WHEN THE SNOW FALLS
by Yih

Chapter Fifteen
Sinking to the Bottom

It was pleasant sitting next to Rukia, doing his paperwork as she rambled on about how the new recruits were finally starting to show promise. Her voice was a little husky and Byakuya's mind drifted off, wondering how she would sound in bed. He allowed himself to linger for only a moment before quelling the thought. His desires were perfectly normal, but not quite appropriate in his office in the broad daylight.

"Byakuya," she said and he looked up at her, "Ukitake-taichou wants me to lead the new recruits on their first group mission. I don't know if I'm strong enough to protect them. I really wish I had my second dance down…"

He had to take a slow, steadying breath before he could say anything. Byakuya was not pleased that Jushiro was putting Rukia into a position of responsibility when she was an unseated shinigami. He understood what she was asking him, she wanted him to help her prepare, to help her be good enough to complete this assigned task without failing her taichou.

And he wanted to protect her against all dangers, which he was beginning to realize that he couldn't, not when she was so determined to be a good shinigami. As long as she wasn't a seated officer, she would be relatively safe and Jushiro had kept his promise to keep her unseated. The only thing more Byakuya could do to shelter her more would be to train her well enough that she could handle any situation by herself, which invariably meant improving her skills.

"It won't be easy," he remarked, rubbing her hand with his fingers, "but I will make time and help you as best I can."

Rukia smiled and it brightened her whole face, all the way to her eyes. "Thank you."

That smile, Byakuya thought, that smile was worth doing anything for.

-

"He's out back!" Kukaku shouted from wherever she was in the house, which wasn't small by any means. Size-wise, though, it couldn't compare to the sprawling Kuchiki mansion.

It was still a more than respectable house for a noble. Rukia had been surprised when she had first seen where Kaien had grown up. He never acted like a noble and so even though the Shiba house looked slightly rundown, Rukia could see how once this famly was one of the great noble houses.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Kukaku asked loudly, now standing right in front of Rukia with her hands on her hips

Kukaku was rather intimidating and resembled Kaien quite a bit, although more loud and rough than her older brother was. What Rukia wouldn't give to see Kaien be his loud and charismatic self again!

"How is he?" Rukia asked softly.

"The same," Kukaku responded. "The same as always."

"I guess I'll go back and see him then."

She nodded and as Rukia was walking to courtyard in the back, Kukaku said, "It's been good for him, you coming to see him."

"I'm his friend and that's what friends do," Rukia said, looking back over her shoulder. "And I'll keep coming until he's better."

Kukaku didn't say anything, instead she just disappeared to some other section of the house and Rukia was left on her own to find Kaien. It didn't take her very long. He was sitting outside by a pond, throwing stones into it as if he were a child again trying to see who could toss it the farthest.

"Ukitake-taichou told me he visited you recently," Rukia remarked as she sat down beside him.

"Last week," Kaien responded.

"You didn't tell me about that."

"I don't have to tell you about everything."

Rukia glanced out at the small courtyard, which was lovely in its own rustic way. "We miss you back at Squad 13, especially the new recruits."

"Why would they?" Kaien asked. "They don't even know me."

"They know of you," she said. "And they know what a great fukutaichou you are."

"Did Ukitake-taichou ask you to talk to me?" Kaien looked at her with his penetrating eyes. "About returning to the squad?"

She nodded, not bothering to deny it. "Would you rather we spar instead and just pretend like everything's normal when it's not?"

"You don't understand!"

Rukia clenched his fist, knowing that he was more right than wrong. She didn't know what it was like to lose a beloved wife, but she knew how it would feel to her if she lost Byakuya. She would be torn up inside and she would mourn and probably do all the things Kaien was doing to himself – she also knew that Byakuya would not have liked it at all. He never did express his feelings that avidly, but she knew enough to know that what he wanted most was for her to be happy.

"You're not the Kaien-dono I know," Rukia finally said. "The Kaien-dono I know wouldn't just give up on life, just because something devastating and difficult has happened. The Kaien-dono I know would fight back and live not because Miyako would want him to be happy, but because that's the way he is."

Kaien threw a rock and another into the pond where they sunk quickly to the bottom. "I'm not that man anymore," he said softly. "I miss her so much, Rukia. I think I should have let that Hollow kill me along with her, then at least I wouldn't have to live without her."

Rukia didn't know what to say after that, so she sat there with Kaien tossing rocks into the pond in silent companionship.

-

A/N: Quick update because I wrote more than I thought I would after my Thursday exam. I probably won't be writing too much more since I have 4 exams coming up this week, but enjoy this chapter. Releases should be every 2 or 3 days, as I have two chapters to release that are complete! I hope you liked the Kaien/Rukia chapter. It was kind of difficult to write since it seemed after every sentence, I had to make sure if it fit together right and in the end, I decided it would be like this -- no real resolution, kind of like life. As for Byakuya/Rukia, it's going slowly b/c this is a proper courtship and I think Byakuya would be a stickler for it. As it is, they're living in the same house -- rather scandalous, don't you think?

To encourage reviewing ^_^, I'll be sending a special omake that's rated R for sensitive material (hehe) to the reviewers that will review this chapter. I just need some cheering up because exams are such a drag and reviews make me happy. So you guys get something and I get something. Win-win situation!

Basically, to receive the omake entitled "The Dirty Mind of Kuchiki Byakuya", you need to review (quick and simple)! Please include your email, if you can (especially if you aren't registered), make sure you put symbols and stuff into it so it'll show up (check to make sure your correct email shows up). If you're a registered reviewer and you have your email on your profile, just let me know so I can look it up there if you don't want to put it on the review page!

Released: 12/13/08