A/N: Ok , I know , I know… where have I been for all this time.

Well, terribly sorry but I am in the middle of the end of the year exams so…

Yeah, busy

Anyways,

I own nothing except perhaps for the ideas but characters and background are all J. K. R.

But I don't plan on letting that little fact discourage me.

So ,

Enjoy!

Chapter 5 : Remembrance and Oblivion

Life in general has an inexplicable power to surprise me. Lately though it appears that the universe is making a real effort to shake me off my little perfectly heartless world.

Yeah, I know. I make no sense. But you see nothing makes sense anymore, so why should I ?

Firstly I hex Goyle for no real reason, pissing everyone off and making them look at me just a little bit too suspiciously.

Secondly Air, who had been sort of a frien-… sorry I meant companion to my drunken nights goes on acting all weird and mad around me.

Thirdly my ex-cousin Al who used to be such a saint, scolds my eyes off because , apparently I cursed his sweetheart (ewww!) .

Fourthly his equally angelic , saint-like mate, Malfoy, scolds his eyes off for scolding my eyes off.

And lastly, I am having in fact a conversation with Malfoy. And guess what?

No. No permanent damages.

Or scars.

Or missing parts.

Or injuries of any kind.

I mean, Merlin!

Hmmmm.

Identity ? Check. I am still Rose Weasley and he too is still Scorpius Bloody Malfoy.

Memory? Check. I have no time loops or anything that could suggest memory loss.

Soberness? Check. I hadn't consumed alcohol for more than twenty four hours.

Mental health? Yeah… doubt it.

I was surely hallucinating.

I mean it is most likely that I was hallucinating.

I'm sure there is some possibility that I was hallucinating.

I hope I was hallucinating.

I wish I was.

I pray even…

That cute smirk of his… Damn.

Just who am I kidding?

I don't understand the first thing about it. Why on Merlin's name was Malfoy speaking to me. Why was I speaking to Malfoy? Did I in fact enjoy myself in his company?

And most importantly, why am I thinking of it now? I don't care about the saint. Got it? He is an arrogant, pompous, fake-nice , deceiving bastard.

Erm, and since when did we begin hating those guys? I hear my inner voice mutter at me. I thought that was the type of people we could enjoy having around us. Weren't you who said you appreciated this attitude?

Oh, how I hate inner voices. I mean I think their only reason for existing is to make one doubt oneself. They always go around posing pointless questions that are supposed to make one see how things really are.

Well, not happening, dear inner voice. Not happening.

Plus I am absolutely capable of confusing myself on my own, thank you very much!

What am I doing now ya think? Exactly.

Everything was just great. I had my cover, the 'nice-girl' seal and I could do anything behind it. Noone suspected me.

Up until now that is. And damn it , that means only one thing.

Trouble.

I am in deep shit. Period.

Luckily I am not the only one who's fucked up.

Oh, just look at him.

Him, as in my ex-cousin Al. Staring blankly at the empty seat next to me. Goyle's seat if you were wondering.

Poor love-struck saint. I would probably feel sorry for him if I didn't hate his guts since yesterday. When he totally cursed me because I casted one little, harmless (almost harmless) spell on that thing that's supposed to be the love of his life.

Mercy. I mean you would think that after a certain age people would stop believing those utter crap about love and happiness. Well, no dear readers, they don't.

The –ehem- other saint , on his right is rolling his eyes at his friend till he catches me –by accident I assure you- staring at him. He, then smirks his not-so-hateful smirk (that makes me remember last night a bit too well for my own liking) at me and motions with his head at Al.

I simply refuse to acknowledge the events of last night and turn my back at his surprised figure. Sorry Malfoy but I am not one of these who make friends.

But then a little piece of paper finds itself on my desk. I slowly, cautiously open it and read, 'Weasley, talk to your bloody cousin before he stabs himself or something equally dramatic.' .

Excuse me?! Could this possibly be Malfoy sending me messages during class. Ok, Merlin. What exactly do you want from me?

'No. Get lost Malfoy.' I scrap furiously and send the paper back with a flick of my wand.

I know he will be probably shocked by my manner. I mean yesterday I was rather civilized so he was bound to be expecting something more, well, polite. But as I said, I am not one of those who make friends. Especially with saints.

