Chapter Twelve: I'll Cover You.
Disclaimer: I do not own RENT.
We got off of the Subway, Mark shaking the whole time. In fact, the minute we got above ground again, he stuttered, "Oh, guys, I-I'm late for Maureen's sound check. I gotta go." Right. He's just freaking out again. Although about what I cannot fathom. "Here, you can help me," he announced, grabbing my arm and basically kidnapping me.
Yeah, because I'm an EXPERT at sound-check technology. Or whatever they call those things they use.
"Bye," Angel waves half-heartedly but makes no attempt to stop my kidnapping. Some new friend she is. I bet she's looking forward to spending some time alone with her new boyfriend…
"See you later," Mark said cheerfully as he hustles me along. I'm about to protest when he pulls me behind some bushes. "Let's watch from here."
"Wait, wait, wait: we're spying on them?" I asked Mark.
"'Spying' is such a common word," Mark sniffed. "I prefer to call it 'Caring Enough about Collins to Make Sure That His New Girlfriend is Only a Dog-Killer and not a People-Killer'."
"Whatever…" Might as well. I mean, it's either that or going back to the apartment and, to tell you the truth, I was getting kind of sick of it.
Once they had some alone time, however, all they could do was smile at each other.
"It's cold," Collins finally offered.
"Come on," Angel said, and they began to walk. And music began to spy on them as well. Of course, the music was a lot less inconspicuous than we were, but then, I suppose, to be fair, Mark's had more practice. FAR more practice.
"Live in my house, I'll be your shelter," Angel sings. Wow, they must be serious if they're talking about sex already. Didn't they just meet, like, yesterday or something? No, wait, two days ago. I guess you move quicker when you have AIDS. I really should take note of this and hook up with Mimi later.
"Just pay me back with 1000 kisses. Be my lover and I'll cover you," Angel continued. That sounds vaguely like prostitution. Prostitution in Care-a-Lot. Dear Lord, I'm going to hell for even using those two in the same sentence, aren't I? Oh, and for having AIDS, according to most of the world. Sweet, that means I can basically do whatever I want with no further consequences! Except…a lecture from Mark. Maybe it's just from having a Jewish mother, but he does a damn fine guilt trip. I guess that means I'll have to at least acknowledge society's rules, then…
"Open your door, I'll be your tenant," Collins replied. Wow, getting a little explicit there, are we? I see some cops standing around, that's probably why they're speaking in code. Still, it's not a very GOOD code. Or else it's entirely possible that I just have a dirty mind. One of those.
"Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet," Collins said, but you can just hear what he's not saying. Namely 'unlike everyone I hang out with. But especially Roger.' And for the record, it is so not paranoid if it's true. And Collins really doesn't ever talk about his problems, does he? He just pulls something like climbing the Eiffel Tower dressed as King Kong and gets kicked out of France for a year. Maybe that's why he keeps doing things to get himself fired. I've heard teaching is very stressful.
"But sweet kisses I've got to spare," Collins announced as Angel grabbed his hand and began to play with it. "I'll be there and I'll cover you."
Now, you may think that I'm having some difficulty with the images this song is, quite possibly unintentionally, put into my head. And that is undeniably true. But you should see Mark. He's rocking back and forth in front of me and muttering about finding his 'happy place.' Baby.
"I think they meant it when they said you can't buy love," Angel and Collins sing together. Hm, clichés aren't always the best way to start off a romance, but these two are just so goddamn cute together. I think I'm getting nauseous. And who is 'they' anyway? Whoever they are, they give good advice. Or, at least, oft-quoted advice. And that does sound like it goes against my prostitution theory.
"Now I know you can rent it," they continued. Well, that actually does sound more like prostitution. And I'm not just using that word a lot because I desperately need to go find one! I've got Mimi, after all. Or, at least, I will. "A new lease you are, my love." On what, exactly? Last time I checked, you couldn't pay rent in people. Unless…but I'm not going there. Hm, I wonder if there's any room in Mark's happy place?
"On life. Be my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!" Angel and Collins them crouch down and spring back up, jump around in a circle, and do a little impromptu dance. All while still holding hands, mind you.
"Just slip me on; I'll be your blanket." I'm not entirely sure how it's possible for them to be EACH OTHERS' blanket…Maybe it's some weird metaphysical thing? Or else they are really, really flexible and I still do not want to know.
"Wherever, whatever, I'll be your coat." Right as I was getting some more bad mental images, I saw that they had, indeed, stopped in front of a conveniently placed outdoor coat-salesman.
Angel picked one out at random and put it around Collins, singing, "You be my king and I'll be your castle."
Collins shook his head, saying, "No, you'll be my queen and I'll be your moat."
Now, both of these are highly…suggestive, to say the least. And I am the only one who realizes that you can't have a king unless you're a queen yourself or vice versa? Ah well, no need for logic to get in the way of the nearly Disney-level cuteness.
As Angel pays the coat-salesman (apparently it cost exactly twenty dollars. How fortunate.), Collins flipped the top of his collar down. Twice. Yeah, that's kinda weird. And, multi-taskers that they are, they also manage to skip along merrily and reminiscent of Snow White, while repeating, "I think they meant it when they said you can't buy love, now I know you can rent it. A new lease you are my love."
"On life. All my liiiiiiiiiiiiiife!" And with that they start off on an impromptu race down the street. I can't help but think that it would, perhaps, be more conclusive if they had stopped holding hands while they were doing it. "I've longed to discover something as true as this is…"
"They've only been dating for two days, right?" I asked Mark. No response. He's still in his happy place. I poked him a few times and he finally looked up.
Once I'd repeated the question, he nodded, puzzled. "Yeah, why?"
"It's just that they're acting like it's their anniversary or something and I thought that perhaps it was and I just lost track of time. You can do that in an apartment without a clock, you know," I explained.
"Hey, you're the one who took a sledgehammer to the one we had-" Mark began.
"The one that was BENNY'S," I sniffed. "And therefore not deserving to exist."
Mark ignored that. "Maybe it's their two day anniversary."
"Wow, I don't believe I've ever celebrated a two-day anniversary. Maybe that's the kind of thing you do when you have a terminal disease. That makes it Mimi and my two-day anniversary, too!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah, except you're not dating," Mark pointed out.
"Eh, close enough. We just have to formalize it," I said dismissively. "I mean, we've already made out and argued about her drug habit and everything."
Then Angel and Collins decided to dance really close together and serenade each other.
"So with a thousand sweet kisses…"
"When you're cold and you're lonely…"
"I'll cover you…"
"With a thousand sweet kisses…"
"You've got one nickel only…" Wow, this is very confusing. And you can't really buy anything with a nickel. If he was so desperate for money he should have kept that quarter I gave him on the subway. But wait, didn't Angel give him a bunch of money when she gave Mark and I some? Did he really blow through it that quickly? Man, weed is expensive.
Collins and Angel stop dancing and start walking along again. "With a thousand sweet kisses."
"When you're worn out and tired, I'll cover you."
"With a thousand sweet kisses," Angel says, placing her hand on Collins chest and leaning in close to him. You know what that means!
"When you're heart has expired."
"Oh, lover," they sing together, "I'll cover you."
And with that they joins hands, another adorable Disney moment, shout out, "Yeah!" in anticipation of whatever they're about to do next, which will no doubt shock and possibly horrify everyone in their general vicinity.
Sure enough, they lean in really close. "Oh, lover." Collins takes Angel's face in his hands. "I'll cover yooooooou."
And then, they kiss.
And it's adorable.
Because when are they not?
And Mark is filming like crazy.
But when is he not?
To Be Continued…
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