Disclaimer: I do NOT own the following wrestlers, or any of the events that actually happened on camera.
I respect the actual beliefs and sexualities of the following wrestlers.
Thanks for the reviews, everyone. Really angsty.
A/N: School starts tomorrow, much to my pain. So this one's really long because I have no idea how the posting schedule will be yet. And I know I should be updating others, but Torture's getting closer and closer to the end... not that close, but closer than anything else I have up. So maybe I could speed up the process of closing the book on this one. I love it so much... but I have loads of projects and I go to a school that likes working us like slaves.
The stuff in italics are all either memories or dreams. In the part that's memories, some are bold and italicized... that's to separate different memories.
Well, here's part twenty.
"Brooks." Punk and Matt looked up and saw Shane McMahon at the door. "Plane boards in four hours. Why don't you get ready?"
Punk looked at Matt and said, "Will you be okay?"
"I dunno," he answered truthfully.
Punk wrapped his arms around his friend and said, "You have my number. Don't hesitate to use it." Punk stood up and walked out the door. Shane looked him over.
"You're not too badly hurt," Shane said, "So Dad's not giving you a lot of time off. He said to tell you that you have two weeks to get things together or he'll have to crown a new US Champion."
Matt nodded. "That's... fair."
"Look, Matt, I'm sorry. About everything. I wish you came to us; we could've had the hotel cameras checked for you. We would've taken care of it." Another screw up courtesy of Matt Hardy, it seemed. Why didn't he think of hotel cameras?
Because he was an idiot who secretly enjoyed it when Adam treated him like crap? Hmm, maybe if Chris stabbed him a few times, then he'd like him. Matt's hands clenched into fists. He was a damn idiot. Why couldn't he stop thinking about Adam? About how Adam touched him, how they talked, how Adam kissed him...
Anyone with sense would just get over Adam. But sense was something Matt felt he was sorely lacking.
The fact that he hurt Punk should be enough to make Matt hate him. The fact that he framed Chris and hurt him and threatened his life should be enough to make Matt hate him. The fact that he took advantage of him should be enough to make Matt hate him. But stupid Matt couldn't hate him; he still loved him.
Matt knew he was fucking messed up now.
Shane swallowed and said, "If you need anything, please, don't hesitate to ask. I'll stick up for you; you've always been a good employee, and you're good with the rookies."
"How is he?" Matt asked.
"Who? Adam?"
"No... Chris."
"He's fine. Going to have to recuperate; he's been bruised badly." Matt Hardy screw up number seventy-five: allowing everyone to hurt Chris. Screw up seventy-six: hurting Chris himself.
Shane shook his head. "I have to get ready for the flight too... Matt, please, try to set yourself right. I'd hate to see your second US championship reign cut short." He left, and a nurse came in the room.
"Matt Hardy?" she asked.
"Yes?"
She handed him a note. "This is for you." She left the room, and Matt, filled with confusion, opened the note. He nearly died seeing Adam's handwriting.
Matt, love, words cannot describe how I felt when I saw you faint. I nearly died myself. I wanted to run to help you, but... my leg. And I probably deserved that to some degree. I should've been more aware of what you needed. I won't take the blame for all of it... I was trying to save our relationship... but I want to man up. I pushed you, when I should've held you. I love you, and I'm going to think about you every second I'm alive. It's my blessing and my curse. I just wish I could rewind things back to the threesome, and I just kicked Chris out of the room instead of starting things. Then, Chris wouldn't have taken it as an invitation to ruin our lives. But what's done is done, and I hope you could forgive me... to be loved but not liked is a bad feeling, and I think that's how you feel about me now. You love me but you don't like me. It hurts me to write that, but it's true. But know that I like you and love you, and nothing will change that.
Matt crumbled the paper, wanting to throw it out, but then he smoothed it out, folded it, and put it in his pocket. Adam still blamed Chris for everything, like Chris was the reason Punk had a scar, that Matt's life was totally ruined. Adam wanted to 'man up'? Bullshit. He still didn't know what he did was wrong.
But Matt couldn't throw out the letter. He was compelled to keep it. And he hated himself more for it.
