Title: Until We Reach Valinor

Chapter 22: This Miracle of Life

NOTE: This story is sequel to "A Teacher's Duty" and you'll have to read that one first to understand this. Also, this story does not contain slash, and it is not a romance, despite what the first chapter might suggest.

SPECIAL THANKS to Cassie, for beta-reading previous chapters, even though she seems to have disappeared on me again this time. She's probably fallen sick again, and I hope she gets well. And thanks to Kellen, too, for helping me to name Alannna.

…

Legolas woke to the sound of someone retching. Immediately alert, he threw the bedcovers of himself and padded over to the bathroom, which was ajar. He found Alanna leaning over the chamber pot, retching helplessly. He crossed the room in three quick strides and hesitated only a moment before taking her long hair in one of his hands and holding it away from her face so that it wouldn't be soiled. He realized with a start that it was the first time he was actually touching it after admiring it nearly every night when she bent to blow out the candles, but pushed the inappropriate and rather untimely thought away immediately. To his relief, Alanna was still retching and didn't notice his embarrassment.

Finally, after a few minutes, she straightened, still looking a bit green. Legolas sat her down on a stool and went into the room to fetch a glass of water, which she accepted gratefully.

"Are you alright?" He asked, when he saw that she was looking less sick.

"Yes, I think it's passed now," She replied hoarsely. When she saw him frown in concern, she added, "It must have been something I ate for dinner."

Legolas continued to frown. "I ate everything you did, and I'm not sick," He pointed out.

"Well, it's probably just one of those odd occurrences," She said dismissively, and then yawned. "I'm going to bed now. Are you coming?"

Still frowning, but deciding to let the matter go for the moment, he nodded and followed her back into their bedchamber. Alanna, exhausted from feeling nauseous for two nights in a row, quickly fell asleep in the glow of relief that always follows after a spell of sickness. Legolas was still too puzzled and concerned about what had happened to fall asleep immediately. He remembered Alanna's lack of appetite the previous morning and her newfound dislike for sausages, and his frowned deepened. What could possibly be the matter? As he drifted asleep, he couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that both he and Alanna were missing something.

…

Legolas kept a close watch on Alanna the next morning at breakfast. She ate heartily enough until the sausages were brought in. But one whiff of them sent her bolting out of the room, her hand clasped around her mouth. Ignoring the startled looks on his friends' faces, Legolas rose and hurried after her. He found her (again) in the nearest bathroom. She was standing near the chamber pot; thankfully not retching, but breathing deeply to ease the nausea.

"Was it the sausages again?"

She nodded, looking bewildered. "It's strange. I usually love sausages. I don't know what's happened to me."

Legolas was equally perplexed. He was again feeling like something very important and was escaping his notice, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out what. "Has it passed completely now?" He asked.

"I think so," She nodded.

"Then let's go back and have breakfast."

"I'm not going anywhere near those sausages!" Alanna protested.

"Then we'll have them removed from the table. No," He added when she began to protest, "You lost half your dinner last night. You need to eat. My friends can survive one day without sausages, as can I. Now, come."

Seeing from his face that it would be useless to argue with him, she sighed loudly and threw up her hands in exaggerated resignation. Legolas gave her a Look, and then took her arm and- to her mild irritation (he didn't need to treat her like a complete invalid just because she'd been a bit nauseous!)- led her back to the dining room.

"I'm sorry; I was just feeling a bit nauseous," Alanna said in response to the others' questions. "I'm alright now."

Predictably, Aragorn was unsatisfied with this evasive answer. "Nauseous?" He asked, exchanging a look with Elano, who was also leaning forward in sudden interest. "Is this the first time it's happened?"

Healers, Legolas thought, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes.

"No. It's been plaguing me on and off for four days now."

"Four days?!" Aragorn exclaimed.

Legolas also sat up in concern and alarm, no loner able to dismiss her sickness as an 'odd occurrence.' "Why didn't you say anything? It could be serious!" Even as he said it, he realized how unlikely it was. Elves just didn't get sick, so he knew now that he and Alanna just had to be missing something. But what? And why was Alanna insisting on being so dismissive of her symptoms?

"You might have made it worse by ignoring it!" Aragorn agreed.

Alanna set her fork down and glared at him. "Will you all stop- breathing down my neck!"

"We're not breathing down your neck!" Legolas protested, "We're simply concerned!"

To Legolas's amazement, Alanna's brown eyes suddenly filled with tears. "I-I know. I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. I've just been so- moody and emotional lately. I'm sorry," She said again, dashing away her tears and looking simultaneously bewildered at their presence.