Nevertheless I feel this little pinch inside of me . No, it is not guilt. It is something I ate that makes my stomach ache like I feel guilty. And did I mention it is like feeling guilty?

'He's sorry and you know it. Just talk to him.' That saint is really persistent. I cannot believe he dares to insist. Who does he thinks he is?

'No , he deserves this.' I dunno why I am explaining this but now it is too late. I have already written it.

'He lost control, remember? Like you did.' Oh, he did not just use the 'we-had-a-civilized-conversation-last-night' card! He did not!

'No as a matter of fact I don't remember. Now sod off you jerk.' I hear a peculiar sound from behind me just a minute after sending Malfoy my final reply and I swift around only to see, well nothing.

He's gone. And I mean really literally gone. He got up from his seat and stormed off the class . In the middle of the lesson. Merlin, that boy…

Al seems equally puzzled and he even ventures a questioning look my way. He looks almost funny. All scared and unsure. I have to put a lot of effort to stop myself from laughing at him. And that is a first.

I never had a problem with stopping myself from laughing. Rather the opposite in fact. I always needed to make an effort to even make myself crack a smile.

And I repeat, what is wrong with me?

oOo

"Rose." I am already out of the classroom and heading to the Great Hall when I hear a voice calling after me. Oh, what does the world want from me?

"Rose! Just wait a second." It is Al. I stop dead on my tracks. No idea why.

"Yes?" I give him a cold look. One of those looks that make you go 'Brrr!'

"I-I just…" Stammering already? That boy was never one for words.

"I'm sorry." Come again?

"Wha-?" Ok, now I'm stammering. Marvelous.

"I said I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said last night. I was just pissed off at you so I acted all nuts." Yeah…I know…I nod.

"Rose…" Albus starts over and I don't interrupt him. "I hate it how we are now. I mean, we used to be friends didn't we? You used to call me Al and you sounded cute. Now you say it like it's some sort of curse." Oh, and only if you heard how I say 'Malfoy.'

"People change Albus." I finally manage to utter. He seems genuinely disappointed.

"I know you are right. It's just that, I still want to be a part of your life. Even if it is nothing like the friendship we used to share." Erm. What am I supposed to say now?

"Why?" Is all I can come up with.

"Cause I miss you Rose. That's why I am bitter some times." Is it perhaps… Could it be… Is it possible that…this is the reason why I am bitter too?

"That and because you fancy the pants off Goyle." I form a smirk that Merlin only knows where it came from. He smiles too flushed a little.

"Yeah , that too. Scorpius told you?" Oh, him. I nod again.

"How is she?" Oh, Sweet Merlin, what am I asking? I'm heartless, remember? 'No. As a matter of fact I don't remember!' This annoying inner voice repeats what I wrote Malfoy earlier. Oh, how I hate inner voices!

"Better. She really likes you, you know." Al mumbles still ashamed.

"Ok." I agree absentmindedly.

"So what do you say? Is there any chance I could be considered your cousin again?" He concludes. Now let me think about it.

"I'll see you in History of Magic Al." I send him half a smile and he grin back getting the message. I begin to leave when he stops me with his hand.

"You won't forget this conversation we just had will you?" My cousin looks ashamed. I shoot him a curious look?

"What do you mean?" I wonder out loud.

"I mean you won't go all this-never-happened on me, will you? Like you did with Scorp." That last sentence is barely audible. However I manage to decode the whisper and I freeze the spot.

"No." I reply stoned at the revelation. So has the blonde spoken about our talk to Al? So in other words he bothered to think of it. Maybe even ponder.

Ok, Rose cut it out. Get a grip. This talk never happened. Remember what you told him?

oOo

Eleven thirty, 'Flash'.

The night is, as it is accustomed to say, still young and I am drinking, trying to drown those new-found thoughts and guilt (yes, yes it was guilt, happy now?) in a glass –or maybe two- of firewhiskey.

I need to talk to Air. He always knows what to do in those cases. And by 'those cases' I mean the cases involving emotions and stuff. Things I usually avoid having.

And I am about to go search for him when suddenly I spot him at the other end of the bar sipping from what appears to be his… tenth shot. Merlin! Even I am not such a good drinker.

"Hi." I greet him while placing myself next to him.

He's obviously dizzy because it takes him a moment or so to recognize me. Since when did Air begun drinking that much. I thought he said he was not one of those to get drunk.

