Title: Until We Reach Valinor

Chapter 24: I Will Always Catch You

NOTE: Unfortunately, this chapter hasn't been beta-read. I'm having problems with my internet connection thanks to the rains (somehow, every time the monsoons come to Mumbai, all the serves seem to fail). One of my net connections is working, but one isn't- an inexplicable phenomenon that could only happen in my country. I didn't want to wait for this to be beta-read- who knows when the working connection will decide to break down? So I'm posting this from my mom's laptop. My apologies to you all if I've missed a few typos. Happy reading!

…

Legolas's life settled into a comfortable routine consisting of teaching, working on political concerns, and spending time with his wife. He and Alanna had grown more and more comfortable with each other as the busy days turned into weeks and then months. Now that neither of them had to worry about sleeping together until well after the baby was born, they were less tense and treated each other less cautiously. Legolas, who at the beginning of their acquaintance had had trouble responding to some of the things Alanna said, was now able to converse with her easily and at length. Most of their conversations were related to teaching, or some book from the library that they had both read (although these were few and far between), or a problem among the students that they had both noticed and wanted each other's opinion on. But sometimes, an intimacy would spring up between them, and then they would talk about other, more personal things. Such moments did not come very often, and rarely lasted long when they did, but everything of import they knew about each other's character had been gleaned somewhere during those moments. Though they were not friends, not yet; every time Alanna made a revealing remark, or Legolas said something more demonstrative than usual, they moved closer to friendship.

In fact, the only blemish on the normality Legolas's life had assumed was Elano, who day by day was becoming more withdrawn and depressed. The regular letters he received from his mother's nurse only brought him more bad news. There was no doubt about it- she was slowly, but surely fading; even though it would probably take a few years for the situation to become critical. She would not consume anything willingly save for alcohol. Everyone had noticed the change in him, but only a select few knew of its cause. Celin was beside himself with worry, and was very indignant that Elano had refused to confide in him. Legolas had to take him aside as often as twice in a week to sternly reprimand him for pestering his friend. On the days that the letters arrived, Legolas would without exception go to Elano's room every night and hold him as he wept in despair. He would often spend the night at his side, trying to keep the nightmares at bay. He still feared that Elano would lose the will to live if his mother died. The Elf's eyes had always been sad, but now they were haunted. He was continually exhausted, and had also lost his appetite.

Once again, Alanna surprised Legolas by saving the day. She took it upon herself to make sure that Elano did not neglect himself completely. It was a real effort on her part to be always bright and chirpy during mealtimes where she would rather have been silent and pensive, and her nerves were always slightly more frayed than normal as a result. But she did Elano wonders without allowing him to feel that she was doing anything out of the ordinary. She would try to engage his interest through conversation, and he would eat mechanically, without actually realizing what he was doing.

Of course, this only worked when she spoke on topics that interested him, and there were few of these that she had in common with him. So one day, she amazed everyone by suddenly spouting out something about some obscure Elven healing technique. At Elano's eager questions, she explained it away by saying that she had always been interested in healing. But Legolas found out later that she had actually spent time researching it in the library. Since she already spent more than half her spare time there, obsessively going over her lesson plans, he knew this was no small thing. But she waved away his appreciation and his thanks, saying she was being entirely selfish since she had grown quite fond of Elano and wouldn't want anything to happen to him. But Legolas knew, although he would never admit it to himself; that she was also doing it because she knew how much Elano meant to him.

In the meantime, her morning sickness, though severe in the first few weeks of her pregnancy, more or less wore off by the third month, much to her and Legolas's mutual relief. Day by day, as her pregnancy advanced, her aura glowed brighter and brighter due to a combination of joy and the addition of her baby's life-force to her own. The midwife said that the baby must be extraordinarily healthy for such a change to be noticeable so early, but Legolas put it down to Alanna herself. Excepting the moments of moodiness and the odd occasion when she would begin to cry for something as trivial as a continually recurring spelling mistake in a student's work, she was happier than he had ever seen her.

Sometimes, when she thought he wasn't looking, he would catch her looking down at her stomach with such a tender expression that he was forced to look away, overcome. Once, when he went to seek her in the library, he found her not reading or preparing for her next lesson, but singing a soft lullaby to her unborn child. Embarrassed, he had drawn back, listening to her lilting tones until the song drew to a finish, and then entered as if he hadn't seen or heard anything out of the ordinary. Such instances also made him bitterly regret what he had never actually felt before; the absence of his own mother in his life. It wasn't that he hadn't missed her, but his father had not held back in giving him all the love and care he could ever have asked for. But now, when he saw how much Alanna obviously loved the child, he was beginning to see what he had missed.

