated with her, a cold-blooded murderer. All the trust they had built, gone, disappearing like water down a plug-hole. That thought alone was too much for her to bear.

So she ran.

Riku took a few steps forward to follow her, but the immediate threat of Axel kept him in the train station. He turned, raising his fists once more.

"You bastard," he said lowly. "What the fuck did you do to her?"

"Hmph," he replied, a smirk crawling across his face. "If you're so curious, why don't you go ask her yourself? It'll probably be more of a show coming from her anyway." He stretched and yawned; Riku couldn't help but compare his movement to a cat's. He was probably very quick on his feet, and a good fighter by the ways of his cocky attitude.

"Ugh, I'm bored, I'd better be off."

"Don't you dare walk away from me!" Riku yelled. He didn't even notice that the crowd had turned to stare at their engagement, but if he had, he would have hardly cared.

"A piece of advice, Riku, my man. I know your plans involve Roxas. If I were you, I'd leave him alone if you don't want your little girlfriend to get hurt." Axel waved his hand and a black portal ripped through the air.

"Nice meeting you!" He threw Riku a mock salute before disappearing through the darkness.

Riku pounded on the front door to the mansion. After several, agonising seconds, Mickey opened it, rubbing sleep from his tired, bloodshot eyes.

"Riku," he said wearily. "What's going on? Why are you getting back so late?"

"Naminé," he replied quickly. "Has Naminé come back yet?"

"No, not yet."

"She's been missing for over four hours now."

"I thought she was with you?"

"She was. But when we were coming back Axel showed up and she bolted."

The statement was a better stimulant than any coffee. Mickey started, becoming alert immediately.

"Axel? Riku, why didn't you come here sooner? That guy is bad news."

"Mickey, I've looked everywhere. I can't find her!"

"Did you fight him? Was he after Naminé?"

"No- I don't know, he was saying something about Roxas-"

"Roxas? Riku, how does he know we're after Roxas?"

"So, he's aware of our plan. That, will makes things more troublesome."

Riku and Mickey looked up into the face of Diz. His amber eyes glowed impassively in the half light of the oncoming morning. Riku could feel neither warmth nor concern radiating from his body, as if they were all pawns to be played around with in his game of chess, and every hiccup was like an ingenious move executed by the other side. It was more than likely that Diz hated to lose above all else; whoever was lost in the process was a necessary means to his overall victory.

"I'd better revise our calculations. I'm disappointed that we've lost the element of surprise, but, these instances occur. It's likely that we'll have to escalate our plans." Diz turned to leave, but Riku's incredulous look stopped him.

"Naminé's missing, I think that's more important than your little calculations."

"Naminé will return on her own accord."

"Oh yeah? What if she doesn't?"

"I see no reason why she wouldn't. She has nowhere else to go, and quite frankly, she has this silly little attachment to you."

"You didn't see her then, Diz! You don't understand. She looked, she looked..."

Like she was at the point of no return.

Riku sighed. "We just, we need to find her."

Mickey nodded, laying a hand on Riku's leg in a small means of comfort.

"Alright then. You take the main town, I'll take the sewers, and Diz will take the outskirts. We'll meet back here in two hours. If we still haven't found her by then..."

He stopped, noting the worried look on Riku's face. Mickey forced a smile.

"Well, we'll talk about that if it happens."

As Twilight Town was scoured by the trio, ridiculous possibilities were imagined and impossible scenarios were enacted by Riku's panicked mind; all involving her either her capture or untimely demise. Most of the latter however involved stupidity on her part, which made him even more anxious. He went to all the places they had been together that day, every place he could think of, but she was nowhere to be found.

He wondered what was wrong, what would make her run off like that. Axel's words were confusing, but the only thing that mattered was bringing her home. He was past trying to make excuses to be with her; if this had been a week ago, the reason he would be wandering the streets all night to find her was so she could bring Sora back. But things were different now. Naminé had become more to him, a lot more than a means to an end. He cared for her. He really did. They had been through so much together. All this time he had been fighting alone, but since Naminé had come into his life, the burden of his solitude had been lifted. She made everything easier with just her presence, and there were very few people he could say that about.

The thought of her disappearing, leaving, was something he admittedly hadn't thought about. She had become a staple in his life, something he could almost take for granted like water, or air. But with her missing, he felt like a part of him had also been lost. If he couldn't find her, he didn't know what he would do. Just even imagining trying to face everything alone again was akin to drowning.

It was pure luck that Riku saw it. Whilst walking through one of the back-alleys for what seemed like the millionth time, his eyes caught a glimpse of another shadowy corner. On further inspection, he found it lead into a small alcove, almost like a little room in its own right. She was standing with her back to him, looking up at one of the posters for the upcoming struggle tournament.

"Naminé!" he said with relief. "You shouldn't run off like that, everyone is out looking-"

His voice died in his throat when she turned around. She was crying; tears were streaked across her face and her eyes were red and blotchy. She looked at him, to Riku it seemed like she was looking for an answer he couldn't give. If he could have had anything in the world at that moment, that's probably what he would have asked for.

"For God's sake, Riku," she pleaded. "Give me a minute."

Riku made his way over to one of the several boxes lying haphazardly around the room and sat down. He stared ahead, saying nothing, avoiding looking at her in her moment of vulnerability.

"The kids here call this place the usual spot," she said, somewhat randomly.

