Title: Until We Reach Valinor

Chapter 31: Legolas, Elano, and Celin

…

"Elano?" It was the third time he had called the Elf's name without eliciting any response from him. Elano was fading fast, and for a moment, Legolas wondered if there was any way this could actually work. Then he rallied, and banished the thought from his mind. "Elano!"

Finally, finally the Elf looked up. "Sir?" he said, sounding dazed and only half present.

"I brought you my daughter, Elano," Legolas said

Elano stared vacantly at him without answering or giving any indication that he had heard. "Do you want to know what Alanna and I have decided called her?"

"Yes?" Elano said absently, after a prolonged blank stare.

"We have named her Miriel," Legolas said, steeling himself, "Don't you think it suits her?"

Elano let out a choked sound, his eyes now focussed on Legolas, wild and grief-stricken.

"Don't you think it suits her?" Legolas repeated, fighting off a wave of guilt and self-doubt. If this didn't save Elano, it would kill him. But if Legolas did nothing, Elano would die anyway.

"I- sir-" Elano gasped, tears streaking down his face.

Legolas pretended not to see them. "Would you like to hold her?"

Elano backed away, his face ashen. "Why are you doing this?" he whispered brokenly, and Legolas fought the urge to take to his heels and run, because inflicting such pain on his friend was the hardest thing he had ever had to do.

"I don't know what you mean," he said, feigning distractedness. "Here, hold her for a moment, will you? I just remembered- I have to see Alanna about something."

He thrust his daughter into Elano's arms, and forced himself to walk away. The moment he had rounded the next corner, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, breathing harshly as the full impact of what he had just done hit him. Valar. If Elano didn't come through this, he didn't know if he would ever be able to forgive himself for putting him through this.

Elano needed to be shocked out of his current state, he reminded himself. He needed to express emotion again- he needed to grieve, and cry. The thought was almost surreal to Legolas, who knew exactly how many times and how inconsolably Elano had wept for his mother over the past year. Not so long ago, he had prayed against all reason for Elano's tears to abate, for him to find some relief, and now, he was hoping for the opposite. The irony was overwhelming.

The silence stretched, grating on his already frayed nerves. He was only able to hold himself back from going to see after his friend by sheer force of will. And then he heard it, the sound of muffled sobs, and his heart leapt into his throat. He wasn't even aware of his feet moving as he rounded the corner and almost flew to where Elano was sitting hunched on the floor, folded over himself, sobbing into his hands. Miriel was cradled in his arms, fast asleep, seemingly oblivious to the tremors wracking Elano's body and the harsh, choked gasps escaping his lips.

"She was fussing," the latter explained, still sobbing, "My distress was disturbing her, so I used some healing techniques to relax her into sleep. I didn't...I didn't want her to..." His sobs intensified and he curled over himself, shaking.

"Elano," Legolas said, crouching down beside him and pulling him into his arms. "Hush."

"She brought me back," Elano choked, his shoulders shaking so violently that Miriel shook in his arms, and yet he held her steady, with a care that lifted and broke Legolas's heart at the same time. "I couldn't just let her...I couldn't..." He swallowed hard, "It was Miriel, sir," he whispered in anguish, "It's Miriel."

"Hush," Legolas said again, hugging Elano even tighter. "Hush."

"Why?" Elano choked, "I was happy. I was happy..."

"You were not happy, Elano," Legolas said emphatically, "You can hate me if you want to, but I won't let you lie to yourself. Refusing to let yourself feel pain and is extremely different from being happy. "

"Ma ybe," Elano responded, turning away slightly. "But it's the next best thing."

"Don't you dare say that," Legolas said, more fiercely than he had meant to, "Don't you dare. Not after-" He cut himself off abruptly, and closed his eyes for a moment, trying and failing to compose himself. "You can blame me all you want for what I did," he said shakily, "But you're far too young to die. You're...you're far too loved." Elano inhaled sharply, held it for a moment, and then let it out slowly. His body relaxed and he leaned his head against Legolas's shoulder, and Legolas closed his eyes in sheer relief at the love and the trust implied in the gesture. "I just wanted to give you something to live for," he said, very quietly.

For a long time, Elano, was silent. Then, "You did."

...

Sometimes, when Legolas witnessed the extent of Elano's grief, he wondered if his friend was getting better at all, if it was all just wishful thinking on his part. Then he would force himself to re-examine the growing evidence- Elano's returning appetite and health, his waning listlessness, and the happiness that would sometimes grace his face, very rarely, and only when he was with Miriel. That last would always convince him that in spite of his frequent nightmares, debilitating bouts of weeping, and occasional spells of despair, Elano was indeed getting better.