"That child is going to be very lucky," He remarked to her once as they were getting ready for bed. "Far luckier than you and I ever were."

"Why? Because both of us are alive?" She asked.

"No, although yes; that's also true, come to think of it. Actually, I meant that it's lucky because it's going to have a mother that dotes on it more than life itself."

"But Legolas, most children do have parents who dote on them more than life itself," Alanna pointed out. "For Elves, parenthood is a great thing- it causes a lot of celebration. I'm hardly an exception."

"And how many parents have you met in your lifetime?" Legolas countered. "I thought you lived in a castle-sized house and barely met anyone all your life? How do you know you're not exceptional?"

"A valid point," Alanna conceded. "But I'm sure that most parents…"

"Most," Legolas agreed, "But not all." He looked away, his voice dropping slightly. "For instance…both our mothers died in childbirth. And that isn't natural- it shouldn't happen, to Elves. They lost the will to live- yours because of your father's death, and mine because of the situation with my father's first wife and Ivana. But the fact remains that their love for us wasn't important enough for them to stay for our sakes. I'm not saying that's wrong," He added quickly when he realized what that sounded like, "Or that I blame them for it, but would you ever leave your child motherless? No matter what the circumstances."

"No. Never," Alanna replied without hesitation. "I suppose you're right." She hesitated. "I thought I was the only one who thought like that."

"Thought like what?"

"What you said," She added, in a very low voice, "About our mothers not loving us enough to live for our sakes? I always…felt guilty for thinking it…for resenting it."

"So did I," Legolas said very quietly.

It was one of those moments. When it passed, he suddenly felt very uncomfortable, almost as if one of the darkest parts of his soul had been exposed to her. Even though he wasn't sleepy, he lay down. "Goodnight, Alanna."

"Goodnight, Legolas."

…

It had become routine for Alanna to attend Legolas's archery lessons. It had first started during the first week of school, when she had wanted to see him actually teaching a lesson, just as he had watched her first lesson. Legolas had invited her for one of the sparring lessons, but she had only stayed five minutes, for to everyone's great amusement and incredulity, she had been unable to stand the scrapes and bruises that the children sustained, and the loud clatter of wood on wood. She felt decidedly foolish afterwards, but noise made her feel jittery, and she couldn't stomach watching the children get 'injured,' as she called it.

Oddly disappointed, Legolas had invited her to one of his archery lessons with his second year students. At first she was reluctant, but when he explained to her that archery would not result in any 'injury' because it didn't involve close combat, she agreed. She enjoyed the lesson greatly, not least because she was fascinated by the rapport Legolas had with his second year students. The children, greatly wanting to impress Alanna, outdid themselves. Legolas was so impressed by the effect she had on their performances that he invited her to come again, and very soon, she was attending all of his second year archery lessons. She would sit to one side, on a blanket in a patch of sunlight, watching, sometimes reading and even correcting papers. Since the lessons took place early on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, it became customary for them to walk down together instead of separately. One such morning found Legolas pacing impatiently near the bathroom. He hated being late for his classes.

"Alanna!" He called. "I don't mean to rush you, but we really must leave right now if we're to get to class on time." It was a ten minute walk to the archery fields from their bedchamber.

"Just a moment," Alanna's voice came from the bathroom door. A few seconds later, she emerged, and started walking towards the door. "I'm sorry. Morning sickness."

Legolas frowned in concern as he fell into step beside her. "I thought the midwife said that was over and done with? It's the fourth month, isn't it?"

Alanna looked down at the stomach and made a face. "Tell that to our darling here. Sometimes- not often, thank the Valar- we decide to be temperamental just to prove everyone else wrong. And drive our poor naneth to distraction in the process. Don't we, dearest?" She rubbed her stomach gently.

Legolas smiled, amused. "You're going to spoil her to death," He said, teasingly.

"Her?" She said, "When did you decide it was a girl?"

Legolas shrugged, a little embarrassed. "I just have a strong...feelingthat it will be, for lack of a better way of explaining it," He blurted, very conscious how irrational this sounded.

