Title: Until We Reach Valinor

Chapter 33: Not Going Anywhere

WARNING: This chapter contains the death of a child. I tried not to make it too graphic, but it's there. I did warn you it was going to get dark…

…

Legolas stopped short when he entered the clearing, his eyes unable to comprehend what he was seeing. Alanna lay on the floor, unmoving, and Aradhel lay next to her; the hilt of a knife protruding from his back. His eyes were insane, rolling. Elano was hunched over, sobbing. Miriel was cradled loosely in his arms, and she was…she was…her eyes were blank and unseeing- completely empty. Dead.

No, no, no, no, no, his mind screamed in agony, but he couldn't move. This couldn't be happening. This was just a nightmare his overtired brain had invented; at any moment now he would wake up and Alanna would be fast asleep right next to him, her soft brown eyes open rather than closed, and Miriel would be with Rilian, safe and sound in her cradle, not lying with blood pooling from her tiny body, staining Elano's hands. Please Valar, let this all just be a nightmare.

But it wasn't a nightmare. The smell of blood (Valar, his daughter'sblood) and the sound of Elano's guttural sobbing were all too real. And then Aradhel turned his head towards him. There was a crazed look in his eyes, and he began to laugh. The sound snapped Legolas out of his paralysis, and he strode forward, white-hot fury coursing through his veins, drowning out everything else. He gripped Aradhel's shoulders, lifted him, and shoved him viciously back into the ground. The other Elf made a strangled sound of pain as the movement jammed the knife deeper into his back, and Legolas felt a moment of savage satisfaction.

"Why, you son of a whore?" he hissed through gritted teeth. Dimly, over the roaring in his ears, he heard the sound of running footsteps close by, and a few moments later Aragorn burst into the clearing, accompanied by the royal guard.

Aradhel coughed and spat blood. "I told you…" he gasped, "I told you would regret making an enemy of me. You ruined me. And then you named your son after him." He spat the word with the same intense hatred that had sent a shiver of unease down Legolas's back so many months ago, on his and Alanna's wedding day. But he had ignored it then. "The Crown Prince...did you think I was simply going to sit by and watch as you cuckolded all of Greenwood?" He laughed breathlessly. "No one bearing the name of Rilian will rule this kingdom now. Your son is dead…and you and that whore will have to live with that for the rest of your lives…" He paused, and then intoned mockingly, "Until eternity fades."

Aragorn strode forward, horror in his eyes. "That isn't Prince Rilian," he said hoarsely, "That's the princess. That's Miriel."

"No!" Arahdel shouted, his body jerking under the force of his denial. "Everyone knows that the Crown Prince is always with the Queen. Everyone knows the king favors his daughter-" He gasped suddenly, and then began to cough, blood dribbling from his mouth, staining his lips. "I cannot have failed," he whispered. "For so long I planned this…I cannot fail..." He coughed again and then, suddenly, his eyes rolled up into his head, and his body stilled.

Shuddering, Legolas let go of him and stumbled back; pure, unadulterated anguish driving him to his knees. His baby girl was dead. Elano's sobs echoed in his ears, so raw and despairing that for a moment he thought it was his grief. As if from a great distance, he heard a concerned voice calling his name, but it was oddly muted. And then Aragorn was kneeling beside him, taking his face between his hands and forcing him to look at him. He was saying something, his expression frantic, but all Legolas could hear was Elano's broken sobbing and the roaring in his own ears. He stared at his friend's face in blank incomprehension, unable to speak or move.

And then he felt Alanna stirring on the ground and his eyes snapped to her face in spite of himself- he hadn't looked at her until now because he was afraid that Aradhel had killed her as well. She looked so fragile that something inside him shattered. His own words from so many months ago came back to haunt him- to damn him. I'll always catch you when you fall, he'd promised her that day whenshe'd tripped and then feared her clumsiness had harmed their unborn child. And now, she was lying on the floor, and his daughter- the same child he had sworn to protect- was lying next to her, brutally murdered. He hadn't been able to protect either of them from Aradhel. Alanna's eyelids began to flutter, and he before he knew what he was doing, he was running blindly away from the clearing.

