A/N: It took long to post up I know but I am back to school now and I have NO free time.
Sorry anyway
So another chapter up and I promise faster updates
Enjoy!
Chapter 3: Nothing
I haven't had a proper snog in like… a month. And, normally I would be on drugs or killing myself by now. Well to that, all I can say is, guess again!
I am not. I am rather satisfied. You think it's mental huh? Yeah, I second that. I so second that. It has been two years you see since I stayed single for so long. And by single I mean without sleeping with someone. Not as in a relationship and all. Ha!
So you must be wondering, why, oh , why Sweet Merlin is she single?
Well, people, blame it all on Air.
Ok, ok , I know I ought to explain more than that. A lot more than that.
You see it has been at about a month since I first saw him. He was wasting his time in 'Flash' girlfriend-less when he grabbed my arm and danced with me. He , soon made it clear he was not interested in snogging or more. He simply wanted someone to get wasted with.
Now, I know I should have never volunteered. I mean it is more than obvious that we want different things. However after making me sit with him for about five times I decided he is actually quite enjoyable.
And that guy will probably be the end of me. I swear, I make up my mind about telling him we are not friends and I have better things to do with my time, every single night. And he shakes them off every night.
I have tried everything. Insulting him, hitting him, even hexing him. Nothing! He is determined. No matter what I do he turns to the barman asks for another round and offers me a drink with his hateful smirk.
My nerved let me tell you are on the edge of breaking.
He even manages to make me go to bed early!
At about two, he says something like 'I feel rather tired, don't you, Myra?' Of course I reply coldly that, no, I do not. But he never seems to listen. He grabs my arm, like he does every time I don't do what he wants (Which is often in fact…) and drags me out of the bar. He practically throws me on the street and orders me to go home.
When I deny doing so and try to re-enter the bar he threatens to call the guard and tell him I am under-aged. So defeated I return to school.
Exactly as I did yesterday night. Damn him.
"Good morning Miss Weasley." My bloody mirror intervening with my thoughts once again.
"Shut up." I snarl sleepily his way. If he is offended he sure doesn't show it. Just like Air. Grr.
"You look rather, fresh, today." The mirror observes and I wonder if I would in fact mind ten years of bad luck after all. Hmm, no. No I would not.
"Do you happen to know where Filch hides his magical hammer?" I turn to look at the glass sarcastically.
"And do you know the number of trophies in the Trophy room?" He replies likewise.
I narrow my eyes at him. Is he threatening me too? Has every magical creature and object turned into an Air for me?
"How do I look?" I say demanding. At least when it comes to work that thing is a professional.
"I already told you. You look fresh. Hardly any bags under your eyes and your hair is peculiarly tamed. If only you could take that slutty lip gloss off your mouth I could bet you look almost nice." I will break this mirror into a million pieces if he doesn't quit this now! I swear.
I make my way out of the bathroom already furious. Is there a war going on now? My heartlessness against the world?
Ok, not the world but against my mirror and Air certainly. I grab my Potions books and flee out of the Gryffindor Common Room.
oOo
"Today we are going to produce a new potion. So do try to stay quiet and listen." Slughorn looks snappy today. Woken up in the wrong side of the bed I suppose. Just like myself.
Now every time I see his old, hunched, figure I cannot help but wonder, how old is this man? How can he still walk. I mean I remember uncle-Harry saying he used to teach his dad and before him, even Voldy himself. Meaning, he is ancient.
Maybe even a friend with Merlin too.
If I were his age I bet I couldn't even get up from bed , let alone teach, or host those stupid parties, he hosts every second week.
"The potion is called Amortentia. Does anyone know what the effects of Amortentia are?" The old Potions' teacher scrutinizes the room with his gaze. Like he can see my hand. The old bat.
"Miss Weasley?" I smirk to myself. I am one of his favorites anyway. I turn confidently to the old man and clearing my voice I say.
"Amortentia causes the drinker to develop a powerful obsession and infatuation with whomever gave them the potion. It is usually either forced upon someone or covertly given. Its effects grow stronger the longer it awaits consumption." Slughorn grins my way. I know I am awesome.
"Sir!" I hear an annoyingly smug voice from a few desks back.
Malfoy!
What doe she want now? Can't he see some of us are trying to work in here? I mean, Merlin, can't he shut up?
"Yes, Mr Malfoy?" Oh, just look at the man! Is he really that interested to hear this blonde's wisecracks ?
"I would like to add that Amortentia is also the most powerful love potion of all. It smells unique to each person, as it smells like whatever attracts each individual." Prat. Know-it-all, conceited, arrogant, idiotic prat!