"It's a functional name," he replied. "It reminds me of the secret place back on my island."

"You went there to get away?"

"Not really, it was more Sora and Kairi's place to be honest."

"I like this place," she said. "I come here to try to think how life would be if I were normal."

"I think you're entitled to that."

"...and then, Sora and I locked the door and ran away. He was left there for eight hours before Wakka found him!"

"I can't believe you did that," she said, her eyes wide. "Poor Tidus."

"You wouldn't believe the trouble we got into," he replied, shaking his head. "But, in our defence, it was a bathroom, and we left food in the tub, so he was okay."

"Riku, this is a whole other side to you. I didn't think you could be so..."

"Cruel? A bully?"

"No, pure evil!"

They both laughed at each other.

"It's my childhood," he said. "I did a lot of stupid things."

"I want to hear them all," she replied.

"That'll probably take a while."

"I don't care, I love hearing these stories. Maybe I could draw-"

She stopped then, remembering what they had just experienced.

"Aren't you going to ask me what he meant?" she asked.

"No." he answered. Naminé was taken aback by the simplicity of his answer.

"No? What do you mean, 'No'?"

"Naminé, there was a reason you didn't tell me, so I don't need to know now."

Why does it happen? I keep making the same mistakes, over and over? Why...?

"I'm so stupid," she said.

"You're not stupid, Naminé."

"Then, why do I always go back? Why can't I go forward?"

"Don't worry," Riku said assuringly. "Sometimes that's just what you need to do, you know?" He looked up at the ceiling, his eyes soft as he remembered his own journey. "What's so wrong with looking back? The past has made us who we are."

"But-"

"Even if you make the same mistake, even if you do it twice, or three times, you'll learn from that too."

"But what if I don't?" she demanded. "What if, this is all I am?"

"It's not."

"But what if it is?" she repeated.

Riku grabbed her hand firmly. Her eyes looked at it briefly, before flicking up to see the intensity of Riku's determined expression. Naminé couldn't advert her gaze as their eyes locked together. They always seemed to drift between blue and green, but now, as she stared into them, they seemed to be a beautiful mixture of the two.

"Naminé, do you trust me?"

She looked at him for a minute more, then nodded, wordlessly.

"Then, I promise, there is more to you. This is just a moment of weakness. And it's okay to be sad. We can't be strong all the time you know."

"Riku..." she said, and hugged him tightly.

"H-hey," he laughed, patting her awkwardly on the back. "It's alright, you don't have to-"

Naminé gave him a lopsided grin and straightened herself up.

"You're right," she relented. "Come on then, let's go home."

"Naminé!" Mickey squeaked. "I'm so glad you're safe!" Naminé smiled and patted Mickey lightly on the head.

"I'm sorry I worried everyone," she said.

"I knew searching the outskirts was a waste of time," Diz muttered, before once again disappearing inside his lab.

"You were gone a long time, Riku," Mickey said. "Don't forget to check in next time!"

"This is where Diz would go "Don't let there be a next time"," he said, doing his best to imitate the deep, husky tone. Naminé laughed and shoved his shoulder playfully.

"Be nice," she warned.

"Yes, Mom," he replied, which earned him another shunt.

"Sorry to break up the party," Mickey said. "But we have to start talking about what we're going to do. Axel knows about our plans for Roxas, so we have to act soon."

"Alright," Riku said. "Just tell me what I need to do."

"Well, sorry to ask this of you, but you're going to have to fight him. He might feel some bond with you, considering he's Sora's nobody. That hesitation might be just what we need for us to capture him."

"I've beaten Sora hundreds of times, I don't think it'll be much of a problem."

"There's...just, one more thing," Mickey added. Riku looked at him, not liking the tone of his voice at all. Somehow he knew the next words out of the mouse's mouth would be bad ones.

"You'll have to fight Roxas, with this." Mickey produced a long, black blindfold. Riku looked incredulously from Naminé, who was doing her best to hide her amusement, to the piece of cloth, to Mickey, and back to Naminé. He shook his head and took an involuntary step backwards.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

I know now, the past will always be the past.
There's nothing I can do to change that.
All I can do is move forward and embrace the future.

...

But this time, I think I want to do it with him.

Author's Note

I thought I was actually somewhere near being finished, but I realise I still have a long way to go. Right about now, I'd consider myself being somewhere near the sixty percent mark, which is, I must admit, daunting to say the least. This fanfic started out as being an experiment for me, but it's turning out to be a lot longer than I originally envisioned. It's becoming increasingly frustrating to continue, considering I've other projects I want to get started on, and college is starting again in a week. I feel I'm outgrowing it to a degree, but maybe that is another type of frustration as I don't like how I'm writing at the moment.

I don't say this as a way to panic anyone, though panic would be too strong a word to use in this case. But I need my loyal reviewers, you know who you are, to know the reason for the extended, and extending gaps between my chapters. I feel like it's unfair just stringing you along like this, especially considering how wonderful you've all been to me over the past year and some months. I will promise that I will finish this; after all Riku and Naminé have been through they deserve at least some sort of happiness, but it's just going to take time, a lot more time than I have presently. I hope this has given you some sort of understanding as to what's going on in my head, and I also hope that those who have stuck with me thus far will continue to wait for a small while longer. Thank you all for your infinite patience and kindness. I'm really grateful. And thanks, as always, for reading.

LastCetra.