Sanzo

Very slowly, the light around us began to fade, the heat receded, the debris and the dust settled, and everything was quiet. I think even Goku was standing still.

When it was over, I listened a long time, just to make sure, and then I edged forward, hesitating for just a second beside Gojyo to tell him, "You're an idiot."

"What?"

"Don't deny it. You're an absolute moron. First you actually let him kick your ass, and then you didn't even have the sense to get away from the explosion. You're so stupid, I oughta' put you out of your misery, right now."

He scoffed, "You're welcome, asshole."

"I didn't thank you for anything."

"Whatever, man. You couldn't have done that without my idiocy, right? So show some respect."

"In your dreams, you half-wit."

Gojyo mumbled under his breath about that, and then, slowly, began to make his way toward the point where the explosions had gone off. I followed, and Kougaiji was right behind me.

The Asahara was standing there already, nudging at something with the toe of her tall, black boots, and the closer I got, the better I could hear a sound. It was like choked, strained, insane laughter.

"No way." Gojyo gasped.

We drew nearer, and then I could see the body lying at Jade's feet. It was burnt and bloody, all the hair gone, eyebrows and all, the ears missing, half of the face completely ripped off, revealing oozing tendons and muscles and bits of blackened bone, the lips were gone too, so the rows of sharp teeth were exposed. His nose had been burnt off as well. In fact, the only thing that was still there were his hateful eyes, but the fire in them was completely gone now, and they seemed dull. That open, dark pit of a mouth was gasping and croaking, grinning and choking out laughter, which seemed absurd considering the state of the rest of the body. Ryptcore's torso had been ripped in half, guts dangling out, side torn open; I didn't see his legs anywhere, and one arm was missing. His clothes, armor and all, had been scorched away, leaving his mutilated body as nothing but a bleeding, naked torso.

Ryptcore laughed. Or he could have been coughing. I couldn't really tell. "Nice try…Sanzo…but did you really believe…your little sneak attack would work?"

His chest convulsed and he spat up a thick wad of black bile.

"Hn. It looks like it did."

This time I could tell he was laughing, and his eyes were boring holes into me, just as full of blood lust as ever. "Oh, please…little priest… You think this is the end? Let me tell you. This is not. This is not. This is not the end of Ryptcore. I will go on…forever and ever. Until my last breath. I will fight you. I will have…freedom…I will have…the world."

Gojyo laughed suddenly. It startled me. He laughed so loudly and so hysterically, I thought maybe he'd gone crazy when I wasn't looking, "Serious?! Look at you, you crazy sonnova bitch! There's nothing left of you!"

Ryptcore glared at him; his mouth fell open, like the jaw was unhinged, and his tongue snaked out from behind his teeth. It was black too. "Hanyou…how I hate you now…when I get my hands on you…you'll wish you'd paid more respect to the DethBreed."

"Hands?! What hands are you talking about? Just admit it. You lost. We won. End of story."

"I will devour…" Ryptcore gurgled. "I will devour…all of you…all of this world…and when the mighty are gone…" he laughed suddenly, "Oh, Sanzo. You and your party…you're all so foolish. Clinging so tightly to your hearts. You will never know the freedom of absolute darkness and hate."

"I've heard enough." I aimed my gun at him.

Ryptcore just laughed like it was the silliest thing I could have done, and he kept right on laughing up until I pulled the trigger and blew a hole through what was left of his head.

At last, there was silence.

Gojyo sighed, "What a lunatic. Even after all of that, he still thought he was going to beat us."

"Ryptcore was designed not to feel pain." Kougaiji explained, even though we didn't ask him to, "His consciousness might as well have been completely separated from his body, so in the end, the fact that he couldn't so much as sit up didn't mean failure to him. It didn't mean anything."

With a single swing of her sword, Jade severed Ryptcore's head, lifted it in her hands. I watched her warily, wondering if she'd attack me next, since she'd swore to help us until he was dead.

Gojyo growled, "Oh, yeah. You. I gotta' bone to pick with you, you little bitch."

Jade smiled up at me, "Do you mind, Sanzo? It's rather a gruesome prize, but I'd like to keep it."

"Do whatever you want." I snorted, lighting a cigarette.

"Hey!" Gojyo shouted, taking a step toward her, "Don't ignore me, Jade! We have some business to settle, and I wanna' get it out of the way as soon as possible!"

I looked at him, "What the hell are you screaming about?"

"Mind your own business, Sanzo." He was crouched and ready to go, his weapon in hand.

Jade didn't seem to care about him one way or another. She just laughed in his face, "Do you think now is the best time?"

"As good a time as any."

"Oh? But don't you have a couple of other friends around here? Last I saw they were bound and determined to kill each other."

Gojyo's face dropped.

"She's right." I growled, "We're not done here yet." I turned around and began to march away.

He didn't come with me, so I called back to him, "Hurry it up, kappa."

Gojyo continued to stare at her. I'd never seen him look so hatefully at anyone. At last he said, "Soon. You better believe I'm coming for you."

Jade just smiled and spun around, hair flying, and flounced away, sword in one hand, Ryptcore's head in the other.

Gojyo watched her go until I snapped at him, "Today."

At last he slowly turned back to follow me.

The three of us made our way up out of the debris. There was trash and stones and dead bodies lying everywhere. Somewhere through the smoke and the ashes, I could hear the snapping and snarling of the fight, raging on, and then it was in sight.

"Son of a bitch." Gojyo muttered.

Goku and Hakkai were fighting with reckless abandon now. They were all claws and teeth, splattered blood and torn clothes. They reached for each other, aching to tear one another open. Both of them were smiling.

The sight made me feel a little bit sick.

"Hey, Hakkai!" Gojyo shouted. "Ryptcore's dead, let's take two and figure out what to do with Goku!"

Hakkai ignored him, kicked Goku back and flung a burning orb of chi.

Goku dodged and came at him, claws raised; Hakkai barely avoided getting his face ripped off.

"That idiot completely let himself go." I grumbled, trying not to let on to how sick it actually made me feel. This was what I'd been afraid of from the beginning. When Goku took his limiter off, he said it was because he was so sure that Hakkai and Gojyo were going to show up eventually, and that they'd be able to help me get him under control, but the problem was, with the way Hakkai had been acting lately, especially tonight when I saw him at the tavern, it wasn't going to be a matter of getting Goku under control anymore. It was going to be a matter of getting them both under control. Much like it had been on the mountain, the last time we faced Ryptcore.