Unable to face her.

…

When Alanna came to, the first thing she registered was the pain in her head. Groaning, she opened her eyes, blinking as Aragorn's face came into view. "Aragorn? What-"

"Alanna, are you alright?" he interrupted her, "How is your head? Are you feeling dizzy?"

She blinked up at him. "Dizzy- I don't-" Suddenly her eyes widened as the memories of what had happened flashed through her mind. "Oh- Valar-" She struggled to sit up, eyes wide and horrified, letting out a low cry as she saw Miriel

"Alanna, I'm so sorry," Aragorn said, gripping her shoulders as she listed to the right.

"No, no, no, this can't- I can't-" she was sobbing so violently that her entire frame shook. "Where's Legolas? I need- Valar, where is Rilian?" Her eyes filled with panic.

"He's right here, Your Highness," said one of the guards, hurrying into the clearing. Rilian was in his arms, wrapped in Elano's cloak, keening as though he had lost half his soul. "We followed his cries to the garden path," the guard said, "He is unharmed, as is the King-"

Alanna snatched her son away from him, clinging to him as though he was all she had left. She turned to look again at Miriel and then at Aradhel, and then turned away shuddering with grief. "Why didn't he kill me?" she asked Aragorn brokenly. "Where is Legolas? Why didn't he kill me?"

...

The guard approached Elano hesitantly. He was a member of Legolas's personal guard, and therefore knew how close he was to Miriel. "Elano?" He squatted next to him, placed a hand on his shaking shoulders. "You can let go of her now. We'll take care of her."

But as he moved to take the child, Elano suddenly reacted, scrambling away from him. "No!" he said, looking half crazed with grief. "You won't take her from me!"

"Elano, you know we have to take care of her," the guard protested.

"No," Elano said harshly, backing further away. "I'll do it. Don't- don't touch her."

Clutching Miriel's broken body, he stumbled away.

…

Aragorn knocked on the door to Legolas's study, got no response, and entered. His friend was sitting on the floor, his back to the wall; his face blank. He turned empty eyes on Aragorn as he entered, and the Man had to swallow twice before he could speak. "I sent the guests away and requested those who had arrangements nearby to leave with their children," he said in a low voice. "The rest will be gone by tomorrow."

Legolas nodded silently, his eyes still empty.

"I also spoke with the guard at the front entrance." Aragorn hesitated. "He is very distraught at his failure to recognize Aradhel and stop him at the gate, but I don't think it's his fault. There were so many people streaming into the palace today that all Aradhel would have had to do to get in was immerse himself in a crowd."

Legolas nodded again. "Tell him he won't incur any penalties for this," he said in a flat voice. "The blame for this does not lie with him."

Aragorn studied him for a moment, and then sat down beside him. "You know it…doesn't lie with you either, don't you?" he asked his friend, who didn't respond. "Legolas?" he said more sharply, "You know you can't blame yourself for this, don't you?"

"I should have been with her," Legolas whispered. "With both of them. I swore I'd never leave them unprotected. I should have guessed." He turned tortured eyes to Aragorn's. "There have been rumors for months now about how bitter he had become, but I just ignored them. He openly swore his hatred for me at my own wedding, swore he would make me pay for taking away his title, and I just-"

"Legolas, there is no way you could have foreseen all this!" Aragorn exclaimed, "What Aradhel did was something most Men shirk from, let alone the great Firstborn! I don't think any Elf has ever actually killed a child before-" Legolas flinched, but Aragorn forged on, because he needed to get this into his friend's head- "so how could you possibly have seen something like this?"

But Legolas just shook his head, his eyes empty and lifeless, completely void of hope.

…

Celin stood rooted to the spot as Aragorn announced to the school at large that the princess of Greenwood was dead. As shocked murmurs sounded from, all he could feel was horror. He had seen baby Miriel on numerous occasions; Legolas had even let him hold her once. She was a beautiful, bouncing child, and Elano…Elano was devoted to her. Valar, this was going to kill him, and sir. How on earth could she be dead? Elves didn't just die.

