A/N: Ok, as I promised a fast update.
But there was just one review… bou hou hou
Never mind though, I still love ya all, hope you still like the story
Enjoy!
Chapter 4:
Why am I being mean? Why did that sweet caring girl I used to be two years ago turned into this heartless creature I am now? I know for a thing I planned none of it. So who did? Was it Mother Nature that decided to relieve this world from another kind person? Was it Merlin himself who made up his mind about it?
Now don't mistake my questions as guilt. I am perfectly well with myself. Or at least I was till lately. Till that prat , wondering the world as Air, or whatever his real name is, asked me.
Asked me why I cannot bear people's niceness. And since then I have found myself posing the same question more than I would wish to admit. In the night when I am pointlessly staring at the ceiling of my bed. At the class when I am hearing of another spell I will never need to use. At the Great Hall as I am listening to another girl blabbering away her and my brain cells in conversations about hair and nails.
And in one of those oh, so pleasant occasions, I came to realize that my life is, rather pointless. Pointless sleepless nights, pointless boring lessons, pointless beauty talks.
Pointless stupid girl.
A coward that keeps running away.
Air's words not mines.
So he was right about this. Being a heartless bitch doesn't make me braver or smarter. It just gives me moments of happiness.
Happiness though, is the result, not the trigger of our actions.
Quoting Air again.
I feel so pathetic. How can I be listening to the crap this guy says? He is mental. A looser that has no life, no friends, no significance of his own. So he tries to rip off everybody else's importance too. Obviously!
However his words rest in my mind, restlessly hitting its walls trying to wake up something in there sleeping. Conscience perhaps?
Merlin! I am turning mental myself now. And I was such a smart heartless person. I could do big things. What a pity I ought to be put in an asylum now.
"Miss Weasley, please! At least pretend to be paying some attention to the lesson." Professor Atkins hates me. Of course I hate him too but this is hardly the point. He is one of the few people who treat me badly. You know sometimes he just reminds me of Malfoy.
"I-…" I could explain to him. I mean it would be really stupid to lose my O in Transfiguration because I was impolite to him.
"Please do not waste anymore of my time Miss." Oh, why do I even bother?
"Could you Mr Malfoy give me the spell I am asking for?" He turns to the seat behind me.
"Of course Sir." 'Of course Sir' . Yeah, Malfoy , now go get the bone like the little dog you are. Prat. The blonde behind me explains the spell but I pay no attention to him. My gaze has meanwhile fallen upon Malfoy's best mate, and my three months older cousin, Albus.
He is staring at me and then back at the blonde. Then back at me and back at Malfoy, and so on.
"Cut it out Al." I hiss under my breath when Malfoy finishes his boringly perfect monologue and Atkins descends to his desk.
"Finish what exactly?" Al hisses back a fake innocent light in his eyes.
"Staring back and forth." Ok, that was my line, yet not me who said it. I consider for a moment the possibility that my voice has changed dramatically so that it resembles a male one. But I shake my head to this.
Someone else is speaking my mind. However mental that sounds.
"It makes you look even dorkier than you already look with those glasses." Malfoy! So it was him who stole my thoughts away. But calling his friend a dork? That I did not expect from him.
"If you care to know Scorp girls seem to appreciate the glasses a lot. They say I look like my dad." I roll my eyes and watch as my arch-enemy in the desk behind me mimics my move.
I think I had as much interaction as I wished for one day with those two. I turn my back and continue 'pretending to pay attention to the lesson' as Atkins put it.
The two saints from my back whisper something I fail to hear and sink into silence themselves.
oOo
However this is not the last words I exchange with the lot of them of the day, as I had previously wished.
I was doing patrol with Kirsten Nott, Hufflepuff prefect, that same night. And it was let me tell you awful. She was going on about how her boyfriend cheated on her with Dona Milligan and how she was so hurt and heartbroken.
I on the other hand was in a state between sleep and nausea and I almost felt glad that someone had decided to break the curfew rule –and some other rules together with it I suppose- only because this would spare me from her endless whining.
"Who is in there?" I whispered. I know that I should speak louder, so that the person or people in the corridor nearby would get the message and stop doing what they were doing. But I did not. Imagine what I waste it would be to catch somebody red-handed and never find out whom he has killed.
