A/N: This is the chapter before the last one
So...time to dedicate
This chapter goes to: Jessy, of course!
Alina (hope you don't mind I mention the real name...)
And Elli (hehehe)
Also special thanks to :
Draora Moss, Broken Gold and That Romantic
Furthermore thanks very much for reading and reviewing
I hope you liked it
Enjoy!
Chapter 11: Under My Nose
A single week has passed since that horrid event in the woods. A week during which I have been roaming the corridors of Hogwarts much like a ghost. Sleepless, pale, hardly eating a thing.
Luckily I haven't seen Malfoy, or Air, or whatever. Nelia is by my side almost all the time which may I say is rather nice of her. At least I have a good friend.
Al is watching me from afar, frowned and worried at the same time. At first I wondered why he hasn't come to ask me what I'm doing. However now I know he learns everything from Nelia.
I guess he has sworn not to talk to me until I seek him. He is proud like that you see. What he simply cannot understand is that I am not mad at him.
Anger –or rather the lack of it- is another thing that's worrying me.
You know worst thing about anger?
It tends to fade as time passes.
That anger that over-floated me a week ago. That blinding rage that filled me up and made me wanna Avada Malfoy is slowly yet steadily leaving me.
Abandoning me to face on my own all those other feelings that are more stable and permanent. Feelings like pain and disappointment and…
What the hell? And love.
And as if the feeling were not enough I've got questions as well.
I can't really complain. Al explained everything to me some days ago and yet there are thing only he can explain.
My cousin gave me his reasons for doing this. But Malfoy, the one who did some much more, so much worse, he didn't give me a single reason.
So now that the anger is almost gone I find myself in need of explanations. Why did he participate in this? Why did he take it that far? Why as his real self did he come near me? Why turning me down when he was the one who had previously kissed me?
And I , being the courageous Gryffindor that I am would have easily gone to his dorm and ask his straight-forward all those things that keep me awake at nights. However I can't do that.
Because the last time we spoke he proved how little he cares. When I yelled at him he just stood there like a statue. Confirming everything. He made no effort to explain. He showed no wish to apologize or defend himself.
So I he doesn't care what would be the point of confronting him?
Those are the thoughts that cross my mind when I enter the Slytherin Common Room determined to have a little talk with my dear cousin.
Yet when search the Common Room I come across someone else much less expected.
Rett McLaggen, with his tall posture is sitting nonchalantly on a green sofa near the fire.
Rett McLaggen my partner in crime waving at me.
"Hey Wes." He says in his playful tone that reminds me of the days I was still a Heartless.
"Oh! Hi, Rett." I greet hesitantly. He must be expecting me to act as usual. But you see I really can't. I am no longer the way I was.
"No need to be all scared like that Wes." He smiles sadly as he says so.
"I won't act all Heartless on you. I heard what happened." Heard…? What exactly did he hear? From whom?
"What do you mean?" I ask innocently as I sit next to him on the couch.
"'Bout you and Scorp." I gape at him.
"Al." He explains. Right. That would make sense.
"I didn't need to hear about that little incident with your masked guy to understand you have changed." Rett proceeds to comment as I raise an eyebrow.
"I guess I'm all alone now." I have never heard Rett bitter and sad before. He was always stupid and funny like that. Riel, his brother, was usually more sensible.
"I mean, Riel is long gone now. He has Lottie you see and is head over heels with her. And now you're off too. But I suppose I should have expected it." I smile faintly at him. Who would have thought Rett I-care-for-nobody-and-nothing would have a sensitive side?
"I should have seen right through your Heartless theory the first time you came and suggested to sneak out." I remember that day. It was back in fifth year. Right.
"I did mean it back then. Whereas you just wanted to have fun didn't you?" He chuckles a bit.
"Always. I am stupid like that you see." Rett looks away from me.
"I should have never let you come with us in 'Flash'." He says his voice full of regret.
"Riel didn't want to let you. He warned me that you'd get in trouble." As I said before Riel was always the sensible one.
"What he didn't warn me about though was that I'd get in trouble as well because I took you with me." A weak smile graces his features snow.
"You?" I ask perplexed.
