I'm gonna' have to work extra hard on making my Sanzo and Goku sections good... Not off to a great start. =/
Goku
I looked back over my shoulder, but they weren't there, and that was probably the weirdest thing I'd seen all week. Instead, Kougaiji and Dokugaku were trailing us, maybe a half a mile away. Behind them, I could see the town where Gang and Chang had attacked us. Beyond that was the purple mountains and a sea of forest green. Sanzo was beside me, walking steadily, looking ahead like nothing was wrong, but there was no Hakkai and no Gojyo.
I kept thinking they'd show up out of nowhere, but they never did. All night I'd sat up in my room, waiting and listening, but they never came. I didn't get much sleep, but at breakfast, they still weren't there. Sanzo was acting like nothing was wrong. I didn't think I should even bring them up.
Where did it all get messed up anyway? I couldn't piece it all together, I just knew we weren't on a roll like usual. Every enemy we ran into was way too strong. It didn't matter though, because we couldn't get along anyway, so we couldn't beat even a weak enemy right now.
But why?
I looked out into the woods. They were thinning out, but they'd still make a good hiding place. Ryptcore was probably in there somewhere. Or somebody just as gross. All those half-bloods were dead, and it was because of us. Ryptcore was going to do that to every village we went to, if we let him.
All those half-bloods…
I'd had so much fun in that village. It had been such a perfect place, like the rest of the world didn't matter, and neither did any of its problems. Now it was gone.
That made me sad.
Was it our fault?
There were bigger problems. I kept telling myself that we had other things to worry about. Like Hakkai. I thought we should at least be trying to get him back to normal, but Sanzo wouldn't listen to Gojyo, so why should he listen to me?
A little voice inside me said, He hates Gojyo—that's why he won't listen to him…
Yeah, that made sense. Sanzo had to know we couldn't do this by himself. He had to know that going to find them and getting Hakkai back to normal was the only way to get out of all this.
But when I looked at him, he looked way calm. Nothing was wrong. He didn't seem scared or nervous or even annoyed. Just another day for him, maybe.
Maybe he really doesn't care…
Like Gojyo said…
No. No way. I wasn't gonna' think that about Sanzo, ever. Sure he was mean sometimes. I didn't always get what he was thinking. But I knew that he cared. He had to. I think…the thing with Sanzo…was just that he thought he couldn't look like he cared. But there was no way he didn't. When I thought about all the things he did for me, I couldn't think nothing bad about him. I couldn't say 'you don't care' and storm away like Gojyo did.
Gojyo and Sanzo…don't get each other.
Hakkai told me that once. Not quite that way, I guess. He said somethin' about them 'being unable to understand one another,' but it was definitely the same thing as not getting' each other. I think.
He said some other stuff too. He said he thought they had sort of similar childhoods: being on their own from age twelve and eleven all the way until they were adults. Both of them grew up on the streets. I thought maybe that was enough. Maybe they could get each other if they had that in common. It was frustrating. I wanted to tell them that if they just sat down and talked about it, they might start understanding, and then they'd stop fighting.
But Hakkai said that wasn't enough. He talked a long time, but in the end, he had to break it down for me. Somehow Hakkai always broke it down in a way that didn't make me feel totally stupid.
I'd never forget what he said.
"…in the end, Goku, Sanzo is Sanzo, and Gojyo is Gojyo, and no matter what they have in common, they can never admit anything to each other or about each other…"
I think it took me a long time to get what he meant by that, but I'd been piecing it together ever since.
Sanzo was Sanzo. He was an orphan. He grew up in a temple. I guess he had a pretty nice foster-dad-sanzo-guy. Then something happened. Something he didn't like to talk about, and he was on his own, and I didn't know anything about what happened after that, before he found me and changed my whole world. But he was always acting like nothing mattered. He was always acting like he didn't care—couldn't care—and I could see how people might think he was completely heartless.
Gojyo was Gojyo. He was an orphan too. As far as I knew, he grew up with Dokugakuji—I can't believe how long it took me to figure out that Dokugakuji was Gojyo's brother—he had a step mom who was mean to him. Dokugakuji killed her to save his life. I didn't know anything past that either. He was just a crazy, pervy, immature guy. The way he slept around with girls, I guess he wanted to think he'd never get attached to anybody—Hakkai said that too—but I think Gojyo had an issue with caring too much.