"This has to stop." Said a male voice. It did sound familiar but I could not be sure cause it came as a whisper.
"Why?" A second voice. Male and familiar as well.
"Cause my nerves are broken with you and your attitude and you ideas." Care to elaborate mate? I am dying for a scandal right here and now.
"Well, that's new. I thought you actually enjoyed my ideas." The second voice said sarcasm evident in his words.
"That's not true. I just… I just said …" Oh, come on! You choose now to lose your ability to speak?
"You admitted liking it. Now what's the problem?" Yes! What is the problem? I need to know.
"You know perfectly well what the problem is. I- I can't –" With the corner of my eye I see Kirsten Nott taking a step forward and moved towards the corridor. What the hell is this girl doing?
"Excuse me! Who is it?" Oh, come on Merlin! I already attacked Goyle. Do you seriously want me to hex Nott as well? She just ruined my fun.
I hear the two people gasping in surprise and staring at Nott. I follow her example defeated and come closer to the dark corridor myself.
And guess what? The two saints were there looking seriously alarmed at our intrusion.
"Well, hello!" I fake a happy smile their way.
My dear cousin Al is messing his hair with his hand and tries –in vain- to hide the fear in his eyes. Fear? Now where did that come from? I mean I know I was perfectly violent with Goyle but still he is like a head taller than me and quite built. Not to mention that he has Malfoy next to him, who is even taller.
Now, Malfoy is another thing. To tell you the truth I never paid any attention to him or his features. However it is rather difficult to overlook the fact that his blonde hair look strangely …nice in the dim lit corridor and his T-shirt makes his reasonably built figure even more obvious. But what really catches ones breath is I think his eyes.
His silver-grey eyes are not scared like Al's. They are of course shocked as expected but surely not scared. Malfoy looks more… ashamed.
Supposing for a moment that he is in fact capable for such a feeling.
Yeah, I know that is rich coming from me.
"Rose." Yes, that is my name Al.
"What exactly were you doing in here?" I ask seriously.
"Nothing. What did you hear?" Hmm…
"Everything. I heard everything Al." My black-haired cousin opens his mouth in terror, but his –oh so clever- mate shoves him in the shoulder and brings him back to reality.
"She heard nothing mate. She's just bluffing." Smart arse! Albus sighs loudly.
"Come on Scorp. Let's go." Hey, hey, hey! Prefect here!
"Now, wait a second there! I caught you out at eleven o'clock , what makes you think that I will not take you to McGonagall?" I smirk devilishly. However, Malfoy mimics my smirk . Which is weird let me tell you cause I got him cornered.
"Goyle is still in the hospital wing you know Weasley. Said she got injured in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It would be a pity if the Headmistress found out the truth now wouldn't it?" Wha-? Goyle lied to save me? So that's why McGonagall didn't ask to see me. Or expel me for that matter.
"You filthy blackmailer!" I take a step towards the blonde just to break that smirk off his face.
And I succeed. He drops the act and steps back a few inches. Like he is afraid to touch me. Ok, I will say this only once. I have no contagious disease, got it Malfoy? I mean what's wrong with that guy?
"Better be a blackmailer than a perv who attacks people for no reason." This was Albus getting back on the game I guess. Well, he was the only one of the family who hadn't yet scolded me for it , I suppose I should have seen that coming.
"None of your business Al." I hiss menacingly.
"None of my business? Rose, like it or not it is my business. Cause I care about you." I feel Air's words being thrust upon me suddenly. 'Abandoning your family and friends who I guess really care about you.'
Why does he have to be so bloody correct about everything?
"Did I ask you to? Did I ask for a black-haired walking conscience? No I did not. So no need to oblige." I scream at my cousin.
"Well, that's the thing Rose. I am family. And family usually does that. Care I mean." I take a step backwards, his words tingling strangely in my ears.
"Or do you think I asked for it?" He stressed the words 'I' so much it almost sounds ridiculous.
"You think that if I had to choose someone to be my cousin I would ask for you? You?" He did not just say what I thought he did. He did not.
He did not just admit out loud, in my face, that he would rather have a troll as a cousin than me. I feel offended. I mean I know I am mean to family but I never say the actual words. Besides, I am heartless. Remember?