I didn't know if Goku had realized that or not when he took his diadem off, but I suppose I couldn't really say that he'd made matters worse. He'd worn Ryptcore down a lot before Hakkai and Gojyo even came along. We might not have been able to defeat him if Goku hadn't taken the limiter off.

We didn't really have a choice in whether or not Hakkai took his off too; the situation had already become to desperate by that time.

"No way." Gojyo edged forward. "Hakkai! Hey, Hakkai!"

The kappa sounded pretty damn distressed. It made me almost wonder what had gone on with the two of them since the night Hakkai killed Chang and ran away. Right now, he looked like he was ready to run in there and throw himself between the two of them.

I grabbed his arm, viciously, "You had better hold your damn self together, Gojyo, because I do not need you falling to pieces too."

He wrenched away and glared at me, not saying anything, and I was starting to feel the dread again, the dread that came of having enemies for allies. The dread of knowing that I was the one who had to fix this, who had to put them down if they were berserk. I was the one who had to put the diadem back on Goku. I was the one who had to shoot Hakkai if he didn't come around. Why was it all up to me? I glanced around. My only allies were Kougaiji, who was my number one enemy to begin with, and stupid-ass Gojyo, who was on the verge of coming apart too. It was all up to me.

I knew I couldn't trust them.

What choice did I have though?

I watched Goku chase after Hakkai, laughing and screaming, seriously trying to tear Hakkai limb from limb. I closed my eyes for a second. I hated seeing Goku like this.

That dumb monkey.

Gojyo was yelling at me, but I wasn't even listening to him.

Kougaiji said something.

I opened my eyes to glance at him.

He watched me a moment, like he was waiting for a response, and then he said, "This isn't really any of my business. I'd like to go and look for Dokugakuji. But, if you want me to help you, I will."

I snorted, "As if. I'll handle this myself."

With that, I reloaded my gun, cocked it, and marched toward the crazy whirlwind of teeth and claws that was Hakkai and Goku.

It was my responsibility, after all. I had to be the one to act. So I'd go in there, and I'd shoot anyone who attacked me. I'd take Goku out first—hopefully it wouldn't take too long, because Hakkai would probably be chewing on my back by the time it was over—when Goku passed out, I'd deal with Hakkai. A couple bullets to the knees would put him out of commission. Then maybe I could get his limiters back on.

I didn't even know where his limiters were.

That made the possibility of salvaging Hakkai's sanity seem hopeless. Would I really have to kill him?

I should have killed him earlier tonight. At the tavern.

Maybe we could have defeated Ryptcore without him.

None of that mattered. For all I knew, I might not even be able to get Goku's diadem back on him.

But I couldn't start to think that way. It was all up to me to get things back in order, and I couldn't let any sort of doubt creep in and prevent me from doing what I had to do. No measures were too extreme.

If only… If only I didn't feel like I might be losing something by the time it's over.

That's the way it was though. I was the fool who'd let these feelings seep into me in the first place. I had to face the consequences for that.

Out of nowhere, Gojyo shouldered up beside me. He had his hair pulled back now and his shakujou out, there was still blood all over his face, but he'd started a cigarette, and he looked furious.

"What do you think you're doing?" I chuffed.

"Hakkai told me not to let you shoot him. Besides, I've got his limiters."

"Hn. Suit yourself."

"Oh, as if you could honestly do this all alone."

"Just don't get in my way, got it?"

"Whatever you say, Sanzo-sama."

We were almost there now. Hakkai and Goku hadn't even noticed we were approaching, they were just trying to tear each other to ribbons, and that was probably all that was on their minds. I stood up on a piece of demolished wall, gun aimed, "All right, you animals, that's enough."

They kept right on fighting.

Gritting my teeth, I fired once, into the air. "I said enough!"

Finally, they looked over at us. Blood was all over their mouths, and their eyes were crazed. Hakkai's hair was hackling, like an animal's. They looked at me like they had no idea who I was.

"One chance Hakkai. If you can hear me, you better quit this bullshit. Ryptcore is dead, and there's no reason to continue this fight."

Hakkai grinned a little. It didn't look completely insane. He flinched forward.

I held my ground.

Goku breezed past him, running right at me, laughing. He sprang up onto the wall with me.

I should have fired, but I couldn't… I just couldn't…

Goku knocked me off the wall—he was so fast, I couldn't even think about dodging or bracing myself—I landed harshly in a pile of debris, getting the wind knocked out of me. He dove down on top of me. My ribs bent a little under his weight, and I gasped.

Shoving the pain to the back of my mind, I reached up to grab a handful of his shirt, jerking him down and reaching up for his forehead.

With a snarl, Goku wrenched loose. He grabbed a handful of my hair and swung me around. I crashed into another pile of debris, laid there a moment, in a daze. While I was face down in the dirt, I heard more snarling, snapping and shouting, followed by cursing and screaming. A second later, Gojyo landed practically on top of me.

"That worked great." He coughed.

"You got something better?"

"I dunno. How about actually doing something? I mean, standing on top of some garbage like you're king of the mountain and yelling 'stop' is dandy, but it doesn't get shit done."

"Shut your smart mouth, Gojyo." I sat up to look over the pile of debris I'd landed in. They were fighting again, that much more violently now. Damn. They really looked like they wanted to kill each other. Hakkai was looking a little worn down. He couldn't heal himself like Goku could.

Maybe in a while, he'd be down for the count, and then he wouldn't be in the way, and I could just deal with Goku instead.

"Fuck." Gojyo muttered, sitting up next to me. He was clutching his ribs.

"I told you to stay out of my way." I muttered. Not because I felt bad about his ribs. Just because he was so annoying.

"I didn't get in your way, asshole!"

"What the hell do you think you're trying to do, anyway?" I got up, not bothering to dust myself off. "Why don't you just run off and find a girl to fuck?"

"Would you shut the fuck up? We don't have time for this! He could go insane any second now! They're gonna' kill each other!" He started to charge back in there, and for some reason, I grabbed him.

