Title: Until We Reach Valinor

Chapter 30: Happiness

...

"Elano? What are you doing here?

"Sir!" Elano started and turned. "I came to congratulate you. How is ma'am?"

Legolas studied him, touched by the sentiment. It was the first time since his mother's death that he'd been able to care about anything outside his own anguish and misery. "She is exhausted," He answered, "The birthing was difficult, and their crying kept us both up for most of the night. She just fell asleep a few hours ago- I thought I should let her sleep."

"Their crying?" Elano asked, brows furrowing.

"Elano..." Legolas hesitated, wondering how the younger Elf would take this, "She had twins."

Elano froze for a moment, and then turned abruptly away. "Twins," He repeated thickly.

Legolas closed his eyes for a moment. "A girl and a boy," He said, quietly. "The girl is the elder."

Elano choked slightly. Miriel had been the elder, also. "That's...that's wonderful," He said in strangled tones, "Congratulations."

"Elano..."

"I'm sorry, sir. I am happy for you, truly, it's just-" He broke off, swallowed hard. "Twins."

"Don't be sorry, Elano." He took a step forward. "I know that I haven't been there for you lately-"

"Don't be ridiculous, sir," Elano interrupted, turning back towards him and Legolas was suddenly hit by how much weight he had lost, how dead his eyes looked. "Ma'am was with child," Elano said softly, but firmly, "It is right that she was your biggest concern over the last few months. Don't apologize for something like that. And in any case," His voice dropped slightly, and he averted his eyes. "I don't think even you can prevent what is happening to me."

Legolas froze. No... He had known, of course, but he had tried to deny it. "Elano..." He began, a lump rising in his throat.

"Don't, sir. I am a Healer, and I can recognize the symptoms in myself. I'm becoming more and more caught up in my anguish, less and less aware of everything that's going on around me, and most of the time, I do not even care." He let out a hollow laugh. "When ma'am went into confinement yesterday, I was surprised. I had no idea that so much time has passed. I know that I am fading, and I can't stop it. I don't want to." He swallowed hard, "And I doubt there would have been much you could have done even if you hadn't been so focussed on ma'am. I love you, sir, but I've lost too much." He shook his head. "I wish I did not have to dampen your happiness on this most joyful of days, but I have to say some things to you while I am still aware of what is happening around me. I want to thank you for everything you've given me over the last two years. Without you, I-"

"Hush. Don't be ridiculous. You don't need to..."

Elano looked at him steadily. "Yes, I do. I don't have long, sir. A few months."

Legolas shook his head in horrified denial. "Elano, no. Aragorn can-"

"Lord Aragorn knows," Elano interrupted. "I told him not to tell you- you already had enough to worry about. But he can't do anything for me either. He tried, sir, but I...I've just lost the will. I wish I had the strength to stay, for your sake, but I don't."

He looked so guilty and forlorn that Legolas stepped forward and encased him in a fierce embrace. "I'm going to find a way," He said shakily, "I don't care what I have to do, but I will."

"Sir, please don't give yourself false hope," Elano said, his voice growing distant, and Legolas hugged him tighter, feeling as if he was losing him even as they spoke.

...

"You look rested."

"And you look upset," Alanna responded, scanning his face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Legolas."

"You have been greatly strained by your confinement; I don't want to burden you with-"

"If you don't tell me what's wrong, then I'll be burdened by worrying about it anyway."

There was really nothing he could say to argue with that "It's Elano," He sighed, sinking down beside her, "He came to me this morning and he's fading, Alanna. He's actually fading. He said..." Legolas swallowed. "He said he didn't have more than a few months left."

"Oh." She reached for his hand, her eyes filling with tears. "Oh, Valar. Legolas, I'm so..."

"No." He pulled his hand from her grasp and ran it through his hair, cursing himself when he felt it shake, because he knew she wouldn't miss that. She was frighteningly perceptive when she wanted to be. "Don't look like that- don't give up hope on him. I'm going to find a way to help him. I have to."

"Legolas," She reached out and grasped his hand again, this time more firmly. "He has nothing left to hold on to here. He loves you but he lost his entire family. I don't like seeing you deny reality like this. It'll only hurt you worse in the end."

"I don't care about myself," He said.