His bond with Miriel had surpassed Legolas's wildest hopes. Rather than the fear of getting close to someone again that Legolas had expected to see, Elano demolished every wall he had made to protect himself from loss. He had wholeheartedly given his affection to Miriel, and was so devoted to the child that Legolas sometimes feared that she would grow up to be quite spoilt. Elano treated the little girl as though she was actually his sister, restored to him; and she became as much his as she was Legolas's and Alanna's.

Even though Elano was getting better, he still needed much of Legolas's time, especially during the nights, to help him through his nightmares. Sometimes Legolas felt guilty for leaving Alanna alone to deal with the children's soiled napkins and plaintive crying. He even tried to apologize for it once, but was shot down by her at once.

"Don't be ridiculous, Legolas. Elano is important to you, and you nearly lost him. I can't reproach you for taking care of him."

"But I sometimes worry that I don't spend enough time with Rilian," he said, "I'm always with Elano and Miriel, or in class. You know how busy things have been with the graduation coming up. I just hope I'm not neglecting my son."

"When was the last time you held him and spent some time with him?" she asked, but without accusation.

"Yesterday," he said, "He was crying and needed to be burped, and after he had settled, we played with his favourite silver rattle."

"Yes, they really do love those rattles, don't they?" Alanna said, smiling down at her children affectionately. "Aragorn and Arwen chose the most wonderful gifts for them- no one could have wished for better. Silver rattles- 'royal' enough to be acceptable gifts, as well as suitable playthings for babies. The best gifts we received on their behalf, don't you think?"

"By far."

She smiled at him suddenly. "You know what his favourite toy is, and you think you don't spend enough time with Rilian?"

He stared at her for a moment, caught by surprise. And then a load fell away from his heart, and he smiled.

...

"Sir, can I speak with you?"

Legolas set down the piece of legislation he'd been studying, secretly happy for the break from his kingly duties. "Yes, Linnor, of course."

She fidgeted for a moment, looking worried and slightly tense. "Celin has returned."

"What?" Legolas asked, his voice sharp with surprise, "When?" With everything else that had been going on, he realized with a start; he had almost forgotten about Celin. "Where is he?" he asked.

"He says he actually reached here two hours ago, but waited at the back entrancing hopes that I would pass. He wanted to speak to you before his presence became known to everyone else."

The consideration surprised Legolas. It did not sound like the well-intentioned, but impetuous and impulsive Celin that Legolas had grown to know and love. "I'll come at once," he said, rising, "Thank you, Linnor."

It was an invitation for her to go, but she hesitated.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Sir, will you let him return to the school?" she asked in a rush, colouring at his look of surprise at the question.

"Why would I not?"

She was silent.

His brow furrowed in confusion; and then suddenly, it hit him. "Linnor," he said, aghast, "Do you think he left because I forbade him to continue at the school? Does…does everyone think that?"

She looked down. "His family is in disgrace. You would in your rights to-"

"No," he interrupted, "You've misunderstood. Of course I wouldn't forbid Celin from attending here for something his mother did! He chose to leave. He wanted to spend time with his parents after what happened. I'll admit that I didn't try very hard to stop him because my main concern was for Elano at the time, but I never asked him to leave."

She looked relieved. "That's wonderful, sir. I'm so sorry I doubted you. I hope he returns for good- I've missedhim." She turned to go, but he stopped her.

"Linnor," he said tightly, his shoulders tense, "Will you be frank with me?"

"Of course, sir," she said.

"How will Celin be received by the others if he returns now?" He wondered for a moment if it was quite right for him to be asking this of one of Celin's classmates, but Linnor was perceptive, and wouldn't gossip.

And he needed to know. He should already have known, but of late his time had been completely divided between Elano, Alanna and his newborn children, and, ashamed though he was to admit, he had lost track of what was happening with his students.

Linnor seemed at a loss for words. "Sir, you must understand," she said falteringly, "Elano is very well loved- by everyone. The way his mother died- everyone hates Celin's mother for it. His entire family has been tainted by association. I'm afraid that he will no longer be as popular as he once was. People might even..." She trailed off as she lost her nerve.

"Go on," Legolas prompted her.

"People might even resent you for allowing him to return, sir," she said.

Especially since they have all thought till now that I hold him in contempt.

"Thank you, Linnor," he sighed, "I will go and see Celin at once."

Things had only just started to settle down. Why could he never seem to catch a reprieve?

...