*********
After one day of watching Chris and Matt, Mark was almost ready to kill himself. They were just so damn depressing. Mark brought adjoining rooms in a new hotel, and Matt took one and Chris took the other. Neither addressed the other. It was heartbreaking.
Chris just sat nearby a mirror and watched himself, tracing a bruise or a scar. Mark walked over and said, "Are you okay?"
"Whatever."
"What the hell are you doing, Chris?"
"Reminding myself what happens when you ruin people's lives," Chris said sadly. He traced his shiner, and Mark shook his head. Chris blamed himself for this. Fucking ridiculous. He was sure they established ADAM'S guilt, but it seemed Chris still blamed himself.
Mark walked into the other room and saw Matt sitting with his knees to his chest. "Hey, Matt?" he asked.
"Leave me."
"Matt, I..."
"Everyone who comes near me just gets hurt. Leave... leave me." Matt kept staring out into the distance, and Mark wanted to shake Matt, find the cocky brunette everyone knew and cared about. This wasn't him. And why did Matt blame himself? He was raped! He was fooled!
After a day of this, he got a call from Jeff. "Hey babe," Mark said, sighing. Chris was asleep now, and Matt was in the shower... which Mark stayed by the door, to make sure he wasn't drowning himself.
"How are they?"
"No good," Mark said.
"Matt's not answering his phone."
"I doubt he cares about it now. He just blames himself and reads this piece of paper over and over again. And Chris is no better... he thinks he deserves all the pain, and he looks at his face in the mirror like a fucking trophy. It's depressing."
"I can only imagine." Jeff sighed. "I wish I stood."
"You couldn't, Mister Number One Contender," Mark reminded him, "You have duties."
"But my brother... how could he blame himself?"
"I don't know." Matt walked out of the bathroom, wearing the same clothes he wore since yesterday. "Matt?" Matt glanced at him briefly before he continued walking to the bed. "Don't you think it'd be better if you changed your clothes?"
"Don't wanna. He's infected there too." Matt curled up in a blanket and stared off into the distance again.
"What do you think he means?" Mark asked.
"Check if he has any of Adam's stuff in his bags. Get rid of all of it." Mark did as he was told, and was surprised to find a good portion of the bag was Adam's stuff. Some of it was also Punk's stuff. How much of it was actually Matt's? He looked through each bag until all that was left was Matt's stuff, Punk's stuff, and some stray Jeff's stuff. Couldn't they just keep all their shit in their bags? It would make Mark's job a whole lot easier.
He threw it out and saw that Matt was asleep now, but he was tossing and turning. He wondered what Matt was dreaming about. Then, he went into the other room and saw Chris was muttering in his sleep again. He heard Chris had a tendency to sleep talk, but this was the first time he saw it in action.
The only word he said was sorry.
***********
Matt woke up from another nightmare. For the past few days, every time he closed his eyes, he was beating up Jeff with Adam, or Punk with Adam, or Chris with Adam, and then they'd get close afterwards.
He wondered if he could cut out the part of him that allowed Adam to have such a hold over him.
He read the note again, convinced that Adam was nuts... and so was he. Matt should be in a cell too. Wasn't assault a felony? Couldn't he get arrested for that?
Matt began to leave, but Mark caught him first. He grabbed the elder Hardy's wrist and said, "Where are you going?"
"The police station." Matt said simply.
"Why?"
"So they can arrest me for assaulting Chris."
Mark shook his head. "You're being silly."
"No, I'm not. I deserve to be in jail. Like Adam. Just like Adam." Matt looked at him, and Mark's heart nearly broke, seeing that stare. "Please, just let me go?"
"Matt, stop being an idiot and just go lay down."
"Mark, let me go. Let me go or I'll kick your ass," Matt said.
"Let me see you try," Mark challenged. Matt then crumbled, getting on his knees and looking down.
"Please, just let me go. Like Adam. Just like Adam." Mark put his arms around Matt and carried him to the bed. Shit, he was broken.
"Don't let him rule your life," Mark said, stroking Matt's hair, "You're nothing like him."
"I ruin lives. Just like him. We're so alike."
