*Okay, so Yes to rehab just barley won. I put a lot of research into it because I don't know much about rehab at all. You do not need to read about it, I do not believe there is anything all too important to the story in it. There's a few characters that come into play though.
Also, you guys wanted Hurt!Dean well here you go! I made myself cry...
"Dean. Will you please get help? Please?" I turned to look at Sam. His eyes glistened with tears. Through the tears he had such an intense look in his eye that I was scared if I looked away he's break.
"O-okay."
Warning: Child abuse, mentions of self harm.
3rd person POV
"Dean. Will you please get help? Please?" I turned to look at Sam. His eyes glistened with tears. Through the tears he had such an intense look in his eye that I was scared if I looked away he's break.
"O-okay."
Warning: Child abuse, mentions of self harm.
3rd person POV
As soon as Dean was dropped off at the rehabilitation center for youth he cut himself off from everybody else and stayed locked in his room save for going to his therapist appointment and when Bobby and Sam showed up every weekend.
He went through horrible hallucinations and sweats. As soon as he arrived he showed text book examples of depression and anxiety. He was put on medication to help this and medication to slowly ease him off the heavy drugs he was on. It was a much healthier supplement of the drugs he was on.
The whole time his therapist, -a pretty lady that would rather go by Tessa than Doctor McKeon- said that it would be hell for him if he went cold turkey.
She encouraged Dean to take part in the daily group meetings, socialize and exercise. Tessa learnt fast that Dean was was rather uncooperative.
During the first week Dean thought he was losing his mind. He tried everything he could to get his hands on heroin. He even tried calling Sam and asking he could bring him something
"Just this once and then never again." Dean promised. Sam just heaved an annoyed and upset sigh and hung up. Dean whipped his cell phone across the room with a frustrated cry and watched it shatter against the wall in anger.
The next week Dean went to Tessa, it was, as she called it 'bonding time for them.'
"So Dean," Tessa began, nibbling on the lid of her pen staring at the paper with all the information Sam and Bobby had give the center about him.
"You want to tell me what this friendship fall out was?" She said staring up at him with soft honey brown eyes.
Dean stared at her and debated on whether or not he should tell her.
Bring up Cas would hurt and Dean didn't want to hurt. He wanted to shove the memories he had with Cas far, far away and never look at them again.
"Dean." She said pulling him back.
"His name was Cas- well Castiel but that's a mouthful." Dean blurted out with a slight flinch of how easy the name rolled off his tongue.
He noticed that Tessa scribbled something down on the pad of paper she had in front of her.
"How did you meet Cas?" She replied softly. Dean chuckled sadly thinking back to the night he met Cas.
"At a party."
"What happened at this party?"
Dean looked at Tessa skeptically. He really didn't want to tell her. He barley even knew the women.
"Nothing important." Dean said quietly. Tessa hum'ed in response. They went on to talk about how Dean's meds were and how he did in school.
It took a total of 4 weeks for Tessa to finally gain Dean's trust and get him to open up.
Dean walked in that day and looked worst that usual.
Ever since Dean had shown up the light in his eye hadn't come back, he had heavy bags from different nightmares each night and he was still eating horribly but most of the colour had come back to his face and he was gaining a bit of his weight back because at least he was eating more.
"Can I tell you something?" Dean asked almost frightened as he opened the door to Tessa's room.
"Of course Dean! Who else am I going to tell?" Tessa replied gently with a soft smile.
Dean nodded slightly and made sure the door shut behind him.
"We kissed that night." Dean said flopping down in his usual chair with a heavy sigh and thoughts of regret swarming up his head.
"Hold that thought." Tessa quickly opened up her filling cabinet and skimmed through them.
She brought up Dean's old information that she had written the day she got Dean to mention Castiel's name.
"Okay, go on." She said fishing it out and getting her pen ready.
"The night we met, I kissed him. It was a group of us and we were playing spin the bottle. We ended up being sent into a room in Jo's house and I kissed him." Dean smiled sadly remembering it.
"Then he kissed me. I remember the other people at the party calling him gay and a faggot." Dean frowned.
When Dean decided that Tessa wasn't going to say anything he went on.
"He- he cut himself. Really bad too, there was blood every where. All over his stomach and arms. He told me he had some on his legs but I didn't want to look." Dean took a deep breath before continuing.