"Yes, well," Alanna looked down at her stomach, her expression doubtful, "I'm the one who's carrying it, and to me he feels like a he."

Legolas stopped short. "Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded, "I had no idea that Elven mothers could tell the gender of their babies!"

"That's because Elven mothers can't tell the gender of their babies, any more than human mothers can," Alanna stated, and then laughed at his expression. "What? I said it felt like a he. Just like you have a strong feeling that it's a she. I suppose we'll both have to wait and find out which of us is right."

"I suppose we will." Legolas replied, blushing in embarrassment at the way he had revealed his ignorance.

Soon, they were nearing the archery fields. Legolas smiled at the veritable roar of laughter and conversation that he could hear even before the fields were in sight. It was amazing how much noise teenagers could make even when they were trying not to. He turned to Alanna to comment on it, but froze when he saw that there was a discarded bow lying right in front of her. Before he could tell her to watch her step, her feet got caught in the string, and with a cry of dismay and alarm, she began to fall, face first towards the ground. Heart in his mouth, Legolas leaped forward, stretching out his arms to catch her. Her entire weight fell on them, and they both went down in a heap of arms and legs, but Legolas still managed to position himself so that she landed on top of him, only winded by the fall. For a few moments, they just lay there, stunned, listening to each others breathing. Then, Alanna jerked away from him, her eyes wide and horrified when he realized what had nearly happened. "Valar," She breathed, her hand flying down to cup her belly.

Legolas, too, paled at the though of what had nearly happened. But he quickly had to pull himself together because Alanna was hyperventilating, or very near it. Knowing he had to calm her, both for her and the baby's sake, he said in what he hoped passed for a soothing voice, "Alanna, nothing's happened to the baby. Our son or daughter is completely unscathed. Please Alanna, you have to calm down."

"But…but…" Alanna's breaths were short and panicky. Her forehead was bathed in cold sweat. "I nearly killed…our baby…"

A sudden shock went through Legolas at the words. "No!" He said forcefully, gripping her by the shoulders, "This wasn't your fault. It was the fault of the thoughtless cretin who left the bow in the middle of a footpath. I could wring his neck!" He added in a burst of anger. Alanna blanched at his harsh tone, and he quickly softened his tone so as not to alarm her. She was still extremely shaky and had yet to regain her palor. "You can't blame yourself for this, Alanna," He rose. "Come. I'm taking you back to the room and canceling today and tomorrow's lessons. Just rest for today; and everything will seem better by tomorrow."

He slowly led the dazed, still quaking Alanna back to their bedchamber. To his great concern, she had not regained her color even after the long walk back; but he knew that he couldn't just leave the students to themselves, so he called her maid, explained what had happened to her, and left her to comfort Alanna. During his walk back to the archery fields, he struggled to compose himself and think rationally about what had happened. He did not want to allow his fears for his child and concern for Alanna to cloud his judgment. He knew that if he found out who had left the bow in the middle of the footpath he wouldn't be able to stop himself from giving him or her an unfairly harsh punishment. The truth was; every last one of the teenagers was careless with their belongings. This was not the first time someone had discarded a bow in that manner. Once, he had found some arrows left on the kitchen table. Every now and then, bows, swords, books, quills and inkpots would turn up in the strangest of locations, and Legolas had long since stopped wondering at it. He knew it would be unfair to single out one student to punish for careless.

When he reached the archery fields, he was pleasantly surprised to find that Celin had gone ahead and started class in his absence. The moment they caught sight of him, despite the fact that they were all extremely curious about the reason for his tardiness, they all quieted down. Legolas was again impressed, until he realized that they knew him well enough to sense by his unusually grave countenance that something was seriously wrong- and they were to blame. Because he wanted to impress upon them the seriousness of the situation, he did not try to lighten the mood. "Celin, Linnor; please go and fetch all the first year students and ask them to gather here immediately," He said in a voice that left them in no doubt, if they still had any, about the graveness of the matter. "Tell Lord Aragorn that it's urgent."