"I thought I told you to calm down. If you run in there like an idiot, they're going to kill you, so why don't you cool off?"

"Cool off and then what? You gonna' make a plan?" He shoved me off, viciously, "Fuck you, Sanzo! This is all your fault!"

"Try saying that again."

"You know I'm right! You let Goku take his limiter off, and then you told Hakkai to take his off too! What did you think was gonna' happen? Huh, Mister Holy Genius?"

"I'm not responsible for anything you four idiots do! Goku took his limiter off of his own will, and Hakkai let his instincts get the best of him! How is any of that my fault?"

"Oh, I know, I know. You always wanna' act like nothing's your fault, right? Well this time, it is your fault. It's all your fault."

"I couldn't prevent this any better than you could."

"Yeah right! You talked Hakkai into taking his limiter off, even when you knew he was on the brink of losing it all together—you could sense that, just like I could—if you hadn't done that, we wouldn't be in this situation at all! We wouldn't be watching this!"

I watched as Hakkai and Goku clawed into each other with juicy splashes of crimson blood, and something buckled inside me.

"It's all your fault!" Gojyo was still screaming, voice hoarse, "It's all your fault, Sanzo, and you know it! They're both gonna' die because of you!"

"Not both of them." I snarled. "We can still get Goku's limiter back on him."

The kappa's eyes got wide.

"Hakkai's gone, Gojyo. He's not even responding—he doesn't give a shit. He doesn't know who he is or who I am, or who you are! At least the last two times he could still speak to us!"

Gojyo's voice was rough as gravel, "You're just sayin' that 'cause you know it'l piss me off…"

I shook my head, "Wake up, idiot. It's over, and there's nothing we can do for him now. Don't you feel his aura? It's out of control!"

He looked like he wanted to hit me, but he just grated out, "You shouldn't have told him to take his limiter off."

"I didn't make him do it! He did it on his own—even after he knew what could happen, even after you asked him not to—he took it off because he wanted to, and now he's gone!"

Gojyo screamed, "But this wouldn't be happening if you hadn't told him to!"

Angrier than ever, I got in his face and spat, "I made an executive decision." Then I cocked my gun. "And I'm about to make another one."

With that, I turned to head back into the fight.

Gojyo grabbed my wrist and twisted it so hard, I thought he'd dislocate it, and when I whipped around, furiously, to give him a death look, his eyes were hard as stones, his body quivering with rage. "If you shoot him, you better shoot me too, Sanzo."

"Are you threatening me, Kappa? What, did you go berserk too?!"

"There is no way you get to kill Hakkai just to hide the fact that you fucked up."

"He's insane! The minus wave-"

"This has nothing to do with the fucking minus wave! This has to do with Kanan! He's not insane, and if you shoot him, I'm going to kill you!" He gave me a push that was so rough, I almost fell down. "You are such a piece of shit, incompetent, miserable sonnova bitch to even think about doing that! What do you think, huh? You can just put a bullet in his head and get Goku's diadem back on, take Jeep and keep heading west? Quit being a pussy and just own it: you made a mistake, and the two of them are paying for it!"

It was the last thing I could stand to hear. I didn't want to listen to those words, I didn't want to even begin to think that they could be true. I didn't want to ever admit that Gojyo might be right about this. I didn't want to see my team crumble around me. In the end, that's all it was: I didn't want to watch Goku and Hakkai and Gojyo fall apart, slip through my fingers and disappear forever.

I hit him so hard, I thought maybe I broke my hand.

Gojyo fell back and landed in the dust. I jumped on him, grabbed a fistful of his hair and punched him in the face again.

He kicked me off, scrambled up and came at me, tackling me around the waist. The two of us flounder around in the dirt for what felt like the one millionth time, punching and pinning each other, going at every weakness we could find.

Gojyo kicked me square in the side of the head, and I saw stars. When my vision cleared away, I struck him in the bridge of the nose with my elbow. Then again.

We were screaming and tearing at each other, grabbing one another by the hair and throwing the strongest blows we had in us, holding absolutely nothing back. We'd had this coming, maybe, for weeks now, this fight, here and now, at the last possible second of the most dire moment in the team's history, and with everything either of us gave a shit about on the line, absolutely no one around to stop us.

I don't know how long we fought. I felt myself transforming, becoming angrier and angrier at first, getting more and more bruised and battered, and then, slowly, the rage started to recede, and I just felt numb. This was the end. We'd destroyed Ryptcore, only to have the team come apart from the inside out. And that meant I'd failed. Everyone was going down now, and I couldn't stop it, because I hadn't made a move quick enough; it was almost a relief to let him hit me as hard as he could in the face.

Time went by, and I wasn't aware of it. My body ached, and I didn't care; all I knew was we were doing exactly what we were not supposed to be doing—fighting each other. It was the exact concern Hakkai had expressed before removing his limiters, that Gojyo and I wouldn't be able to do this because we couldn't get along.

What a shitty reason for the two of them to be lost forever.

I knew that if we didn't stop this, we would hit a point of no return, past which, we'd never be able to get Hakkai or Goku back.

That means we have to stop—this doesn't matter. Not compared to everything else that's happening.

Maybe we had the same realization at the same moment, because the fight ended as quickly as it had started, and when it was over, Hakkai and Goku were still trying to kill each other.

Gojyo stumbled away from me, wiping threads of blood off his chin, "Fuck you! Fuck you, man! Fuck you!"

"Fuck you!" I shot back, choking on the dust and blood in my throat, "You can't blame me for all of this when you didn't prevent it either! You're not so fucking great, you know! I wish like everything it could be you instead of him!"

He sucked in a sharp, ragged breath that almost sounded like a sob, "Dammit, Sanzo! Don't you get it?! I'm just trying to help you, dickweed!"

"Well you're doing a shitty job then, and anyway, I don't remember asking for your help!"

"Yeah, well, you did."

I took a swipe at my nose, and my hand came back streaked with blood. In the distance, Goku was laughing hysterically. The eastern horizon was turning light. "Oh, really? And what day was that? When in your delusional, little, Kappa brain did you decide that I-"

Gojyo spun on me and took an aggressive step in my direction, and I thought the fight was going to start all over again, but he just snarled, "The day I agreed to go to India with you!"

