Note: All right, here's the deal with this. I've done way too much work on this to just drop it, but I'm feeling really lost, so if there's anyone out there who has even the slightest interest in this fic, I really need some feedback. Normally, I don't care about reviews, but in this case, any sort commentary would help me get back on track, I think. Thanks.
Gojyo
Damn. My whole body hurt so bad I couldn't believe it. Even when I was awake, it was all I could do to just lie there. My lips were throbbing and my mouth was dry, the side of my face felt like it was on fire and just breathing made my whole chest and abdomen ache. I was lying on the cold ground, and that didn't help either.
I wished Hakkai would get his ass back here and heal me. That lazy punk ass.
Around me, I could hear voices, but I didn't care about them. All I could think about was fighting Ryptcore and how easily he'd trashed me, and seeing Hu lying there dead in front of his house, Lei telling me everyone was dead, all the bodies I'd seen of half-blood people like me, Feng saying it was my fault. I didn't want to think about any of it, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to believe that place was gone. Even though I'd decided not to stay there, it would be comforting to know it was out there, that I could go back some day if I wanted to. Now it was gone.
Maybe if Feng was alive he could rebuild it.
I doubted he was. I didn't think anyone could be alive after that confrontation. Ryptcore was brutally strong, so strong he'd completely caught me off guard. I wouldn't be surprised if Sanzo and Feng and everyone else in the village were dead. Hakkai was alive somewhere, and Goku might have made it out somehow, but it was impossible for anyone else to have survived. Hell, I wasn't sure if I had survived myself. For all I knew, I was dead too.
Nearby I could hear water running, and that reminded me how friggin' thirsty I was. Maybe in a while I'd drag myself over to the river and take a drink. Right now I just wanted to fall asleep again.
I closed my eyes.
The voices went on talking, but I still didn't know who they were. I wondered if the Dethbreed had taken me prisoner, but I couldn't imagine why they would want to. What good was I to them alive?
I had to be dead too.
A moment passed and I heard footsteps, and then I got the feeling someone was hovering over me, so I opened my eyes, surprised to see Hakkai kneeling beside me.
"Ah, you're awake. I wondered if you might be."
"You…" My mouth was so dry, I could barely speak. "It'sa' 'bout time… Hurry th' hell up an' heal me."
Hakkai gave me a weird look, and then he smiled, "Oh I see. Is that how it is? I'm sorry if you're in pain, but unfortunately I've already healed you, and there's nothing more I can do for you."
"What?" I snapped, wincing immediately. Talking that loudly made my ribs hurt. "You already healed me?"
"Yes, last night. You gave us quite a scare, you know: you've been unconscious for some time now."
"Wait…wait…how can you have already healed me?" I still wasn't even grasping that. It hurt so much… Everything hurt so much.
Hakkai exhaled heavily, like he hated to tell me. "Oh, it's nothing really. Just, some of your more serious wounds are beyond what I can fix: quite a few of your ribs were broken and your sternum was fractured. As you know, bones aren't something chi can heal…" he seemed to think a moment, "In spite of that, you should be all right if you take it easy."
Take it easy? Shit. How do I do that at a time like this?
I closed my eyes again, "That guy… Hakkai, that guy was so strong…"
"You're lucky to be alive, Gojyo."
"Goku and Sanzo?"
"They managed to escape—they were pretty bad off as well. Apparently this Ryptcore is more than just an urban legend."
"Way more." I strained to sit up and pain lanced all down my spine. "Sonnuva…"
"Perhaps you'd do better to just lie still for a while."
"Needa' smoke." I started searching for my cigarettes, but when I found them they were totally crushed, and I couldn't find my lighter anyway.
"Man, this sucks." For a few seconds, we sat there in silence. At last I found the guts to ask, "What about the town?"
Hakkai hesitated, and I knew he didn't want to tell me—but I already knew. "It's gone, Gojyo. Feng took some of the others back this morning to look for survivors, but there weren't any, and the town was burned to the ground."
"Everyone's dead?" I asked numbly.
"Not everyone. A few of them escaped—including you, there are twelve half-breeds here now…but that isn't very many, considering."
I looked up at last and saw that they'd made some kind of a camp. The river was a few yards away, and there was a fire. Sanzo was sitting there with Goku, and a bunch of hybrids were there too. I saw Lei and Deshi and Feng. I didn't know the others. "Shit. Eleven? Eleven people got out of there?"
"A discouraging number. I know."
"That bastard. That son of a bitch, Ryptcore."
All at once the anger came back to me, and I couldn't sit there anymore. I got up, not even sure what to do or where to go. I just wanted to kick the shit out of something. I couldn't believe it was all gone. I didn't want to face that reality.
Hakkai got up too, "Gojyo…please."
Feng saw me, "Oh so you're finally awake, huh?" He sounded really pissed off and bitter.
Could I blame him?
I tried to downplay it, like I usually did, "Guess that makes twelve of us."
He got up and came toward me, "You're including yourself with us now? What a novel ideal."
I really didn't like his tone, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Don't tell me you don't know."
I just stared at him, not even sure how to respond.
Feng shook his head, "Twenty-four hours ago, you didn't want anything to do with us, now suddenly you care that everyone else is dead? You have a lot of nerve thinking that when it was you and your damn friends who got my town destroyed!"
The words were like a slap in the face, "What? We didn't-"
"Just admit it, Gojyo! If you hadn't come along this wouldn't have happened! You had to come in with your goddamn attitude and bravado, and you brought that gang of punks with you! Boy, you're taking the term 'bad luck' to a whole new level."
"You think I led that psycho here on purpose? He's after Sanzo, not me!"
"You fucking punk!" He pushed me back, making my ribs ache even worse, "I should have known from the moment I saw you you'd just cause us trouble! You came waltzing in here with that fuckin' youkai!"
"Excuse me, Feng, but if I remember correctly, you brought us in against our damn will—it's your own fault the town is gone!"
That only made him angrier; I saw it in his eyes right before he punched me in the face.
Normally I didn't think it would have hurt: Feng was tough to survive fighting Ryptcore with Sanzo and Goku, but he wasn't any stronger than I was. But being injured and everything, it hurt pretty bad, and I wound up falling on my ass like an idiot.
Everyone was watching now: my friends and all the other half-breeds. No one said anything.
"Don't you dare say something like that to me, you sonnova bitch! You goddamn punk! I was just trying to help you! Now everyone I love is dead! My wife, my friends, everyone! All because of you, ya' fuckin' youkai lover!"
"Hey Feng." I spat blood, pushing myself up painfully. "Why don'tcha look in a mirror? You are a youkai!"
Probably not the smartest thing to say. I was really bent on pissing him off, I guess.
Feng kicked me in the ribs as I was getting up, knocked me flat on my back again. Pain shot through my torso and out my limbs. I choked from the shock and wound up coughing, fighting to breathe.
"Hey!" Goku yelled.
"You stupid kid!" Feng stood over me. "You and your friends deserve whatever you get!" He turned to stomp away, and I lay there on the ground, wheezing and holding my ribs.
