Title: Until We Reach Valinor

Chapter 18: Of Shocking Epiphanies and Numenorean Literature

NOTE: This story is sequel to "A Teacher's Duty" and you'll have to read that one first to understand this. Also, this story does not contain slash, and it is not a romance, despite what the first chapter might suggest.

SPECIAL THANKS to Cassie, for beta-reading my work. And to Kellen for helping me to name Alannna 'Alanna.'

…

It was later that night, when he and Alanna were getting ready to go to bed, that it suddenly struck Legolas that he should have spoken to his wife before telling his father he loved her. The realization filled him with dismay, and he berated himself for becoming so carried away that Alanna had just…slipped his mind. He cringed at the prospect having to go and seek out his father and confess to him that he'd lied if Alanna didn't want him to think they loved each other. His father would not be amused. For a moment he considered not telling her, but he knew he'd never be able to live with himself if he did.

With a barely suppressed groan, he steeled himself and called out tentatively, "Alanna?"

There was a muffled yelp from the dressing room and Legolas blanched at the sound of shattering glass. "Have I not told you not to startle me?!" came an enraged shout. "You made me break another vase!"

It was the first time she'd actually shouted at him. "Er…sorry!" he apologized the moment he regained his speech, cutting her off before she could continue on her rant, "It won't happen again. I merely wanted to speak with you." He cursed himself for not waiting till she had come out of the dressing time, though he privately didn't see how she could be startled when he'd spoken so softly. It wasn't as though he'd barged into the dressing room, or sneaked up on her and startled her. He supposed it was the outcome of living alone for so long, and cringed at how many vases would break when they were living with seventy teenagers. The Valar help me, I'm going to have to replace everything made of glass on all my property if she keeps this up!

"I'm sorry," Alanna muttered grumpily as she emerged some minutes later with an unbuttoned nightgown. "I didn't mean to shout at you. I'm just very clumsy and apparently, very easily startled as well, for some reason." She smiled sheepishly, "I'd better call Calianna to clean the glass up before I end up cutting myself."

"No, let that wait a moment," Legolas interposed swiftly, "I have to speak with you now, before my father leaves, or it will be too late."

"Too late for what?" She asked curiously, sitting down on the edge of the bed and looking up at him.

Legolas hesitated, "I told my father something which I should have spoken to you about first. I told him…I told him that I love you. I mean, romantically, love you." Stating the obvious, He berated himself, Shut up.

Alanna was frozen, gaping at him like a goldfish. "You…how can you?" She asked, shock rendering her completely incoherent, "I mean, we've only known each other for…and I'm not exactly…not to mention I love Rilian-"

"What?" He asked in confusion, before his brain caught up. "No, no!" He said, blushing furiously, "No, of course I don't love you. I said I did."

Alanna looked intensely relieved. "Thank heaven," She breathed, and then blushed. "Sorry I jumped to conclusions. I know you'd have to be possessed to fall in love with me." She laughed lightly.

"Oh, you aren't as bad as all that," He said uneasily, trying and failing to sound light hearted and familiar. He cringed inwardly; the words had sounded forced and insincere.

"Of course I am, and don't argue," She told him, supremely unaffected by his discomfort, "Just answer this: why would you tell your father you loved me if you didn't?"

"To spare him the guilt of knowing that he had condemned me to all the woe of a loveless for all eternity," Legolas told her, and, after a moment's hesitation, sat down beside her on the bed. "You see, my father has his own reasons for sailing and they cannot be avoided. He is as duty-bound in this as you or I. He's going to start a new life, and I don't want him to regret forcing me into this, when I agreed to it willingly. Besides, he'd already jumped to his own conclusions after watching me spring to your defense last night." He shrugged, "He was convinced I loved you, and when he asked me if I did, I just said yes."

She studied for a moment, before asking, "And why exactly are you telling me this? What do you expect me to say?"

"It's up to you what you want to say. I just realized that it was wrong of me to just say something like that without asking you first, and if you object, I will be more than willing to go up and explain the situation to my father. That's why I wanted to tell you now, and not tomorrow, because by tomorrow he'll be gone, and it will be too late."