So there was a lot in common in there. Orphans. Not-real parents. Losing the one person in the world they could count on. Some crazy traumatic experience that left them with their scars. Wandering the world alone until they found somebody who actually cared about them. It seemed like, with so many things in common, they shouldn't have so much trouble getting along.
But Hakkai told me that living your life and experiencing things didn't make you who you were. Not completely. They still had their own personalities. That's where things got messed up, I guess.
So they could never admit anything to each other or about each other.
That was the thing that really confused me.
What did that mean?
"Sanzo?" I asked, not even thinking about the question really, "D'ya' think Gojyo found Hakkai?"
"What?" I knew it wasn't that he didn't hear me. He didn't want to talk about this. I could always tell when Sanzo didn't want to talk about something. His voice was sort of like a stone wall.
"Last night. D'ya' think he found him?"
"I have no idea, and I really couldn't care less anyway."
"Yeah…but…if he found 'im, an' Hakkai's berserk, he prob'ly killed him, right?" I really didn't think Hakkai would kill Gojyo, even if he did go berserk. How could he? How could he not look at him and say to himself 'that's Gojyo. We lived together for three years', an' then just cut it out?
Maybe my friends wondered the same thing about me when I lost my limiter.
"I just told you, monkey. I don't give a shit."
"Do you really not care?" I asked softly. Maybe if he didn't care, I'd been wrong about Sanzo all along. Maybe Gojyo was right about him being a trigger happy asshole who'd shoot me without thinking about it.
Sanzo looked over his shoulder at me. His face…it looked wrong, now that I thought about it. It wasn't as normal as I imagined—like there was somethin' swimming around under the surface. Worry maybe? Worried about the others? Or worried about the bad guys sneaking up on us?
"What is that supposed to mean? I told you I don't care. That should be good enough for you."
For once, I didn't feel hungry. Just scared.
"S-Sanzo…I just… I don't think we shoulda' left 'em behind."
"We didn't leave them behind, Goku. They left. They both just left."
"Hakkai needs our help!" I blurted. "He's gonna' go crazy unless we help 'im."
Sanzo sighed, "I heard the whole rant last night."
"It's true though, isn't it?"
"Even if it is, Gojyo's got that covered, so just shut up and keep walking."
Keep walking, keep walking, keep walking. Did Gojyo really have it covered? Maybe Gojyo was dead. Sanzo had to care about that. Even if he didn't like Gojyo…he had to care about if he was dead or not. I don't know why. I just needed him to care. Even if he didn't want to admit it, I needed to know that he did.
Why?
'Cause I care about Gojyo. I thought simply. I didn't need to sugarcoat it or hide it or pretend I didn't. Sure, I didn't act like I was in love with him—that'd be so gross—but he was my friend. If he died I'd be really sad. I didn't want him to get hurt and I didn't want him to go away. Why was that such a big deal?
I cared about Hakkai too. He was always so nice and he'd taught me so much stuff. I liked the way he looked out for me, and how he treated me like a person, no matter what. He didn't call me stupid or make fun of me. I didn't want him to go crazy, because then I'd never see him again. We'd have to kill him maybe. Or he might disappear. I didn't want him to disappear. I didn't want Sanzo to shoot him.
Couldn't it be like that for Sanzo too? Couldn't it be a secret?
I mean, I'd never told that I cared about them. It wasn't a secret. It just wasn't something I said out loud. I didn't need to.
Maybe it was a secret for Sanzo, but they were his friends. If they wound up dead some place, he'd have to care. He'd have to feel sad and miss them. Even if he never said it. Even if no one even guessed it mattered to him.
He can't admit it…
I noticed Sanzo taking a long, hard look into the woods, like he thought he'd see them there. Maybe, I thought, he was missing them now. Maybe he was wishing they were here with us, just like I was.
How would it feel if you were counting on somebody and something happened to them? What if they died? What if they left you on purpose?
I tried to think about that. I tried really, really hard to focus on that thought. What if Sanzo left me? What if he just took his gun and his cigarettes and he went away forever, not because he didn't care about me though. Just because there was something somewhere he cared about more.
That would suck, because I was counting on him. I needed him.
And if he was counting on Gojyo and Hakkai, maybe he was really upset that they were gone. Because he knew he needed them to get to India.