I stopped and gawked at him. I couldn't help it. "What?"

"Don't get me wrong, I hate this quest, but when I agreed to come, I was under the impression that I was…I dunno' man, doing you a solid!"

"A solid… You call this doing me a solid?"

"All the shit you ever asked me to do for you…you still don't believe me when I say I'm gonna' do something. You're such a prick! Damn, what's wrong with me? Why do I even care what happens to you?"

"You don't! That's obvious."

"No? Then why the fuck am I here?" He got right in my face again. He screamed, "Answer me that, Sanzo! Why the fuck am I here! Why would a guy like me come all the way out here on this quest? You don't think I have something I'd rather be doing? You think I came because this is so damn fun? My ribs are fucking busted, I haven't slept in a day, I don't know when the last time I ate something was, my best friend tried to fucking kill me, and don't even get me started on Jade! This trip fucking sucks! And every time I turn around, you're in my face, belittling me, when all I'm trying to do is fucking help you!"

"If this is what you call helping someone, you really need to work on it."

He grabbed me by the collar, "What is wrong with you, Sanzo? What the hell did I ever do to you? For the last four years, I've tried to make something work out between us—so we can't be the greatest of friends; so maybe we don't even get along half the time. But I don't hate you the way that you hate me!"

I didn't say anything. There were a lot of things to say, obviously. I could have told him I didn't hate him, I suppose. I could have said that I hated things about him. It was none of his business how I felt about him in the first place.

"Every time I try to so much as be nice to you, you just brush me off! That's fine—you got your fuckin' issues, and I got mine—but you don't have to treat me like shit for everything I do and say! Especially not when I'm just trying to help you!"

I still didn't say anything. He was ridiculously angry now, having an outburst like a ridiculous, little child, but…for the first time, the things he had to say weren't making me angry too.

He pushed me away suddenly, turned his back to me, and his voice was quieter, "You know what? Fine. I know we don't see everything eye-to-eye—we don't see anything eye-to-eye—we never have. I dunno' why. But we don't. I guess it doesn't matter because…I always told myself that, if your shit ever hit the fan, I wasn't gonna' bail on ya', because I never believed you'd bail on me if my shit hit the fan. We don't have to be "friends" for that to make sense, right?

"I'm sorry I ran out on you the other night, Sanzo. I didn't mean to leave you…high and dry, or whatever, but I couldn't lose Hakkai over this stupid shit. I wasn't gonna' leave forever."

I paid a little closer attention. It wasn't all that often I heard Gojyo apologize to me.

"I meant to come back."

That seemed brutally sincere, and I wasn't used to hearing that out of him either.

"I think…tonight…both our shit has hit the fan, man. Those guys are gonna' kill each other, if we let 'em; I don't want that, and I know you don't want that either. And we definitely don't wanna' hafta' go on to India just you and me—that'd be a frickin' nightmare—so we can't let that happen.

"I don't think Hakkai is berserk yet, but even if he is, I can't leave him like this. Either way, I know I can't help him by myself."

I watched Goku and Hakkai chase each other down, exchanging slash for bloody slash. I didn't know how much longer they could keep it up before something really terrible happened. I did know that if we lost either of them that would be the end of the mission. It would start a chain reaction that none of us could stop, and when it was over, it probably wouldn't even matter if we made it to India or not.

Gojyo's voice was even quieter now. I detected strain and exhaustion in his tone, "It's been a shitty week, dude…but when this is over, if you still want me to go to India with you, I'm going."

Should I trust what he was telling me? I'd already learned the kind of pain it could produce when you put your faith in someone. I'd learned how much it could hurt when you let yourself care about anyone.

I watched Goku again and realized I had already failed in abstaining from caring about someone. I couldn't help it. That stupid monkey fell into my lap one day, and then somehow, he'd taken everything. I couldn't imagine the world without him, but it seemed like it would be a strange, lonely…meaningless place.

He must have reopened something inside of me, because no matter what I said out loud on a day-by-day basis, if anything happened to Hakkai, or even Gojyo, I didn't think I'd be able to tell myself that it didn't matter.

Both of us were quiet for a while, watching the other half of the team try to destroy each other.

"Well." Gojyo took a puff on his cigarette, "Say something."

I took another short moment to reflect, lit a cigarette of my own, and muttered, "Something."

Gojyo looked over his shoulder at me, and our gazes locked.

I waited a while longer before snorting, "Now if you're done with the gush, we still have to stop those two idiots."

Gojyo smirked a little. He threw his cigarette down. "Right."

For the second time, I marched toward Hakkai and Goku, Gojyo was right next to me. The two of them looked more determined than ever to kill each other, so that meant they were way to absorbed to notice we were anywhere near them.

"We need to deal with Goku first." I said. "When Goku's limiter's back on, there's a chance Hakkai will calm down and listen to reason. Like he did last time."

"Last time? I didn't last time went all that great."

"Well, if you've got a better suggestion, I'd love to hear it." I snorted.

"Nah. But…if he doesn't just calm down and put his limiter back on…"

We might be able to get it back on him by force. Anything beyond that is your problem, not mine."

"Wha?"

"Because he told you not to let me shoot him. Obviously he expects you to either talk him down or put him out of his misery. Honestly, I can't believe he'd leave something so important up to you."

"Damn, sweet heart, quit being so nice or I might just start to think you like me."

"You disgust me, as usual, but since you're so insistent on helping, who am I to stop you? Besides, you weren't completely useless when it came to distracting Ryptcore. Maybe if you run around and make enough noise I'll be able to get close to Goku and make another diadem for him."

"Shit…"

"We're running out of time." I decided, as I watched the two of them fight. "You better not cop out on me."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just get this show on the road."

I nodded once, and then I ran, going right for them.

The two of them saw me coming, separated quickly. Goku lunged at me.

Gojyo swatted him back with the shakujou, knocking him in the dirt, "Take that, you little punk!"

Goku jumped back up the second he was on the ground. With a snarl, he flew at Gojyo, claws spread to slice through him.

I pistol-whipped him across the face, and he staggered backward, shaking his head like a dog, but it only delayed him for a second, and then he was rushing us again. His first swing barely swept past my robes as I backed out of the way.