Hakkai and Goku came over right away, each of them grabbing one of my arms and pulling me up.
"You okay?" Goku asked, hanging onto my jacket.
Humiliated, face burning, I shoved them off, "Yeah, yeah, I'm great. Just leme' alone, alright?"
"Gojyo…" Hakkai sounded like he was on the verge of saying something stupidly helpful; something he obviously knew wouldn't help at all.
I snapped at him, "God, Hakkai, for once just shut the fuck up!" I kept walking too, in the direction opposite of Feng, stomping through the weeds and bushes, cracking twigs as I stepped on them. Pretty soon the camp was way behind me. I knew it was stupid to wander around with Ryptcore out there with his demented soldiers, but I didn't care.
I was so angry I didn't think I could take it. This was such a shitty week. I kept getting my ass kicked by every crazy youkai that crossed my path and now crazy half-breeds too. My best friend was losing his goddamn mind, and Sanzo was still being an ass. Now this. When was my shitty luck going to stop? "Damn, I've gotta' start checkin' my horoscope more often."
It wasn't even the anger that was bugging me the most. I could handle the anger, but I couldn't get over how guilty I felt. Feng was right. As much as I wished it weren't, this was my fault. I shouldn't have stayed in the village. I should have just left, like I meant to. I guess it was Hu's words that made me stick around. All that bullshit about being happy and running from the people who understood me best.
Fuck that old geezer. Now he was dead, and what did he know in the end? A whole bunch of nothing. But I was the real idiot for listening to him.
What was I thinking, believing I could belong with them? I'd never belonged anywhere, so why would that suddenly change?
Whatever.
I fumbled with my cigarettes again and finally found my lighter. I was getting desperately low on smokes now, and I didn't want to have to start bumming them off of Sanzo, so I had no choice but to try to find some that were salvageable, bent or not.
If only I could just keep going west and forget all about this, but I knew I never would.
And then there was still the problem of Ryptcore. That asshole was dangerous—I knew better than anyone.
I rubbed my ribs and thought about the brief fight I'd had with him, feeling like I knew something the others didn't. When I attacked him and he hit me, there was a split second where I touched a terrifyingly awesome power—it was like a huge, deep, black pool of water that stretched into forever. I wasn't really sure why Goku and Sanzo got out with just a few scrapes when I got totally trashed, but I had a really scary feeling that it was because he'd been playing with them. What else could it be? Better yet, why would he? It just didn't make sense for him to let them off so easily when he could have done to them what he did to me just as quickly. That meant next time we had to face him, we might all be worm food.
I walked around for a long time, driving myself crazy thinking about everything, and by the time I started to head back, the sun was going down. I felt cold and hungry and more hopeless than ever.
Right when I was about to get back to camp, I heard something off to my right. At first I thought it was just the river or an animal, but the harder I listened the more I started to think it was a voice.
For a moment I stood there, trying to think what I should do. It could be Ryptcore or his men, but it could be someone else: one of the guys, somebody from camp. Maybe a survivor from the town even.
Whatever it was, it seemed worth finding out, so I headed in that direction. A pretty serious fog had fallen, and the forest was so misty I could barely see anything, so I wound up tripping all over shit and almost falling on my face a bunch of times. Finally, I broke through the foliage and into a clearing where I could barely make out the surface of the river.
Lei was sitting there with her face buried in her hands, sobbing pretty hard, and she didn't notice me, so I stood there and stared for a while. Damn. Even after this shit-coated day I still had to put up with seeing a pretty girl crying her eyes out. If I hadn't felt like an asshole before, I definitely did now.
The only thing I could think of was that maybe, somehow, I could make her feel better.
That was probably just the next mistake on my long list of screw ups, but I stepped toward her anyway, "Hey."
Lei whipped her head around, and I could see her swollen eyes and the tears running down her face. "Get out of here, Gojyo."
I stopped a few feet away, "What? You mad at me too?"
She shook her head, "…I just want to be alone."
I sighed. So much for making her feel better, "Fair enough." I turned to go.
"I'm sorry, Gojyo." She whispered. "It's not your fault."
I hesitated, "S'all good."
"Did he hurt you?"
"Not really."
Lei lowered her head, "I'm just really sorry."
"Don't be. Nn. I mean, it sorta' is my fault…"
"You didn't do anything wrong."
I shrugged, folding my arms, "Maybe if I hadn't hung around so long that asshole wouldn't have come."
"Maybe doesn't get us anywhere."
"Guess not."
She was quiet a while, and I felt some of my courage coming back.
"It'll be okay." I said, even when I knew it probably wouldn't be. Wasn't that what I was supposed to say, true or not?
"No it won't. My home…where are we supposed to go now?"
"The real world isn't that hard to live in-you guys'll be fine."
"I'd like to believe that, Gojyo, but I've lived in the real world before… I just don't know if you can really understand."
I frowned, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's just that…your friends are full bloods, but they seem to genuinely care about you. Wherever you go, they're always with you. I just don't think you really understand what it's like to be totally alone."
I don't get pissed at chicks easily, but that made me really mad. "Are you for real? You think I don't know what it's like to be by myself? I'm a half-breed just like you—you think just because my friends don't care means I don't know what prejudice is?"
She just looked at me.
"Hell! You're the one that's been livin' in the damn village of acceptance!"
"Don't be insensitive, Gojyo."
"Insensitive?" I clenched my fists, "Just listen to you!"
"Look, I just lost my home, all my family, most of my friends. My whole life was in that village, don't you get that? It's easy for you to say surviving in the real world isn't so bad, but you get to walk out of here with your friends, God willing. What about the kids? Some of them lived their whole lives in that village; they don't know anything else!"
I thought about Deshi, wondered what he'd do now. It was a subject close to home to think of the kid making his own way on the streets. "All right, I get that. But I think it's pretty shitty of you to just assume I don't know what it's like to be alone or to be hated for who I am."
Lei looked at me seriously; I could practically feel her studying my scars, "Do you?"
That was pretty much the last straw for me. "What do you think?" I sneered, and stomped back the way I came.
I couldn't believe her. Sure, I got that she was upset, but we all had it sucky. Why should I be any different just because I was hanging around with the loser crew? Besides, me and the guys were all outside the box. Even Sanzo. Seriously: a monkey youkai who'd been trapped in a mountain for five hundred years, the psychotic, smiling, human-turned-youkai, and the gunslinging, alcohol slugging, tobacco smoking sanzo priest. Plus me. What wasn't weird about our group? We were all misfits. Hanging with the others wasn't like existing normally in the real world. It was like being part of a really strange, irritating little club.
I was tromping through the forest, feeling really mad now, moving a little faster than normal, when I heard something ahead of me. A step and a crack. Like someone was coming toward me.
Whoever they were, if they were an enemy, I'd fuck 'em up. I wasn't in the mood to be jerked around and beaten up anymore.
Hakkai came through the trees, and I ran right into him, stumbling back and clutching my ribs.
"Shit, Hakkai!"