"I bet we could find 'em pretty easy, if we looked. I bet they ain't far away."
"For the last time, Goku, I don't care what happens to those two miscreants." He added viciously, "If you're so worried, feel free to go find them yourself. The three of you can go live happily ever after, for all I care—I don't need any of you."
It made me feel a little mad to hear him say that. "Really? Ya' think you could get to India alone?"
"Of course I could. I don't need you, and I never have."
"Then what did'ja' bring me for?" I demanded.
"You were the one who wanted to come with me."
"Yeah. 'Cause I didn't want ya' to die walkin' to India alone."
"Hmph. You three are truly disgusting. You have yourselves convinced that I couldn't get to India alone, but the truth is that the only reason this mission has succeeded so far is because I've been here to hold everything together."
"What're you sayin'? Nothin' we've done on this trip mattered?"
"Exactly."
"Hey! How can ya' say that, Sanzo?"
He looked at me, hesitantly, and I almost thought he'd take it back.
But he didn't, and I tried to calm down. I knew screaming at Sanzo wouldn't help anything.
"Why don't'cha' trust us, Sanzo?"
"Look around. Why do you think I don't trust you?"
"I dunno."
"You're three youkai, you're all a step away from going berserk every day, and when you do, you're going to do your best to kill me. Besides, I turn my back for one minute, and you all desert me. I'd be stupid to-"
"I ain't deserted ya'. An' I don't think Hakkai an' Gojyo did either."
"Well they're not here, now are they, monkey?"
I scanned the woods and the road ahead of us, "Naw. But I think they'll come back."
"Hn. You're so naïve, Goku. The two of them don't care about this mission, and they don't care about what happens to us."
That was a lie, and I knew it. Saying Sanzo didn't care, and saying Hakkai or Gojyo didn't care were really, really different.
Not a lie…he might actually think that.
How could he?
"They do care about us!"
"Keep right on telling yourself that." He walked a little faster, getting a few steps ahead of me.
No. No. He was wrong. I knew he was wrong.
How?
Same way I knew Gojyo was wrong about Sanzo not caring about me. At first, I'd gone off to find Sanzo. I think I had wanted to ask him if Gojyo was right, but in the end, when I found him, I'd decided I didn't need to. I remembered what it was that made me realize that Sanzo cared about me in the first place.
'…I could never leave an idiot like you all alone…'
He was there. He came and he found me, like he'd heard me calling him. The feeling I got when I was with him…it was almost familiar. Like I'd had it before. I knew it from the way he looked at me and talked to me and the way he touched me. Because he took care of me. He fed me when I was hungry and he stayed close to me when I was hurt. I knew Sanzo cared about me because I could see it in everything he said and did—he didn't have to tell me.
It was the same way with the others. When Hakkai made me something to eat, When Gojyo ruffled my hair, I knew it was because they cared about me.
And Sanzo was wrong.
"They do care." I said a little more loudly, just to make sure he could hear me, "The only reason they ain't here now is 'cause Hakkai doesn't wanna' go nuts an' hurt any of us, an' Gojyo doesn't wanna' lose track of him."
"Isn't that romantic?" He sneered.
"You know I'm right, Sanzo." I jogged up next to him, "I don't always know what I'm talkin' about, but this time I know I'm right. You're the one with the problem."
"What t he hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You think ya' can't trust us—we're all just gonna' run off on you—right?"
He sounded really frustrated. I thought he sounded scared. "Look around Goku: it's already happening."
"But it's not."
"Those two dumbasses are gone, and you-"
I grabbed his arm. I'd never done that before. I guess I'd never thought I had the right to. It was amazing what it did though: Sanzo stopped right in his tracks, quit talking, and just gawked at me like he couldn't believe what I'd done.
"I ain't goin' anywhere, Sanzo. You can trust me, 'cause I ain't gonna' let you down, ever."
His expression changed from shocked back to a little more natural, but it looked like he relaxed too.
"An' even if ya' don't think you can trust Hakkai and Gojyo, I know ya' can."
"How can you say you know that? You have no idea what they're going to do."
"I know 'em." I grinned at him. "An' I trust 'em. Neither of 'em have ever let me down. They're not gonna'."
He sighed, "Goku…you don't understand."