"Yes, I know," She said, "That's exactly what scares me, Legolas. He has nothing left here to stay for. You of all people know how much he has been through, how much he has lost."

"I am not giving up on him."

She shook her head. "I don't want to, either, Legolas. But I'm not as close to him as you are, and I have to face facts. He has nothing left to hold on to."

"I'll find a way. I have to."

"I admire you for trying, Legolas," She said softly, her eyes sad, "But you have to remember how much he loves you, even if it isn't enough to keep him from fading. He's only here because he doesn't want to disappoint you- or he would have sailed the day his mother died."

He pulled his hand from hers again, feeling as though she had slapped him. "What...what exactly are you saying?"

There was a wealth of pain in her eyes, and the hurt inflicted by her statement drained away suddenly when he realized how much she hated hurting him like this. "I don't mean to say that you shouldn't try, Legolas," She said, voice trembling slightly, looking away to hide her tears. "He's so young. He deserves to experience this world be. But you have to know when to stop trying, also. If you love him as unselfishly as you say you do, you can't keep him here, in such pain and misery, for your sake." She looked back at him, and her cheeks were stained with tears, but her eyes were clear and emphatic. "You have to promise yourself that you'll acknowledge reality if the time comes when trying begins to do more good than harm. Because I know you, and if you look back later and realize that you acted selfishly, you'll never be able to forgive yourself."

Legolas just looked at her, his throat so tight that for a long moment, he couldn't trust himself to say anything. Then he gently took her hand in both of his. "You're right, of course." He said, and she sighed, the tension leaving her shoulders. The intensity of the relief on her face filled him with consternation and dismay. "Don't...Alanna, don't look at me like that. You weren't trying to hurt me. I know I should have seen that at once, but..." He shook his head. "I need you to keep telling me the things I need to hear, even if I don't want to hear them. I've grown to depend on you for that, because for someone who's a complete romantic, you can face reality more unflinchingly than anyone else I know."

She shook her head, brushing away her tears. "I'm not as romantic as I make myself out to be Legolas. I love romantic poetry and fantasy stories because through them, I can live the happy endings that never come in real life. The life I've lived, it's always been a bit of a fairy-tale. Locked up in a palace all my life, waiting for my handsome prince to come and rescue him. But the man who came along and rescued me from my isolation was not a prince, though I didn't love him any the less for it. He was so...so perfect, and we were so happy together, but he died before I could get my happy ending. And then when my prince finally did come along, it was to offer me a marriage of convenience," She added with a smile, nudging him lightly, but when he failed to smile back, she looked at him more closely. "What's wrong?"

"You think that there are no happy endings?" The thought that Alanna had such a bleak view of life in actuality troubled him greatly, because Alanna was supposed to be the romantic, and he was supposed to be the cynic, and that was the dynamic on which their relationship had always functioned.

"Not here, Legolas," Alanna replied, "Even when things are perfect, there will always be something to spoil it. But I believe that there is real, perfect happiness, waiting for all of us, in Valinor. I don't think you should give up on Elano, because this world still has its joys as well as its sorrows, and he's too young not to experience them. But Valinor is our final resting place, and that's where we must look in the end for complete, unblemished happiness." Her eyes grew distant, and he knew that that was where she had been looking ever since Rilian had died.

And that thought left him even more troubled than the idea that she believed deep down that there were no happy endings, because he could see that she was pinning all her hopes of happiness on Valinor, and her belief that Rilian was her perfect match. But he had heard enough about Rilian to know that the Elf was not perfect, any more than the rest of them. And happiness could not be found in a place, it had to be found within oneself. What would happen if, after centuries of waiting, Rilian and Valinor turned out to be less than she hoped? How would she ever be able to face that?

...

A few days later, an idea struck Legolas. It was desperate, and he knew he was clutching at straws, but he could not give up on Elano just yet, despite what Alanna had said. It just wasn't in his nature. "I've been thinking about what you were saying earlier about Elano, and how he has nothing left to hold on to here," He said, after they had managed to get the children to sleep.

Alanna looked up at him from across the cradle. "And?" She asked, her hand patting her son in a gentle, soothing rhythm even as she looked at Legolas. They had learned from experience that stopping the patting too soon after he had fallen asleep would only cause him to wake again. He was very restless, and only needed an excuse to awaken.

