Well here's another episode of, my life! Wow… why did I start like that…? Anyways, to the person that told me to stay strong. Thank you. I really needed that today. Today wasn't a really good day. What is a good day anyways? I never really had a day that I didn't regret anything… or just feel depressed. So anyways, today, I just felt like crap. I didn't feel like I wanted to do anything. My mom scolded me for doing nothing wrong. She told me to fold the laundry and do the chores. I did and when I finished, I went on my laptop to check my e-mail. She came in and just yelled at me. She said

"Why are you always on your laptop? Don't you do anything else? See your sister. She's studying for exams and here you are, no wonder you don't do well in your studies."

I didn't dare really to say anything. I just kept silent and nodded. She took my silence as ignorance and continued to yell.

"You know what? I don't care anymore; you're not going to Thailand next year. You've been nothing but trouble and a terrible child. You don't deserve such privileges."

The Thailand trip that I was saving up for was my form of escape. It was a school trip and I was going with 2 of my friends. Its 14 days. Meaning 14 days without feeling like shit. 14 days of pure independence and freedom. Really, this meant so much to me. She's not even paying for it. I am. I'm working part time for this. I have a job with my friend that's one hour away from home. I already have exams coming up but I know I won't regret this. I come home around 8 or sometimes 9 pm. I have to take the subway home. Reason I go that far to find a job, well I don't like seeing people I know, it's not like I'm ashamed or anything, it's just...I don't like to associate with people much. It's ironic since I work at a restaurant, but you know what I mean, I hope. It's also further from home, meaning further from hell. I don't know what to do. I really want to go. Do you have any suggestions? I mean, this isn't my ONLY form of escape. I watch anime and play games, but I find this is really my real kind of escape. They're going to be 30 hours away from me. I can almost taste the joy I will have. Just me and my 2 friends, it would feel like heaven. I know it's probably exaggerating for you but for me. This is how much I want it.

This wasn't the only thing that screwed up my day. The other problem is, when I was eating dinner with my family (I don't usually eat with them, it's just my mom brought take out today and there's no left over from yesterday's dinner so I really had no choice.) My aunt told me to get her some ketchup. I had my hands dirty and I couldn't so I told her

"Can you get it?"

The reaction I got was,

"I drove your mom to get your food and you can't even do a simple task like that?" She said. She looked at me like I just committed a terrible crime. Her eyes widened and tighten her jaw like she always does when she's mad.

I didn't have a choice but to whip my hands and go fetch "the queen" Her stupid ketchup. When I go and get it, my father yelled at me for not properly cleaning my hands and getting everything greasy and disgusting.

"You know how hard it is to clean that?" He said with his harsh tone.

"I do, because I'm the one who cleans shit around here." I said under my breath.

"Do you have something to say young lady?! Say it loud and clear so I can hear it!"

"No, I don't have anything to say." I said.

"Good, now keep it that way."

By then, I didn't really want to eat anything anymore; I didn't want to see any of them. So I just wrapped my food and stored it in the fridge. I don't throw it cause then my mom would yell at me for wasting food. So I go in the washroom to wash my hands and go back into my room.

To be honest, I despise my father. I hate him to the core. He doesn't do anything to provide for the family. He's always out, and when he comes back home, he just yells and eats. He doesn't do anything. At least my mother cooks and pays the bills and everything. But him, he's just a free loader. Don't do shit for the family and still wants to order everyone around. He is a fowl no good man. I don't treat him like family. My sister always told me that

" Blood is blood, you should always treat everyone kindly."

But for me, blood is only something that keeps you alive. Family is only people who treat you like family. Treat you like you're deserved to be living right now. For me, not many people make me feel this way. Only Jasmine and occasionally Darius, Jake and my other girl friends do. I just can't imagine how I would be if I didn't have them. I think I wouldn't be even able to write anymore. Not even on the face of the earth, given up long ago.

Anyways, I have school tomorrow. Half a day since there's cram sessions on the other half of the day. I'm going to hang out with some friends. I guess that would cheer me up right? I hope so. Talk to you later.