The injuries I'd gotten from fighting the DethBreed were stinging by this time. My side was bleeding, and I knew the pain would make me slow. From the way Gojyo was moving, I knew he wasn't at his best either. It didn't help that we'd spent the last ten minutes beating the hell out of each other.

Hakkai and Goku were both injured—Hakkai more so than Goku—but it didn't seem to be affecting their speed, accuracy, or strength. That put us at a supreme disadvantage. But it wasn't enough for us to give up.

Gojyo blocked Goku's second blow with his weapon and kicked him back.

Goku practically fell into Hakkai, spun around and took a scrape at his face. Hakkai blocked it and tried to punch him in return.

Just like that, they were at it again.

"I need to get close to Goku." I muttered, more to myself than to anyone else.

No sooner had I said it, the chain of the shakujou was flying over my head. It wrapped around Goku's arm, and Gojyo jerked him off balanced, dragging him a couple feet away from Hakkai, "Over here, ya' little brat."

Goku sprang up and launched forward, flying at the two of us.

"There you go, man."

The monkey landed roughly, right in front of me, attacked as soon as he was on his feet.

I charged to meet him, calling over my shoulder, "Whatever you do, keep that other maniac off my back."

Goku laughed when he saw me coming. He dove to the right suddenly, and then came back around, tried to pounce on me. I ducked back. For the second time, his claws just barely missed me. I tried to punch him, and he darted around the attack.

Moving in closer to me, he took another swing. This time, I felt razor-sharp nails tear through my robes and into my stomach. The cold of the wound hit me so hard, I lost my footing, and then I was rolling in the dirt, struggling to get up again.

Goku bounded over and landed on me, squealing and laughing with delight. I felt him cut through my shoulder blade. Blood was flowing from my stomach over my arms.

"Sanzo!"

Gojyo threw himself against Goku, and they landed in a heap, not far from where I was lying. It seemed like I was there a long time, trying to get a hold of myself. Gojyo managed to get up quickly enough to avoid getting clawed too, but then Goku was right after him. They danced around and scuffled in the dirt.

I cursed myself for letting my guard down, but I knew it was really because the monkey was so unbelievably fast.

If only I could get some opportunity to put the damn diadem back on him.

Crunching footsteps.

Hakkai stepped over me and walked toward the others.

I doubted Gojyo could handle them both at the same time. I shoved my pain aside and ran after Hakkai, not really sure what to do. It wasn't as if I could shoot him, as much as I thought I might like to. I wound up punching him in the back.

Snarling, Hakkai spun on me. He hit me hard across the face, and just like that, I was eating dust again, jaw stinging, nose bleeding. Even my vision was blurry.

When it started to clear again, Gojyo was standing over me, barely holding Goku off.

This wasn't really going all that well. It could be going much, much better, that was certain, but I was already feeling the effects of the blood I'd lost.

With a singular, powerful blow, Goku knocked Gojyo back. The kappa tripped over me and landed hard against a chunk of stone. He must have hit his head, because he didn't move.

"Gojyo?!"

Nothing. Not so much as some delirious muttering.

I struggled to get out from under him.

Goku stood over me, licking blood off his claws.

I took a pop shot at him, which he dodged, but he didn't back off very far. He was staying close, looking for his opportunity.

Shoving Gojyo's inert body away, I got up again, fired again at Goku.

He got out of the way, lazily.

Hakkai approached me on the other side.

I stuck the gun in his face.

He smacked it away.

Goku took the opportunity to attack again.

When he was close enough, I grabbed him by the collar, used his own momentum to swing him around, slamming him into Hakkai, and they both fell down, rolled a ways, wrestling and trying to get an advantage.

I nudged Gojyo with my toe, "Gojyo. Gojyo!"

This time, he stirred a little.

"Wake up, dammit! This is no time for a nap!" I was scrambling after my gun now.

The snarling behind me stopped. I was afraid to look and see what had happened.

"Shit…" I felt Gojyo grab arbitrarily at the hem of my robe, "Shit, Sanzo. Hakkai…"

Reluctantly, I turned around.

Goku was a dark shape in a slightly lighter darkness, standing there, shaking with laughter. Hakkai hung limply in his grip.

Gojyo was pushing himself up. Hanging onto the wall for support, he rose, rubbed the back of his head, "Is he dead…?"

"I didn't see what happened." I answered bleakly.

Goku was on the move again, dragging Hakkai with him.

Gojyo was leaning heavily on his shakujou. I saw a long line of dark liquid trickling down the back of his neck.

I felt my own wounds aching, and my eyelids were heavy.

"What're we gonna' do?" Gojyo asked.

I wasn't sure what to tell him.

When he was just a couple feet away, Goku dropped Hakkai and sprang at us. He slammed against me, pinning me to the wall. I felt his teeth tear into my shoulder.

Shouting, I kicked him in the stomach, but he barely felt it.

"You little shit!" Gojyo grabbed him by the cape and dragged him off me, but he wouldn't let go of my shoulder. It felt like he was going to rip away a chunk of my flesh.

"Dammit!"

Gojyo suddenly jammed the shaft of the shakujou into Goku's mouth, and spun him away.

I sagged back into the wall, holding my injured shoulder and shaking from the pain. My mind was screaming, but not because I was hurt or afraid, because seeing Goku act this way was so…

Already he was coming back for more. It was obvious that nothing we could do was going to faze him.

We had to work on a new strategy.

If I could just get him to hold still for a while…

I glanced at Gojyo, but he looked like he could barely stand up straight.

With my shoulder spraying blood, I didn't think I could hold my own against the Seiten Taisei in a wrestling match. In anything.

He was prowling toward us, smiling, blood dripping off his chin.

Gojyo took a staggering step forward, "Bring it on, you little asshole."

I moved up beside him. No way I was going to let that dick outdo me.

Goku laughed, because he knew he'd won. He knew there was no way we could beat him in the shape we were in. I wasn't sure why this was going so badly, other than we'd already been injured from the fight with Ryptcore.

"If I could just get him to hold still for a moment…" I muttered.

"Dunno' about that…" Gojyo snorted. "Dunno' if I can do it."

Never mind that I hadn't been asking him. "You're useless."