"How would you feel about naming our daughter Miriel?" He said in a rush.

She stilled for a moment, and then straightened up slowly. "That's Elano's sister's name, isn't it?" She asked. "Are you sure that's wise? Elano might-"

"No. He needs something to hold on to- and I'm giving him that. His reaction when I told him that we had twins..." He shook his head. "If he can become attached to our daughter, if he can see his sister in her, then perhaps it will be enough to keep him here."

"That will involve something of a sacrifice, you know," She said carefully. "If the whole thing is successful, then we'll have to acknowledge that she is his, in some substantial measure, as well as ours. We have to be willing to let that happen."

"Elano is a good, kind person, Alanna. Our daughter could only be blessed by his presence if they really become close to each other. I'm more than willing to sacrifice some of our time with her to him. We'll still be her parents. We're not sacrificing that. You understand that, don't you?"

"Yes, of course. I just wanted to make sure that you had thought it through properly."

"I want him to be jolted out of the stupor he's fallen into. I know this could go the other way, and could end up depressing him and causing him to fade faster. But I'm desperate enough to make that gamble."

"Well, 'Miriel' is a lovely name." She smiled down at her daughter. "It suits her, for her eyes sparkle like jewels."

"I thought so, too." He would never have named his daughter something that didn't suit her. Names were an important part of an Elf's identity, for they lived forever, and thus an unsuitable name was an eternal blight or curse. "Have you thought of a name for our son?" He asked.

She shook her head. "It's been difficult," She said. "I want to name him after someone who has been a significant influence on my life, and, well, there are only two things I can possibly name him in that case, and neither of them are exactly suitable."

"Two people?"

"Rilian, and you, of course. Rilian is completely out of the question, obviously. And I don't suppose you'd like the baby to be named 'Calenlass', after you?"

"Absolutely not," Legolas answered, a little stunned that she was even considering it, "The King naming the Crown Prince after himself would not go down well with Greenwood. It's such an unspeakably arrogant gesture."

"Well, I certainly can't name him after Rilian. Can you imagine what Aradhel would say to that?"

"Aradhel? That's who you're worried about?"

"I didn't tell any of my other suitors the name of my past love," She said, shrugging. "No one else would make the connection if I named him 'Rilian.'"

Legolas shook his head. "Aradhel has lost all his credibility," He said, "He no longer has any power, and the only thing he has left is wealth, which is worth little without all his old followers and hangers-on. No one takes him seriously anymore. You don't need to be worried about Aradhel's reaction if we name our son after Rilian. If you're sure you haven't told any of the others his name, because as I recall, you told me."

"I told you because I wanted your father to know the truth, and I thought if you told him, he'd be able to select someone for me who would agree to my terms of marriage. I was getting tired of seeing suitor after suitor and facing their wrath. I never told anyone besides you- the only reason I told Aradhel was because he struck me and demanded to know the name, and I was so stunned that I actually responded."

Legolas ruthlessly suppressed his anger at this, reminding himself that Aradhel was powerless now, and could not touch either himself or Alanna. "In that case, I don't mind naming our son 'Rilian,'" He said. It would take some getting used to, for until now, 'Rilian' had been Alanna's lover, and he had grown used to thinking of him as such. But if Alanna could get used to the change, then so could he.

"You truly don't mind? You don't think it's a little awkward, naming your son after your wife's past love?"

"He's our son. And Rilian shaped the person you are today, so I can see that its fitting. Besides, it's a nice name; very regal, very fitting for the Crown Prince."

"Thank you," Alanna said softly, "So much."

He moved to stand beside her and looked down on their sleeping children. "Rilian and Miriel," He said softly, speaking the names aloud, seeing how they felt on his tongue.

"They sound right."

"Yes," Legolas said, "They do."

They stood like that for a long time, motionless, drinking in the feeling of being part of a family, for the first time in their lives.

...

TBC...

I'm so sorry for the long gaps between the updates, people! Thank you for being so patient with me. Now that college is over and I'm home for the next two and a half months, I have enough time on my hands and will update much more frequently. I hope you all liked this chapter. Please review! I can't have lost ALL of my reviewers during this four month gap!