"Very nice addition Mr Malfoy. Ten points to each House." What?! He asked the effects of it not general knowledge! I recited the whole paragraph about the potion and he just read the title ,'Amortentia the most powerful love potion'. I mean you don't even need to read the text to know this.
All men are idiots. From the youngest ones to the oldest. 'Ten points each!'
"Ok, all of you pair up with the person next to you." I slowly turn my head towards the seat on my right. Nelia Goyle. Just my luck.
Slughorn could not have paired me up with a more stupid person if he tried to. And she's ugly too. Disgusting and all. Her hair is by far worst than my bush, her eyes have this brown color that brings to mind only one thing, and I do not mean wood or soil. Plus she's got this huge nose which she tends to wipe on her sleeves.
Merlin's pants. I think I'm gonna throw up. That way my robes will smell just like hers.
"Oh, I'm so glad we're paired up together Rosie." Ok, this is going to be ugly.
"Cut out the nicknames Goyle and I'll be glad myself." I mutter disgustedly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, yes , ok, erm, Rose." Better, still on first name basis, but better.
"Could you go and bring the ingredients?" This is going to be a long hour.
"I- erm, sure, what do we need? Let's see, Bellanova weeds, owl feathers,…" Ok, I knew she was stupid but, incapable of reading too? It says Belladona, Bel-la-do-na weeds. Merlin!
"Never mind I'll go get them." I stand up before she moves an eyelash and head to the storage room, or rather cupboard which looks surprisingly crowded. Mostly girls whispering and giggling.
"I cannot believe we're making Amortentia. At last a nice lesson." Said a blonde Slytherin.
"And useful too. Maybe I can steal a little bottle, you know in case of an emergency." In other words no guy would look at her if he was in his right mind. And I would surely agree with him.
"Good idea! I mean I'm just dying to see what mine will smell like." Well, I am plainly dying. A slow death.
"Hey, who do you think Al will be smelling in his? And Scorpius? Oh, I am so curious." Me on the other hand… I mean it is dangerously obvious who they will be smelling.
Al will be smelling grandma's cakes and Amelia's cologne. And Malfoy, well he will probably be smelling his own cologne. As simple as that.
"Well, girls if you are so interested in finding out what we will be smelling then why don't you come over to our desk to exchange opinions sometime later?" Hmm, canny voice, dripping with supposed charm and smugness, fake laugh. Let me guess. Malfoy?
I swift my body on the spot only to confirm my suspicions. Malfoy.
"Watch your steps Malfoy." I snap at him irritated as I pick some Belladonas. He only smirks my way and marches towards the owl feathers' shelf.
"I see you got paired up with Goyle, Weasley." I move towards him mischievously. And then…I grab the last owl feather. Ha!
The element of surprise never fails me. He was so perplexed as soon as I approached he didn't even notice me taking his feather.
"Indeed and you always glued with my dear cousin aren't you?" I motion to the classroom , clearly uninterested. Clearly uninterested.
And did I mention I am clearly-….
"Just don't act like a bitch to her ok? She's a fine girl." Excuse me? Why, and I repeat why is the Bloody Malfoy advising me? When exactly did I give him permission to meddle?
Never.
See? My point exactly.
"None of your fucking business Malfoy." I growl his way and rush back to my desk. What is wrong with him? Do I seem like I want his opinion? Do I look like I care?
My life is perfectly ok, thank you very much. And I will be as mean as I please to anyone I want. Especially annoying air-heads like Goyle.
Speaking of whom. She is now trying to read the instructions of the book. And failing as expected.
"Chop these will you?" I hiss, cursing inwards Merlin for my bad luck. She obeys. Luckily.
An hour, ten bat wings and like a million stupid comments from Goyle, later I find myself stirring furiously the potion that by its looks seems ready.
"It looks perfect. Oh, have I mentioned how happy I am to be working with you Rose? I mean I would certainly fail Potions had it not been for you today." Do not Silencio her, Do not Silencio her, Do not Silencio her.
"Yes, you have mentioned it Goyle. Like a thousand times." I tie my fingers around the side of the cauldron. I must contain myself.
"Oh, right. Well, do you smell something?" Yes! I smell death on the atmosphere. Soon approaching actually.
"No." I growl again searching the class for a sharp knife or something. As I do so I catch my cousin Al's gaze on me. I glare his way and he turns to whisper something to the blonde bastard on his left.
Saints. I hate them. I know that for a long time they've been trying to contain my heartlessness and one day I will just go back there and shut their arrogant, fake-nice mouths. And that's a threat.
"I think I do." So what? I think almost every walking creature can smell.
"I don't care. Keep your thoughts to yourself Goyle." And that is putting it nicely. Cause honestly, what thoughts? The girl's retarded.