"I helped him to clean them one day." he said softly.
"So, after you kissed him you two remained friends?" Tessa asked gently not wanting to destroy all the progress Dean had made.
"Yeah, for the most part."
"For the most part?"
Dean took a deep breath.
"The night.. The night we stopped talking we kissed."
"Do you want to tell me about that night?"
Dean's thoughts drifted back to the night Cas had walked out of his life.
He still remembered how the rain felt in between them and the way Cas's lips matched his perfectly. He could remember Cas's odd speech patterns. How was he would say his name. How bright his eyes were.
He remember the day he had given Cas a piggyback ride and how happy he had been. How adorable Cas had been when he glared at him.
God, that whole day he just wanted to kiss the other boy but he knew better.
Thinking back to Cas hurt. It hurt a lot. Dean didn't look after him and let the best thing happen to him go. He hadn't even noticed he had started crying until a brown tissue box was being held out in front of him.
He looked up to see Tessa looking at him softly.
His eyes widened and he was getting ready to run away and Tessa's calm voice broke the silence.
"Dean, you can't keep running from this. It's going to eat you alive. Please finish, if you do you can probably leave this building and go home sooner."
Dean scrubbed at his tears, Dean hated crying. It made him look vulnerable.
He thought over Tessa's words and lowered himself back into his seat. He wanted the hell out of this place.
"O-Okay." He whispered. "Take your time Dean." Tessa urged gently.
"He kept knocking on the door, like something was wrong. He- he came over to my house. He was in crutches and it was raining. Raining really hard and he was drenched, like, head to toe. His hair was dripping and his eyes looked really blue. He had a bruise on his cheek. He- he kissed me. And I kissed him back. Th-then he asked to come inside and I let him. He- he told me we couldn't be together anymore and told me he wasn't good for me. I thought he was joking or something but he was serious. He told me he couldn't see me anymore and I freaked out. I kissed him and asked him why and he said his Mother. He started crying."
Dean's tears came down faster. It hurt to talk about this, it hurt like taking a band aid off and he wanted to run away and bury Cas and everything that had come with him. The good and the bad. He wanted to forget about Cas now. He wanted to hate him but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
He wanted to do drugs and drink life away. Forget everything. Forget about ever coming here. He couldn't do it anymore. Dean broke down, deep sobs taking over his body.
Tessa came over and ran a gentle hand over his back in a soothing manner.
"Breath Dean, just breath." But it hurt to breathe. Everything hurt. Dean tried to stop crying, but he just couldn't. Soon, he started gasping for air he was sobbing so hard.
He kept imagining Cas's smile, the way he'd talk, the way he looked like he had permanent bed head, how blue his eyes were, how he blushed after Dean told him to get on his back to give him a piggy back ride.
Dean finally calmed down after about 20 minutes of pure crying.
"I fucking hate crying." Dean grumbled, jutting his lip out and looking out the window. Tessa held back a chuckle.
"Well Dean, I feel like we've made some amazing progress today." She said with a smile. Dean looked back at her with hopeful, bloodshot eyes.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. If you keep it up you can probably leave soon." Dean broke out into a small smile despite his recent break down.
"I want you, if you feel comfortable with it, to try and start working out in the gym. It'll help you deal with your anger and depression."
Tessa said scribbling something down onto the pad of paper in her lap.
"O-okay." Dean whispered.
Tessa broke out into a smile.
When Dean left from Tessa's room he went right to his room. He was so Exhausted from crying he passed out and stayed asleep until the next day.
-
First thing the next more Dean got changed, grabbed his iPod and went down stairs to work out in the gym.
Dean's POV
When I arrived at the gym I noticed that it was males and females working out in the same room. My brows pulled together but I shrugged it off and went over to the treadmill.
Before everything had gone to shit I was actually pretty good at running. I liked running.
My feet pounded down on the machine as I ran as I started off with a simple jog and it felt great.
It didn't take long for my eyes to wander from my machine to the girls in the gym.
One particular girl caught my eye.
She was talking to another girl who I didn't have much interest in but she had a pair of very short shorts on that showed off her long, slim legs.
She had a tank top that dipped a little lower than need be, her long, flowy brown hair fell just below her shoulders bring out her innocent looking eyes, they were a enticing blueish green that drew me in.
Her lazy gaze suddenly turned to me and she broke out in a sly smirk.
