it doesn't matter in the end

Characters: Phil Tempest, Serena Hamilton

Summary: Or so she tells herself.

It was freezing in North City when the Wave Alchemist walked through the dark streets but for once, there was no connection between her annoyance with everything and everyone and the weather because she was in North City and it was always cold there – not that it would make her any happier at the moment. Her face showed a firm scowl by the time she finally reached her house and she unlocked the door without any hesitation. This was her house and she had any right to be here because this was where she lived.

"You are late."

She did not flinch as she threw her coat onto her couch. "You have no reason to be here."

"Says the woman who had keys and full access to all my flats and houses since the academy," he replied as he lowered his newspaper. "And when I said that you are late, I meant it. Did you forget that we have some party to attend?"

He was, as if she had expected anything else, dressed into a neat black suit with that ridiculous red tie she had bought him years ago when they had just gotten money for their work for the very first time. According to some, he had been wearing this tie on any important function he had attended since then and while she had no possibility to confirm this, she was still deeply disturbed by the very idea.

"I told you that I'd not go there," she shrugged as she leaned against a wall. "So, why did you even bother to stop by?"

He did not answer as he grabbed her shoulders and dragged her into her bedroom. "You will change now, I got the car ready around the corner and we will go there together. Serena, we are a team – whether you like it or not does not matter," he said. "Do me a favour and stop blaming yourself for what happened then. We are still the best team around here and if god pleases, we will give them hell because this is all we can do at the moment."

She looked at him before she grabbed his shoulders and kissed him. "You are not healthy for me," she said with a faint grin. "And yet, you are forever the best."

He grinned as he kissed her forehead. "I know that I am irresistible," he said amused. "And yeah, I am probably the reason for your untimely death but well, we can't have everything."

She laughed as he left her room and undid her messy bun to brush her hair before she braided it in the same complicated way her sisters had worn their hair at their respective weddings. This was the only way she could overcome her insecurities.

And she was very insecure.

With Phil, talking was easy and words were formed with ease. With everyone else, her voice betrayed her constantly and no matter how hard she tried, she never managed to achieve full control over her actions and words in public. She hated this. She hated being shy and insecure while she was one of the strongest combat alchemists – even ranked higher than Mustang because she could put out his flames with relative ease. She was rumoured to be one of the craftiest and smartest tacticians but her inability to share her thoughts had ruined this career completely. And yet, she was trying so damn hard to make other people realise that she deserved to be a state alchemist, that she deserved to be named within the same breath as all those who were hailed heroes of long-ago wars and that she was not the loser, the odd one.

She would never willingly admit that he mattered a little bit too much to her, that she liked him more than it was proper regarding their past and their occupation but if she was completely honest with herself – which rarely happened – she would have to admit that she was hopelessly in love with Philippe Tempest. Not that this mattered, of course. She had long realised that their job came with certain sacrifices and love was one of them. She was not like her sisters who merrily overthrew rules because they simply did not care about them and because they were important enough to shut up anyone who tried to tell them that they were doing something wrong.

No, Serena lived by the rules and she accepted them and the limits she was facing. She was a good officer, someone who cared about her subordinates and fellow officers but she would not kill herself to rescue one of them because she appreciated being alive, thank you very much.

And therefore, it simply did not matter that she liked him so much.

They swirled over the dance floor like they were just another attractive couple. His automail was hidden in his glove – a construction of her sister who had the nerve for such little things, something everyone else lacked direly – and her crimson dress attracted enough attention to make him feel comfortable because for once, no one stared at his left hand, the hand their draw with Scar had taken. It was strange to know, especially since they hardly ever talked about that night. Serena was still feeling guilty because she had slipped where she had not been supposed to slip – her aim had been rumoured to be as precise as any sniper's aim – and the fact that her victim had been the one she had relied on so much hurt as well.

"You look beautiful," he told her as he dipped her low, never missing a single beat. "I like your hair style – just like Kay at her wedding, huh?"

"We all got the same wavy hair and we have to learn ways to tame it," she sighed. "Nessa once called it the beauty queen style because it looks so nice."

"Well, she is right," he grinned as he smiled at her. "Just be careful with those heels."

They could both feel that there was something in the air, something that might make them change their opinions and thus their lives. Around them, the air was sizzling with tension and Serena looked around, wondering whether her sister was there because Lightening had the ability to create a tension in the air but she simply could not see the redhead.

"I am always careful," she said, remembering that one damn time when she had not been careful enough, when she had seen no other way but to cut off his hand to save his life. He had never blamed her because they both knew that the only other option would have been death and he had rather lost his hand than his life.

"Of course you are," he agreed as heat crept through his veins. She was a water alchemist who used water in all its states and yet, she made him feel more heat than his cousin ever could. Serena was different from all the other people he knew and he liked this about her. She was witty and even though she often had a hard time to voice her inner thoughts, he understood her.

For them, the timing was never right and it would never be perfect either. There would always be a reason to be afraid, a reason not to say what was obvious. But sometimes, she was no longer scared and those days, she would dance and laugh with him like she had no care in this world, like there was nothing that could harm her. She was like the moon, cold and distant while he was the sun, warm and full of life and passion. She chuckled as she remembered the story Lynn had always told her children, the story about how the sun loved the moon so much that he would cover himself at night to give the moon a chance to shine. Kay who had always been more radical than Lynn had told Laila that the sun died every evening to let the moon dance above them and that the sun was reborn in the morning, like a phoenix.

"What are you laughing about?" he asked as his fingers toyed with a strand of her hair.

"I laughed about Lynn's story, the story about the moon and the sun," she replied with a grin.

He smiled softly. "Jade was shocked at her because, well, to make death a topic for five-year-old kids might not be the wisest decision your sister ever made," he shrugged. "Still, you are a pretty moon, Serena, and I gladly die for you."

She froze in the middle of her spin but he easily stabilised her as she lost balance. "I wouldn't have guessed that you feel like this," she said slowly, full of hesitation. "Then again, maybe I did not want to consider this option," she added quietly.

"You are a tactician and yet, you refused to consider this option?" he asked in confusion.

"Seriously, I wouldn't have guessed that this even was an option."

"Between casual make-outs and nights that ended in various states of undress, it was never even worth the consideration."

"I wouldn't have assumed that your sense of self-preservation is that bad," she smirked. "I did destroy your hand. I cut it off – and nothing you could have done would have prevented this."

"Rena, I grew up with my sister," he said. "It's a miracle that I still got so many limbs after all."

She chuckled because he was most likely right. Jade had a talent to get herself into trouble and yet, they had never gotten into trouble for anything. "Where are we supposed to go from here?"

"I don't know this yet," he replied. "I can only tell you that I won't let this die. You matter. We matter and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise."

She smiled. "So it does matter, after all…"