A series of conversations between Lestrade, Sherlock and John as they compare themselves and those around them to characters from other works of fiction. With occasional appearance from other characters. The first line is always by Lestrade, or someone with that last name!
Sorry if it's been a while, lack of inspiration and Greg's cooperation were to blame. If this seems crackier than before, blame it on the drugs in Greg's system. (Yes, he's yet to come down!)
Disney princess are for Akemi713 and Skulduggery Pleasant is for CHiKa-RoXy. See if you can get what're the movies referenced at the end! :D
I do not own any of the characters of BBC Sherlock, or any of the literal works mentioned in these stories.
An hour later, at the flat in 221B:
"So, Sherlock, are you familiar with 'Little Women'?"
"Either you're getting more delirious by the second, or I am missing context here. But to answer your question, I do not have any small women amongst my acquaintances."
"Wait, wait, wait, is he talking about 'Little Women'?" John asked with a hint of alarm in his voice.
"Unless you count Mrs. Hudson as a little woman, but I don't think she'd appreciate being called little." Sherlock mused as if there were no interruptions.
"Yeah, it's a nice book." Greg said with a dreamy smile, "I read it with my daughter. I was thinking-"
"No, stop right there!" John cut him off "I know exactly where this is going, and I really, really, don't want to go there!" he said sternly.
"But it'll be great analogy, see, Sherlock is the wild child, so he's-"
"NO!" John cut him off again, "I know where this is going. In fact, I know exactly who is going to be whom, and that's why you should stop it right there."
"But-"
"There's going to be a Beth. I've got an idea who's going to be likened to her so I'm stopping it right here."
"But-"
"Nope, change the story. I forbid you to go anywhere near Beth, and that's final!"
"Fine! So touchy!" Greg mumbled indignantly.
"When are you going to fall asleep Lestrade? This is getting tedious!" Sherlock seethed.
"What happened to filming him?" John asked him in a low voice.
"My arm got tired after his analogy to a story about a pleasant skull."
"Skulduggery Pleasant." John supplied.
"What is it?"
"A detective story with some magicians."
"And?
"I just read the first paragraph of the Wikipedia page. You can't expect me to read all of the eight books in the few minutes it took him to jump to his next analogy!" John snapped.
"They're eight books?" Sherlock asked incredulously, "Do you think Lestrade has read all of them?"
John considered that for a moment, "Maybe we can tease him about it after he's back to normal." He said with a wry smile.
"Oh, you know what? You two are like Sonny and Cher, the names kind of fit you too. Maybe for next year's Halloween party you can dress like them. You'd win the prize for the best couple's custom for sure."
John and Sherlock stared at him dumbfounded.
"Johnny and Cher-lock, hahaha!" Greg giggled.
Sherlock put his face in his hands. "Please, make it stop!" he whined.
*Ping*
"That's me." John informed them dryly.
-Can't you sedate him? MH
-He's got an unknown drug in his system, it'll be too risky. JW
-Then put him out by hitting him on the head with a frying pan. MH
-And give him a concussion? This isn't a cartoon Mycroft! JW
-This whole situation is cartoonish! MH
"How about Disney princesses? Has anyone told you that you look like Snow White, Sherlock?" Greg piped up.
Sherlock was looking longingly at the wall.
-This is rather painful to watch. MH
-You don't know the half of it, at least you're not here! JW
"And John, you're blond, you're-"
"Greg, I'm warning you! Go to sleep or I'll hit you over the head with a frying pan!"
"Yup, Rapunzel it is!" Greg said with satisfaction.
"Who's Mycroft?" Sherlock said, suddenly perking up.
"Um…He leans a bit towards being ginger, so, um, Ariel?" Greg sounded unsure. "He's not really princess material…"
-Thank goodness for that! MH
"And we are?" Sherlock said unimpressed.
"Alright then, who'd you be?" John challenged.
"Okay, let's see. I'm saddled with paperwork drudgery and I have to endure two foul tempered colleagues. I need the help of a fairy godmother pretty often, so I'd say I'm Cinderella." Greg finished with a nod.
"Sherlock, are you getting this?" John asked his flat-mate in an undertone.
Sherlock nodded with a mischievous grin.
"I just found out the perfect analogy for you two," Greg said excitedly, "Jack and the Bean Stock! It describes the height deference perfectly."
"He's only six inches taller than me!" John ranted.
"And Mycroft's the giant." Greg went on, as if no interruption happened.
"It's not like I'm a Hobbit and he's an Ent!" John continued his previous line of argument.
Greg stared for a moment then started laughing, "Well, that brings some interesting images to mind!" He giggled. "He'd make a better dragon though! Mycroft's the Ent!"
-I know it's hard, but try not to shoot him. MH
-Give me one good reason not to! JW
-If you don't manage to put him out, I'll come and shoot him personally. MH
-Fair enough! JW
John showed the text exchange on his phone to Sherlock. The detective snorted then started to surf the internet on his own phone, scrolling franticly through the pages.
"You're so touchy about your height, John." Greg said teasingly, "You know who else was touchy about that subject?"
"No, and I don't want to know."
"Bumblebee!" Greg saw the unimpressed look on John's face and misinterpreted it, so he continued, "You know, that little yellow robot from 'Transformers'?"
-Forget shooting him, shoot me. Right now! JW
-Play along Doctor, I think Sherlock is on to something. MH
-He'd better be! JW
"Who would you be then?" John forced himself to ask.
"Oh, I'm Optimus Prime, Sherlock can be Ironhide, the weapons' specialist."
"He's mixing up universes." John muttered to himself.
Sherlock snorted.
"What, you don't think so?" Greg asked with amusement.
"Of course not! I should be Optimus." Sherlock said with a sardonic grin.
John's eyes widened in astonishment for a second, but he collected himself quickly.
"Oh really? And why is that?" Lestrade challenged.
"Because I'm better than you." Sherlock sad with an eerie tone, rising from his chair and approaching Lestrade who was sitting on the sofa.
"In what?"
"This!" Sherlock said that last statement as he grabbed between Lestrade's shoulder and neck, then squeezed a certain part of it. Lestrade went limp instantly, falling on his face, unconscious.
"Wha- how did you do that?" John asked with a mixture of alarm and astonishment.
"I used the Vulcan nerve pinch, I read how to perform it effectively on the internet."
"Good going Spock! Now, we need to turn him around so that he won't have any cramps when he gets up." John instructed.
Sherlock nodded, "Let's roll!"
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