"I…have had a really bad day…"

Goku was taking his time, but he was almost upon us now.

"We'll just have to fight." I rasped. I realized I was incredibly thirsty now, and I was starting to feel dizzy. "Maybe somehow I can make him a new diadem in the confusion."

"I will be so humiliated if the monkey kills me."

I would be more than humiliated. I would be…

Goku stopped. He raised a hand.

His claws were gleaming in the moonlight.

I went totally stiff, trying to prepare myself for what might come next.

Goku…I'm sorry…

He attacked. He reached for me with those claws.

I set my jaw and prepared to dodge, even when there was nowhere to go.

He was just centimeters away.

My heart was racing. The gun was shuddering in my grip.

I could use it…but…

Goku grabbed me by the collar, his other hand open and ready to strike.

Gojyo shouted something I couldn't make out.

Suddenly, Goku stopped, eyes wide with surprise. For a moment, he looked at me. I wondered if he somehow knew who I was.

Even if he did, it wouldn't be enough to stop him. His lust for violence would win out over everything else.

Snarling, impatiently almost, he whipped around.

Hakkai was there. He had the edge of Goku's cape in one hand and his old diadem in the other.

"Hakkai!"

With a single, powerful swing of the arm, Hakkai dragged Goku away and threw him to the ground. He pile-drived him, landing hard on top of him. They wrestled a while. There was screaming and more splashing blood, but in the end, Hakkai wound up on top. Even with Goku clawing his arm open over and over, with the blood flowing freely down his shoulder to his wrist, he wouldn't let him go.

He shouted.

He slammed the diadem into place.

Goku went on snapping and snarling and struggling for another second, and then his voice became more and more human, and then his movements slowed, and finally, he was still.

Hakkai sat there a moment longer, bleeding and panting.

"Shit." Gojyo breathed. "Do you think…?"

Hakkai got up, suddenly, swaying a little, like he was dizzy too. He was staring down at his hands. He turned to us, the hair falling in his face so I could only see his one, golden eye staring at us.

We were both on guard right away. I went so far as to back down half a step, but the wall was still close behind me.

He shambled toward us, rubbing his arm and looking sort of worn out. The grin was gone, and so was the lust for blood, and what was left looked almost remorseful.

Gojyo let go of his shakujou, allowing it to disappear, and he edged forward until they were standing face to face, and Hakkai could tear him in half with a single, lazy stroke of the claws.

He took a shaky breath. "H-Hakkai. Are you you, man?"

Hakkai nodded very, very slowly. He licked his lips and said, "Yes. I think so."

As soon as he'd said it, Gojyo hooked his arm around his neck, rested his forehead on his shoulder, and slumped against him so heavily, Hakkai had to adjust his stance to hold him up, "Good."

After a second, Hakkai put his hands carefully on Gojyo's shoulders, being mindful of his claws, almost like he didn't really know what else to do. He made eye contact with me, and I could still sense the wildness of his chi. "I believe I did lose it for a moment…but I must have lost consciousness in the fight, and when I came to, I realized what was going on. I managed to find the diadem lying nearby… Well, I suppose all the trivial details don't necessarily matter do they? Still, it seems we survived the DethBreed after all, didn't we?"

I snorted and lit a cigarette, trying to hide how my hands were shaking, "Hmph. Was there ever any doubt that we would?"

"I don't know. I thought there was."

I hated to admit it, but I had been doubting it a little myself up until they came back. I looked around the battlefield. The moon was sinking toward the horizon, and everything was quiet. A cool wind was blowing. Goku was murmuring in his sleep. The night seemed peaceful, but I still felt a strange sense of foreboding trembling somewhere in the distance.

Gojyo straightened up again and dug into his pocket, handed Hakkai his limiters, "Last time, right?"

"I certainly hope so."

"No way, man, that shit doesn't cut it. Last time."

Hakkai sighed, "Yes, Gojyo, this was the last time. I promise." He clipped them back into place, and in a moment, he was just himself again, as far as the eye could see anyway. His chi was still burning like a firestorm, but it seemed a little more controlled now. With any luck, we'd avoided having to kill him. "Is everyone all right?"

My wounds were throbbing, and my head was still spinning, but I wasn't in any danger of dying, so I just snorted.

Hakkai took a moment to heal my wounds anyway, and then Gojyo's, but he looked like he was hurt worse than either of us.

"Too bad you can't heal yourself." Gojyo muttered, as Hakkai was closing his wounds.

Hakkai just laughed, tiredly, "I'll be all right. Our first aid kit is around here somewhere, I'm sure. At any rate, this town seems mostly deserted now, so I doubt there's a safe place to stay the night. There could still be some soldiers marauding about, and personally, I'd like to sleep."

"Let's pack up the monkey and move out." I decided, beginning to pick my way through the debris.

Gojyo slung Goku over his shoulder with a vague moan, and the two of them followed me. I tried not to let my relief overcome me, but having the team back together did make me feel a little bit better. My anxiety over the last few days had been almost unbearable. Still, even though we'd won the battle tonight, I couldn't help feeling just a touch uneasy. Maybe it was because Jade had said she'd kill me once our mutual enemy was gone. Or maybe it was because Kougaiji was nearby, and right now none of us were in any shape to deal with him. I thought it could have to do with the fact that Hakkai's chi was still completely out of control. Just because the DethBreed was no longer a problem didn't mean all our issues had been resolved, I didn't think, especially since we were all injured now, and anything else that came our way would probably be kind of hard to deal with.

"Hakkai, where's the Jeep?"

"Hm?"

I turned to look back at him, but his expression was distant. "Jeep."

"Oh yes. We left him with Lei—she said she'd meet us outside of town."

I accepted that without a word, and we kept walking.

"I hope she's okay." Gojyo mumbled, sounding unusually guilty.

"I wouldn't worry too much; I'm sure Jeep is taking good care of her."

The three of us made our way out of town, and by the time we left the burning city behind, I felt completely drained. It was good to see Jeep sitting up on the hill, away from everything, and I hoped we'd be able to continue the journey normally now.

I don't know though… This isn't over. Not yet.

I glanced around as we approached the car, just to make sure we weren't surrounded by enemies, but everything seemed quiet.