She stared at him for a long moment, a strange light in her eyes. "I wouldn't dream of making you do something like that," She said softly, "I respect you for telling me, but rest assured I have no objections." She rose, and made as if to walk away, but paused a moment before turning back to him. "You know, it was a very selfless thing you did, lying to your father." Legolas stiffened, wondering where this was leading. "Not only did you lie to him just before you were leaving, you lost your one chance of confiding in someone who actually knew what you were going through. Oh yes," She added as he started, "It may have happened before my lifetime, but I know your parents had a marriage of convenience just like ours."

"I'd hardly call this convenient," Legolas interjected before he could stop himself, a little irritated that she had probably known about his parents' marriage before he had.

"No, it is not convenient at all," She laughed in agreement, "But you must be wondering how I know of your parents' marriage when no one speaks of it anymore."

"Yes, I am, actually," he confirmed.

"Well, Rilian was much older than me when we met; he was a teenager in the time when your father adopted Ivana Oakenshield's as his heir, and, naturally, lived through your mother's death, your birth and Ivana's untimely ending as well. I always thought her fate was very tragic and undeserved. The mere thought that this country might have been ruled by a woman…" She broke off, and looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry. I did not mean to say I think you are an incompetent ruler."

"No, that's…alright," Legolas said, completely unnerved by her casual reference to things no one had ever spoken of before, least of all to him. The realization that she had known his family history before he did was thoroughly disconcerting.

"It's just that," Alanna continued musingly, oblivious to Legolas's discomfiture, "It would have been so wonderful if a woman ruled Greenwood. Women would have finally been treated with respect and…" She cut herself off and smiled ruefully. "I'm dreaming. I doubt that will ever happen in the next…why are you looking like me like that?" She frowned.

"Oh, it's nothing," Legolas said, flushing slightly and hastily looking away from her, "It's just that people don't usually talk about these things, and never to me. You just took me by surprise."

"Oh," Alanna said, frowning slightly, "Well I'm sorry if I offended you…"

"You didn't," Legolas hastened to assure her. He cleared his throat, "So…you are sure you do not mind my telling my father that I was in love with you?"

"Yes of course," Alanna said, "It's just that you've now lost the one person you can confide in, and I don't think it was right to lie to him when…"

"That's alright, Alanna," Legolas tried to convince both himself and her, "I'll be perfectly fine. I don't need a confidante."

"Yes you do. Don't think I don't realize that this is difficult for you as well, perhaps even more so than it is for me. I at least have something to live for. I experienced love in all its wonder and glory, and I have a joyful future with Rilian to look forward to when we reach Valinor. You will never have a chance to experience love."

"Maybe I'm not meant to experience love," Legolas replied, "Maybe I'm incapable of it. And maybe I've already come to terms with that."

"That's not true," She shot back, horrified that he could think that way, "Everyone's meant to experience love. Life would be inconceivable without it."

Eru, not another romantic, Legolas groaned to himself. The Valar help me, she could be Aragorn's feminine embodiment…which is a rather disturbing thought. He shuddered slightly and shook it off before he had a chance to dwell on it. "I cannot miss what I have not experienced," He said in reply to her what she'd said, "And my life has been perfectly fulfilling without it."

She stared at him wordlessly, horrified by the epiphany which she had suddenly come upon. Because he was married to her, he would never have a chance at love. If he had been a little less honorable, she knew that he might still have found love while still being married to her, but being who he was, he wouldn't so much as look at another woman in a remotely romantic light; he'd view it as compromising his vow of fidelity. I should be thankful, she thought, not missing the irony; it's what every woman would dream off in a husband, complete honor and fidelity. But instead she was filled with regret that she was unable to appreciate what she had been given, and that because of her, he would never have a chance at love in his life. And most of all, that there was precious little she could do to fix it.

…

The very next day, Legolas commenced shifting his and Alanna's things to the school, which was going to be their permanent home. He knew it was rather fast, but sharing two nights with a stranger in the room that he'd grown up in had been difficult enough, and he didn't want this particular room, where he'd been born, where his father had read him bedtime stories and where Ivana, or Elchim, as he knew her them, had taught him history and geography and arithmetic, to go from going from being his to theirs. He had only lived in his quarters in the school for six months, and he was a lot more comfortable with the idea of sharing that with Alanna than this.