"But it is so exciting I can't stop myself from gaping in awe!" I can't stop myself from yawning in boredom, but what can we do? Life is life.
"I think I smell, trees, or a forest and my cat Shirley and oh! And your cousin Al's perfume." I see her adopting a redder facial color as she finishes. And they call me a Weasley! But hey! She's into Al? Merlin! That's sick. I feel pity for him and I bloody hate the guy. Besides Nelia with Al would be like mixing up different species. Ape-human interaction or something.
"And you? What do you smell Rose?" Nothing! I bloody smell nothing, will you shut it now?
Oh, wait. I do smell something peculiar. Bugger! Can't a person escape this love-potion mania?
Wow! That's a familiar smell. Hmm… Fresh-printed books. Yeah, I guess that's sorta correct. And … cream. That I cannot understand. Cream? I mean I remember dad feeding me when I was little grandma Weasley's vanilla cream, but …Nah…that could never be it. Ok, now there another smell. Good gracious! How many are there? That is surely unfamiliar. It smells like soap and cologne and something else. But my soap is lavender, so no. This smell probably belongs to a guy.
Oi! Crap. Is that thing implying that there's someone I fancy out there. Mercy!
"I smell nothing." I mutter finally, still a little shaken by this potions conspiracy.
"Now, come on, you must be smelling something…" Crap. I would seriously kill her now.
"Nope." I stress it as much as possible. She has got to get the hint.
"Nonsense. Tell me." Well, speaking of nonsense, do you ever listen to yourself talking? You know what? Now that I think of it, I kept my thought to myself enough time.
"Nonsense? I am speaking nonsense? Have you ever listened to yourself?" I snap at last. I feel two pairs of eyes pinched on my back but I pay them no attention. Those two saints can just go…-.
"Now Rosie, I know you don't mean this." Rosie? She seems to realize her mistake cause she raises a hand to her mouth. Rosie? I pull my wand from my pocket and turn it her way.
"I'm sorry Rose. I just don't see why you don't want to tell me what you smelled." She has got to be kidding me!
"I told you like a million times. Shut up! I don't care how glad you are for sitting with me but I am getting my nerves broken by sitting with you so just zip it." She stares at me dumbfounded. Cool.
"I'm sorry but…" Damn her!
"Shut your bloody mouth. It\s not like you're ever saying something right anyway. I mean the world would be a better place with a speechless you." I almost shriek. Ok, I don't shriek. But if –hypothetically speaking- I did, that would be the should I would make.
"I'll just…" That's it. That is all I can take for one day.
"Sectumsempra!" I shout. Bloody Hell! What did I just do?
I watch as the spell hits Goyle in the shoulder and quickly spreads all over her body. Red lines appearing all over the girl's visible skin. She crawls a few drunken steps and falls on the floor with an empty 'thub'.
Some observant students follow my gaze speechless. Goyle seizures , there on the floor in front of me for a second or two, before passing out.
What have I done?
What have I done?
What have I done?
Oh, Merlin!
I must help her, take her to the hospital wing, cast her a healing charm.
Wait. What are you thinking now? You are heartless remember? A little voice whispers in my head making me stand rooted in the spot.
I try to obey the voice. I am heartless remember. Plus I doubt it that she dead so… Whatever. I take in a deep breath and as I see Al running Goyle's way and carrying her out of the room I turn away from them and sit again by my cauldron.
I stare at its content blankly. Heartless people do not help others. They do not feel guilt, they do not care.
For one spare moment I raise my head but then I turn it back down to the potion. Because, for just one split second that I looked up I caught sight of a pair of grey, silver eyes. But they were not arrogant, sarcastic and smug as they usually were.
No. They were narrowed with anger and had a disappointed spark in them.
I need a drink.
I need a guy.
I need air.
I need Air.
oOo
"Air!" I shriek. Yes, this time it was a shriek. Why bother concealing it?
I wave my arm at a masked guy who just entered 'Flash'. Where has he been all this time? Usually he is here much earlier. I mean I had to drink all on my own, and I believe I have explained to you how lame that is.
He notices my drunken figure but seems indifferent. Or at least I think so. Is there something wrong? Did I Sectumsempra him too?
I stand up with a little too much effort and walk his way.
"Air!" I wave my hand in front of his nose. He has to notice me now.
"Myra." He mutters defeated. Like he was trying to avoid me and just figured out he failed.
"Why are you ignoring me?" I go straight to my point.
"I did not see you." Look at him. Not even a little effort to sound honest.
"Yeah, sure." I mutter back sarcastically.
"Look, Myra, what do you want?" What the fuck is wrong with him?
"I want someone to get wasted with and talk about nonsense." I point out confidently.
"Well, I'm sorry but it's not gonna happen." Excuse me? Isn't that what he usually does?