Lei was there, resting in the back seat. She came out to meet us, greeting Gojyo with a quick hug, and then she took it upon herself to tend Hakkai's wounds. "Tomorrow." She said while she was working, "If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to go with you to the next town, so I can purchase some supplies, and then I think I'll start on my way home. Deshi's gone…so I have no more reason to be away from my people."

"That certainly sounds like it might be for the best." Hakkai answered, softly, and then added, with an air of sullenness, "Goodness knows it's a wild world."

"You're still welcome to come if you want, Gojyo."

"Nah, that's okay. I gotta' look after these guys."

"Don't flatter yourself." I snorted, but my heart wasn't in it this time, and Gojyo let it go.

When Lei was done with Hakkai's injuries, we got in the car and drove on toward the west, pulled off to the side of the road a few miles from town where we thought we'd be safe from any DethBreed leftovers or assassins, and Gojyo parked in the trees where we were relatively out of sight.

He put the car in park and sighed, leaning back in his seat. "Shit. What a day."

I was feeling pretty tired too, even though the dizziness had stopped when Hakkai closed my wounds.

We were silent a while, and then he asked, "What'dya' think? Think it's over?"

"Ryptcore is definitely dead."

"…I didn't mean that."

I glanced in the rearview mirror at Hakkai, who'd already fallen asleep. Lei was asleep too, and Goku was still snoring.

Even in his sleep, Hakkai's chi was raging. In my eyes at least, he still seemed borderline out of control, walking a shaky line between normalcy and insanity.

"Who knows. He shouldn't take his limiter off again, that's all I know."

"Right."

"There's nothing else you can do for him."

Gojyo toyed with his lighter, and I watched him out of the corner of my eye. I thought he'd say something else about it, but he didn't. Instead he said, "Think that bitch'll really try to come back and kill you now that Ryptcore's out of the way?"

"What are you asking me for? You know more about her than I do."

"All I know is if she shows her face again, I'm gonna' kill her."

I listened. His voice was full of unadulterated rage and hate. It had been a long time since I'd seen those emotions on his face, so pure and determined, and I couldn't help turning to face him. I couldn't help wondering what she'd done, but I didn't care enough to ask.

At last I just said, "Yeah, well if you get yourself killed, I'm dumping you in a shallow grave and moving on."

As soon as I'd said it, I felt almost, just the slightest bit, sorry, but I couldn't imagine where that came from. There was no reason to be sorry over the truth.

Gojyo just laughed at me anyway, "See? I can always count on you to make me feel better."

I nearly said something else. Anything else, just so it wouldn't be the last thing I said to him tonight, but I didn't see why I should. It was like he said. Just because he'd come back and was saying he meant to stick around didn't mean we were suddenly friends. Gojyo was still the same disgusting, pathetic idiot he'd always been, and I was stuck with him for a very, very long time.

So I pushed that strange urge away, finished off my cigarette, and settled back to go to sleep.

By the time I began to nod off, the sun was coming up behind us.

Goku

I woke up in the back of Jeep, and I couldn't remember how I got there. I was leaning against Hakkai's shoulder—he smelled like the rustiness of blood, dirt and smoke. I didn't smell soap or laundry detergent or sake or tea like I usually did. He almost didn't smell like Hakkai at all. When I sat up and looked at him, he was sorta' beat up and gross, but he looked normal. His chi was intense like the other night…last night, I guess, but he didn't look berserk. I couldn't remember how he'd gotten there either.

Lei was on the other side of me, leaning over with her face hidden against her arm. I didn't think I'd see her at all. Did she find Deshi, or…?

I sat up, rubbing my head, looked around. It was a gray day, like it was going to rain or something. I could smell the storm in the air, drops of water hovering in the sky. In the distance, there was smoke I could smell but not see. We were surrounded by trees; I could barely see the road from where we were sitting.

Sanzo was in front of me. Gojyo was in the driver's seat.

What happened?

The last thing I remembered was fighting Ryptcore and the DethBreed, Kougaiji and Dokugakuji getting separated from us. Looking for Hakkai and Gojyo through all the twisted, creepy faces… I barely remembered deciding to take my limiter off.

I reached up to touch it. It was warm and familiar on my forehead. Next, I felt myself all over, but I wasn't hurt. Then again…I was never hurt when I woke up from being…that way.

Was everyone else okay? I couldn't remember anything, but they probably had to fight me. I looked at Hakkai again. He was sorta' beat up, but I didn't know if it was my fault or not. Maybe it was just from fighting Ryptcore. If he did fight Ryptcore.

He must have. He and Gojyo had to have showed up and helped Sanzo. That was the only thing that made sense.

Wish I could remember.

Maybe it was lucky I couldn't. I didn't want to remember trying to hurt my friends.

My stomach growled, and I shivered. It was sorta' cold today, and I couldn't remember the last time I ate. With Sanzo at the tavern? I could use a warm breakfast. It didn't look like I was going to get one.

In front of me, Gojyo lit a cigarette. The smoke was harsh and strong, but it was familiar. I missed that smell. "Hey."

"Nn. Hey." I leaned forward, careful not to bump Hakkai, "Didn't know ya' were awake."

It was early, I thought. Super early. Not being able to see the sun made it kinda' hard to tell, but it felt early.

Gojyo turned around in the seat to look at me.

I stared at him. He was sorta' beat up too, like Hakkai. His face was bruised with blood smeared on it, and his scars….it looked like somebody tore them open, which was way messed up.

Not me…right?

That wasn't why I was staring though. It was something else. A feeling maybe. No, not really that. For some reason, he just didn't look like he was really there. Like he was fading away. His face looked pale—gray almost—and, his hair was the color of rust, and his eyes seemed dull. With the smoke curling around him, he looked kinda' like a ghost.

Am I havin' a dream?

I realized he was talking. His voice was quiet. Not like it was s'posed to be.

Gojyo frowned at me, "You okay, kid?"

"Uh, yeah." It had to be my imagination, that's all. Or maybe it had to do with how dark and rainy it looked outside.

He looked at me like he didn't know if he believed me or not, and then he turned back around, pulling his jacket closed, and I noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Are you okay?"

"Yep, I'm good." His voice still seemed quiet, but maybe he was just trying not to wake the others up.

