Author's Note: Yes Jennay, I'm reading your mindset! That's how I knew you'd like those Cyndi Lauper lyrics! Ahaha. Actually, I just really love Cyndi Lauper.. not gonna lie.
Here's a longer chapter for you guys! (PS. I think these lyrics absolutely suite Juliet better then anything.)
All Over Again:
And she would change everything, just ask her,
She would change everything for a happy ever after,
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs somebody to take her home.
-Jon Mclaughlin
For a few hours after they had reached the real island they'd all traveled in complete silence back towards the beach. Juliet was hanging back behind the rest of the group trying to regain her senses still after Tom had tasered her. Although she wasn't admitting it, she'd been feeling hazy on some details ever since, and Richard's words to Sawyer about a possible relapse were worrying her.
It took a moment before she realized that someone had spoken. And it took her another moment to realize that someone had been speaking to her. She glanced up to see that Sawyer had slowed down to walk beside her and he was studying her carefully. "What?" she questioned, both to his staring and whatever he'd said.
Sawyer frowned. "I asked if you were alright," he stated again. "You haven't said one word since we left the hydra.."
Juliet shrugged slightly. "Neither has anybody else," she stated simply.
Sawyer was silent for a moment. She had a point. "Juliet--"
"James, you've been looking between me and Jack for the past hour," she pointed out to him. "So I guess the question isn't whether I'm alright, but if you are."
Sawyer was surprised by the statement. She was right, of course, she usually was. They were coming up on the beach now. "Why would you risk sending your memories into a relapse to go save Jack?" he questioned quietly.
Juliet stopped short and stared at him. "What?" she questioned for a second time.
Sawyer watched her just as she studied him. Her expression was guarded, and he was hardly used to seeing it that way yet. "I just--"
"This is how you want to start things the second time around?" she questioned softly. "Insinuating that there's now something between me and Jack?" she asked him, her voice not displaying the pain she felt from his thoughts.
Sawyer knew she was right. "I never said there was," he pointed out. "Do you?" he asked.
"Do I what?" Juliet questioned, staring at him.
"Still have feelings for him?" he questioned in return.
Juliet stared at him with a look of disbelief. She said nothing as she shoved passed him and continued after the rest of the group onto the beach.
"Juliet!" Sawyer called out, mentally slapping himself on the head as he headed onto the beach after her and everyone else.
Kate watched as Juliet moved past all of them, past everyone on the beach as they were reuniting with everyone. She glanced at Sawyer and noticed as well, that he wasn't going after her. What had he done to piss her off this time?
Juliet took a seat up by the tree line and sat down in the shade, leaning her back against a tree and closing her eyes. Was this how their relationship would always be now that they were back with everyone else? Would it always be filled with jealousy that they couldn't contain? Was lovely really all they needed for now, or did they still need more then that?
Kate went over to Sawyer and stared at him. "You're really going to leave her sitting over there by herself now that you've finally gotten her back?" she questioned him. "What did you say to her, Sawyer?"
Sawyer was silent for a few minutes. "I asked her.. if she still had feelings for Jack.."
Kate almost couldn't believe it. Almost, but for some reason it didn't really surprise her as much as she thought it would. "What did she say?" she asked him with only a bit of uncertainty. As far as she could tell, Juliet's feelings her one hundred percent aimed towards Sawyer.
"She didn't say nothin'," he replied, glancing away. "She got pissed and walked off."
Kate nodded in silence.
Juliet opened her eyes when she heard a small thump in the sand next to her. She glanced over and couldn't help the surprise at seeing Walt sitting there beside her. For a long time the kid had frightened her to no end, but for some reason that fear had practically dissipated to nothing at this point.
"Know what's weird Ms. Juliet?" he asked her.
Juliet watched him. "What is, Walt?" she asked carefully. So he remembered her, and he still put the 'Miss' in front of her name as well. She remembered Ben had told the kid to call her 'Dr. Burke' but she had told him to call her Juliet. So he had gone for something in-between.
"I got to be a teenager," he stated simply.
Juliet chuckled and smiled at him. "Did you have fun?" she asked next.
Walt nodded. "What did you do?"
Juliet studied the ten year old. This was more then a slightly awkward conversation to have with a ten year old boy. But in a way.. he was more like, what? 13? 14? "A lot of things.." she answered cryptically."Abandoned the Others.. fell in love, got left behind, fell in love again.. died.."
Walt stared at her in disbelief. "You.. died?"
Juliet smiled sad at him. "Well.. not exactly," she answered.
Walt frowned. It was only now that he noticed all of the bruises that covered the normally flawless skin of the woman next to him. "Are you.. okay?" he asked, not questioning what she meant with the 'not exactly'. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what that meant.
"I will be," she answered him.
"Walt, get away from her," Michael stated, heading towards them.
Juliet shook her head slightly in response. Same old Michael. Did he not remember? Or did he, and that's why he didn't want his son near her?
"Why?" Walt questioned.
"It's okay Walt," she assured the boy. "He's right, you should stay away from me."
Both Walt and Michael stared at her now.
"Bad things happen around me," she explained with a shrug. "I probably shouldn't even be here."
Michael watched the woman in silence. When he'd been captured by the Others' she had openly told him that the only reason she stayed on this island was because Ben saved her sister.
"You know, Michael.." she stated, glancing up at the man. "Suddenly I'm not as sure as I was the last time around that all of this was really worth it.."
Michael felt his eyes softening slightly in response.