"Yeah. Because every time you left with some unknown guy I cursed myself. And when you got wasted who do you think carried you back?" I had no idea…
"I'm sorry." I reply honestly.
"Oh, never mind that. I'm just glad you're over this now." However his eyes tell me otherwise.
"I am. Not that things improved a lot though." I remember my problem with Malfoy.
"That's got nothing to do with your heartlessness. It's all about your stupidity." I cock an eyebrow again at his words.
"Why ?" I question.
"Still you don't get it do you? Oh! Of course you don't. Al didn't get it either and he is his bloody best mate." Excuse me?
"Rose wake up. The bloody guy's in love with you." The bloody guy? What bloody-…? Oh!
Wow? What?
"Come again?" I will never understand his sense of humor Merlin I swear.
"I said Scorpius Malfoy is in love with you. He's been that way since forever." Yeah, ok. Good one!
I chuckle and Rett looks annoyed.
"Oi, Rose! Just because you and your oblivious cousin didn't see it, that doesn't mean it's not true." Ok, that requires medical assistance.
"That's plain nuts Rett." I mean…
"No. You are plain nuts. Open your eyes Rose. He agreed to sneak out of school and risk his place here for you. And no don't look at me like I've grown a second head, I'm serious. I don't know what crazy excuse have you found to explain his moves but this is the only real thing. He loves you, you dimwit!" I move back on the couch as if punched in the stomach.
Actually I wasn't able to find a reason for his behavior.
Could it be then…Naaah…
"I-I…No way!" No bloody way!
"Yes way. He did kiss you now didn't he?" And then turned me down.
"And then turned me down when I said I fancied him." Rett looks thoughtful at that.
"Well, he probably felt bad and angry cause, let's just face it, you turned the real deal down for an unknown masked fellow." I sigh while my heart beats fast.
"I doubt it." Rett seems pissed off now.
"Oh, come on. He's been like a bloody Dementor for the past week. How can you doubt it?" I gulp at this. Seriously?
" Never mind that." I must solve this on my own.
"What are you planning to do now that you're alone?" I really wish to know.
"I erm…I dunno. I'm sorta depressed you know. You missy, turned me into a heartless and now left me handle it on my own." He accuses in a playful manner.
"Ha! And you call that sentimental wreck of a human , Heartless?" I counter playfully.
"Point." He admits.
"You know Rett." I begin hesitantly.
"I really wouldn't mind hanging out with that sentimental wreck after all." I confess kindly and his face just lights up.
"Jeez Rose, couldn't you just say this earlier? You just let me make a fool of myself and you say that you want us to be more than 'partners' now?" I laugh a bit and he follows suit.
"Real friends huh? I certainly would like that." He announces and I hug him tight.
"Oi! Rose you'll suffocate me." He whines but I ignore him.
Till I open my eyes that is.
Cause when I do a pair of grey pools greet me from across the room.
I slowly release Rett and he (Rett) smiles at me meaningfully.
"I've no idea where Al is Rose. Our little drama queen, Mafloy, however is right here." Rett says and I nod. I feel numb suddenly.
The blonde stares at me blankly and I see black circles under his eyes. His somehow charming smirk nowhere to be found.
"You wanted to talk to me?" He asks in a robot-like manner. No! No I didn't.
"Yep." Rett interferes.
"Ok, then come on." Malfoy motions his dorm with no color in his voice.
Damn Rett.
oOo
Malfoy's and Al's dorm. The Dungeons.
"So…" Malfoy starts and stop while putting his arms on his hips expectantly. So…I have no idea.
I wanted to speak with him it's true. Rett's words didn't persuade me but they made me curious. And yet now that I see his blank indifferent face I regret it all.
"I…" I stammer.
"Erm…" Malfoy tries, not with a lot of willingness really.
"It's just that…" Ok, this is no conversation.
"I wanted to ask you something." I finally manage to utter. He nods in apathy.
"Why?" He doesn't even blink. Like he's frozen.
"I won't apologize if that's what you want me to." He clears up and I feel a lump in my throat.
"I didn't ask that. I asked 'why?'" Damn it answer me!