He just smiled and said, "Ah. There you are."
"Here I am." I agreed darkly.
"Yes, well." He straightened his shirt as Jeep landed on his shoulder. "I've been looking for you, you see."
"Worried about me?"
"Something like that. Your injuries are rather serious, and I thought I'd remind you that it's a bit irresponsible of you to run around as if nothing were wrong."
I glared at him, not in the mood for a Hakkai lecture, then I stepped past him, "Not right now, alright, Hakkai?"
"Gojyo, wait." He grabbed my arm gently as I went by.
I didn't look at him.
"I didn't come just because of your wounds. I wanted to know if you're all right."
I snorted, "It's way fucked, Hakkai."
"I agree. What happened to the village was very wrong, however, I do not agree with Feng in saying it was all your fault. Certainly none of us intended for this to happen."
"That's not the point."
"Isn't it?"
"I-I hung around there, Hakkai…I didn't even think 'bout that asshole followin' us. I knew you and Sanzo'd show up eventually. I guess I just didn't think about Ryptcore comin' after you. Pfft. Hell. Just a selfish bastard."
"Oh, no one's denying that. But don't you think surviving in this world requires a certain level of selfishness? I recognize that you're apt to take the blame whenever someone points their finger at you, but you can't go through your life shouldering the responsibility for everything that goes wrong simply because you were involved."
"I don't." I said simply, but I knew I was lying.
"Please be serious, Gojyo."
"Alright, maybe sometimes. Alright? Not this time though…this time it really was 'cause I was there—if I hadn't come along that place would still be standin'. You can't deny that, Hakkai."
He spoke quietly, and for some stupid reason, it was comforting to feel his hand on my arm. "You were just trying to find something that would make you happy, Gojyo. No one can hold that against you. After all, it doesn't make sense for you to go through the rest of your life being miserable simply because of your blood, does it?"
"I dunno'."
"Well I for one don't think it does."
I closed my eyes. It was good to know Hakkai wasn't running out on me, no matter how many retarded things I did.
"Just try not to blame yourself so much." He whispered. "This wasn't your fault."
If only I could feel like that was the truth. "Look, Hakkai, I get what you're tryin' ta' do, man. But…this's somethin' I've gotta' figure out on my own. Besides, you've got your own issues to deal with right now."
"Yes. I suppose you're right."
"How's that coming anyway?" I'd talk about anything to get my mind off that other bullshit right now, even if it was Hakkai losing his mind.
"Ah, I'm not sure. Today was normal enough, although, I didn't do very much."
"Yeah, well you weren't doing much when you busted outta' Feng's jail either, huh?"
"I guess that's true."
"What's with that anyway, man?"
"I don't have an explanation." He said reluctantly, "It could be the minus wave."
"The minus wave, huh?" He was saying it, but I wasn't buying it. Over a whole year we'd been on this ridiculous crusade, and the minus wave had never affected Hakkai or Goku, and it damn sure wasn't affecting me. If it weren't for all the crazy youkai we kept running into, I might not even believe the thing was real at all.
For some reason, I couldn't help thinking about things before our journey started—things had been so calm and simple, life was a freakin' cakewalk, and for a while there, I'd been thinking everything was better than it had ever been in the past. I was bored, I guess, but now, I felt like I'd give all this up in a second if it meant not having to do anything anymore. Sleep all day. Drink all night. That was the way to live.
I was such an idiot: I hadn't seen any of this coming. I had honestly thought I could keep living that way forever, rooming with Hakkai, helping Sanzo out sometimes, fucking a new chick every night. If only I'd had some idea of how complicated everything was going to become.
There had been plenty of youkai in town, and they'd all gone berserk and run off, I guess, so who knew if I'd ever see any of them again. Not that it really mattered. I'd been friends with some of them, but not super-close friends. I'd never been super close with anybody.
Up until I met the guy walking next to me now.
I owed it to Hakkai to help him figure this out, and there wasn't room for my shitty guilt issues.
"Hey." I put my arm around his neck, "I don't think it's the minus wave, so don't worry about it so much."
Hakkai looked at me incredulously, "You're telling me not to worry? Because it might not be the minus wave?"
"Exactly."
"And what makes you think that?"
"'Cause it's happening out of nowhere, know what I mean? This minus wave thing doesn't seem like the sorta' thing that happens over night: I picture it being a long-ass, drawn-out deterioration of your sanity, and you're just going nuts out of nowhere."
"I'm not sure I agree with you on that, but, for the sake of argument, if it isn't the minus wave, what do you think the reason is?"
I wasn't used to having him ask me things like that—Hakkai always had a better idea of what was going on in any situation, so I considered that a moment. Did he really not have any idea, or could it be that he knew what was happening and just didn't want to say so?
"I dunno', man, but I do know that as long as it's not the minus wave, we can prevent it."
Hakkai sighed, "Well that's characteristically optimistic of you, I suppose. And it's good of you to offer to help."
"Damn straight—I'm your wingman."
"A wingman with a broken torso. I think I'm doomed to die."
"Nah, if anybody's dyin' on this ass-sucking quest it's probably gonna' be me. I don't have any alternate forms or latent power to fall back on."
"Nonsense. You have to go on living, so the women of the world will continue to have something to laugh at."
"Oy." I glared at him, "That's like the most uncalled for thing I've ever heard you say."
"Do you really think so?" He laughed, and I knew he was trying to get me to change the subject.
"Do you really think you're gonna' die before I do? You're losing your grip, not dying. And right now, it looks like hanyou life's pretty friggin' cheap."
He stopped suddenly, giving me a harsh look, "Stop it. I won't listen to this morbid self-pity of yours—Ryptcore didn't kill you, and that's all that matters to me, and it should be all that matters to you."
I felt sort of stupid now, touched my aching ribs, thinking that Ryptcore had every chance in the world to kill me right along with all the others, wondering why he bothered leaving me alive. Immediately, I grinned at him, "Hey, don't get bent outta' shape, bro. I'm just kidding."
Hakkai didn't so much as smile, "Your sense of humor leaves much to be desired."
"C'mon, seriously. It was a joke. No shit I'm not dying—check out my life line." I pulled my jacket sleeve back, holding my hand up, "I got like a hundred and twenty years on me."
He grabbed my wrist, twisting it mildly, and dull pain shot through my arm.
"That hurts, 'Kai." I scowled.
"It's no more than you deserve, you insensitive, tactless idiot."
"For the last time, it was a joke."
"What do you take me for?"
"Fine, fine." I tried to wrench away, "I'm sorry, okay? It was a stupid thing to say."
"Not to mention foundless."
"Right, right. That too. I'm never gonna' die, I swear."
Hakkai still looked pretty pissed, but he let go of me, "Well, I'm sure lung cancer will get you eventually, but as long as we're on this foul, little trip, you'd better not."
"I won't, I won't." I rubbed my wrist, wondering if he'd sprained it. "Man, you're on edge."
"Not necessarily, I've just never heard you say anything so incredibly…morbid as long as I've known you."