"I do. What if I went berserk? I know you'd prob'ly hafta' kill me, but I know you wouldn't wanna'. I know you'd do anythin' you could ta' get me back to normal before you killed me. I know that the same way I know Hakkai an' Gojyo would never leave us ta' beat Ryptcore by ourselves."
He looked up the road again, but this time I thought I saw some hope in his eyes.
"They're comin' back, Sanzo. Some time soon. An' in the meantime, I ain't leavin' you."
Whether there was hope in his eyes or not, Sanzo just snorted, kind of sarcastically. "Well, as long as you're sure, monkey.
I started to say more, but this girly voice suddenly called out from behind us. "Sanzo-San!"
We stopped. I looked back down the road. Kougaiji and Dokugakuji were still way behind us, but they'd stopped too, and there was a girl with red hair running up to us. She passed them and kept coming our way.
"Hey, that looks like Lei…" I said, shielding my eyes so I could see better.
"Hn. Great, just what we need."
"What'dya' think she wants?"
"Hell if I know."
"We gonna' talk to her?"
I don't know why I felt like I had to ask. I guess, the way Sanzo was acting, I kinda' wouldn't be surprised if he just kept walking.
He didn't answer me, but he didn't walk away either. I locked my hands behind my head and waited for her to reach us.
It was definitely Lei. Her long red hair wasn't tied up like usual though, it was flying everywhere, and there was dirt on her face and skirt. "Sanzo-san." She was panting, "Sanzo-san, wait…please wait…"
"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, when she was finally in front of us. I checked to see if she was hurt, but she looked okay.
"Gojyo…Gojyo… Where's Gojyo?"
Sanzo looked and sounded so annoyed, I kinda' wished she wouldn't have asked us that. "What makes you think I know?"
She looked really surprise when he said that. "What…? I thought…I thought he'd be with you…"
"Those two bastards ditched us, not that it's any of your business. I have no idea where Gojyo is—I'd check the nearest whore house, if I were you."
"But…but…"
I got the feeling she was really upset about something. I thought she was going to start crying; I asked, "What'cha' lookin' for Gojyo for? Is somethin' wrong?"
The way she looked up at me, I got the feeling she still hated me, for some reason, but at least she decided to answer, "It's Deshi. Deshi's gone…"
"Deshi?" That was the little kid who'd been with us ever since we left the half-blood village, the kid I gave the lighter to. "What'dya' mean 'gone'?"
When we reached the town the other day, Deshi seemed really upset. He didn't want to eat, and I couldn't get him to talk either. The only thing he'd say was that he didn't want to be there, that he wanted to go with Gojyo. I thought he would come around and cheer up, but in the morning…he was gone. I searched the entire village for him, but he's just not there."
"So ya' think he ran away?"
"Yes. I'm sure. It sounds stupid, I know, but I'm sure he's looking for Gojyo."
"Is he really that attatched ta' him?"
Lei tucked some hair behind her ear. I thought her red hair and eyes were really pretty, and it made me miss Gojyo. I even looked down the road for him, but it was only Kougaiji and Dokugaku, off in the distance, watching us.
"Deshi told me once that Gojyo resembles his older brother in looks and personality. That must be why he's so drawn to him. That's the only reason I can think of for him to come after him."
Made sense to me. Gojyo was a lot like a big brother to me too. Actually, I think he was a lot like a big brother to everybody, even though Sanzo and Hakkai were both older than him. He was such a dumb ass about taking care of himself, but he was always trying to help everybody with their issues.
Even while I was thinking about what a nice guy he really was, Sanzo was growling, "What a waste of time. That bastard's such a dip shit, there's no way he can be that kid's brother. He can't even take care of himself, that's why he's always leeching off everyone else."
Lei seemed sort of surprised again, "Well…I still think Deshi is trying to catch up to you guys. I really don't know where else he would go."
"Gojyo's not with us. You wasted your time running after us."
Sanzo was being pretty mean to her. I mean, he was always mean, but I thought he was over doing it.
"Is he going to meet up with you later?" Lei looked around, like Gojyo was going to come out of the trees or somethin'.
Sanzo didn't answer. He just frowned and lit another cigarette.
"Uh-huh." I grinned at her. "Eventually. He an' Hakkai had ta' go off by themselves for a while, but we'll be seein' 'em again, at some point. Right Sanzo?"
Sanzo muttered something under his breath. "Maybe."