I cannot meet his eyes anymore and he seems perfectly oblivious to the amount of distress he has just caused. In fact I doubt that he has in fact realized what he said. But that is no excuse.
I look away immediately, only to get caught by another pair of eyes. Not green, like Al's but grey. Grey-silver.
Malfoy, however stupid he might be appears to have understood the situation much better than Al. His cheeks are a bit flashed, like I bet you'll never see Malfoy's eyes and he has something in his gaze that implies a pinch of understanding.
"Al! Stop it." Malfoy is scolding Al because he scolded me? Wow!
It's like saying that Voldemort is scolding Bellatrix for killing Sirius. Or maybe I should be Voldy. Judging by my recent actions and all.
So it should go like, dad is scolding Uncle-Harry for killing Voldemort.
Ok, wait Malfoy is my dad in this version? Ew! I think now's about time I stop with the explanations and focus on the actual events. I suck at examples anyway.
I eye Malfoy in disbelief and he swifts his gaze to my cousin. Or rather former-cousin.
"Let's go." The blonde grabs his friend (No longer my cousin) and flees the scene.
oOo
I do not feel like going to 'Flash' tonight. You see I had no idea that depression can have that affect on you. Interesting. From this moment on I must remember, when miserable, avoid clubs.
So I stay where I was. And by that I don't mean just the school. I say it rather literally. Where I was. Where the two saints left me two hours ago. In the middle of an empty, dim lit corridor. Cool.
The only good thing about this night is that at last Nott stopped talking about her broken heart and left to finish the patrol without me. Lucky me!
And as I sit alone, back against a wall, which doesn't feel so cold after two hours (Just mentioning it in case you were wondering) when I hear someone coughing from over me.
I raise my head slowly. Maybe it is Al. Maybe he came to say sorry. Not that I would ever forgive him but… oh mercy! When exactly did I start caring huh?
But, no. It is not Al. Nevertheless it was a close guess. It is his best friend. Malfoy.
Every time I see him his name is the only thing that comes to my mind.
Like you know when you see someone and you go like 'At last he came' or 'I am so happy' or 'Damn it's him' or even 'Just kill me now' in your mind (The last two being much appropriate to describe Malfoy's and my reactions when seeing each other) .
Well, all I say is 'Malfoy.' And that is like a curse to my inner mouth. Why bother swearing inwards when all I need to do is remind myself his name?
"Malfoy." See?
"Still on patrol Weasley?" Who is he kidding? I know that he knows that I am not patrolling at the moment. And he knows that I know that he knows … Oh, you get the picture.
I shoot him a just-drop-the-act look. Fortunately he gets it. Unfortunately, he slowly places himself next to me on the wooden floor.
"Want something? Bringing a message from my ex-cousin perhaps? How he hates me and he would kill to have someone else in my place? Or have you come across some other part of my family who despise me and you came to announce it?" I don't look at him as I say this. I know I sound idiotic and childish and I bet he knows it too.
"He doesn't hate you." Malfoy mutters from next to me and I run my eyes on his face for the first time since he told Al off about telling me off.
In his big nice grey eyes (if you tell anyone I called Malfoy's eyes nice you're dead) I spot the signs of guilt. Why does he feel guilty now?
"Of course not! He just wishes I didn't exist to ridicule his family." I snap at the smug, cunning blonde who made the mistake of approaching me when I am mad.
"No. He's just angry you attacked the girl he fancies and he acts mental." What did he just say? What on Merlin's name just came out of this prat's mouth?
"Albus likes Goyle? Holy shit!" I make no effort to hide my surprise. That cannot possibly be. Al is –though I hate to admit it- one of the best guys in the whole school. Handsome, clever, funny nice –ew- and a Slytherin.
And Goyle is…well I must admit that she is not utterly ugly but she has no idea how to look good. She's wearing her dad's school uniforms, that are ten times her size and she hasn't brushed her hair in like ...ever. Brown boring eyes with nothing interesting in them, though they do have a nice almond shape and well I really just overreacted calling her nose huge. It is a little bigger than mines …hmm.
"Tell me about it. Trying to prove that love is blind he is." Like hell, he is!
"Well not just that but she's totally, absolutely, utterly stupid!" I add.