"Don't worry about it." We started walking again. Then I added, haphazardly, "Just, it seems kinda' true."
"If you're saying that because of what happened last night, then I apologize for not being there. Perhaps if I had been, it wouldn't have happened."
Face flushing, I snapped, "I don't need you protecting me, okay? I'm not some insanely powerful youkai, but I ain't a pushover either. Ryptcore's a nightmare, that's all. And yeah. It would have been nice if you'd been around."
"Gojyo. You're beginning to make me angry."
"Big fucking deal. You don't scare me, with or without those stupid earrings."
He sent me a haunting look, "Don't you think I'm already angry enough with myself for being elsewhere when the three of you needed me?"
"Damn." I stopped suddenly, raking the hair away from my face, "Why're we doing this? Just forget it, okay? Let's just pretend this whole conversation never happened. Deal?"
"Very well." He said, but the frown didn't go away.
We went a ways in silence before I hung my arm off his shoulder again, "It doesn't matter, Hakkai. Nobody blames you for not being there."
"I didn't have a valid excuse for leaving, that's all."
"I think it was a pretty good excuse, and at the time, you were convincing."
"Nothing makes sense right now. I apologize for my behavior, but…well, I suppose I am a little on edge."
"It's cool. Water under the bridge." I flicked my wrist, making sure it wasn't sprained, and we went on back to camp.
The other half-breeds were there, all huddled around their fire, whispering. A few of the kids were lying on the ground, a couple of them crying. I spotted Deshi off by himself, looking blankly out into the forest and wondered what he was thinking about. I caught his eye and tried to smile. He just waved. Feng was there too, glaring at me like I was going to do something to kill off what was left of his little clan, so I kept my distance.
If only what Hakkai had said could be true. If only this wasn't my fault—then I could stop blaming myself. I guess sometimes I really did take the blame for things I hadn't done; it was just second nature after Mom blamed me for everything that went wrong in her life. As a kid, I used to feel like I brought nothing but bad things for my family and everyone else around me. Sometimes I still felt that way. I couldn't help feeling like I was a curse, and this time a whole town had been destroyed, just because I was in it.
Sanzo and Goku were sitting by the fire, and it looked like everyone else was shunning them completely. The kid was glancing around nervously, but Sanzo had his eyes closed, smoking, like he didn't notice anyone else was around. We walked over to them.
"Well, Sanzo, what did you decide?" Hakkai asked.
"Decide?" I blinked, "Decide about what? Since when are we making decisions without me? Hey, you guys know I'm still parta' the goddamn team, right?"
Hakkai shushed me, and Sanzo gave me an annoyed glare.
"You were unconscious when we started discussing it, however, the concern is that all of our supplies were left behind, in the village, including extra food, water, clothes, our bedding, and Sanzo's ammunition. Obviously, most of that is replacable, but there's no telling when we'll make it to the next town at the rate things are going, and I'd say we're probably going to need ammunition for the gun sooner than later."
"Great, so what's the decision?"
"I'm going back." Sanzo said, as casually as saying he was going to order another beer or pick up a hooker. "That Ryptcore maniac is still around somewhere, and right now I'm at a huge disadvantage."
"But don't you think all that stuff probably burned up in th' fire?" Goku asked.
"Maybe. The pathetic little shack they set us up in was pretty out of the way though. There's a chance I'll find what I need."
"Issit worth the risk?"
"Goku. They're the bullets for my gun. What do you think?"
The kid was quiet after that, so I took up the ask stupid questions campaign. "You goin' alone?"
"I was planning on it, yes."
"That's sorta' stupid, isn't it?"
He snapped, "I don't need your approval for my plan."
"I just meant that Ryptcore is supposed to kill you, specifically. We already know he's not gonna' hesitate with killing anyone else who happens to be around, but you're the one he wants dead."
"You think I'm an idiot, Gojyo? I know damn well what that bastard wants."
"I just don't know if it's smart to go by yourself."
His eye started to twitch very slightly. I wondered if it was from lack of sleep or lack of potassium. "Shove your concern. First of all, I am not a child, and I do not need an escort. Secondly, since that lunatic will no doubt be looking for us it would be best to keep this a covert operation. Do you know what that means? All of us going would only draw attention."
"Fuck you, Sanzo, I'm just trying to help!"
"You can't even help yourself." He looked at me like I was supposed to argue with him about that now and started marching toward the edge of camp, "I'm going now."
"Be careful." Hakkai advised. "Remember to try to stay out of sight, and get in and out as quickly as you can."
Sanzo just snorted, "What is it with everyone acting like my mother today?"
"Wait a minute, man. "I followed him.
"What do you want now?"
"I want to go too."
Sanzo's expression was torn somewhere between agitated and confused, and I might have laughed if my ribs didn't hurt so much, "I thought I just explained this."
"Yeah, yeah, covert operation or whatever. I still want to go."
"What in the hell for?"
Hakkai started to cut in, "Gojyo, I don't think it would be very wise in your condition."
I gave him a insolent smile just to piss him off and shut him up, "I'm feelin' fine, 'Kai." Turned back to Sanzo, "Anyway, I'm outta' smokes, and unless I can find the other pack I had with my stuff, I'm bummin' off you until we get somewhere I can buy 'em."
Sanzo glared. I thought maybe he was going to look at me that way forever, so angry and annoyed and completely sick of me. Let him be that way. I was going back to that village one way or another, and I didn't need his goddamn permission.
"Hn. Fine. But you better keep your head down and your mouth shut, Kappa. I am not getting killed because of you, and if you slow me down, I'm leaving you behind."
"All the regular bullshit in other words. When do we leave?"
That furiously helpless scowl was still plastered all over his face as he finally tore his eyes off mine, "Five minutes."
"Sounds good." I went to the center of the camp to root through what little the villagers had salvaged. All I really wanted was a canteen for water, since I was still thirsty as hell. Feng frowned like I wasn't allowed to touch their shit, but no one said anything to me. I didn't find a canteen anyway. Guess I was goin' thirsty.
Hakkai came up behind me while I was still kneeling there, digging through the loot, "Why are you doing this?" He asked quietly.
"Told you already, Hakkai, I need to go get my smokes."
"I don't believe this is about cigarettes. Anything you left in that village was probably destroyed in the fire."
"But Sanzo gets to go back and look for his shit?"
"Sanzo's ammunition is a necessity, and you know it."
"Cigarettes are a necessity for me, and you know it."
He was quiet a while. I stood up, brushing the dust off my pants, but I didn't face him.
Finally he said, a little maliciously too, "Just don't do anything stupid, Gojyo. If you have to fight that monster again, you'll likely just break into tiny pieces."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence there, buddy."
"Everything. Everything is always a joke with you. Nothing can ever just be serious. When in the world do you think you're going to grow up?"
Hm. He must have really been on edge, talking to me that way. It wasn't like Hakkai to be rude. "At this rate, prob'ly never."
"That's what I'm afraid of." That was the last of his nagging, and then he went back to hang out with Goku and probably bitch about me and make jokes at my expense.