Exchanging confused, slightly fearful glances, the pair did as they were told and sped off swiftly. The others remained in absolute silence, all careful not to look at each other or at their teacher. Legolas could guess at how furiously their minds were working to figure out what they had done wrong; but although he sympathized, he wasn't letting them off the hook that easily. Instead, he walked away without any explanation, in order to find the discarded bow, which was still lying in the middle of the footpath. He retrieved it, and returned to where he had left the children. Five minutes later, the entire school (Aragorn included) was gathered around the archery fields. There was a buzz of frantic whispers from among the students. They quieted instantly when he stepped forward to address them.

"I don't want to know whose this is," He said, holding up the bow to show them. "Because I know that almost all of you are equally careless. I found this in the middle of the footpath leading here." He paused, waiting for this to sink in, and felt a stab of irritation when he saw them relax slightly and exchange questioning looks when they realized the triviality of the offence he was pulling them up for. Aragorn, also, looked perplexed. "Well, 'found' is probably the wrong word," Legolas continued. "I discovered it when my wife nearly tripped head over heels over it while we were walking here." Aragorn paled instantly in understanding. "Luckily, I was able to catch her before any damage was done," Legolas continued quickly to save Aragorn from undue alarm. "But it was a very near thing."

He looked around at them, his gaze penetrating. "Ordinarily, I would not force you to answer for so minor an offence," He added, having decided that honesty would have the greatest impact in this particular case. "You know that I've always been very tolerant of such things. Not to mention that such an accident, for my wife, is nothing out of the ordinary." There were some titters of agreement at this. "But Alanna is with child now-" there were gasps all around at this piece of intelligence - "-and that makes her much more vulnerable; and the consequences of such thoughtlessness much more serious. So please, in the future, do not leave your belongings around in this manner. This time, since I know that you were ignorant of the consequences, I will not mete out any punishments. But if anything like this ever happens again, then the consequences will be dire." His words fell heavily on the ears of the students before them, who were all struck with horror and guilt.

Legolas kept them while he repeated the entire speech in the Common Tongue for the benefit of the human children, who, being closer to marriageable and childbearing ages themselves, were even more affected than the others. He was about to dismiss them all, well satisfied that he had impressed upon them how terrible the consequences of the accident could have been, when to his displeasure, Doroth's shrill, whining voice rang through the air.

"Sir, that bow belongs to the peasant Eranon! I am sure of it!"

Legolas's eyes flashed with anger, and Eranon, thinking it was directed at him, paled. Eliya immediately opened her mouth to defend her by this time fast friend and sparring partner, but Legolas spoke first. "Do not lie to me, Doroth, or think that you can fool me so easily," He said with the studied iciness that all his students had long since learnt to be wary of, "That bow cannot possibly belong to Eranon because it is of Elven make. I specifically told you I did not want to know who this belonged to, and I don't appreciate your telling tales." His classmates, who were all glaring at him with one accord, didn't seem to appreciate it much either, Legolas noted with satisfaction.

"I think I have told you time and time again that I won't tolerate discrimination under my roof," He continued. "I thought you would have learnt that after I gave you two weeks of cleaning the tables and clearing the dishes only last month, but apparently not. Maybe if I add helping in the gardens to the other chores, you'll finally get the point. And the next time you call anyone a 'peasant', I'll add sweeping and swabbing the floor to it." He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. Doroth always got under his skin, and today was even worse than usual because he hadn't been in a good mood to begin with. "There will be no more lessons today as I will have to see after Alanna. If I were you, I would use this time to gather any other scattered belongings you might have, to prevent any further accidents. Please don't take this at all lightly. Good morning."

He turned and walked away from the clearing, trying not to be too conscious of the stunned silence he was leaving behind him. He knew the children wouldn't forget what he had told them anytime soon. Shaking the image of their guilt-stricken faces out of his head with an effort, he quickened his pace towards his bedchamber. He had never seen Alanna in such a state before, and he was very worried

…

In spite of Legolas's concern, Alanna seemed to regain her equilibrium fairly quickly. But Legolas still felt that something was wrong- her cheerfulness seemed slightly forced, and her conversation was considerably subdued. When he brought it up with Aragorn, the Man told him not to worry, that he was making too much of it. But Legolas couldn't shake the feeling that Alanna had been deeply affected by the accident. Three days later he received confirmation when one of his students approached him to tell him that Alanna had not attended any of her classes since the accident.