"I know! I mean, I doubt that she can even read. I still remember this time last year that we were paired together for an essay and she was reading 'Coal' when it obviously said 'Cloak' ." Didn't I say it people? Didn't I?
"Yesterday she was reading 'Bellanova' instead of 'Belladona' in Potions." His eyes are flashing with excitement.
"I told him he was being stupid but he won't listen. I mean, I bet she doesn't even like him." Oh, well…
"Don't really count on that." I can still bring to mind her sparkling eyes when she spoke about him and his smell.
"Crap! She does like him? And I was telling him all this time that she fancies his brother!" Oups!
"Yes she does. And you told him she fancies James? Really creative Malfoy!" Malfoy, Malfoy, Malfoy. Where have I heard this name before? Oh it's the guy I've been friendly chatting with for the past ten minutes. Right!
I have to say only one thing.
Holy. Shit.
I pause in shock and he looks as if a bludger has shoved him at the back of his head. I'm guessing he has just realized who he is talking to as well. Surprise, surprise.
"Weasley." He announces.
"Yes…" I reply.
"You do realize we just had a civilized conversation right?" I suppress a chuckle that is fighting its way out of my mouth. I nod.
"Well, that's new." He smirks and then the Malfoy smirk transforms a bit. Just a little tiny bit. But this tiny bit is enough to make it look almost cute on his face. Or maybe it is the first time I noticed that little detail.
"Malfoy! You can smile?" I exclaim in fake shock. The smirk-smile never leaves his face . It only widens. And somehow that relaxes me.
"I'm trying to. You see I get really bad comments on my smirk lately." I thank Merlin inwards for that. I could really do without his smirks.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better I always said it was awful." I place a victory smile on my face. Like a bloody five-year old that gets more Christmas presents .
"And why would that make me feel better." Nice comeback. Oh, just scratch that.
"Right, it wouldn't. But it makes me feel better." Well, it is official . I am totally staring at his smirk. Is there no dignity left in me? Merlin!
"That's good I suppose. You looked like hell before. Which reminds me. Al doesn't hate you. He's really sorry for what he said. He just lost control." I nod again. You know what? Malfoy? Well, he's not as disturbing as I thought.
"Lost control huh? Yeah, I know how it feels." Now it is his time to nod.
"He smelled her in his Amortentia you know?" Al smelled Goyle? Speaking of coincidences.
"She did too. Smell him I mean." He doesn't even raise an eyebrow to my comment. Like he expected it. Like it doesn't matter to him. Like there was something else he meant to ask.
"And you? What did you smell?" I suddenly ask. He stares at me and his smirk drops.
"I-I…well it's none of your business… What did you smell?" Erm what? He just scolded me for asking and then he repeats my question?
"I'll tell you if you tell me." I smirk mischievously. Though I'm sure my smirk could never compare to his.
"Fine." He mutters defeated. "I smelled lawn, from the Quidditch pitch and ink like from fresh-printed book and… someone." Why did he just go and spoil the best part?
"Well, ignoring the fact that you didn't tell me who you smelled, I must say I smelled books, like yourself , vanilla cream and …well a guy I know. " He looks only a tad annoyed.
Then he stands up and I see a hand in front of my face.
"Time to go back to our respective dorms don't you think Weasley?" Malfoy demands more than asks and I feel no urge to disobey. I am rather tired myself and a wooden floor is the last place you want to end up sleeping. I take his offering hand and stand up myself.
I walk quietly next to the blonde for a while till our paths split.
"Go get your beauty sleep Malfoy." I tell him blissfully before leaving.
"Goodnight to you too Weasley." He blissfully replies .
What in Merlin's name was that?
Was Malfoy being nice to me ? I mean he did try to stop Al and he did come back for me. Wait, wait , wait. He came back for ME! I cannot believe it yet there is no other explanation.
And on the other hand. Was I being nice to Malfoy? Did I just stare at him as he walked away? I know for a thing that I did stare at his smirk. I stared at his SMIRK!
This day started with a question. Why am I being mean? And it ends with another question. Why am I being nice?
A/N: So… no Air/Rose interaction in this one. Yet lots of Scorpius/Rose.
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Hope you liked it.
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I' m sitting an exam tomorrow which I will probably fail since I am writing all night.
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Kisses and Hugs
Sarah