"Well, in that case, I humbly ask to go with you, until he comes back." She bowed to Sanzo, "That is, if it's not too much trouble."
"Why are you dragging us into this? Why don't you go and look for Gojyo yourself, or better yet, the kid you lost."
Lei stammered, "Y-yes…well, but I thought-"
I decided I better help her out. "I don't think it's safe for a girl ta' be walkin' around by herself. 'Specially not if Ryptcore's runnin' loose. Right, Sanzo?"
Sanzo shook his head but said nothing. I could tell he was unhappy.
"She better stick with us. Huh?"
"This isn't our problem, Goku, and we can't afford to be sidetracked any longer."
That was definitely his way of telling me we were going to leave her behind. I tried to think of something to say that would change his mind. Hakkai was always the one who convinced Sanzo to do something. He was the only one who was ever smart enough to come up with a good reason. I tried to think like him. "Yeah…but she's not gonna' get us sidetracked. She's just askin' ta' come with us, an' when Gojyo comes back-"
"If Gojyo comes back."
"-she can talk ta' him."
"I still don't see why." He was starting to walk again. "There's no guarantee that kid even found Gojyo. You'd be better off looking for him on your own."
"Maybe that's true." She said calmly, "But right now this is the only lead I have, so if it's all the same to you, I'd like to stay with you until you meet up with Gojyo."
"Hn. Do whatever you want then."
He didn't even look back at her.
She followed us anyway though. Most of the day, she walked by herself, between us and Kougaiji. I tried to hang back and talk to her every now and then, but she was always acting like she had nothing to say to me, even though I was nicer to her than Sanzo was. But I didn't take it personally—I got the feeling she didn't really like youkai at all. Besides, after everything that had happened, whether I'd killed a bunch of her friends or not, I couldn't really blame her if she didn't wanna' trust me. I felt bad for her. She looked sad all the time, and she was always staring down at her feet. I could tell she was really worried about Deshi. I wanted to help her find him; I didn't think the kid should be off on his own.
"Sanzo's prob'ly wrong." I told her when we stopped to take a break. She was a ways down the road from us still, but I went to sit next to her for a little while. "He prob'ly did find Gojyo."
Lei wrinkled her nose, "How do you figure?"
"Dunno'. Goj's easy ta' find, kinda'. 'Sides, I just feel like he must have. Don't you?"
"That's very optimistic, Goku-san." She said coldly.
"Heheh." I pulled an apple out of my bag—it sort of sucked to have to carry all our luggage now that Jeep was gone—handed it to her. It seemed like forever ago since I picked those apples, and stuff had seemed simpler back then. We didn't know how wrong everything was gonna' go. "Here. Ya' need ta' eat. I always feel better if I'm not hungry."
She took the apple and turned it over in her hands. It was red like her eyes and hair. "Thank-you."
I watched her a second, trying to think of something else that might make her feel better. "I think your hair's really pretty. Your eyes too."
Her face softened a little, like maybe she didn't hate me so much right then, "Not everyone feels that way…"
"I know. Gojyo's weird about his hair an' stuff too." I thought about how I was teasing him about cutting it just a couple days ago. It made me really miss him. And Hakkai too. I wondered if they were okay. I wondered what they were eating.
"He didn't seem weird about it." She muttered, "He seems pretty comfortable with you people."
I tried to ignore the tone of her voice, like she thought there was something wrong with that. "Well, yeah. We're his friends. We love the guy."
Oops. I didn't really mean to say that out loud. I never had before. I wasn't totally in touch with my emotions like some people were, I guess, but I knew when I felt something, and I knew the way I felt about my friends, and the way they all felt about me. I also knew it wasn't really something any of us were supposed to admit to. I checked around to make sure none of the guys were coming over to kick my ass for telling her that.
Still…it was true. What was the big deal about that? You'd have to love Gojyo to put up with all his stupid bullshit.
"Love." Lei almost whispered, and she was staring down at the apple. "I guess…I don't know what that's like. I don't know it when I see it. No one has ever loved me. I grew up thinking no one could ever love a child of taboo."