"Oh, it's you." He whispered in a slightly surprised voice.

"You sound surprised." I point out still smiling. He turns even grumpier than before. What did I say now?

"Whatever. Can you leave alone? I need some space now." Since when does he want to stay on his own? That is so my line!

"You look grumpy." I am not giving up so easily.

"So what if I bloody am? It is none of your business. Leave. Me. Alone." I thought we were friends –ok, sorry companions- with that guy. What is the matter?

"You seem mad." I smirk whilst saying this and he glares.

"Give this girl a prize will you?" Air says bitterly.

"Ok, what's wrong with you?" I ask worried. Worried? Oh, just forget I ever said that.

"None of your business." He hisses angrily like he hardly ever does.

"Fine don't tell me. It's not like I care. I will, however tell you my troubles. And when you hear me out you'll see how much deeper in shit I am . And you will probably realize that what you've been depressing about is totally meaningless." I take a deep breath and he ventures a look at me. Good now he's interested.

"Look, remember how I told you I'm still at school?" He nods mechanically.

"Well, I'm working in Potions with this girl who can be a real pain in the arse sometimes. And one day that I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed she was all giggly and delighted on me." Air nods, sign that I have his full attention.

"She said all sorts of stupid things and I told her like a million times to cut it out but she wouldn't. So I hexed her. Big time." He doesn't flinch at all. Ok that's weird.

"And…?" He urges me.

"And it turns out she ended up in the hospital wing and still she didn't say a word about me cursing her. Which is… well unexpected." He cracks a very faint smile.

"Maybe she likes you. Perhaps she was hoping you could be friends." Erm… seriously? That hadn't really crossed my mind.

Air notices my shocked eyes and his smile widens.

"You had no idea did you?" I shake my head frantically. Yeah, you can be stupid like that sometimes , my inner voice interferes.

"And not only that but turns out my cousin fancies her." Air's eyes darken a bit and his smile falls.

"So he came to me and said I'd rather not be related to him." My drunken companion stares at me blankly.

"That is indeed a problem." He admits looking away from me.

"And that's not the whole deal." There's Malfoy you see…

The masked guy turns to stare at me once more. Expecting my words with a little more curiosity than I had expected. Strange…

"My cousin's best friend, stood up for me. Which is let me tell you past weird." Hey! Why is Air smiling now? I thought it was 'grumpy day' today for him.

"Is that so bad?" He asks playfully. Playfully?

"It is so weird I just can't tell if it is good or bad. I mean this guy was always hating me." His smile fades immediately.

"Oh." Is all he gets to say before I lose all my patience and start speaking again.

"He hated me. That guy. And so did I. So do I. I think… Oh, I just don't know. But yesterday we were ok. He was nice, he even smiled at me once or twice, which I shouldn't have noticed, cause I hate him, yet I did anyway. Air, what's wrong with me?" I see a battle going on in his eyes. Surprise , confusion and happiness fighting for dominance.

Happiness wins and his grey eyes sparkle with joy. He looks surprisingly cute now. My troubles begun fading away.

"What was wrong with you all this time is the real question." He explains still amused.

"It is obvious to me that all those three people like you. So why do you keep them away?" All three? I mean, ok Al does like me. And I guess Goyle could too, but Malfoy? Oh, come on!

"Oh, come on…" I repeat and he looks baffled.

"No, you just listen to me. First off, go and tell your cousin you're not mad and make up with him. Then go and say 'hi' to the poor girl who probably waits for you to visit. And finally…" He blacks out for a moment before adding. "don't be so suspicious on that other guy. What if he actually wanted to be nice?" Doubt it.

"I don't know…" I really don't. This is so not me. I do feel like doing so but it is not a heartless thing to do.

"Is this all about your heartless theory?" He asks and sends a 'you-are-so-childish' look at me. I simply nod.

"You begun being heartless cause it was making things better didn't you?" I nod again.

"Well, then what's wrong with turning nice again if it makes things easier too?" That…could in fact make some sense you know.

"You do have a point… Oh, no!" Oh! No! Is this…?! Damn it. Devon Cart. As in my first intimate acquaintance in this place. The first one I slept with. The most jealous guy this world had ever come across. The most jealous guy I had ever come across. And he was totally obsessed with me after I broke up with him.

Remember this story I once told you about a guy hexing the brains off someone I was snogging? Well, yeah that one.