Sanzo and I left in another couple of minutes. It was late to be out walking, and the sky was almost completely dark now. As we left the camp behind, I could see a small, glowing fire. Feng sure was stupid if he thought Ryptcore wouldn't spot that shit a mile away and come running.
Unless Captain Crazy was on our tail instead.
Hakkai was right, this was a stupid thing to do; it wasn't about cigarettes at all, and it was idiotic of me to go risking my life when I didn't need to; still it didn't feel right not to go. This was my only opportunity to see the village again, to really understand what had happened, and to come to terms with the fact that it was really gone.
I needed to see the piles of smoldering rubble with my own two eyes.
No shit I didn't expect to find a pack of Hi-Lites when I got there.
Come to think of it, maybe I should have gone a little easier on them, since now I didn't have any. Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at Sanzo, wondering if there was any chance he'd give me a few of his.
Before I could ask, he said, "He's right, you know. You're being stupid."
"Oh, and you care?" I snorted.
"Don't flatter yourself. I'd just rather not have a crippled jackass slowing me down if an enemy shows up."
I scanned the woods. So far, everything seemed peaceful. I didn't feel any youkai energy, I didn't hear anything either, and as far as I could see, we were alone. "Then you better hope none show up."
"Or else you could just go back to camp."
"I'm good." I checked again to make sure I really had no cigarettes, but the only ones left in my pack were completely mutilated. "Hey, gime' a cigarette, would'ja?"
"I'm not giving you anything."
"C'mon, Sanzo, don't be such a cheap ass!"
He snorted, but wound up pulling his cigarettes out of his sleeve anyway and handed me one. "You're only getting one."
"Well ain't I lucky?" I was surprised he'd actually let me have one, and I guess I was grateful too. I lit the Marlboro. It was a little harsher than I was used to, and I didn't exactly dig the taste, but nicotine was nicotine. Maybe I could make it last until we got to the village, if I smoked a little here and there, but when it was gone I was really screwed. "So, uh, what was it like…fightin' that freak?"
"You fought him yourself, you shouldn't have to ask."
Was he trying to make me admit out loud that I'd gotten my ass kicked in the first five minutes of the fight? No way I was going to say it. Not to Sanzo, "Seems like you guys made it out okay."
He didn't answer. Looking at him, you'd think Ryptcore didn't bother him, that the fight wasn't a big deal—nothing was—he wasn't worried or afraid or even nervous. For all I knew, he really wasn't, but if my guess was right, Ryptcore had been toying with him and Goku anyway.
"That creep's tougher than he looks." I said to test his reaction.
"He caught us off guard." Sanzo answered stiffly, "That's all."
"So you don't think it's a problem?"
"Hn. That freak's just askin' for it. We'll be ready for him next time, and I'll put him down myself."
I guess the idiot really wasn't worried. "Listen, Sanzo, I dunno' what happened with that fight exactly, but I don't think he was fighting for real. Even if we're ready for him next time, it might not make a difference."
"If you're scared, feel free to take a nap next time too, but don't expect the rest of us to do the same."
"Fine." I growled. "You want me to say it? Fine. That guy fucked me up really bad, Sanzo, and not 'cause I'm a pussy or 'cause I wasn't ready for it. If you don't wanna' listen to me, fine, you don't have to, but I think there's a damn good reason I was out in sixty seconds and you and Goku weren't."
"Gojyo, the only reason you got your ass kicked is because you're chicken shit, and since you'll probably be shepherding what's left of the Lost Half-breed Village to safety while we fight Ryptcore, I don't recommend you bother your tiny brain with it."
I wanted to bust him in the face a few times for that. "How many times do I hafta' say it? I'm not going anywhere."
"Whatever. Just stop acting like you know something no one else does."
"God damn you're a prick. And you're an idiot if you're really going to stand there and pretend Ryptcore doesn't scare the living shit out of you."
"Well, he doesn't. Now drop it. All your yelling's going to get us caught."
Nevermind that I hadn't so much as raised my voice, but whatever; I was sick of talking to him anyway. If he wanted to be an idiot and get himself killed, fine. Not my problem. At least when he was dead I could go home.
We were quiet for most of the rest of the way, and the forest was silent. I figured if I said anything Sanzo would just start an argument anyway, and I didn't have much to say to him. The village was a few miles east of Feng's camp, as it turned out—I was surprised by how far they'd gone—from atop a ridge I could see what was left of it: a huge black scar marring the green mountain valley, smoke still filling the air. Hard to believe that just this morning it had been a thriving place.
By midnight, we'd made it all the way back, and we hadn't said more than five words to each other the whole time. I'd finished the cigarette Lord Sanzo had so graciously provided hours ago, and I was really itching to have another, but I knew it was too much to hope that I'd get one any time soon. By the time we reached the wall that encircled the village, I was feeling irritable and tired, and my broken ribs were hurting from the long walk. I didn't mention any of it to Sanzo. He'd just sneer at me. I couldn't even act like a mortal being around that guy, and it only made me hate him more.
One good thing about the trip, we didn't have to climb over the damn wall this time. There was a huge chunk of it missing, about half a mile wide, which was pretty impressive, and stones and shit were scattered around the base. "Looks like somebody was in a hurry to get out." I muttered, stepping through.
Sanzo grabbed my arm suddenly. Normally, being touched doesn't bother me, but I was sick of him, and I wasn't expecting it, and my arm was bruised and sore. I couldn't help snapping at him, "What the fuck?"
"It looks like they left, but some of them might still be around."
"I know that. I'm not an idiot."
"Could have fooled me." He let go and walked past me, dropping his cigarette and stomping it out; I saw that it was only half-way gone. I swear he must have done that on purpose.
"I really hate you." I muttered as I fell into step behind him.
The woods beyond the wall were messed up too. Trees had been knocked down-like literally knocked down-and now the trunks were broken off, like somebody had snapped a toothpick in half, the ground was torn up, grass uprooted and dirt churned so that there was more or less a ditch, also approximately half a mile wide, all the way from the wall to the edge of the village. The surrounding vegetation was charred or bent down or just otherwise destroyed.
"What the hell did they do here?" I asked, more to myself than to asshole Sanzo. How much was it to ask to just take the damn army and march out of town? They actually had to carve the place where they'd walked out of the earth?
"It's like Hazel said." Sanzo said, more to himself than to me, "They're purely destructive."
Not a thought to anyone in their path or anyone left behind. I glaned around the woods again, noticing just how quiet they were. I mean, I know it was night time, but still, I didn't hear so much as a cricket. It was like everything was dead. We were lucky not to be dead too, I guess, but it left me wondering what in the world we should do next. Sanzo wanted to keep right on trucking westward, no surprise there, but Ryptcore was probably going to follow us, right back to Houtou castle if he had to, and what were Feng and Lei and the others supposed to do now?
Lei was right, now that I thought about it. Even though I told her living in the real world wasn't so bad, I suddenly realized it was harder than I gave it credit for because after eleven years of it, I was just used to how things were. What was a kid like Deshi supposed to do? He'd seen some rough shit for his age with his brother dying and everything, but when he'd been living in this village for years, how was he supposed to adjust to the real world?