"You have been moody," Legolas said thoughtfully, remembering how she had snapped at him the previous night when he had tried to tell her about Ivana. She had apologized, of course, and listened to what he had said with as much understanding as he had expected of her. But the fact remained that she had been having out-of-character moments of anger and irritation all week. He wondered if it had been because she hadn't been keeping well, or if it was something else…

"Oh, Valar." Suddenly, the goblet in Alanna's hand fell from her grasp and onto the table with a loud clang. She barely noticed. The expression on her face was reminiscent of someone who had been hit squarely on the head by a very large and heavy weight and hadn't yet had the chance to recover. "Eru. I can't believe it!"

"Er…Alanna?"

"Legolas don't you understand?!" Her hands flew to her belly, and Legolas's eyes widened as he suddenly understood what she meant.

"It can't be…"

"I've been sick," She said, listing her symptoms to convince herself that she wasn't mistaken. "I've been moody. And I'm late." In other circumstances, she would have died at the thought of relaying something so personal and private before three men, but at the moment, she was too preoccupied to be embarrassed. "I'm pregnant," She said.

A thousand emotions overwhelmed her at once, but the one that emerged the strongest was joy. She was going to be a mother. A bright, happy smile lit up her face. Her powerful maternal instinct was enough to over-ride any of her usual doubts and insecurities. She was going to be the best mother she could be, and for once, she was confident that it would be enough. She had always wanted children of her own. She had thought that it would matter that Rilian wasn't the father, but it didn't. All that mattered was the miracle taking place inside of her. It was a part of her. She rubbed her stomach gently, almost reverently, lost in a haze of joyful anticipation as she pictured the next nine months and the years that would follow after them.

Legolas, for his part, was speechless, or very nearly so. "What...I'm not-I-"

"Breathe, mellonamin," Aragorn drawled, amused. "It's not yet the end of the world." In truth, though, he was quite surprised by the news; and he could tell from Arwen's and Elano's faces that he wasn't the only one. Legolas and Alanna had been married for less than a month, and for them to have already…Suddenly that week in which neither of them had been able to look at each other without blushing crimson started to make more sense. He grimaced, not particularly happy about the fact that he now knew the exact date when his friend had…He swiftly cut that thought off before he could complete it.

"Congratulations, Legolas," He said, rising and embracing his shell-shocked friend. "You're going to be a father. I can hardly believe it. I'm so glad for you."

At the word 'father', Legolas's profound disbelief was joined swiftly by panic. He stared at Alanna's midriff, which was only half visible over the tabletop, and still couldn't quite believe that a life, which he had helped create, was being nurtured inside even as they were speaking. Her stomach didn't look in the least different. The idea of being a father was more a source of apprehension than of joy to him. He barely heard Elano and Arwen congratulating them, and Alanna was simply too overjoyed to respond to anyone coherently. Aragorn, quickly seeing that the couple needed time alone to digest the momentous news, signaled silently to the others. The three filed out, and Legolas and Alanna were both grateful for their tact. For a long time, they could not find any words, each too preoccupied with their own thoughts.

Legolas was the first to break the silence. "I never thought it would happen so soon," He said softly. "I thought we would have to try more." (Though he was extremely thankful that was not the case. Once had been bad enough.) "Aragorn must be so shocked; we've been married for less than a month," He continued, "He's too much of a romantic to understand how two people who don't love each other can be-" He blushed crimson as he said it- "intimate, especially when one of them is already-"

"You told him about Rilian?" Alanna interrupted him.

"No, of course not. I would never betray what you told me in confidence. He inferred it himself from your poetry. He said they were a key to your character or some such thing, so it's probably unwise to be so indiscriminate about whom you show them to in the future, if you don't mind my presuming to say so. He demanded to know why I had agreed to marry someone who was clearly in love with someone else, and then I had to tell him the truth. I hope you're not offended?"

"Not at all. I didn't expect it to happen this soon either. It's quite terrifying, but so… wonderful at the same time." She smiled and absently stroked her belly in it.

"You seem quite happy about this," Legolas said, hesitantly. He wasn't even sure if he should be asking this next question; if their relationship was familiar enough to permit it. "Doesn't it…I mean…"

"Doesn't it bother me that it's not Rilian's child I'm carrying, but yours?" Alanna finished the question for him. At his nod, she continued "No. I thought I'd be wracked by guilt, but …all I can feel is happiness," She paused, struggling to find the right words to explain. It was surprisingly difficult. "It doesn't matter to me who fathered this child," She said at last, "It's my child It makes me so happy to have someone who belongs to me. To…to finally have family, bound to me not by love, or…marriage, but by blood."

