A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade.
For CHiKa-RoXy who suggested Charlie Brown. What can I say, the inspiration hit me and I had to work out the conversation's direction...
I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, nor any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.
At Scotland Yard:
"So, Sherlock, what do you think of the missing sapphire? It was-"
"The maid did it, boring! What else have you got?"
"Do you have any fresh murders for him, Greg? At this rate he'll solve the entire cold case archive and there won't be any left for later!" John pleaded.
"Sorry John, we don't have anything like that at the moment. So, Sherlock, what about this mysterious dog footprints case? Take a look at the file."
"Lestrade, real-"
"Oh, look. It's Snoopy and Woodstock! The dog case is right up your alley." Sally said with a smirk as she passed by.
"Who's Snoopy?" Sherlock asked.
"That…is a long story." Lestrade said and then sighed. "How can I relay this fast enough for you to follow…"
"He's a character in a comic strip and animated series called Peanuts." John interjected "He's a cute black and white beagle dog. Woodstock is a little yellow bird who's his friend. There's a certain character I have in mind for our dear Donoven…"
"Good grief, not you too, John! This argument is never going to stop." Greg was pinching the bridge of his nose.
John and Sherlock began to giggle.
"What are you two giggling about? What devious pranks are you two planning?"
"Take a look Charlie Brown!" John turned the lap top on Lestrade's desk towards him "It's priceless!"
Lestrade bent down and looked at the comic on his lap top screen. It was a panel showing Charlie Brown being flung in the air while clutching Snoopy's leash and saying "Good grief!"
"I do feel like that sometimes!" Greg muttered.
"You're a great match for it too." John replied.
"Oh really?" Greg said with a raised eyebrow.
"You have the hair cut to match and you have the same easy going and positive attitude." John said in a matter of fact tone.
"I have a positive attitude?" Greg asked disbelievingly.
"You put up with Anderson and you never give up hope of him becoming a competent forensic scientist." Sherlock answered.
"You also put up with dear Lucy's lovely attitude on a daily basis." John added.
"Why do you insist on comparing Donoven to Lucy?" Greg asked him.
"She's crabby, bossy, mean to Sherlock and gives crappy advice that isn't needed!" John said with a scowl.
"Bad day?" Sherlock asked in an understanding tone.
"Kind of, ya…" John sighed.
Greg snorted, then he took a closer look at the screen. "Come to think of it, I do see the Snoopy analogy!"
"Do you now? Care to elaborate?" Sherlock asked with mock interest.
"Sure! Okay, where to start…"
"Sleep deprivation detective inspector?" Sherlock asked.
"Go the usual route, Greg, start with appearance. We'll join in." John soothed.
"Alright then, let's start with Snoopy. White with black ears, a perfect fit for Sherlock who's extremely pale and has long black hair."
"My hair isn't long!"
"It's reaching your shoulders. You need a haircut Sherlock, deal with it!" John answered smoothly.
"He uses a lot of different disguises." Greg looked at the laptop, "Haven't used one with sunglasses yet. Oh, I think I'll ask another department for a case just to make you use such a disguise!" Then he started to snicker.
"That," Sherlock looked at snoopy with sunglasses leaning on a wall "Is not going to happen!"
"Sunglasses are your division, Greg, not his!" John said with a smirk.
"Sure, whatever. He doesn't get excited over food though."
"Food is boring."
"No, but he goes nuts when he has an exciting case. Did you know he has a case dance, Greg?" John said casually.
"I do not!"
"Sure you do. You through your fists up while jumping in the air, then you clap your hands and twirl around."
Sherlock and Greg stared at John dumbfounded.
"What?"
"You memorized what I do when I get excited over a case." Sherlock said stunned.
"Mate, I don't know if that's creepy or sweet!" Greg mused.
"I'm thinking of putting it to the Hokey Pokey music and publishing it in my blog. I'll call it "Sherlock's case dance"!"
"What's the Hokey Pokey?"
"You put your right foot in, You put your right foot out…" Greg started singing to himself in a low voice "You punch the air, you jump on the ground…" he tried.
"John you wouldn't do that to me now, would you?" Sherlock was pouting.
"No, I'm just teasing you. I don't know about Greg though." They both turned to the DI.
"You do the case dance…" Lestrade continued singing.
"Any time you're finished Greg!" John interrupted him.
"Maybe I should teach my kids the Hokey Pokey, the case dance is too dizzying." Greg muttered to himself. "Back to Snoopy! You're not too friendly either. Snoopy got along with almost everyone. Except the birds maybe…"
"Well, I don't get along with bird-brains!" Sherlock said haughtily.
"I still don't know if Lucy and Snoopy liked each other or not." John mused.
"Oh, I can assure you they don't in this version." Sherlock said firmly.
John started giggling all of a sudden.
"What's so funny John?" Greg asked him with obvious curiosity.
"I was picturing what would happen if Sherlock and Sally would bump into each other under a mistletoe branch. I wonder who would run in the opposite direction faster!" John said with a chuckle.
"I rather wear the sunglasses than face that situation!" Sherlock sad horrified. Then he cleared his throat. "So, who's Woodstock?"
"Woodstock is a small yellow bird who dropped in from the south. He's got spiky feathers on his head, and weak wings. He can't fly all that well." Greg delivered in one breath.
"I can see the analogy!"
"Hey! My hair isn't spiky!" John protested.
"It's blond, and the hair on the back of your head is currently sticking up." Sherlock said neutrally.
"Fine." John grumbled while trying to smooth his hair. "And yes, no need to get into the wing/shoulder analogy."
"Dare I enter the height analogy?" Greg asked with a smirk.
"Really Lestrade, there is no need for that, it's rather obvious!" Sherlock dead panned.
John grumbled something unintelligible under his breath.
"Woodstock is Snoopy's best friend, no matter what you looked like, we would have made you fit the description." Greg told John with a tone of finality. "He communicates in a certain chicken-scratch that only Snoopy understands." Greg continued.
"Last I checked I translated Sherlock for you." John was incredulous.
"But no one can read your handwriting except for Sherlock."
"Hello! I'm a doctor, not a calligrapher!"
"What does Woodstock say?" Sherlock interjected.
"Apparently it's mostly complaining." Greg replied.
"You do complain a lot though!" Sherlock told John
"Granted." John agreed.
"Oh well, moving on to the characteristics then." Greg said with a sigh, "Woodstock is Snoopy's sidekick and assistant, he's also his mechanic when he plays at being a World War One pilot."
"Mechanic?" Sherlock spat.
"Well the plain needs fixing; it's a war for crying out loud-"
"How's that relevant to John?"
"He fixes you up when you do something reckless and stupid." Greg took a look at Sherlock's puzzled face "Didn't you say something about your body being your transport?"
"A doctor fixing the body is like a mechanic fixing a vehicle. You've become a poet Greg!" John chuckled.
"Thanks John, and let's not forget the protectiveness."
"What protectiveness?"
"Do I really need to elaborate on this one?" Greg said with a cheeky grin as he noticed John and Sherlock turning an interesting shade of pink.
Donoven burst in the office.
"We have reports of double homicides committed at three different parts of the city, sir!"
"Okay, right behind you Lucy, I mean Sally. Go on ahead."
"Come on Sherlock, you now you want to do it." John teased Sherlock. Sherlock glared at him.
"You punch the air, you jump on the ground…" Greg started singing.
"Oh for heaven's sake Lestrade, grow up!" Sherlock snapped at him.
"Why do you always pick on me?" Greg whined.
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