"Because I thought it'd be fun." He says plainly.
"Liar." I counter forcefully and he appears to be considering his next reaction.
"Because I wanted to know what you were doing." He tries a new path.
"Bullshit." I don't believe a word.
"Because Al asked me to." Now he's using my cousin as an excuse.
"You're still lying. I want the truth for once." I move closer to him fuming.
"Fine then. I did it because you're bloody annoying and I wanted to teach you a lesson." I take a deep breath scanning his tall slim structure. So empty…
"I said I want the truth!" I point out acidly and he flashes for a moment, but then he's back to his expressionless attitude.
"You can't handle the truth." He calmly points out.
"You don't even know me. How can you say that?" I raise a finger to his chest.
"You sure got that one right." He says and I sense it now. Something is torturing him. I can see it. In his eyes.
"Meaning?" No matter what his face shows. I can see this in his eyes.
"I thought that after five years of rivalry I knew you well enough. I mean I was visiting the Burrow often with Al and there were those quarrels between us. I thought I knew you." He concludes .
"I used to believe you were a good person. A kind and sensible one. I even called you a bookworm and said you'd never get to have a real boyfriend." He thought so? About me?
"How stupid had I been! I prided myself upon knowing my rival. Idiot. That's what I was." He releases a breath of air he's been holding. Now I see his feelings dominating the place.
"But you gave me a lesson to remember. Back in sixth-year when Al told me you were sneaking out acting like a real tramp I laughed." And as if trying to enact he laughs a sordid laugh.
"After I first saw you almost having sex with a bloke in the street I never laughed again. Never as I used to at least." He looks away and it becomes harder and harder for me to understand him.
"And when I first came to 'Flash' and tried to come near you, you just threw yourself at me like some…" His blonde hair fall on his face loosely covering his eyes.
I think what I find so remarkable about them is not their color as some appear to believe but rather their shape. Short but not too short, messy yet neat. I dare say I never realized how nice his hair is till now.
Quite a pity really.
"I was scared. Scared that you might recognize me. Scared that you might not. And then you…you…" He seems unwilling to speak.
"Well, anyhow, we started talking and I begun seeing the old you again. So I was glad. And I loosened up around you more than I should have." I wasn't the only one then…
"Back in school you were your usual heartless self which just made me so mad. And yet every time I came to 'Flash' planning to tell you off for good you would act so nicely, so regretful that I always decided against it." I nod remembering the time I attacked Nelia.
"And out of nowhere I get confused and support you back in school where there are no masks. But I don't regret it. And we come closer for real. But then I act all stupid and ruin it by kissing you." I look at him like I've never seen him before.
The person standing before me is not Malfoy.
"However it's not your heartlessness that pulled you away that night. It was the mere fact that you were in love with that masked guy." I blush at this. This guy is not Air either.
"So you go announcing it to me that night and I felt so mad at you! I wanted to hex you then and there. On the spot. How could you play such a game to me? Trick me that way. Turn me down for me. Such a deceit!" I? I tricked him? But no!
He did! It was him who lied and …and…
And then it was me.
Right.
I see now. I see how few thing I understand about him.
"And yet I'm so weak that the moment I saw that bastard's eyes at your back I forgot all about my anger and followed him to the forest. And got in a fight with him. You're bad for me. I always said so to myself." I guess I am.
He got injured because of me. He got sad and troubled and hurt because I was being immature and stupid.
"You are no good for me. You have so far deceived me in every possible way. Act all nice and kind and then turn to such a bitch. Treat me badly and just when I got used to it start being nice to me. And the worst part of it all? Now you're angry because I deceived you." I don't know this guy. It's like I am seeing him for the first time.
He is arrogant and clever and proud and passionate like Malfoy. But then again he is vulnerable and caring and strict and calm like Air.
I feel strange to see the real Malfoy for the first time.
Standing s few feet away from me. His hands crossed, his hair disheveled , in his grey eyes breathing fires.
I am bad for him.
"I should go. Sorry." I turn away tears in my eyes fighting to be released. And yet before I exit his room once and for all a strong hand catches me.