"Really? Like…it's impossible or something?" I wondered if Gojyo felt that way too. It was weird to think about. Before I met Sanzo, I didn't really worry about whether people could love me or not, I just wanted someone to be with me. After I met Sanzo, I didn't worry about it either, because I finally had somebody to rely on. Now it didn't matter, 'cause what I had was just normal, and at the same time, it still felt new sometimes, and when I thought about being in that cage…I was just really grateful that Sanzo came when he did.
Lei was looking hard at me, "You three actually care about him?"
"Um…yeah. I mean, like I said…"
"Hm." She frowned. I heard her mutter, "No wonder he didn't go with us; he wouldn't have fit in anyway…I can't believe I thought he'd change his mind…"
It didn't seem like she was actually talking to me, but what she said made me think of something else. Something from before Ryptcore burned down the half-blood village.
Me and Gojyo had been walking through the woods. I had really wanted to tell him it was okay if he stayed in the village. I had thought that was what he wanted to hear. Maybe it was even what he needed to hear. I guess I had thought it was my job, for some reason.
"You're good at makin' friends."
"…Goku…do you know what a friend is? Like, a real friend?"
"Somebody ta' hang out with?"
"You're right…I am good at that…"
"I don't mean girls."
"Neither do I."
"…I just think you'd fit in here…"
"You think so?"
I remembered how confused he had looked when he turned to me. I thought at the time he might not believe me. Now that I was thinking back on it…I wondered if he really was confused. I realized I was basically telling him to stay behind, and maybe that wasn't what he needed or wanted to hear after all.
But…everyone there was just like Gojyo. I guess at the time, it made sense for him to stay.
"They're all just like you."
"…I don't know about that…I don't really know if I belong here…"
"So where dya' think you belong?"
Lei asked him that too, before Dokugakuji took the half-bloods up to the second village. "If you don't belong with us where do you belong?"
And he'd said it just like he'd said it to me. "Hell if I know…"
Now, I was starting to realize something. I was starting to realize I was wrong when I said a friend was someone to hang out with. I mean, not really wrong wrong, but…not exactly right. When I thought about the guys, and everything I felt toward them, by themselves and all together, I knew that wasn't what it was at all. I didn't think Gojyo would have chased crazy, berserk Hakkai into the woods on a rainy night if being friends just meant he was someone to hang out with. And I wouldn't be sticking with Sanzo like this if that's what it meant either.
So being friends had to mean something else. Something deeper.
"…we're friends…we love the guy…"
Maybe ya' didn't belong there after all…maybe ya' belong…
Where did I belong?
I turned to look up the road at Sanzo. He was standing under a tree, his back to me, facing west. He was so sure our friends were going to abandon us, and I didn't know why. I didn't really care, I realized, about making him believe he was wrong. I didn't even really care if he thought I was going to leave him. All that mattered was that he was wrong, and I wasn't going anywhere, because I belonged with Sanzo. I always had, and I probably always would.
But Sanzo wasn't just my friend.
Hakkai and Gojyo were friends. Or maybe, sometimes, I thought they were kinda' like brothers. But Sanzo wasn't any of that to me. Not a friend. Not a brother. If I had to label Sanzo…he was my father. It was weird, and maybe sorta' stupid too, 'cause he wasn't that much older than me, and I didn't know how a dad was s'posed to act, really, but he fed me and looked after me and bossed me around. He seemed like a dad in a lot of ways. That was why I belonged with him, because he was always going to be everything to me. Absolutely everything.
That's the kinda' stuff ya' don't walk out on.
And that's the same kinda' reason Gojyo didn't go with Lei to the other village, 'cause in the end, she was just another girl he was gonna' do once and walk away from, but if being a hanyou was anywhere near as hard as they acted like it was, he was never going to find anybody like the three of us ever again. People that were nice to him and didn't treat him like garbage.
Kinda' sad…
Kinda' not.
I wondered if he knew all that when he decided not to stay. I sort of didn't think so. He didn't act like he knew it. I was sort of surprised I was piecing it together.
Lei was staring at me. I wondered how weird I had been acting for the last couple of minutes. I smiled at her, "Heheh, sorry. I'm totally spacin' out. Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much—Gojyo's definitely comin' back." I figured, even if Hakkai went berserk and ran off, Gojyo would still come back to us, just 'cause that's what he was like, "An' I bet anything Deshi's with him by now. It's all gonna' be okay."
She looked at me a little bit longer, and I thought she'd wrinkle her nose again and say something mean.