"Hello, Celin," Legolas said, greeting the teenager warmly. In spite of his bad timing, Celin was like a son to him, and seeing him again made Legolas realize how much he had missed him.

"Hello, sir," Celin responded, sounding uncharacteristically subdued. He looked tired, too, Legolas noted with some concern. "Congratulations for the birth of your heir- and convey my regards to ma'am as well."

"Thank you, Celin, but please don't be so formal," Legolas said, troubled by the teenager's awkward demeanour. He paused for a moment, and then decided to go straight to the heart of the matter. "So…are you returning for good?"

Celin's head snapped up, his eyes widening with surprise. "You …you would let me return?" he stammered.

Legolas stared at him, stunned and slightly hurt that Celin had doubted him. "Of course, Celin," he said emphatically, "I told you that when you left, didn't I? I told you were a son to me, I thought you knew you always have a home here-"

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry sir," Celin interrupted, and Legolas was surprised and troubled to see tears in his eyes. "It's just- these last few months have been-" He broke off, and drew in a shuddering breath, unable to continue.

Legolas regarded him for a moment in silence. "Did your parents say something?" he asked, "Is that why you thought you might not be welcome here any longer?"

Celin squeezed his eyes shut, and two tears slid slowly down his cheeks. "They said you were lying to me," he said hoarsely, "They said you were only too happy to see me leave, and you had no intention of ever letting me return. Naneth kept weeping and saying that she had destroyed my future by what she had done. Hearing her day in and day out saying I would always be in disgrace- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let that make me doubt you."

Legolas waved his hand, dismissing the apology. "If you thought I wouldn't let you return," he said slowly, "What are you doing here?"

Celin flinched. "My father told me to leave. He said my mother was becoming too upset always thinking of how I had wronged her, and I was doing more harm than good by my presence. He told me to try to seek my fortune."

Legolas stared at him, aghast. "You mean he just sent you out into the wilds without even-" He broke off, scrutinising Celin's messy, dirt splattered appearance, and his worn clothes, with a fresh understanding. "How long have you been fending for yourself alone in the forest?" he asked, horrified as he realized what Celin had been up to all these months when Legolas thought he was safe at home.

"A few months," Celin replied, smiling faintly. "You taught me well."

Legolas did not smile back. "You shouldn't have had to go through this," he said, "You should have come to me sooner."

Celin paused for a moment, thinking, and then nodded in acceptance. "I should have," he said quietly.

"What made you come now?" Legolas asked.

Celin looked uncomfortable. "I haven't been able to catch game for the last three days," he admitted, "I needed food and shelter desperately, and I knew you wouldn't turn me away when I was in dire need. I kept remembering how you said that I was like a son to you."

"It is," Legolas said immediately, so forcefully that there was no room for doubt. "And of course I won't turn you away. Come in, it's almost lunchtime. I'm sure you must be hungry."

But Celin still hesitated. "What of Elano, sir?" he asked. "If my presence causes him pain-"

"He is recovering," Legolas interrupted. "He may not talk to you much or even acknowledge you, but he won't fall down dead at the sight of you, if that's what you're concerned about."

The thought of Celin, alone in the forest for months, constantly at risk from spiders and other foul creatures, made him shudder. He was never letting Celin out of his sight again.

"And what about the others?" Celin asked, "The students?"

"They might not be as warm as they once were," Legolas said, "But they will still accept your presence, and learn from you when I tell you to teach them."

Or I'll have something to say about it, he added silently. No one was going to push Celin around.

The young Elf stared at him. "You still want me to teach them?" he blurted out.

The older Elf looked at him incredulously. "Why else would I want you back in the school?" He rolled his eyes as Celin blushed. "Come in," he said firmly, "It's almost lunchtime, and you must be hungry. You always are."

Celin smiled, and followed Legolas back into his home.

…

TBC…

My apologies for the huge gaps between updates. I honestly can't help it. I'm now in my Second Year at college and the course load is completely insane. Things are only going to get worse, and frankly, I've been writing this story arc for way too long and am starting to lose interest in it. It has stopped inspiring me, although the characters are still very close to my heart and I fully intend to see it through to its conclusion. The thing is, though, I had originally planned for this to be a trilogy, with a last story to tie up loose ends, as it were. Instead, I'm going to put in an epilogue at the end of this which will cover everything I had planned to put in the sequel, just more briefly. The story will still have a satisfying end, though; I promise.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. This story is fast drawing to its conclusion, so please bear with all these filler chapters I've been giving you recently. This IS more of a character story than a plot story, which is why I dwell so much on characters like Elano and Celin who aren't really central to the story. The climax is fast approaching, though, I assure you!