Once she caught my eye I flinched and looked away. I couldn't go down that road again. Not right here, not right now.
"Good idea to look away mate, she is not something you want to tap." A very British voice said slyly beside me making me jump.
"Jesus Christ!" I yelled, slamming my hand on the stop button on the machine.
"Sorry to for the startle." I looked over to see a plump man with a blue eyes, short brown hair and a cunning, almost evil smile. He was just sitting on one of the stationary bike.
I raised a brow looking at him.
"Names Crowley." He stuck out a hand in front of me. I skeptically took it and with a firm grip I shook it.
"Dean, Dean Winchester."
"Pleasure." He replied his grip just as strong as mine.
Just as we pulled apart, the pretty brunette from before strutted over to us. "I'm afraid we haven't met yet." She said with a British accent.
Why the hell was everyone British all of a sudden? I thought sourly.
"Don't waist your breath hunny, can't you see he's gay." Crowley stated as if it was clear as day. I chocked on nothing but air.
"N-no I am not!" I yelped, eyes wide. The girl sent a glare at Crowley.
"Really Crowley? You may have some sick twisted fantasies but don't bring him into it." She turned to me and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.
"I'm Bela." With that she gave a shy smile. "Dean." I said not making eye contact.
Crowley howled out a laugh. "Shut up Crowley!" She hissed glaring at him.
A loud shrieking bell suddenly hushed the room before groans filled the room. Group time.
"Ya know Dean, you've been here for what a month? Yet you've never come to group. you should come." Crowley smirked.
I took a quick glance at Bela, who didn't seem interested in leaving me alone.
I nodded. "Sure."
Group was just as I thought it would be. We all sat around in a large circle with Tessa instructing us what to talk about.
I had Crowley sitting on one side of me and on the other side a girl -Meg she said her name was- sat on my other side.
We went around the circle talking about who we were and why we were here.
When it came to me I simply passed. Tessa gave me an annoyed glared to which I smirked back at her.
When group was over I was ready to go to was when I started walking back to my room that anything interesting happened.
The girl that sat beside, Meg, decided she wanted to talk to me.
She stood beside my door and gave me a warm smile when I rounded the corner and came into her vision.
"Ahhh Dean-o there you are!" I shot her a confused look. "Hello?"
"Crowley and I are.. close." She said taking three steps to close the distance between us and pinned me up to the wall.
My breath hitched.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked gently pushing her away from me. "Aww Deano don't act like that." She came back and trying to kiss my neck.
"Leave me alone." I said angrily pushing her back harder.
She let out a howl of a laugh. When she brought her head back up I nearly screamed.
Her smile slowly started getting bigger and bigger, until it was identical to the Chester cat's smile. Yellow, razor teeth shone through.
The smile slowly cracked and peeled off her skin. The flakes floated to the floor. Yellowish greyish bone peeked through the cracks where the skin had come off and where it was starting to come off.
Two small, black horns ripped through the top of her head and curled in whites in her eyes disappeared and were replaced with a ebony black.
Her laugh turned into a demonic laugh. I shut my eyes tight and shook my head. When I open them back up she looked like herself again.
Hallucination. I thought bitterly.
"Screw off!" I yelled rushing into my room and slamming the door.
I took in a few deep breaths before I started up my iPod and let music fill the room.
I drifted into a deep sleep.
3rd person POV
In another 2 months Dean was released from the rehabilitation center.
During those 2 months Tessa was able to get Dean to talk about his childhood and what had happened and where his Dad had actually gone.
She had figured out that his mom died in a house fire. The night it happened Dean asked if they could have a fire and roast marshmallows.
Mary had been sick so she wasn't able to join them.
One of the burning coals jumped and hit a dry patch of grass beside the house, burning it down to the ground in a matter of minutes.
She also learnt that Dean blamed himself for this.
She learnt that Sam and Dean lived with Bobby and not their dad because one night Bobby had come over for dinner and when John offered him a beer there was none left so, John tried to take his anger out on Sam- who had only been 10 at the time.
He picked up Sam and shove him up against a wall, ready to hit him but Bobby intervened and told the boys to wait in his truck.
There was a lot of yelling and loud bangs and when Bobby came out of the house he was holding his bloody and nose. "He was down right pissed" Dean said, "but he took us to his house and we've lived there ever since."