"It's fucked up." I muttered. A second later, I realized I'd said it out loud, and then, for no reason at all, I shivered, couldn't help looking over my shoulder, but no one was there.
We followed the path Ryptcore and his army had paved all the way back to the village, and I stopped cold when we got to the edge of the clearing. Shit, I didn't remember it being this bad. When Goku and I came out of the woods, sure stuff was torn down and almost everything was on fire, but this was awful. There were still corpses littering the roads, lying on their own goddamn porches like they'd just come out to seen what the commotion was. Livestock was wandering loose. Most of the buildings in the main part of the town were burned to the ground, some still smoldering a little. The park was a desecrated section of ground, burned completely black, with ebony skeletons standing where the trees had once been. There were a lot of kids' bodies strewn around there, as if they'd been running for their one sanctuary when they were slaughtered. We crossed the stream, and it reeked; I looked down to see it was full of blood and corpses too.
Suddenly, I felt like I couldn't deal with this. This was too much. Why the fuck did I ever come back here? I knew it was gone. I didn't have to see it to know. Gone. Here this morning, now it was gone. All the kids I'd seen playing in the park yesterday—dead. All the chicks who'd looked me up and down or who I'd eye fucked out of the corner of my eye—mutilated. Feng's little army—massacred. Old Hu, Feng's wife who'd fed me three square meals yesterday, every single asshole half-breed who'd greeted me like a brother when I strolled into town. Evey single one of them was dead. Their village was more than just gone. It had been ripped apart, blown open, trampled, and left behind. The one thing they'd had…the one peace some of them had ever known…
It was too much. It was my fault, and that was too much blame to shoulder.
I nudged Sanzo dully, feeling almost as if I were walking in a dream, "Hey…can I get another cigarette off you?" Disgusting how normal my voice sounded, especially when I felt like I was rotting inside.
"No. I don't want to run out too."
"For fuck's sake, Sanzo, don't be such a cheap ass."
He gave me a mild glare, but it wasn't his standard, 'I hate everything about you' look, it was sort of this sly, knowing expression. There was an edge to his voice when he said, "Go find yours. That's why you came here, isn't it?"
"Yeah." I relented, scraping some hair back from my face, "Of course it is." Then I wandered away from him. I almost didn't care if I never saw him again. I almost wished I could just fade away into the smoke and the carnage and just forget about everything I'd ever known in my life.
Come to think of it, I could have been spared all this and a lot worse if Mom had just killed me when I was twelve years old.
"So technically, this's all your fault, Jien."
I stopped a little ways down the road to look around again, and to try to get my head together. Don't start thinkin' that way, Gojyo. You're better than that. You're not pathetic. God, how many years had it been since I'd had a thought like that in the first place?
Years? It's probably been a few days at best, dumb ass.
I noticed I was standing where the school house used to be. Like everything else, it was shredded and burned, nothing more than a pile of black mulch now.
A long, long time passed, and I stared at it, thinking, not thinking, trying to get my mind around everything that was happening and how I fit into it all. Trying to understand why any of this should matter to me in the first place.
"At the very least, it's nicer for the children to grow up here than it is for them to roam the streets alone, subject to any form of abuse that might come their way…"
Fuckin' Hakkai had his way of always hitting the nail right on the head. I didn't think he'd said that for the sake of musing about that kind of shit. I didn't think it was a coincidence he'd decided to say that to me, of all people.
"Fuck you." I snarled to myself, kept walking.
Eventually, I made it back to the shack I'd spent the last two nights in.
Lei offered to let me go home with her, of course. Actually, a lot of girls had. But I'd turned her, and everyone else down, not because I didn't want to get fucked, obviously, just something about the idea of looking into red eyes that mirrored my own all night long… Even with the lights off, I didn't think I could kiss a chick and run my hands through hair I knew was red as my blood, and have her clinging to me and moaning my name and all that normal stuff I loved…
No. I couldn't. I didn't even know how to explain why. It just seemed really, really…disgusting to me. After all, it was like that bitch Jade had said: people like us were supposed to hate life and be ashamed to exist in the first place, and I barely deserved to touch a full-blooded girl, to find my worth in blue or green or brown eyes; Two misfits who probably shouldn't have been born to begin with didn't deserve to even think about fucking each other.
Too complicated. I decided.
Feng offered to let me stay in his house too. Fuck if I know why. 'We have an extra room; if you want, you're welcome to stay here.' But he'd said it in a very reluctant, forced, 'I'm really trying to be nice to you' tone that had me all but running for the door. I didn't need somebody forcing themselves to be nice to me. I wasn't pathetic, and I didn't need hand-outs or pity. I didn't need his wife smiling at me all sweet and sympathetic, like she understood my pain. I didn't want to sit down after dinner and shoot the shit and answer the 'where'd you get those scars, how come you smoke so much, what happened to your parents?' bullshit kind of questions.
Sounded like an outright nightmare.
So Feng had told me I could sleep here, in what was apparently some abandoned house. Another pathetic, sad half-breed had lived there once, but I guess he/she decided they couldn't hack it anymore and went on their way. Like I should have.
Now the shack was just as gone as anything else. Not a scrap of wood was left, not a piece of furniture intact, and definitely not my fucking cigarettes.
"Fuck me."
I went back to Sanzo, who was rooting through some wreckage outside the town square. "Find anything?"
He didn't so much as look at me, "Not a thing."
"Go figure" I looked around at the razed village. Granted, there were a handful of sad, dilapidated buildings still standing, mostly on the edge of town where the fire had been blocked by something. I don't know. It didn't make sense how anything could survive, but it did figure that nothing we needed was left. What was he going to do without his gun, I wondered? But in the end, I'd rather not think about that. Sanzo was a tough son of a bitch: he'd find some other way to kill.
Sanzo straightened up again and took a long, soothing drag off his cigarette. Damn, I could really use one of those right now, "Let's get going. There's nothing here."
I didn't say anything, just took another long look around the charred town.
What a royal waste of time this had been. No cigarettes. No survivors. Just a lot of burned up shit and pain I could have gone without dealing with. What the fuck did I come back for?
"Did you hear me, Kappa? I said let's go."
"Right." I still didn't move. For some reason, I felt like I wasn't supposed to. Like maybe I just lie down and die right here, along with all the other half-breeds I'd gotten killed.
He sighed suddenly, "Hey, why don't you go be pathetic on someone else's time?"
I turned a disbelieving glare on him, "What the fuck did you just say?"
"You heard me. If you came here to stand and mope for a couple hours, I'm going back without you."
"So go." I snapped, "This's got nothing to do with you anyway."
"How like you. Your selfishness is painful."
His words made me think of what Hakkai said, "Yeah, well if I didn't think of me nobody else would."
"Do you honestly think all of this happened just because you were here? If you do, you're way more stupid than I thought."
"Hey-"
"This didn't happen because you were in here, Gojyo—the world doesn't work that way."