Legolas looked at her, not quite knowing how to respond to this. He appreciated her honesty, but a thousand thoughts were clamoring in his head, demanding to be heard, as a result of it. The concept of family was nearly as alien to Legolas as it was to Alanna. All his life, his only blood kin had been his father. They had been father and son, but never a family, because two people just did not make a family. But now, he was going to be part of one. With the arrival of this baby, there would be three of them. And perhaps, if it was a girl, they would have to try again, so they might even be four in the future. Two months ago, his biggest concerns had been the graduation and Celin's little fit of petulance. If anyone had mentioned his name and marriage in the same sentence, he would have laughed in their faces. And now he not only had a wife, as if that wasn't enough to adjust to; but a child on the way as well. The speed at which everything was happening was too much for him.

"The truth is," Alanna continued, speaking more to herself than him; "Even after I was engaged to Rilian, I never thought of being the mother of his children specifically, I just thought of being a mother. I refuse to feel guilty for taking joy in this...blessing. This gift."

"May I ask you something?" Legolas asked, abruptly changing the subject. Alanna's obvious joy over her pregnancy was making him feel guilty about the lack of the same emotion in him, and he didn't want to hear any more talk about the child as a blessing and a gift. "Why did you keep dismissing the fact that you were feeling sick? Most Elves don't even know the meaning of discomfort and illness. Even something as small a rash induced by a spider's bite is fussed over and complained about. And you just dismissed four days of sickness as though they never even happened."

"You said that most Elves don't know the meaning of discomfort or pain," Alanna answered after a short pause, "But I am not most Elves. Have you forgotten how clumsy I am?" She smiled at him. "I've gotten into all sorts of scrapes in my lifetime; tripping over things, slipping on polished floors. I'm used to bumps and bruises and even the occasional sprain."

"But you would have healed easily from bumps and bruises," Legolas pointed out. He was quite concerned about the matter and resolved not let it go until he received a satisfactory answer, "And sprains don't take more than two days to heal. I don't like to push you, Alanna; but I am concerned that if something really life-threatening or dangerous were to happen to you- if, for instance, you were bitten by an exceptionally venomous spider, or perhaps a snake- without realizing what exactly had bitten you- you would try to dismiss your discomfort. The consequences of neglecting something like that could be devastating. "

Alanna was silent for a long moment. Finally, she said, "About three centuries after I'd met Rilian, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg." She grimaced. "It was a bad break. The healers said the bone was cracked in two places and it would take a month before it would fully heal; the fact that I'm an Elf not withstanding. Just as you said, I was unused to that kind of prolonged discomfort, and I fussed and fretted and wept and complained myself hoarse. I didn't have much to distract me from the pain; just Rilian's company."

Her voice took on the self-depreciating that Legolas loathed. "But instead of using it as a distraction I would keep complaining about my misfortunes to him. He bore with me for two weeks and then stopped visiting me until my leg was almost completely healed. I had grown used to him visiting me and the thought losing his company was more than I could bear. Those ten days were the longest of my life. I really thought I had lost him. But he did return, and I was delighted to see him when he did. I asked him why he'd neglected me for so long. He just looked at me and said that no one likes a complainer, and left it at that. From then on, I wowed never to complain when I felt pain or discomfort. I would endure anything in silence if it meant keeping him by my side. And I've never complained since." She gave him a slightly pained smile and looked at him expectantly.

Legolas realized with a start that she was waiting for him to condemn her behavior, and perhaps to praise Rilian. The thought made him even more furious with her late lover. Rilian's behavior, in Legolas's eyes, had been intolerably cruel and in no way justifiable. Soldiers admittedly experienced more pain than Elves of other professions, so it was understandable that they sometimes got irritated when other Elves made a fuss about little things. But a broken leg was not a trivial injury, an even if it had been, to display, let alone to act upon such irritation, was insensitive, and, for Legolas, at least, inconceivable. He was beginning to see that much of Alanna's character had its roots in the way Rilian had treated her. Perhaps even her lack of self-esteem had come from that source, he mused. With a start, he realized that he was presuming too much. He had no right to pass judgment on a man he knew so little about.