Everywhere around him, people were asking the same question. Aragorn held up his hands, waiting for silence to fall. "I know you all have questions," he said, looking uncharacteristically pale, "but you must all wait until the public announcement, which will be made within the next few days. Until then, I would urge you to be patient, and not to try and approach any of the royal family, even to give condolences. There will be time enough for that at the funeral. Unfortunately, we will be closing the school immediately, for an indeterminate period, and we need all those of you who have arrangements outside the palace to leave at once. The others may stay until they are able to make arrangements, but are urged to keep quiet and observe mourning while they are here. I am sorry if this has caused you any inconvenience, but I'm sure you will all understand that this is a very difficult time for the King and his wife. If you have any questions, please come to me. Thank you."

As people began to disperse, Celin pushed through the crowds towards Aragorn. It took him a long time to get to him, as he was already being crowded by a number of over-zealous Elves who appeared to be trying to find out all they could about what had happened under the guise of asking Aragorn to convey their condolences to Legolas. When the people surrounding Gondor's king finally started to disperse, Celin approached him cautiously, as he looked irritated.

At the sight of him, Aragorn looked even more so. "What is it, Celin?" he asked sharply. "You know I can't reveal the details of what happened, not even to you-"

"That isn't why I'm here, Lord Aragorn," Celin interrupted, "I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but I can't leave the palace."

For a moment, Aragorn looked even more annoyed, and then his face cleared and he sighed. "Ah, yes, of course. Your parents. I suppose they aren't here today?"

Celin lowered his eyes. "No, Lord Aragorn, they aren't. They thought it best not to attend considering…"

"Of course," Aragorn nodded. "Well, I suppose you may stay, then. Legolas told me they sent you out on your own to seek your fortune. Under the circumstances, I don't think it's wise for you to go back. He would not want that."

"Lord Aragorn…I thank you, but if this only concerned my parents then I would have left without making any fuss," Celin said. He had lived alone in the forest, fending for himself, for months, and he would do it again if he had to. But…"This is about Elano. I have to stay for him."

Aragorn frowned. "Celin, I appreciate your intentions, but are you sure that's wise?"

"He's just lost the last person he has left, Lord Aragorn, and he is still reeling from his mother's death. He is completely alone, and he needs someone by his side. I won't push him, I won't ask him what happened to her, and if he wants me to keep my distance, I'll do that, too. But I need to know where he is right now, so I can let him know that he has at least one person he can come to when things get too much for him."

Aragorn studied him for a long moment, and then nodded reluctantly, unable to deny the truth of Celin's words. "Alright. But I don't know exactly where he is- he took Miriel with him and disappeared into the castle. "

"Thank you, sir." He turned away, and began to walk towards the palace, but Aragorn's voice stopped him.

"Celin…take care of him, will you? Don't let him do anything stupid."

"I won't, sir," he said with more confidence than he felt, and began to hurry towards the palace. He was acutely conscious of the responsibility the Man had placed on his shoulders. Elano meant a great deal to Legolas, and Celin knew it would kill his teacher to lose him, too. And yet how could Elano not give up after everything he had been through? He shook off the thought.

Soon, he reached the door to Elano's bedchamber. From the sounds of hitched, uneven breathing coming from inside, he knew the Elf was in there. Taking a deep breath, he knocked softly and then entered. His breath caught at the sight that met his eyes. Elano was standing at a table, a washcloth in hand, carefully and reverently wiping away the blood from Miriel's body. He averted his eyes at once, but even that one glance was enough to tell him that her death had not been an accident, and bile rose in his throat. After a moment, he forced himself to look again at Elano, though he had to fight down another wave of nausea at the blood-stained washcloth and the basin of reddened water beside it. His friend wasn't crying, although judging by his uneven breathing and his bloodshot eyes, he'd been sobbing just a short while ago. He looked weary and hurt to his bones.