"Ryptcore followed you here, and you followed me."
"I was just going west. Ryptcore's been destroying every town he comes to from Houtou Castle to here, so for all we know, he would have destroyed the village even if we weren't here. Even if it was because we were here, so what? We're responsible for what we do. That bastard's demented crusade has nothing to do with us."
"What the hell's it got to do with you anyway? Last I checked you weren't speaking to me."
"Hn. Believe me, I'd rather not. But I'd like to continue our mission tomorrow, and if you're going to be a mopey kappa sap you'll just be in the way."
"Continue with the mission? Is that really all you care about?"
"Is there something else I'm supposed to care about?" He glared. "What happened to these people had nothing to do with us, and whatever they do next doesn't either."
"Yeah, well I think we should at least-"
"We can't help them. What could we do for them? If you want to go with them and do whatever for them then be my guest, but the rest of us are moving out tomorrow."
I didn't answer.
"You'll probably be of more use to them than to us anyway, seeing what a pain in the ass you've been lately."
"What makes you think I'd ditch you guys to go with them?" I really did feel pretty insulted by his attitude. Like I was some bastard who was going to take off at the drop of a hat, just whenever I felt like it.
"Don't play like I don't know. I heard what you told Hakkai."
I felt the need to lie to him. "I didn't tell Hakkai nothin'." There were a lot of things Hakkai knew about me that I'd never tell Sanzo because I didn't need the asshole dangling my dirty laundry above my head. Like this. And at the same time, it was annoying, because apparently all three of them had just assumed I was going to stay in the half-breed village. Even Goku had been suggesting it before we fought Ryptcore. Did they really think I'd do that?
Then again, I'd been seriously considering it.
"Whatever. Nobody's making you stay with us, Gojyo. If you're going to jump ship again you might as well hurry it up and get it over with."
He was starting to walk away, so I grabbed his shoulder, thinking about clocking him a good one. "Just where the fuck do you get off saying shit like that? Sure, I walked out on you guys once, but it was for a damn good reason."
"Good reason? You almost got us all killed, dumbass. I'm sick of you and your personal quests to protect anything that makes those scars on your face itch."
That was enough. I wasn't going to listen to one more word of his bullshit. I hauled off and hit him as hard as I possibly could. It wasn't even satisfying compared to what I'd like to do.
Sanzo stumbled back and fell on his ass, and I stood over him, fighting the urge to kick him when he was down, but I wasn't sure what the point of that restraint was now.
"What makes you think you can say whatever the fuck you feel like to me and just get away with it? Seriously, man? What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"It's true though, isn't it?" He wiped the blood off his lips, and I was really surprised he wasn't jumping up and attacking me. "You went after Kami-sama because you saw yourself in Kinkaku, and it's the same with these people. They're all just as pathetically fucked up as you are and you can't stand to just walk out on them. Has it even occurred to you that you'll be miserable for the rest of your life if you stay with them?"
I froze just before hitting him again, "What?"
"You know I'm right. You're never going to be able to so much as smile again if every time you turn around you're seeing just another sad, shattered version of yourself. You could barely even stand to eat goddamn red apples when I met you, why in the world would you want to live with a group of downtrodden children of taboo?"
I stood there, thinking, fist still half-way cocked. "But…"
Hu's words came back to me, and suddenly they were just confusing as hell, and I could barely stand thinking about them.
"Why else would you be running from the one thing that's ever made you feel like you belong? … Don't run away from the people who understand you best..."
What in the world was he talking about? Was he just a senile old man?
Not like it mattered when he was dead now.
Sanzo was getting to his feet, "Don't get me wrong, I don't care about you, and I don't care what you do, but you're too stupid to see what's right in front of you, as usual, so I thought I might as well warn you. If you're looking for paradise in hanging around with these people, you're not going to find it."
I watched him go, feeling most of my anger and resentment melt away, thinking about what he said, wondering if it was the truth. "Sanzo…?"
He hesitated to look back at me.
"Nobody's happy. Right?"
"You're as dumb as you look, jumping to conclusions like that."
"So." I put my hands in my pockets, "You happy?"
"I don't think that's any of your damn business."
"C'mon, Sanzo, throw me a bone here. I'm drownin'."
"So drown."
"Sanzo…I mean it…" I paused, sort of not wanting to believe that I was really asking Sanzo for advice. "How do people get happy?"
That goddamn priest. He just shrugged, "All the usual pathetic nonsense, I guess."
Pathetic nonsense. I knew what he meant at least: friendship, love, sex, money. All the normal stuff people said made them happy.
"Don't delude yourself though. Happiness is just as inconsistent and fragile and transient as any other human emotion. And if you were happy all the time you wouldn't be able to appreciate it in the first place…or something like that." He sighed. "I'm not your babysitter, Gojyo. You've got to figure out your life by yourself, got that?"
I locked my hands behind my head, "Well. That's a relief. Babysitters are supposed to be sexy and feminine."
"You're disgusting."
I started to fire something back at him, stopped suddenly.
Behind me, I heard something, like wood and steel rubbing together slowly, and at first I thought it was just rubble shifting. Then there was more. This time it was more like a footstep. Another.
"Sanzo." I hissed.
He was standing perfectly still, watching over my shoulder. He nodded once to show he'd heard it too.
Shoulder to shoulder, we crouched down behind an old, blackened piece of concrete that must have been foundation for a building or something. Sanzo had his gun out even though he couldn't use it; I had no idea if it was for intimidation or out of reaction.
I summoned my shakujou, "Part of the army? What'dya' think?"
"I think you'd better shut your damn mouth."
Couldn't argue with that.
The footsteps were getting closer. They sounded precise and militaristic: moving forward, not wavering, careful and almost inaudible. Definitely some kind of soldier.
A few moments passed, and then they were just on the other side of our hiding spot. In a couple of seconds, they'd be in sight, and that was the time to attack.
My body went tense and I got ready to spring.
He stepped around the corner. I all but dropped my shakujou, and then my jaw too. "Ji-er…Dokugakuji!"
Him. Just standing there, cocky and calm and sure of himself. His eyes, looking back at me the way they always had, with that expression I couldn't describe and never really got. Love? Contempt? Fuck if I'd ever know. My brother, standing right there, not ten feet away. It had to be a dream or a hallucination or something.
"Heh. Sneak attack, Sha Gojyo?"
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I let the shakujou disappear and smirked at him, "You're just lucky I didn't waste your ass."
"Right, right. Of course I am."
Shit. On. A. Fucking. Stick. How in the hell was I supposed to talk to this asshole like I didn't know him? How was I supposed to treat him like he wasn't my brother? Like he was the goddamn enemy?
Sanzo kept his gun out. That was probably the smart thing to do—if Dokugakuji was here Kougaiji was definitely nearby. For once, the mouthy bastard didn't say a word.
"What the hell're you doin' here?" I demanded at last.
"What? Not happy to see me?"
Bastard. Who did he think he was saying that kind of shit? I decided to skip answering—it was just a mind fuck anyway, "How'd you even find out about this place?"