Instead, she slowly smiled back. "Thank-you, Goku-san…I really needed to hear that."
"No problem." At least I had made someone feel better today.
I got up again, with a quick wave, "Hope ya' like the apple." Then I went back to join Sanzo, who was looking just as frowny and angry as ever, but I stood next to him and smiled anyway, "Ya' know, I think I figured somethin' out, Sanzo."
"Hn. That's a rarity for you. What is it?"
"It's impossible for those guys not ta' come back."
"And why is that?"
"'Cause they're our friends."
He frowned even more, "That was your brilliant deduction?"
"Yeah."
"Well, that's nice, Goku, but I'm not friends with those idiots. You know that."
"Naw, but, they're friends with you."
He finally looked at me.
I stuck my tongue out at him, "Yeah?"
"Hmph. Well, we'll find out, I guess."
That was okay. I think I was starting to understand the other half of what Hakkai had told me too.
Sanzo couldn't admit he believed in any of us, and he couldn't admit that he thought any of us were worth a damn. Dunno' why. That was just Sanzo.
Hakkai had said something else too.
He'd looked at me, green eyes super serious. "Remember though, Goku, just because you don't say something out loud doesn't mean it's not true. That doesn't mean it's not there at all…'
That was really important, I think. No matter how wrong everything was going, no matter how crazy Hakkai got, no matter how much Sanzo and Gojyo were fighting, no matter how much Sanzo believed they weren't coming back, there were still all those things we didn't talk about that held us together, and in the end, that's how I knew we'd get through this.
We started to walk again, and we walked all day, but it wasn't so bad. I got the feeling we weren't really going very fast. Sanzo didn't seem like he was in as much of a hurry as usual, even though I thought he'd try to go faster than normal, to make up for not having Jeep. I wondered if he was secretly hoping Hakkai and Gojyo were going to show up.
Lei talked to me more after I gave her the apple, and she was nicer than she'd been in the past. I tried to be nice back to her. I wondered if I should apologize for whatever happened to her friends. Maybe that wasn't a good idea to bring that up though.
Once or twice, I noticed she'd hang back and talk to Dokugakuji. It was sorta' weird, but then I realized he had gone with her, up into the second village, so maybe they already kinda' knew each other. Besides, he was Gojyo's brother.
"It's not slowin' us down too bad havin' her along, huh?"
Sanzo grumbled, "I'll be the judge of that."
"D'ya' think…"
I didn't finish, but Sanzo already knew what I was going to say. He looked back over his shoulder, not at Lei and the others, but out onto the horizon, "If he's still alive, maybe."
If Hakkai didn't go nuts an' kill him. I didn't wanna' think about that.
Sanzo stopped.
I did too, "What's up?"
He was still staring out toward the horizon, back the way we'd come from, his face looked sorta' freaked out, like somethin' out there bothered him. It was a weird face for Sanzo to make, so I turned around to see what was wrong.
It was starting to get dark now. Above us, the sky was almost perfectly black, with little white sprinkles of stars coming out. The moon was out, so it wasn't too dark to see, and the sun hadn't totally set yet either. But, back the way we'd come from, I saw a weird, orange smudge on the horizon. It wasn't that big, but it was bright, like there were a million, golden lights glowing out there.
Seeing that orange glow made me feel uneasy. I asked quietly, "Isn't that where the town we spent the night in is?"
Sanzo didn't answer.
I took a deep breath. "Hey, Sanzo…I smell smoke."
Kougaiji and the others were suddenly right next to us. Kougaiji said, "Ryptcore's closing in. I'm sure he's not far behind. A day's walk, maybe."
I couldn't help taking a step closer to Sanzo, "D'ya' think he'll catch up with us if we stop an' camp for the night?"
Neither of them answered me. Dokugakuji was facing that way too, and he looked worried. Next to him, Lei was shaking and looking scared.
Hakkai…Gojyo…I hope you guys're all right…
Sanzo started walking again suddenly, "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it. Now let's keep moving."
The others slowly started to follow, one at a time.
I stood still a while longer, watching the fire burn in the distance, thinking about the nice, peaceful town that was going up in smoke now, for no reason, and all the people who were either going to die or lose their house and all their friends and family and stuff.
Ryptcore. What a freak of nature. What a monster.
Scary thing was, I knew that without my limiter, I was probably just like him.