"There's a difference between 'not complaining' and 'completely dismissing.'" He told Alanna, "You need to learn how to see that." His voice took on a sudden tone of intensity. "I want you to promise me that any discomfort, any pain you might experience in the future; you will inform me or Aragorn of it. And I don't just mean these nine months, though you should be especially careful until the baby is born. Even afterwards, if you ever feel ill, please don't neglect it. I would not have you lost to our child by an easily preventable death. Or to me," he added before he could stop himself. He blushed in mortification, but the words had been said. And they were true, he realized with a sudden shock. Two months may not have been a long time, but it had been enough for him to become used to her presence in his life. If Alanna died that very day, he would not mourn her, but he would certainly miss her. And even if he wasn't feeling the joy he was supposed to be feeling over her pregnancy, he knew that he didn't want his child to be robbed of its mother. He had lived that, and he wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

Alanna, for her part, was looking at him in pure wonderment. She hadn't known that he cared about her, even that much. Well, how could I? She thought, wryly, Given how closed he is with his emotions? He would be blank and emotionless for days on end and then suddenly do or say things which would shock her half to death. Like the way he had confided in her about Elano yesterday. She'd never heard him talk so much in all the time she had known him. And then again, that same night, he had suddenly revealed a secret that could destroy both him and the memory of his father if it became public knowledge. Yes, he had told her it was high time he was honest with her on the subject of their marriage, especially since she had been frank with him since the day they'd met; but she hadn't exactly been divulging a political bombshell like his!

And now this. She didn't even know how to respond to him. She didn't need to ask herself if she cared about him. Of course she did. He was the one of the most honorable people she had ever met. She wasn't disappointed by his lack of response to her pregnancy. She knew even though he himself had yet to realize it, but he would make a wonderful father when the time came. How could she not care about him? And what he had said made sense. She didn't want to rob her children of her presence anymore than he did. She had grown up without a mother as well. So that would be her response, she decided. She wouldn't embarrass him further by acknowledging what he clearly hadn't meant to let slip.

"You're right," she said, "I'll try not to be dismissive of any discomfort I experience in the future. But you should know that a pregnancy is characterized of discomfort. If I make an issue of it every time I get morning sickness or a backache or swollen ankles, you'll never hear the end of it. So I'll only report it if I feel anything out of the ordinary or something more extreme than usual."

"Backaches? Swollen ankles?" Legolas was looking at her in disbelief. "Are you joking?"

"Are you?" She retorted, "That is only the tip of the iceberg where childbearing is concerned. All the moodiness and discomfort of these next nine months combined is nothing compared to giving birth." She shuddered, and then laughed at his expression. "What? Don't tell me you didn't know that giving birth is painful?"

Legolas flushed. "Of course I knew that! I just didn't realize…"

"No, of course you wouldn't. Men are always unbelievably ignorant about these things. It would appear these next nine months are going to be quite a revelation for you."

Legolas raised an eyebrow at her. "Indeed," He said with mock sarcasm. "I cannot wait."

She grinned at him, and he smiled back, realizing that he was no longer feeling as out of his depth. Some of the fear had already diminished, and he could feel the beginnings of anticipation stirring within him. He remembered what Alanna had said about the child belonging to her in a way it would to know one else, and realized the same would be true for him. There were not very many people in his life with whom he was on close terms. Besides his father, there had been Haldir, who had sailed a few years ago, and Aragorn, who was a mortal, and wouldn't outlast the century. There was Elano too, but with everything that had happened to him, Legolas couldn't see him staying on Middle-Earth very long even if his mother made a miraculous recovery, which he doubted would happen. And Alanna, even if he wanted to look for a lasting relationship with her (which he didn't), could never be anybody's but Rilian's. His child would be the only person in his life who he would be bound to irrevocably. The only tie he would have on Middle-Earth once Aragorn passed away. Why should he fight against that?

He felt the beginnings of anticipation when he started to consider what a blessing this could prove to be. And even though he wasn't sure what kind of father he would make, or whether he would ever feel as joyful about this as he thought he should, he was not fool enough not to recognize this event for what it was. A miracle.

…

TBC…

Okay, to clear up any confusion: Legolas and Alanna got married, and then a week later, slept together. That was the fourteenth day of Alanna's cycle, which according to my Bio textbook, is the time when most women ovulate. Two weeks pass, and the first signs of morning sickness manifest itself. She's late, too. That's how they discover that they're pregnant before even being married for a month (something that was bugging me for awhile before I did the math).

Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Next chapter will have the students returning from their vacation, which I know you've been looking forward to. Congrats to all those people who guessed that Alanna had pregnant. It was pretty obvious, though, LOL. Anyways, I have to go. Please review!