She learnt that she was not Dean's first therapist. She learnt that John became abusive because he blamed Mary's death on the kids.
The next few sessions Dean told Tessa more about the party he met Cas at and how he had gotten blood all over his hands. He told her about how he beat Sam up. Then lastly how he almost hit the blue eyed boy with his car.
He told her about how he'd have horrible nightmares about actually hitting him with his car and killing him.
Tessa taught Dean a few tricks he could do if he was ever about to break down or got to angry. She got him set up with a therapist and a group he could go to every month that was 10 minutes from his house.
Sam's POV
Bobby and I pulled up to the rehab center and looked at each other with anxious looks.
I couldn't wait to bring Dean home. The real Dean, not the doped up selfish Dean. The happy- go- lucky Dean that always had your back.
We climbed out of Bobby's old truck and walked up to the front doors. It looked a lot like a hospital in a way. It was high up, at least 10 floors. It was a soft brown with a creamy white that separated the windows. There was an extended roof that lead out from the front door. In big, bold letters Avenues to Recovery read across the extended roof.
We walked up and I opened the large glass door.
Dean knew he was coming home today so he was supposed to be waiting for us. My eyes searched every face in the room for him.
It didn't take long for his eyes to catch mine.
As soon as our eyes connected we both broke out into huge, knowing smiles. He looked so much better.
The spark in his eyes were back, his face was full of colour, he no longer had those god awful bags under his eyes and he had gained all his weight back plus more.
His shoulders and arms were much larger and wider, indicating that he's been lifting weight or doing something to gain the muscle mass.
He practically ran over to us and pulled us into a rough hug. "I've missed you guys." He muttered into my shoulder.
"We missed you too boy." Bobby said gruffly, wearing a huge smile himself.
Dean and Bobby had to fill out a few forums before Dean was able to be released.
The two of them happily signed away, our smiles were apparently so contagious it made the receptionist smile with us. They filled the papers out and we all walked out to the truck with a jump in our step.
"I am not going to miss this place." Dean said happily. "I bet!" I laughed.
Dean shot a wide smile my way before turning his head toward the truck. A mysterious glint appeared in his eyes that I hadn't seen for a long time.
I narrowed my eyes, a smile still on my face. Before I could ask what he was doing he cried out "Shotgun!" and took off running to the truck, pulling the front door open and slamming it shut.
"Bitch!" I called after him.
"Jerk!"
Deans POV
After a half an hour truck ride we pulled up to Bobbys house.
I broke out in an even bigger smile, noting that the house hadn't changed one little bit.
On the ride home I had told them about what I did at the center and I told them I couldn't wait to get home.
I could tell they were itching to find out what had happened between Cas and I that sent me into such a downwards spiral but I didn't want to tell them yet.
This was going to be a happy day not a sucky one. I couldn't wait to get inside. I was so excited that I was giddy.
I tore through the drive way and ran inside.
I didn't care if Sam and Bobby though I was crazy. I just couldn't wait to get home.
I pulled the door open with way too much force and smiled when I stepped in. The familiar musky scent hit me almost immediately.
I looked around the old house, drinking in the familiar sight.
"Just gunna stand there like an idjit or are you actually going to go in?" Bobby's deep voice rumbled behind me. I jumped slightly before smiling sheepishly.
"Sorry Bobby, it feels like years since I've been home, ya know?"
I said as I walked into the house. I heard Sam chuckle behind us. My stomach let out a loud growl and I smiled taking off into the kitchen.
"It's like he friggin 5 again." I heard Bobby say fondly.
Sam's laugh soon followed.
I walked into the kitchen and went right to the fridge. I opened the door open and my eyes went wide. They bought pie! I picked it up before tossing it onto the familiar old wood table and grabbed a fork eating right out of the package it came in.
"Dean save some for us!" Sam laughed. I shook my head.
"No way man, do you know how long it's been since I've had pie!?" I shoved a piece into my mouth, let out a loud moan and closed my eyes in content.
Bobby and Sam both laughed.
Sam grabbed a fork and tried to pick a piece out of the container but I pulled it away. "No!" I cried.
Bobby laughed harder and Sam narrowed his eyes at me. "And to think, I actually missed you!"