Mark just shook his head and stroked Matt's hair until he fell asleep. He said just like him so many times before he fell asleep. Mark looked up and saw Chris at the door, looking at Matt sadly.
"He blames himself?" he asked. Mark nodded. "Why? He... he didn't do anything wrong... Matt, it was me..." Chris shook his head. "I fucked him up." Chris walked back into his room, and Mark felt like punching the wall. It was Adam. Adam was the reason they were hurt, that Punk was hurt, that Mark couldn't use his damn carisoprodol and had to settle for a weaker muscle relaxant. He used to sleep like a baby, and now he slept horribly. And when he finally relaxed, all he could think about was Chris and Matt.
He wished he knew what to do.
**********
They stood over Chris' mangled body, embracing, kissing each other. Adam ran his hand through Matt's hair lovingly, while using the other to grope him. Matt egged him on with some groping of his own.
They pulled apart and Matt said,"Hit him again."
"Want me to, love?"
"LOVE you to. Hit him again."
Matt woke up, the sound he made not a scream, but a scream was the closest thing to explain it. It was a nightmare, and Matt thought it was pretty much resembled life. Matt didn't care that Adam was hurting his loved ones; he still cared about the fucking bastard.
Matt walked to the bathroom and looked himself in the mirror. He began touching his hair... Adam loved his hair. He ran his hands through his hair every chance he got. He remembered how dream Adam touched his hair, how real Adam did...
"You're a fucking sadist, Addy."
"And you are a masochist, Mattie." They laughed and then they kissed sweetly. Adam wrapped his fingers in Matt's hair and kissed him again.
"Sorry for teasing you," Matt said.
"Sorry for punishing you," Adam said.
"I liked the punishment, baby."
"See?" Adam said, "It's okay. We're okay. Promise."
"I love you, Adam," Matt said. Adam stroked his hair.
"Love you to, Matt."
"Punk, this isn't funny!" Matt yelled, wishing it was Punk as he yanked his arm away. The hand reached out again and pushed Matt's lips back into his, tangling his hair in his hand. Matt pushed his shoulder into the attacker- that couldn't be Punk. And that meant Punk was hurt... or worse.
Adam turned around and began to leave, but Matt grabbed his arm. He turned him around and kissed him softly on the lips.
Matt pulled back and said, "I'm sorry about everything, Adam. Thanks for worrying about me... and for being there for me. I hope we can talk later about possibly fixing things."
Adam stroked Matt's hair. "I'd like that." Matt hugged him, and Adam squeezed back.
"You." Adam moved some hair from the front of his face. "Matt, I want you to know... you set the pace of this relationship, okay? However fast or slow you wanna go, I'm fine with that. I'm just glad I get to hold you again."
Matt grabbed his hair and looked at it. Another thing Adam loved about him. Maybe if it were gone... maybe Adam wouldn't love him anymore. Then maybe Matt wouldn't love the fucking bastard anymore. And then he could move on with life.
**********
Chris heard a cry and he immediately sat up. Matt. He was hurt... or something...
He went to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Mark? I think... I think Matt needs help."
"Why don't you... I have to..."
"He doesn't need me ruining his life anymore," Chris said sadly. Mark sighed, flushed the toilet, and got out. These two needed real help. He walked to the door and saw Chris immediately go in, to look at the mirror. Stare at his face again.
Somebody help me... Mark thought.
He walked in and called out Matt's name. Nothing. So he went to the bathroom and saw that Matt had one of the hotel's electric razors in his hand, ready to shave his hair off. Mark ran over and snatched it. "Are you insane?" Mark shouted.
"Yes..." Matt shook his head, "I'm so fucking insane." Matt just walked out of the room and went to the bed, like nothing just happened. Mark confiscated the electric razor and a couple of other things which, if Matt got more insane, might lead to something really horrible happening. There was one last thing for Mark to try, and if that didn't work, they were both going to a psychiatrist tomorrow.
**********
Dinner came, and Mark gave Matt his tray. Then, he laid Chris' tray on the table and walked into the other room. "Mark? You forgot..."