She had a lot more belongings than he would have thought possible. He had budgeted for one large horse cart to carry her clothes and other belongings, which was an accurate conjecture, but he had not expected that she wanted to carry some six hundred books with her as well. He had not even known that she enjoyed reading, so it took him by surprise when she insisted on driving him nearly insane with her exhaustive analysis of every single book in the enormous library as she tried to decide which ones she could bear to be parted with. And worse still, she would often get caught up in books while sorting through them, so that when he'd come in to check on her progress, he'd invariably find her sitting amidst a pile of books completely engrossed in something or the other. Legolas had to threaten, reason coax, cajole and finally beg her to limit herself to two cartloads.

"You'll be able to come here later, you know; this library isn't going anywhere," He said, affected in spite of himself by the mournful look on her face. When she didn't cheer up, he played his trump card. "You know, we have quite an extensive library at the other palace as well, as I'm sure you'll be-"

"You do?!" she interrupted, all traces of displeasure gone from her face, and Legolas had to smother a smile when she turned to him with eagerness reminiscent of a child's when presented with a new toy. "Why didn't you say so?" She asked him, the embodiment of enthusiasm, and his smile faded as he realized he'd started a conversation on literature, something he did not enjoy in the least. The Valar help me.

"Tell me," She continued, to his dismay, "Do you have any good Numenorean Literature? I love Numenorean poetry, and my collection is rather lacking when it comes to…"

Legolas's mind tuned out of the conversation while she waxed eloquent for about five minutes on Numenorean. He noted with surprise that he had never seen her so enthusiastic about any subject before; and the difference it made was quite remarkable. Her face and eyes sparkled with animation; her speech suddenly became articulate and pronounced; a clear contrast from her usual style of speaking in almost-mumbles. Even her gestures became more exuberant.

"You know," He said loudly when she paused to catch a breath; "Aragorn is very fond of Numenorean Literature and poetry himself. It is, after all, a part of his heritage. I'm sure he'd be very interested to hear your views on the subject. At any rate, he would certainly appreciate them more than I."

"Oh, I couldn't possibly," She said, sounding, to his surprise, unnerved at the prospect. "He's…his own contributions to the field are so…" the esteem she held him in was made obvious by her awed tone, "I would sound like a complete novice if I started such a conversation with him."

He started at her incredulously. "Are you quite yourself, Alanna, or did you just get infected by some form of potent spider venom I haven't heard about?!" He exclaimed, shaking his head, "In all my long life, I haven't met anyone as enthusiastic or well-informed on the subject as you, and he's lived for a lot less time than I have!" He paused, and stared at her incredulously, marveling at how she could so grossly underestimate herself. When she failed to look convinced he added emphatically, "He would be thrilled to hear your views!"

"You think so?" She asked, full of eager anxiety.

"Yes, of course," He said firmly, "Now stop moping around here; it's time to leave. Have you decided which books to carry?"

"Yes," She said brightly, and then added to his disbelief, "And you're helping me put all the others back!"

Legolas's eyes traveled around the room and he immediately shook his head as he took in the books piled haphazardly everywhere. "There is no way in all of arda you'll get me to do that. Ask the servants to do it, why don't you?"

"I am not trusting the servants within a league of my books!" She exclaimed, "Besides, most of them are busy with loading my other belongings onto the cart." She grinned impishly, "So you're helping me instead."

"I am not!"

"Oh, yes, you are!" she told him, in a tone that brokered no argument. "Because the sooner we leave from here, the sooner we get to that library! So you're going to help me if it's the last thing you do!" She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

If a wall had been anywhere in sight, Legolas would have been sorely tempted to dash his head against it in frustration, but as it was, he had little choice but to assist her if he didn't want to risk premature death. But somehow, even though he moaned and groaned at the injustice of being put to the task, he could not find it in his heart to be really annoyed at her display of bossiness. He did not know it then, but he would grow rather fond of it in the years to come.

…

TBC…

Thank you all for reviewing last time, and I hope you all do this time as well. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.