Later that night Bobby had informed me that he had a friend coming over that was going to help me a lot like Tessa did but in a much less professional way. He told me her name was Charlie and that she was once an addict herself.
He also warned me that she is a lesbian, "so don't try anything funny on her, she wont be scared to knock ya into next Tuesday." I was sitting on the couch watching tv when she came over.
When she knocked on the door it was me who got up and answered it. She had long, bright red hair that stopped just below she shoulders. She had warm blue eyes and a bright, pretty smile.
She was wearing a dark navy jacket with a bright blue shirt underneath that had a cat on it. She was carrying a checkered backpack that looked very full. I raised a brow.
"You must be Dean!" She said happily, pushing past me and walking in.
Bobby's head popped up from behind his computer as he heard Charlie's voice. Once he caught sight of her bright hair he smiled.
He pulled himself up and walked over to us, engulfing her into a tight hug, to which she gladly hugged back. "Hey Bobby." She said happily.
"How have you been?" Bobby replied pulling out of the hug, looking down at her. "Same old, same old." She laughed.
"So, This is Dean." She said turning to me and smiling.
I couldn't help but smile back.
"Bobby told me a bit about you and what you've done." I looked away, embarrassed.
"Hey, it's cool, it happens to the best of us." She said, I looked up and she was wearing a soft smile. I nodded.
"So! Where do I set up?" She said looking at Bobby. I looked from her to Bobby and finally back to her bag.
It suddenly clicked.
"She's living with us?" I asked stunned.
"Damn right."
Charlie ended up bunking in the spare bed room. Apparently she didn't have anywhere to stay so Bobby invited her to stay with us for a little bit. He said that it would be good for her to stay with us for a little bit while I was adapting back into my regular scheduled.
The next few weeks were pretty uneventful.
Sam invited Jo over and we all hung out a lot. Charlie turned out to be pretty damn awesome and was becoming a great friend. Because school was out for summer Bobby had me help out in his shop, which I gladly did, I loved working on the old cars and helping to bring in money for Bobby.
Sam was home a lot, but he would also go out to the Novak's house. He'd make up some lame ass excuse like 'I'm going for a run' and be back 5 hours later, or he'd say that he had to step out and come back the next day.
I wasn't stupid, but I understood why he wasn't telling me. Before I left I had been to ignorant to pay attention to Sam and how he was doing.
If I had opened my eyes at the time I would have noticed that he was spending a lot more time with Gabriel and Gabriel had been coming over a lot more.
I figured he wasn't telling me because he didn't want me to think about Cas.
Thinking about Cas didn't hurt as much anymore, it still hurt a little but it was bearable. Sometimes I wonder how he's doing and if he's still cutting.
I often think back to his Mother and what the hell was wrong with her. In rehab I eventually put two and two together and figured the only reasonable explanation as to why he had so many cuts and bruises was because of his Mother, but then, why didn't any of his other siblings have any injured like that?
I was still on medication, I was on meds for depression and anxiety and sleeping pills. The only ones that I didn't have to take daily was the sleeping pills, I only took them when I couldn't stop tossing and turning with nightmares at night, which was now, only once a week.
"Dean!"
Sams voice called, pulling me out of my trance. It was one of those lazy Sunday nights. I had finished all the work I had in the shop, Charlie was out with her girlfriend for a date and Jo had to work at her mom restaurant.
It was just Sam and I at home.
I replied with a grunt not taking my eyes off the tv.
It was then I heard a knock on the door. "Can you get that? I'm busy." I pulled my eyes away from the tv and looked over at Sam.
He was writing something.
"Sure.".
There was another knock, this one more rushed.
"I'm coming!" I yelled annoyed. I dragged my feet over to the door and and put my hand on the door nob and turned it, opening it wide.
I couldn't believe it.
Two, dark blue eyes landed on mine on, filling with relief.
"Hello Dean."
I have no idea how many different pov's I had in the chapter. I'm guessing at least 5.
I'm gunna mess with your feels here and say that Charlie never actually met Bobby, I think she might have met Ghost!Bobby but never Bobby-Bobby. Sad eh?
QUESTION FOR TODAY: I'm going to ask this again because it's pretty important. Do you guys want me to write some smut in here somewhere? If you don't answer I'm just going to assume it is a yes.
Also helpful criticisms is always welcomed, please let me know if I'm doing something wrong.
Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favourites. I love you all :)