"You're so bad for me and yet I seek you out every time I enter a room. I sit there wondering what your favorite color is. I feel jealous when I see you kiss someone else. I care for you. I care." He repeats defeated and tired. I look up at him with tearful eyes. He shows no pity.
"You asked for the truth." He hisses. "So you'd better stay and hear it." What more is there?
"And more than anything else, I love you. That's the reason you were asking for." He still holds me with both his hands though I'm no longer trying to leave.
"That's why I did all this, the masquerade as you call it. I love you so much that it clouds my judgment." I stare at him pleadingly. His words flying in my head.
" I admired you before. I had faith in you later and I started believing again in you some weeks ago. All this against any logic. I always tried to see the best in you." He presses his hand on my shoulders as if trying to communicate all his feelings through them.
"And even now that I should have given up on you once and for all…even now I cannot but think how precious you are to me. I cannot but observe that without wanting to really caused you pain. I cannot but believe your words from the other night." He turns his face to the floor and I smell this thing that was all over my Amortentia. And always under my nose.
"And despite your mistakes you are still so kind and sweet and strong and beautiful. So beautiful. Merlin help me, I saw you in my Common Room and all I wished was that you came for me. All I asked for." Finally the tears come and he falls silent.
"You are right." I declare.
"I am bad for you. I'm sorry that you love me because it is obviously causing you to hurt." This perhaps the most remarkable role reversal in my life.
I came planning to tell him off. Instead he told me off and moreover he was correct about it.
I suppose most of the time it is hard for us to find our own faults.
Suddenly he starts laughing again.
"You're sorry? Damn I'm not sorry and I am the one who's hurting here." Really?
"Do you mean that?" I timidly ask and he spares me a real smile.
"I do." Then, well then…
"Then I must say I love you too." I rise at the tips of my toes and kiss him softly in the lips. Such soft lips… But I pull away before he responds. He appears to be calmer now.
"Does that make you hurt any less?" I ask with only a little smile. I just thought that if he loves me then he deserves it. But still I am not worthy of him.
"Are you in fact trying to act nice on me?" He plays with my hair as he says so. I nod.
"So you have decided to be good for now?" He continues. I nod again.
"And then after some time passes you'll turn heartless back again?" He says worried.
"No. But I can't promise I won't do anything stupid from now on." I explain.
"So that's why you pulled back." Well… duh!
"I do you no good." I am sure of it.
"Merlin! You Rose Weasley are the most insufferable girl in the whole world. And then again you are the cutest as well. And the cleverest one." He leans down and kisses me.
First he plays on my lips. Then as I open my mouth he deepens the kiss. His tongue racing in my mouth. I feel things erupting in my head. Chills down my spine. I catch his hair in my hands and messy them even more. He holds my waist like he's afraid he's gonna wake up and realize it is a dream and pins me on the wall.
"Wait, wait , wait." I speak against his lips.
"What?" He asks never pulling away.
"We can't be together." I protest remembering his former speech.
"Because of the things I told you?" I nod my heart sinking in my chest.
"I wasn't lying. It's true. But then again, Rose, I am no better." He steps back now thoughtful.
"Thinking of it I see that if I hadn't been an unbeleivable coward I could have spoken to you about how I felt a long time ago before you even became a heartless. I could have been nicer and less arrogant. I could have revealed who I was instead of acting like a nutcase." He hugs me tight.
":And I bet that you can find a million other reasons to accuse me of. And all of them will be equally correct. Maybe after all I am guiltier than you for this mess. There is of course no doubt that we're both at fault." Is he for real I wonder…
"But what you fail to see here is that we are all a little heartless Rose. Me and you and Al and Nelia and everyone. But on the other hand no one is totally bad." He smiles. I can't see him but I can feel it.
"If my father has taught me one thing that must be it. No one is only good or only bad." I smile too now. Smart man, Mister Malfoy.
"So you're willing to put up with me?" I cock an eyebrow.
"If you're willing to put up with me." He looks at my eyes finally free.
I don't answer to him anymore.
I just kiss him.
A/N: So? This is like the most important scene so please …
Please review
I am so anxious to hear about it
Lots of Love
Sarah