''You promised!'' Callie screamed, ''you promised!''
''I did it to help you; to save you'' Arizona said confidently, hiding her emotions; hiding her regret.
''To help me?'' scoffed Callie. ''This isn't about me; nothing is about me. It wasn't about me when you strutted off to Africa and it certainly wasn't about me when you slept with her.''
''it wasn't,'' Arizona gulped, tears starting to pour down her face, ''it wasn't about you. It wasn't your fault; none of this is''
''it's just that I let you down?'' Callie seethed.
''No, it's just…it was the first thing that wasn't about the plane crash. it was-''
''You slept with her because she had nothing to do with the plane crash?''
''No, it's-''
''Because a week ago, you were angry that I had nothing to do with the plane crash. A week ago, I would have been more than happy to have sex with you, a week ago I would-''
''Calliope, listen!'' shouted Arizona, momentarily stunned that she had raised her voice. ''Calliope, please, listen,'' she began again, ''I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I was horrible, I am horrible. Nothing I do can take it back. But I promise-''
''You promised you wouldn't let them do this to me!''
''Callie, please…''
''Get out!''
''what?''
''I said get out! I love you, goddamn it, and I hate myself. I hate myself for loving you. I hate myself for letting you do this to me. For letting myself have this done to me. Again. But I do, I love you, and I'm scared that if you don't leave this room I'll listen to you. And if I listen to you, I'll forgive you. I'll forgive you because I love you; because I've never loved anyone like I love you. But I just can't. I can't let you do this to me,'' she broke down, ''I just can't. I can't let you hurt me. I can't let you keep on hurting me. I just can't''.
''Callie,'' Arizona sobbed, ''I swear, I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't. and I won't do it again. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you. If you'll just…let me''.
''I'm done letting you make things up to me. I'm sorry, Arizona, but if you hadn't ended this the moment you took your scrubs off in that on-call room, you ended it the moment you broke your promise and I ended up here''.
As Callie left the room, Arizona fell onto the nearest chair. Callie looked back and saw her, a heartbroken mess. Callie hobbled out of the door with fierce determination, the only thing stopping her from running over to her wife and embracing her in a hug that said 'none of this matters'. Only it did; it did matter.

''Can I help you?'' said a nurse, as Callie left the room and found herself on the corridor.
''Erm, no?'' replied Callie
''Dr Torres'', the nurse pressed, ''you know you're not allowed to be on the main floor unescorted''
''Erm, I'm walking from the visiting room to my prison cell'' Callie pointed to the two rooms, just metres apart, ''I think I'll be ok''.
The nurse followed Callie to her room, just as another nurse appeared and shouted ''obs!'' as she looked at Callie then ticked a box on her chart.
Callie rushed into her room and closed the door behind her.
''Unescorted'', she muttered angrily, ''I'm a freaking surgeon! This is my freaking hospital!''

Callie's anger ebbed away quickly. She was left feeling drained. She was shocked at herself; at what she'd just done. She wanted to call Arizona, ask her to come back. But the strong version of Callie, the version somewhere out of sight, reasoned with her. Calling Arizona back would mean more pain, and she couldn't imagine being in any more pain.
She sunk back against the wall of her room. The brightly coloured pictures on the wall did not reflect her emotions and did nothing to calm her. In fact, they did nothing but piss her off. She decided to get rid of those pictures once she was out of this place.
She was exhausted. Letting go was exhausting. Wondering whether that had been the right decision was exhausting. Hurting was exhausting. And, Callie supposed, the sedative effects of the medication were probably contributing to the exhaustion. In spite of herself, in spite of the millions of thoughts and the massive amount of pain she felt, Callie fell asleep.

***

Arizona walked onto the peds floor and the first person she saw was Alex Karev.
''You look like crap'', he greeted her.
''Thanks, Alex'' she replied, attempting her usual smile.
''You ok?'' he asked.
''She hates me,'' Arizona turned suddenly and blurted out. ''She blames me. And yeah, I know, it's like, my fault and all. But she blames me. She blames me for being on that ward. Not just for driving her to end up like that, but for actually admitting her. She acts like I admitted her''.
She then plastered on her fake smile and greeted one of the children on the ward. She pulled out her stethoscope and acted like nothing was wrong.

***

Callie still felt emptiness inside her, but, after a few weeks, her thoughts were much clearer and she felt calmer. If she was crazy before, she was depressed now. She found life to be mundane and pointless. But she wanted to get out; she wanted to see Sofia. She hadn't seen her since before the storm. She was with Arizona. She hadn't seen Arizona since the day she was admitted, either. She wondered how Sofia was getting on, stopping herself before she wondered about Arizona.
Callie supposed she would have to speak to her at some point. They had a child. She didn't want to admit it, but she missed Arizona. She'd never, ever, allow herself to forgive her. She did miss her, though.

She could walk on her leg without it hurting by the time she left the ward. She didn't want to go home; it didn't feel like her home. She wandered around the hospital for a while; down the corridors where she had loved and lost more than one person. She told herself to be strong. She continued to walk. Eventually, she saw familiar faces. She saw April Kepner first. She was comforted by the sight of a familiar face. ''Hey,'' Callie called to her. ''Hey'' April replied quickly, before turning and walking quickly in the opposite direction.
Callie's face fell. She wondered what was going on.
''Owen'', Callie greeted, as she saw him.
''Torres, you're not supposed to be back'' he said seriously.
''Nah, I'm not'' Callie replied, ''not until tomorrow''.
''I'm not sure tomorrow is a good idea. It's probably a bit soon''.
''What do you mean? I'm fine. They released me''
''Discharged you. And I'm still not sure you're fit to work. We need psych reports, we need risk assessments. There's a procedure…''
''Owen,'' said Callie, ''I'm fine. Great. Fit for work''
''I'm sorry. We're going to have to follow procedure''.

Callie stood on the spot, stunned, as Owen walked away. Suddenly, she was surrounded by interns. ''Are you still crazy?'' asked Brooks. Everyone glared at her. She shrugged, ''I'm just asking''.
''Dr Torres'', began Shane, ''it's great to see you back. If you need anything…''
''I'm fine, Shane, fine. I'm not crazy, I'm fine. Maybe I'll go crazy if people don't stop acting like I'm crazy, but right now I'm fine.''
''Yes, sorry'' said Shane.
''Don't you all have surgeries to fight over or something?''

***

Callie opened the door to her apartment. Arizona wasn't there and neither was Sofia. Callie guessed they were still at the hospital. She'd considered seeing Sofia at daycare, but didn't think she could stand the thought of the staff there treating her like she was crazy, or an unfit parent. She'd kind of hoped Sofia was at home, but was glad Arizona wasn't and those things were conflicting.
By the time Arizona did get home, Callie was ready to see her. She didn't acknowledge her at first, but instead picked up Sofia and held her tightly. She knew she had to deal with everything very soon, but wanted to hold her child for one more blissful minute.