Air next to me appears to be lost at translation. He is looking back and forth between me and the object of my agony.

"Come here." I say grabbing my masked friend's arm and dragging him in one corner of the bar.

I pull him closer to me , my back against a wall and he stares at me , his jaw barely remaining on his face.

"This is an ex of mines who is really nuts. He thinks he owns me or something." Air's mouth forms an 'O' from which he quickly recovers and gives me a stern look. Ok, ok, I know I have a talent picking the best.

"I'm taking the mask off." I announce and he opens his eyes wide.

"Well, ninety-nine percent chance he won't recognize me if I'm unmasked." I explain. Which is true.

"Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" My companion dares to ask. Oh, how stupid that boy is.

"No. You see, we were met here and the only chances he had of seeing my real face were early in the morning in his place. But then we were both too hangover to really notice." Air's eyes darken quickly. I feel his gaze picking holes in my face and body. I had forgotten how just he is.

And then I take out the mask. Ok, he doesn't seem appalled or repulsed in any way. Which means he doesn't find me totally hideous. But wait, since when am I worrying about the way I look. Since the day you smelled him in your Amortentia , my unbearable inner voice explains.

"So?" He looks at me absentmindedly now.

"So what do you think?" I pose my question. The question whose answer I'm really anxious to hear.

"About what?" He is kidding me right?

"How do I look?!" I exclaim and then gasp cause I gave my self away. The guy who is holding me in his arms cautiously seems to only now realize what I am talking about. Then he looks at me like had never seen me before and that exact moment I wish I had never asked.

His piercing grey pools search my red hair and my neck. Then they cross my face twice stopping just a little too long to observe my eyes. He checks my cheekbones and my chin till he finally rests his gaze on my lips and gulps. Yes, he actually gulped. Merlin! I feel nervous.

"You don't need me to tell you, you are beautiful Myra." He whispers close to me and I feel the temperature rising. "You never did." He smiles. I smile.

And then finally I let myself go. I embrace his touch, his smell. Soap, male cologne (which smells surprisingly fresh) and something that belongs to him and him only.

A heavenly place to be and from the looks of it I think he agrees.

Suddenly he raises a hand and touches my cheek, brushes my lips and ends up in my hair. And after that all comes as a blur.

He's kissing me. His soft lips crushing on mines then moving on them. His tongue plays on my mouth and an exhilarating feeling takes over my body. I catch his neck with my hands pulling him down closer to me. He too captures my waist in his hands and starts moving under my shirt.

And then he lets go. Why? Why Merlin?

I turn to look at him annoyed and out of breath.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…to go that far." Yeah, sure! Then why hasn't he released me yet huh? Hahaha.

I grin at him mischievously.

"But I don't mind." I explain and I have this feeling my old heartless self is coming back.

"I-I… you should!" Air scolds me. "What if I intended to hurt you?" He continues annoyed.

"I know you for a month or maybe even more, I think you had your fair share of chances to hurt me." I point out matter-of-factly , even though conversing is not at all what is crossing my mind now.

"I don't understand you Myra. You choose to open up to me even though you don't know the first thing about me, but you are always pushing away all those who you know well and whenever they try to be friendly." Why , for Merlin's sake, is he getting mad at me?

"I had no idea that hearing me and talking to me would be so annoying to you." I whisper icily and bitterly.

"I never said…" He trails off awfully. "I never said that. I just find it strange. I will always be here for you but I still think there are other who wish to play that role. Others who can give you more than I can." He is sincere. I can tell. So I nod.

I won't even bother to count how many times I have nodded to day. It is pointless.

"I have to go." I mutter quietly removing myself from the wall I had been pinne don for the last thirty minutes.

"I will always be here." Air repeats. And then he catches my hand. Not my arm or my wrist but my hand. "Please, remember this."

I feel dizzy as I walk back to school. Back to my dorm. Back to my bed.

And just before sleep catches me I put a hand on my lips.

How could I forget this feeling?

A/N: Ok, extra long just for you that waited patiently.

Or not quite so…yeah that goes for you Jessy! Hehehe. Thanks very much for the reviews and the advice!

So what I am trying to say is: That this chapter is dedicated to 'jasmineflower' who couldn't wait for it.

I love ya all so much

Don't hesitate to review!!! Tell what you think…

Kisses and Hugs,

Sarah