"Oh." He looked around like he'd forgotten where he was, "Actually I had no idea it existed until just a few minutes ago."
"Hn. Then you followed us here." Sanzo accused.
"Guess you could say that."
Whatever. I didn't care. I so didn't care. I didn't even want to think about caring. "Got any cigarettes?"
Jien…Dokugakuji raised his eyebrow at me a little, "You haven't been without a pack of cigarettes since you were like six or something crazy."
"Ten, asshole. And what would you know about that?"
"Nothin'. I guess."
He didn't have any, obviously. He didn't smoke. I was just struggling to find something normal to say in this trippy, gruesome dream.
He was looking around again, "This is quite the place."
"It was nicer this morning." I interrupted, trying hard not to sound hurried.
"I meant…there're a lot of…" He stopped, thank-God. "What happened here anyway?"
"Arson." God I wanted a cigarette. Why didn't I have any? Why did I have to run out? Why did half my pack have to get crushed?
He looked me in the eyes, "Did you guys do this?"
Sanzo snorted, "As if we'd waste our time. I'm getting tired of this tedious, little reunion the two of you are having. What the hell are you doing here?"
He looked lost at that, like a deer in the headlights, and then he cleared his throat before finally admitting, "Looking for Gojyo."
This was not a dream. This was a nightmare, and I desperately needed to wake up. I couldn't face this bullshit right now. I couldn't even begin to think about dealing with this.
I cocked my eyebrow at him, "Me? Why?"
"I came to warn you about something." His voice was deathly serious now. "I'm just glad I found you in time."
"Right." I double-checked my pockets for my cigarettes, but there really weren't any. There really, really weren't any. "So what's this big warning about?"
He glanced between the two of us, coming off like he was trying to warn us both, not just me. What a filthy liar. "An unnaturally powerful youkai has been unleashed from Houtou castle, and he's under orders to kill you and your company, Genjyo Sanzo. Unlike most of the assassins you've faced, this one can probably do it."
I laughed, "That so? Well ain't you sweet to warn us? But, we already know all about Ryptcore and his crazy-ass army, so you wasted your time, Dokugaku."
What a dumb-fuck name. Who picks a name like that anyway?
He looked a bit stunned at that, "You do know?"
"Some other well-meaning jackass already warned us." Sanzo muttered.
"And he did it in time." I added.
"Then Ryptcore is dead?"
Sanzo and I exchanged glances, "No. Not yet."
"But you ran into him?"
"Bumped into him last night." I told him casually, "What a great guy he is too—really knows how to treat a girl, eh, Sanzo?"
Sanzo glared daggers at me. I think he would have hit me in the ribs if Jie-Dokugakuji hadn't been there.
"Anyway, we already know about him, so you're wasting your time. We'll have that bastard begging for mercy by this time tomorrow."
He shook his head, "Either you guys are stupid, or you have no idea what you're talking about. Ryptcore's not normal—he's been genetically altered to be the best. To be more powerful than anything you can imagine. Just unleashing him was likely a mistake no one can ever take back. Hell, the revival's the least of your problems now: that maniac will destroy the whole world."
"I don't give a shit about the world." Sanzo said calmly. "But if Ryptcore makes the mistake of messing with me again, I won't hesitate to kill him."
"You didn't really come all the way back here to tell us that pile of shit, did you?" I asked roughly.
"No." He raised his voice, sounding almost fierce for just a split second, "Kou and I came back to stop him. It's no good reviving Gyumaoh or taking this world back for youkai, or anything else, as long as Ryptcore's alive. He's killing humans and youkai alike, and no one stands a chance—it isn't right. So we came to find you and help you stop him."
A moment of silence passed between the three of us, then Sanzo snorted, "Gojyo's right, you are sweet. But this was still a waste of your time."
"San-"
"We don't need your help, or the help of Kougaiji, or any other dumbass youkai who feels it's their place to get involved in our affairs. So I suggest you go home and put your feet up—in case you forgot, we're the ones who are out to save the world."
"Or something like that." I muttered.
He glared at Sanzo, "That does it: you're stupid. From the look of you two, your night with Ryptcore was rough, and you still think you can deal with him by yourselves? Look, I ain't doing this for me." That was aimed right at me, pointedly and blatantly, "Kou was the one who wanted to try to set our differences aside to defeat that whacko. Kou's the one who wanted to join forces with you."
I narrowed my eyes at him, asked twice as pointedly, but with a touch more subtlty, "Then why'd he send you?"
There wasn't an answer for that, so he didn't bother trying to make one up.
Sanzo cut in anyway, sighing and saying languidly, "I'm not sure what it is with people suddenly wanting to join us."
"The Sanzo trend must be catching on." I supplied.
"It's annoying."
"I couldn't agree more."
"No help for it, I guess." He said it, but he sounded massively irritated, like he shouldn't even have to put up with this kind of nonsense, "I'd say we're done here. Let's get back to the others."
"Yes Sir, Master Sanzo."
Dokugaku stared at us blankly, "The others? They're alive?"
I couldn't help giving him a 'now really' kind of look, "The two strongest members of our team? Duh."
Sanzo was already stalking away. I lingered just for a second. Part of me almost felt like I should say something—what, I don't know—but nothing came to mind. Not a thing. There was so much… With the dead half-breeds around me and the craziness that was following my friends and I, and all the rotting, awful dreams and memories and thoughts in my head, I should have been able to think of something to say. Especially to my older brother.
But no. This guy wasn't my brother. Not anymore.
When I'd been standing there a couple seconds longer than I should have, he asked quietly, "You're really going with him?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Because. You're going to get yourself killed, Gojyo. All four of you are."
"What the hell difference does it make to you? We're enemies, remember?"
He shook his head again, something tired and old in his eyes. How old was he anyway? Jien was eighteen when he took off. That was over ten years ago. Could he really be almost thirty?
Suddenly, he took a short step closer so we were face to face, and he was towering over me again, making me feel like I was eight years old again, standing in the shadow of the big brother I could never dream to be like. He looked me in the eyes, not so much of a glimmer of a joke in his expression, just a world of regret no one else could see, "You and I are not enemies, Gojyo."
What the hell could I say to that? I didn't understand his regrets any better than anyone else could. Kill your mother to save your brother and then just walk out on him? Pretty fucked up. Maybe more fucked up than having your mom try to kill you and getting walked out on by your brother.
Shit. I didn't want to think about this. Shit. I didn't want to deal with any of it. Things were so much easier when I didn't have to deal with this. Maybe if I had a cigarette it wouldn't be so bad. Things were so much easier to deal with when I had a cigarette.
He went on, voice even quieter, like maybe he thought he was getting through to me, "I came all the way back here to warn you. To help you."
That did it. No more of this shit for me.
I smiled at him, spoke bitterly, "You wanna' help me, Dokugakuji?"
His gaze was unwavering, drenched in the most disgusting kind of sentimental sincerity.
"You're ten years behind schedule."
He didn't answer me.
I had nothing more to say.
So I followed Sanzo back to camp.