The door opened and Mark carried Chris, who was yelling at him to put him down, into the room. Matt watched curiously as he dropped Chris. "You two need to talk. I mean it. You're not leaving this room until you do. Chris, Matt almost shaved his hair off earlier. Matt, Chris has been staring in the mirror for hours, just tracing his scars and black and blues. Get to fixing this."
Mark left and locked the door to the other room. Then, he sat in front of the door out. Those two were going to talk, he be damned if they didn't.
Chris stared at Matt. "You almost shaved your hair off?"
"You trace your bruises?"
Chris sat on the bed next to him, but neither answered the other's questions. They sat there for a while, and Chris said, "Why?"
"Because if Adam stops loving me, then maybe I could stop loving him," Matt said. "Why?"
"Because I deserve them for ruining our lives."
They were quiet again, but then Matt broke the silence. "You didn't ruin our lives. I did."
"What?" Chris said, shocked. Matt wasn't to blame. Sure, he was no longer perfect in Chris' eyes... Chris now saw every flaw. But he loved each and every one of them, just as much as he loved his virtues, and he didn't want Matt to hurt himself anymore. "It was me, I set him off, I just wouldn't take no for an answer..."
"But I'm the reason he went off," Matt argued, "He wouldn't have done anything to you or Punk if you guys didn't care about me. If Punk didn't share his room with me after the break up, he'd be perfectly healthy. If you didn't love me... I almost got you killed, Chris. I should've seen what Adam really was. I'm sorry I ruined your lives."
Chris had to do something. He hated hearing Matt talk like this. And then, there he found his own salvation: by making Matt understand he wasn't to blame, he had a purpose. He had something other to do than blame himself and trace wounds. "I got you raped," he said, "You're blameless."
"Liar. You're just saying that to make me feel better."
Chris sighed. "Just get over yourself, Narcissus! Believe it or not, you had NO hand in this tragedy."
"Chris!" Matt shouted angrily. How could Chris talk like that after everything that's happened?
"What? I figured you needed reminding that the sun doesn't revolve around you." Chris smiled weakly, hoping the joke could break through to Matt.
And it did. A small, almost nonexistent smile crossed Matt's lips... but a smile nonetheless. "The sun doesn't revolve at all," he said sadly. Chris grabbed Matt's hand. Matt's smile grew to a soft smile and he squeezed back. "You're not to blame, Chris."
"Neither are you, Matt."
"So where does that leave us?" Matt asked.
"I dunno. But... this self deprecating bullcrap's beneath us," Chris said.
"I know."
"Then why are we doing this to ourselves?"
"I don't know." Matt looked at him. "Promise me you'll stop staring at yourself in the mirror and touching your wounds."
"If you'll never try to butcher your hair again, I will." Chris shook his head. "You're nothing like Adam. You couldn't kill him. He would've killed me, no problem. You couldn't even continue my beating unless I fought back. Adam had no problem attacking defenseless people like me, Punk... and you. You and Adam are nothing alike."
Mark said the same thing, but when Chris said it... Matt believed him.
****************
Mark's phone rang and he saw it was Jeff. "How are they?" Jeff asked.
"Both near suicidal," Mark said. "I left them in the room together about an hour ago so they can work out their problems together."
"WHAT?" It wasn't only Jeff who yelled. A couple of other voices were sprinkled in there.
"Are you stupid?" Punk said.
"They could be commiting ritual suicide right now!" Someone... Mark was thinking Rey... said.
"Don't say that!" He heard the sound of Punk hitting Rey.
"Check on them, babe," Jeff said, "I... I'm scared for them too. Just check on them."
Mark stood up and opened the door with his keycard. He was surprised to see Matt and Chris, both asleep, laying side by side, holding hands, fingers interlaced. They didn't look happy... but they looked better than they had in a long time. "I think they're going to survive," Mark said, smiling.
Why the hell do I always have the Undertaker carrying Chris into a room where he could talk about things with Matt????
No, Matt and Chris aren't together... not yet. But it's finally a little less 'I hate you' and 'I'll stay away to protect you'. Finally, I thought I was going to end this without them ending up together! (for which I'm sure wrestlefan4 would've killed me, among others. But wrestlefan4 would've been first.)
Reviews deeply appreciated