"Was it worth it to you?" she asked quietly, staring up at the man. She had once asked him, 'wouldn't you do anything to save Walt?' and she had meant it. Because she had made a deal with Ben, the devil incarnate, to save her sister.
Michael glanced at his son before he looked back at Juliet. How long had she been here now? How many years had she been forced to spend in this place for saving her sister's life? "I think it was," he told her.
"Practically everyone on this island died by the time things were reset.." Juliet stated, closing her eyes. "Do you want to know how many people lived by the end? Out of everyone?" she questioned. "Maybe ten people.. give or take a few.."
Michael was filled with silence at the revelation.
"I thought.. if I blew up that bomb and reset things, that.. I don't know," she mumbled. "Maybe I just thought things would be different," she admitted. "But we're all here again, people are still dying.." she stated quietly, glancing at Sawyer across the beach. "I just wanted things to change."
Michael wasn't entirely sure how to respond to her. "Do you think it was worth it?" he asked her cautiously, deciding to take a seat in front of her now. He wasn't entirely sure why he found himself drawn into listening to her, but there was something about the pain in her expression that he found familiar. Almost as though she had given up hope.
"I thought so.." Juliet admitted, sighing and looking back at Michael. "But, suddenly I'm not sure it was at all.." she answered. "I didn't want to remember, to relive this all again.."
Michael figured he could understand that.
"Then I was given a choice.." she told him. "And.. I chose to remember in the end," she explained. "And now I don't think it was really worth it to remember."
"Why not?" Walt asked, cutting off whatever his father was going to say.
Juliet glanced at Walt and gave him a sad smile before glancing at Sawyer again.
Michael followed her gaze this time. "You love him?" he asked her curiously. The way she flinched almost made him regret asking. As far as he remembered the guy was a grade A ass-clown.
"Yes.." she answered honestly. She hadn't been this open with anybody in a long time unless it was Sawyer, it seemed odd to be talking to him about this but he didn't appear to be judging her for any of it. "I spent three years with him after the incident with the freighter. I guess I just thought I finally had something good on this island.. he changed, I changed.. we made changes together."
"So what did he do?" Michael questioned.
Juliet let out a soft chuckle. "Why do you assume it was him?" she asked carefully.
Michael shrugged.
"It wasn't just his fault, I suppose I just got jealous," she admitted. "I saw him look at Kate, and.. I don't know," she stated, running her fingers through her hair. "I guess it just didn't sit well with me. And I freaked out.. I decided I'd be better off never knowing him then losing him."
Michael felt some pity for her. He didn't blame her for what she thought, he'd seen a lot of Sawyer and Kate together when he'd been on the island the first time.
"And before we came back to the beach just a bit ago.. I went back and saved Jack," she stated quietly. "So he decided that I have feelings for Jack still."
Michael raised an eyebrow up and went to speak when he was cut off.
"Juliet.."
Juliet glanced up at Sawyer and locked eyes with him before she narrowed hers and looked away. "Let me guess," she stated. "Now I must have feelings for Michael?"
Sawyer flinched slightly at her words.
"Uh.. c'mon, Walt," Michael stated, pulling the boy to his feet and ushering him away.
Juliet stood now and turned to walked away from Sawyer when she felt his fingers coil around her wrist. She stopped and turned around, yanking her wrist from his hand. "Don't touch me," she growled out.
"Juliet, I---"
"I don't care," Juliet snapped. "I chose to remember for you," she pointed out. "I relived all of that, the fall, EVERYTHING, so that I could be with you!" she admitted angrily. "How dare you insinuate that after I did that, that I still have feelings for Jack!"
Sawyer knew she was right. He was well aware that people were staring at them as Juliet yelled at him. He was even more aware of the fact that. He sighed, getting his hands on her shoulders and pulling her to him, wrapping his arms tight around her. "I'm sorry.. I screwed up, I know.."
Juliet shook her head, gripping his shirt in her balled up fists. "I hate this.." she muttered. "I hate this island.. I hate Ben, I hate fighting with you and I hate that I love you so much.."
Sawyer's eyes softened slightly at her words. "Jealousy sucks.." he muttered. "Now I know why you got pissed about.. what happened in the 70s.." he admitted.
Juliet frowned, burying her head in the crook of his neck. That was an understatement. She hadn't just been pissed. She'd felt herself shatter.
Sawyer frowned as well. He was well aware she was crying now and he sighed. "I'm sorry.." he told her again. "For everything, for looking at Kate.. for making you doubt me.." he admitted. "And I couldn't even save you.. then I sit here and point fingers."
Juliet shook her head. "James.. you couldn't have saved me," she told him, pulling back and putting her hands on either side of his face. "No one could have saved me, if I hadn't let go.. you would have fallen down that hatch with me."
Sawyer felt the tears welling up. "Then you shoulda' let me go down with you.." he told her. "It would have been better then seeing you fall.."
"I'm so sorry.." she stated, shaking her head.
"Its not your fault," Sawyer assured her. "None of this has been your fault," he told her, leaning forward and capturing her lips with his. "I love you.." he told her against her lips. "I love you and that's what matters to me.. that's all that matters."
Juliet pulled away and stared into his eyes. The proof was in them, the proof that he was telling the truth. She nodded her head before meeting his lips again. "I love you too.." she replied softly.
()()END()()
Hmm.. let's see where the next chapter brings us. I figured they needed to finally delve into their feelings though. Into what happened before the bomb, with the bomb.. all the jealousy. Cheers!