A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.
Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter! Here are the names of those who got the identity of Frankenstein's monster: elmo98, peaceful defender, johnsarmylady, book girl fan, and Ennui Enigma. Congradulations to all of you, you're all winners!
I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.
At Bart's Lab:
"So, Sherlock, you have to come to the station to give your full statement, alright?"
"Fine Lestrade! By the way, why has my brother suddenly started calling me happy chappy?
"Er…I don't know!"
"This has started after the last time brother dearest kidnapped you, what happened?"
"Well… I assume you don't know Disney's "The three Caballeros"…"
"You assumed correctly."
"Well, after I heard John got rid of Mycroft by singing a parody of "Poor thing" from Sweeny Todd, I might have had a go at parodying myself."
"How did that happen?"
"Mycroft asked me how were you and John doing and if we all got along on the crime scenes."
"And you burst into song, comparing us to three cartoonish birds?" John interjected.
"I couldn't help it, it just came out!" Greg protested.
"Couldn't you have compared us to, I don't know, the three musketeers or something?" John asked, exasperated.
"Next time I'll sing "the Beauty and the Beast" theme song, then I'll sit back and enjoy the show!" Greg retorted. "Although, come to think of it, the three musketeers is a great analogy."
"Of course it is, it's almost as if it's made for us!" John said brightly.
"I didn't find the books in the flat or the pdf files on your computer, when did you read them John?" Sherlock was curious.
"Oh, it was way before I met you. It was in the summer before my junior year. I just picked up a volume and started reading it." John related. "Never finished the series though, ha, might as well download and finish them…" he mused.
"Sure thing Aramis, if you manage to find the time between the surgery, cases and dating!" Greg teased.
"I'm Aramis?"
"Sure, you're the lady's man here!" Greg said brightly.
"Yes, a rather unfortunate side-effect of your good humor and nice manners." Sherlock said in a reluctant tone.
"How about you D'Artagnan, have you read the books as well?" Greg asked
"Why am I D'Artanan? John is the latest addition to our team, not me!"
"That's easy, you're the one who makes every person he meets want to punch him! Which translates into dueling in the seventeenth century." Greg said smoothly.
"You're the one who always starts a wild adventure." John supplied.
"Not that you mind it!" Sherlock replied acidly.
John snorted. "Of course I don't! None of the musketeers did. Like me, they enjoyed it!"
"…Oh!"
"And you always come up with crazy, daring plans" Lestrade continued.
"Don't forget the disguises! Remember that case where he made me wear a moustache and pose as a sales man to distract the suspect while you searched for the stolen canary?" John pointed out.
"Like the part where the characters had to cut their hair to fit in with puritan England." Greg exclaimed.
"I still can't believe you sold 200 pounds worth of bird seed to that man." Sherlock interjected.
"Well I manage to persuade you to eat on a regular basis!"
"True!"
"Exactly, don't underestimate Aramis' persuasive powers D'Artanian!" Greg said while patting John on the shoulder. "If only he could manage to force some manners in you…"
"He did, I'm a lot politer than before!"
"No, you have an intermediator who translates your insults into polite phrases."
"Come on Greg, give him a break! He has improved a lot over these years; he just loses it around some people."
"Yes my dear Athos, give me leave to lose my temper around the Cardinal's guards!" Sherlock said while turning away and giving his coat a dramatic flourish.
"I'm Athos?" Lestrade was surprised.
"Sure, you're the fatherly older member of the group who took D'Artagnan under his wing." John supplied.
"Wasn't that Monsieur de Treville?"
"If you insist on splitting hairs, yes. But Athos joined in the adventures as well, like you do." John replied.
"Yes, I even have the cheating wife to match the analogy."
"Um…Let's not get into the relationship analogies, they're too complicated, okay?" John was a bit uncomfortable.
"I agree, I can't find Constance Bonacieux and Milady de Winter in my life." Sherlock mused.
"Sure…have you seen Molly lately?" Lestrade asked with a smirk.
"As a matter of fact I did. I saw her at the morgue yesterday, why do you ask?"
Lestrade looked at Sherlock meaningfully. "Is there something you want to tell me Lestrade?"
"I give up!"
"All we need is an appearance from Cardinal Richelieu." John said with a wry smile.
*Ping*
"It's mine" John informed them.
-It's interesting that Ms. Adler's end was just like Milady's. MH
John spluttered.
"It's from Mycroft, isn't it?" John nodded "What did he say" John looked up, lost for what to tell Sherlock "Did he give a retort about the analogy? Because it fits!"
"Oh you don't know how right you are!" John said with relief.
"What about Porthos?" Sherlock suddenly asked.
John gasped, "We don't have a Porthos? How can this be? We can't have the three musketeers without Porthos!" He finished with exaggerated despair.
"Listen up every one!" Greg announced to the room at large. The two lab technicians in the room stopped and turned to face him. "We're looking for a Porthos. We need to find one quick!" The rookies stared at him with a blank look.
"Some musketeers you found!" John said sarcastically.
Just then Mike Stamford entered the lab. "Hi every one! I didn't expect to see you all here. How's it going ...Why are you all looking at me like that?"
"How about…?" Lestrade asked.
"Happy go lucky, cheerful, pays attention to his clothes, well to do wife…" Sherlock listed .
"Perfect!" John said while rubbing his hands.
"Am I missing something here?" Mike asked uncertainly.
"PORTHOS!" the trio exclaimed.
"Ok, so the gang's complete, now what?" Asked Greg.
"Um, we can go for drinks?" Mike supplied.
"All for drinks and drinks for all!" Lestrade exclaimed enthusiastically.
"Yup, great idea, let's pick up Constance on our way and go!" said John.
"Who's Constance?" asked Sherlock
John looked at him, "You're hopeless!"
Just a little reminder of the female characters in the book:
Milady de Winter was the wife of Lord de Winter, then she abandoned him and married Athos, but Athos found out and sort of left her. She also had a fling with D'Artagnan. At the end of the first volume she is beheaded. I know, pretty messed up, right?
Constance is a woman D'Artagnan falls in love with. In the beginning of the book she's plucky and sarcastic and pushes D'Artagnan away , but at the end she's meek and all lovey-dovey over him. The critics are still baffled by this extreme shift in her character!
The song parodies in the beginning of the conversation can be found in my other fic "Death by Negligence", if you're interested.
Funny how the conversation wouldn't come, and then I had to struggle to make them stop! That's writer's block removing for me!
Reviews are highly appreciated! :D