"But…" He raises an eye at me. Finally. I hate it when people avoid my face.
"No, Myra. I am not going to do what you order me to. Can't you understand that people are not your slaves?" Erm, what? Where did that come from? I don't remember ordering him… I mean I was a bit …hmm… strict but still….
"What's the matter with you today?" I snap likewise.
"What's wrong with me? Better ask what's wrong with you!" Still not getting his point. Which is worrying let me tell you cause I am quite fast in grasping stuff.
"Nothing!" I know I am not supposed to sound exasperated but…one can hold his freaking-out-ness for that long. Freaking-out-ness huh? Cool.
"Right! So you are acting mental for no real reason." He states more than asks in an out-raged voice.
"You're the one shouting at me for nothing!" I cannot believe the shit that comes out of this guy's mouth. And I thought he might help me process the 'Goyle Incident'. I thought he could really give me a piece of advice about anger-management. I was an idiot alright. The guy is as selfish as anyone.
"Nothing? So what happened…" Air stares at me shocked as his voice trails off. He whispers a few curses under his breath. Something about keeping his mouth shut or something.
"What happened?" I take on from his last words. He hesitates.
"Nothing." He breathes. This must be for sure mental-day. It's official now.
"I am lost. I cannot understand a single thing you say today. Are you planning on explaining to me what's gotten into you anytime soon or shall I go?" I've had enough with this incoherent conversation.
"Yeah, go. Run away. Like the little coward that you are. Never able to face up to your own mistakes." The masked guy I thought liked me is now shooting me killing looks. "I mean isn't running away what you are doing, coming here every night? Abandoning your family and friends who I guess really care about you. The only thing I don't get Myra, is why you do it. Is people's niceness so hard for you to bear?" I feel my insides turning out. How could he know so much about me?
People are not supposed to 'read' you that way. They are supposed to see what you want them to. Not mess with your brains like that.
It feels like he has entered my mind without permission and is redecorating the place. Damn him.
"Shut up!" I spit at his face. Please, please stop talking that way.
Suddenly I see his shoulder moving, his long arm rising and five long fingers approaching my face dangerously. I close my eyes expecting, almost accepting the impact. But I sense no pain.
I re-open them and glance at his raised hand standing shaking inches from my cheek. Why hasn't he slapped me?
I watch as his fingers, clench into a fist that cuts away all blood. But instead of shoving his dangerously close from my face fist, I turn its way , causing my nose to brush his thumb.
Oh, no! No bloody way. This is not happening!
Memory erased. Memory lost and forgotten.
Or not…
Damn!
This smell.
Soap, male cologne and something more. The last smell in my Amortentia Potion. I feel dizzy. I'm not really sure if it is from the shock or the drinks, or perhaps a combination of both. What I am sure about is that this is not good.
Smelling a guy that likes you in your Amortentia potion is bad –for a heartless person like myself- . But smelling the guy that just cursed your eyes out for no reason in your Amortentia potion? Well, that is simply horrible.
"You're right. I was running away." I scream at him more annoyed than ever. "But not anymore. So continue what you were about to do." I glare at him daringly. His grey pools sparkling as I know my blue ones are.
"Hit me then. I dare you." 'I dare you'? Why am I even doing this? Is it perhaps because I deserve it? Is it because I harmed the Goyle girl today?
Naaah…
"So who's the coward now huh?" I feel bad. I have no idea why, but it hurts like shit.
And don't you even think of asking what hurts like shit. That I haven't yet figured.
"I'm not gonna hit you." Air states like it is the most natural thing. Now that his fist is hanging centimeters away from my face.
"You were about to. Why stop now?" He searches my masked face for something. No idea what.
"Because you see that is the problem with us nice people. No matter what you do we could never hurt you." The tall masked guy approaches me even more, lowering his hand so as to touch my shoulder. I see realization dawning on his eyes and he looks away.
"I could never hurt you." He points out and releases my shoulder. Not that he was really holding it in the first place. Just resting his hand on it.
Then he turns his back and heads towards the door. I hesitate for a moment, letting his words sink in and then I storm behind him.
"I did something terrible today." I whisper to his shoulder. Damn I have no idea why I said that. I mean if you asked me tem minutes ago I would say it was no big deal anyway.
So why I confessed it to him and in such an apologetic manner… Something to do with the redecoration of my mind he is doing maybe.
He stiffens in front of me. He swifts his head a little to send me a surprised look and then nods.
And that was it. He just proceeds to leave and I no longer try to stop him.
Nothing more and somehow I don't think any more was needed.
A/N: Ok, sorry again , but it is a big chapter no?
I do hope you like it.
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Kisses
Sarah