He had not looked up even once since Celin's entry, and the younger Elf wasn't sure that he was even aware of his presence. Some instinct told him not to interrupt this, so he stood there silently as Elano wiped away the last of the blood, stitched what looked like a wound made by a sword, and then, last of all, began to comb Miriel's hair. His motions were so gentle that Celin found his eyes stinging fiercely. Finally, Elano closed Miriel's eyes with a gesture so tender that he might have been caressing her face, and then covered her up with a white cloth. For a long moment, they both stood stock still, and then Elano backed away from the table, and sank bonelessly down onto the floor.

Swallowing hard, Celin moved forward. He had never seen his friend look so drained, and he wondered if this was what he had looked like when he was fading. How was he going to keep him from giving up? What did Elano have left to stay for, anyway?

"Elano," he said, and paused, taken aback by his own hoarseness. His friend didn't say anything, just raised his head a little; but it was more acknowledgement than he had gotten from him in months. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Elano, I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now. You haven't spoken to me or looked at me in months, but I haven't been blind. I've seen you with Miriel, and I know how much she meant to you. You shouldn't be alone right now. I know you hate me for what my mother did-" at this Elano flinched, and Celin almost lost his nerve then and there- "but I used to be your best friend, and Valar knows you're still mine. If my being here is causing you more pain, you don't have to say anything- I'll just leave right now. But I wanted you to know that I'll be here if you need me." He shifted uneasily from foot to foot, waiting long moments for Elano to respond. Bitter disappointment washed over him when he didn't. Sighing, he began to turn away.

"Celin, wait." Fighting down a sudden wave of panic, Celin turned back towards his friend. This was the first time Elano had spoken to him in months, and he didn't know what he would do if he rejected his friendship. Months of silence had been hard enough to bear, but now that that it had been broken, Celin was terrified of what Elano might say.

Elano inhaled deeply. "I'm sorry. These last few months, I know I've been…I know it isn't your fault that my mother died. It's just…every time I look at you I see your mother's face…"

"It's alright," Celin said, his voice rough and his eyes stinging, "You don't need to apologize. I understand." He began to turn away again, but once again, Elano's voice stopped him.

"No, Celin, you don't understand. I'm not asking you to leave." He exhaled shakily. "Right now, my mother's death is leagues from my mind. I don't care if you look like her killer. I put the last of my hope, all the love that I had left to give, in Miriel, and now she's gone too and I'm…" he shuddered and closed his eyes. "For sir's sake, I can't let myself fade, Celin. I know that. He's done so much for me; I need to stay for as long as he needs me, but I don't know if I can…" He again let out a shaky breath. "I need you. I know I don't have the right to say that, after how I've treated you, but…"

Eyes full, Celin knelt beside him and pulled him into a tight embrace. "Hush," he said tightly. "You have every right to sat that. Whatever you need, Elano. Don't apologize."

Elano hugged him back tightly, clinging to him. "I'm just so tired, Celin," he said in a strangled voice. "Why did I have to lose her too? She was all I had left."

"Hush," Celin said. "No, she wasn't. I'm here, Elano; I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." He hugged his friend a little tighter, blinked back tears, and whispered, "I promise."

…

TBC…

I know most authors would have found a way to save Miriel, and I'm probably going to get a lot of angry reviews for doing this. Just when they'd all started to be happy, and all that. But I did have a reason for it- it is the one event that will make or break Alanna and Legolas's relationship. I wanted to explore the effect of something like this on their just blossomed friendship. Also, yes, I know I've been unspeakably cruel to Elano. But I'm sure you know people, in your own lives, who are really, really unlucky- people who have their family and friends continually dying on them, relationships falling apart, etc. You feel sorry for them, wonder how life could be so cruel to them, etc. Elano is one of these people- I didn't really intend him to become so tragic, it just kind of happened. Right from 'A Teacher's Duty', in which he's reeling from his father's death, my story just kept making him lose people. I hope you guys aren't put off by how angsty this is getting. Bear with me for a few chapters, the story's almost over. Ta!