His concern soaring to new heights, he hurried immediately to the library, where Alanna could normally be found when she wasn't teaching. To his surprise, upon reaching there, he discovered that she wasn't there, and found out from the librarian that she hadn't been to the library in the last three days. Now he was seriously alarmed, because nothing short of a calamity could keep Alanna away from the library. He hastened to their bedchamber, startling Alanna, who promptly dropped the book she was reading and rose, alarmed.

"Legolas!" She exclaimed when she saw who it was, "You scared me half to death, storming in, in that manner."

"I just found out that you haven't attended a single class since the accident," He said, getting straight to the point. To Alanna's surprise, he did not sound accusatory- just concerned. "Why didn't you tell me it was still affecting you?" Legolas asked.

Alanna lowered her eyes. "It isn't affecting me," She said, not sounding in the least convincing, even to her own ears.

"Then why haven't you been attending classes?" Legolas demanded, "Why haven't you been to the library in three days?"

"Morning sickness," Alanna said, even less convincingly.

"You're a terrible liar, Alanna," Legolas stated softly. Alanna deflated at his knowing, compassionate tone; flopping back onto the bed and refusing to meet his eyes. "Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you?" He continued to press her. "Are you worried about the children leaving their things around the classroom? Because you don't have to be. I gave them quite a lecture on their carelessness, and they've been so careful since then. You really don't have to worry about something like this ever happening again."

"Yes, I do have to worry about it," She snapped, raising her head suddenly and looking him full in the face. He was dismayed to see tears streaming down her cheeks. "I've always had to worry about it- I always will. I'm responsible for two lives now- and I was born with this clumsiness; and no matter what I do, I can't seem to shield my child from it!" Her voice shook with emotion. "It's always been my worst fear, to lose my baby because I trip over a carpet or fall down the stairs. I've been having nightmares about it for years. Centuries." She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, but the attempt failed. "Didn't you notice that I stopped wearing those long, voluminous dresses immediately when I found out that I was pregnant? I was terrified that I would trip over them. I wear the simplest of dresses now, with as few layers as possible. I try to walk so carefully, I actually make an effort to look where I'm going; and that's not easy, for someone like me, whose mind is always wandering; out of my control. And still, something like this happens…" She shook her head, her face full of despair. "No matter how hard I try to be careful, even if I don't leave this room for the next five months, I'll still slip in the bathroom or trip over my slippers in the night, or something. I'm going to get our baby killed, and I hate myself for it."

A sudden chill passed over Legolas at these words. "No!" He all but shouted, "Don't say that. Don't ever say that. This isn't your fault. It was the person who left the bow in the middle of the footpath. It could have happened to anyone. And the children promised me- it won't happen again. You are not going to get our baby killed. You shouldn't hate yourself. Please…don't ever say that you hate yourself."

Alanna's face was still sad. "We both know that I'm clumsy and accident prone. No matter what I do, what people around me do; there will always be something..."

"But I caught you, didn't I?" Legolas demanded, "I will always catch you. You don't trust yourself. But do you at least trust me?"

"Yes," Alanna said without hesitation. "Of course I do."

"Then trust me when I tell you that I will always be there to catch you when you fall. Trust me to never let any harm come to you or our child. I swear to you, I will always be there to catch you."

"You can't always be there," Alanna protested.

"But I have been when it counted most, haven't I?" Legolas said, "Have I ever failed to stop you from tripping once since our marriage? I take your arm. I stay at your side. I catch you when you fall- I always do- I always will."

His intensity, more than his words, was what finally made her believe him. "Always," She said, very, very softly.

"Always," Legolas's tone was equally low. "I swear it. Always."

Years later, he would look back on the moment as being the first time that he ever acknowledged the permanence of his bond with Alanna. The first time that he ever made a promise to her that went beyond its literal meaning, beyond their agreement, beyond 'until we reach Valinor,' and into 'until eternity fades.' It was also the first and only promise he would consider himself as having broken.

…

TBC…

And I will leave you to break your heads over that delicious bit of foreshadowing. I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been in Delhi, doing a multitude of entrance tests and interviews for my college admissions. Thankfully, all the stress is now over, and I'm happy to say that I got admission to one of the best college for English Honors in India, St. Stephen's College. I can't believe that I got in; because it's even more competitive and difficult to get admission to than Cambridge …I suppose I just lucked out or something. Anyway, I'll be leaving for Delhi in mid-July, but don't worry, my parents have promised to by me a laptop and I'll have internet access where I'm staying. I don't intend to give up this story. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Ta!