"What the heck happened last night?"

"You want the long version or the short version?"

"Dunno'."

"…I'll give you the short version—your monkey brain can probably handle that a little better."

"Just tell me the story, ya' damn ghost roach."

Gojyo looked over his shoulder at me and raised an eyebrow, "Ghost roach?"

"Nothin'. What happened last night?"

"We came to the rescue, killed Ryptcore, put your limiter back on you, and everybody lived happily ever after. The end."

I looked at him doubtfully, "Really? Ryptcore's dead?"

"Sanzo took him out with the Makai Tenjyo."

I remembered Sanzo talking about that. He said he needed somebody to distract him.

"'Course you were just in the way the whole time, stupid monkey. You should really consult the whole group before you go taking your diadem off."

I whispered, "Did I hurtcha' guys?"

Gojyo sat still for a sec, then he turned around in the seat again. "Naw, not really. Couple scratches here and there, nothin' major." Then he grinned at me.

Something about seeing him smile made me feel like I hadn't seen him in forever. I felt that way last night when I saw Hakkai too. It felt like they'd gone so far away and handled their own problems without us, it was like they'd been gone for years. I was glad to have them back.

I tried to smile at Gojyo. "I knew you guys would show up. Even if ya' were super late."

"Hey man, yesterday sucked. We had a lot to deal with."

I got the feeling he wasn't joking at all; he sounded tired and sorta' sad.

"I missed you guys."

"After walking all by yourself with Sanzo for three days? I bet you missed us like hell."

That was different too now. When he talked about Sanzo, he didn't sound so angry and annoyed, like he did before. It seemed normal now. Maybe they fixed whatever was wrong.

"You guys gonna' leave again?"

Gojyo looked past me and stared at Hakkai for a sec. He frowned. Prob'ly 'cause Hakkai's chi was so nuts, even in his sleep. "I don't think so."

"Good. Goin' without you guys sucked."

He smiled again, only this time it seemed fake. "Aw, the little monkey missed us that much?"

"Stuff was just…weird without ya'. I'm glad you're back."

"Don't sweat it, kid, it's no big deal."

We were both quiet. The sky started to get a little bit brighter. Lei shifted in the seat next to me, and I thought about the talk we'd had the other day on the side of the road. I still felt kinda' bad for her; it seemed like she was having as tough a time as the rest of us.

"Did Lei tell ya' Deshi ran away from home?"

Gojyo didn't move for a second. He nodded slowly.

"You guys didn't see him at all?"

"No…well, kinda'." His voice sounded even quieter and more tired now.

"Kinda'? Did he-"

"Goku, Deshi's dead. Jade killed him."

"Wha? Ya' mean, that crazy youkai lady?"

"Yeah. That one."

"What the heck did she do that for?"

"Because she's nuts…and I pissed her off."

I listened to his voice. Gojyo sounded pretty pissed off too, but he sounded kinda' sad. I felt sad. I remembered the day I'd had, way back in the hanyou village, and how I'd run around with Deshi, given him the old lighter, how he smiled up at me and treated me like I was somebody really cool, not just some dumb kid. I'd been somebody important in his eyes, even if it was just for a little bit.

"Does Lei know?" I asked quietly.

He gave me another jerky nod.

That musta' really sucked. I guess she was definitely having as tough a time as we were.

"Ya' okay?"

"What? Yeah. Of course. I'm good. Y'know? That's just life."

"Just seems like that little kid really liked ya'…"

"…I just gotta' kill Jade. That's all."

She'd really been screwing with him and Hakkai. Like on the morning she pushed Deshi down the well. I wondered what the point of all of it was, or if there even was a point to begin with. I mean, what did the crazy lady want?

Guess that's why he seemed kinda' down. I knew Gojyo was upset when Ryptcore killed all those other half-breeds, and then it was even worse when a buncha' the survivors were killed. I wondered if Deshi dying was sorta' the last thing he could take. What if something happened to Lei next?

We'll still be around for him.

I blurted out, "I think I was wrong 'bout somethin', Gojyo."

"What, just one thing?"

I ignored him, "When ya' asked me if I know what a friend is, like a real friend…I guess I didn't really…understand. I thought a friend was just somebody ya' killed time with. I figured out that ain't true."

He looked me in the eye through the rearview mirror, "What are you talking about? I don't remember that at all."

Did he not remember, or was he just playing dumb?

"I figured out that friends are the people that're always there for ya'. The people who actually care what happens to ya'. It made me think…friends like that…they don't grow on trees. Like apples."

"Apples? You lost me, man."

I think he was playing dumb 'cause he didn't wanna' deal with what I was saying. He was sorta' like Sanzo when he did that, just he did it differently.

"I'm sorry."

He finally turned to look at me again, "Sorry? 'The hell're you sorry for, monkey?"

"That night…before Ryptcore destroyed ev'rythin', I was gonna' tell ya' that you should just stay there…'cause I thought ya' wanted to."

"Yeah. So?"

"I guess I'm sorry 'cause I know I shouldn'ta' thought that crap about you. I shouldn'ta' thought ya' belonged there just 'cause you looked like ev'rybody else that lived there."

Gojyo stared at me, not saying anything. His face relaxed a little.

"I don't think that anymore. Lei doesn't think so either. You didn't belong there, 'cause you wouldn'ta' fit in there.

"I figured out what ya' were talkin' about with the friends things. I figured out that we're your friends. I dunno' why, but we get'cha. That's why…" I glanced around the Jeep, at him, at Sanzo and Hakkai. I couldn't help smiling again, "You belong with us."

Gojyo kept looking at me for a sec, and I held his gaze.

Finally, he turned away, and I thought he looked kinda' bothered, but he just nodded again. "Right."

"And I don't ever want ya' to go anywhere."

"'Kay, well I won't then, kiddo'."

Smiling to myself, I leaned forward to rest my head against the back of his seat, "Okay, good."

We were quiet after that. I said everything I needed to say, and he probably didn't know what to say, so neither of us said anything.

The others started to wake up soon anyway.

Lei was first. She talked to me and Gojyo for a bit, and then she got out of the car and went to sit down under a tree. I could tell by looking at her that she was really, really sad, and prob'ly wanted to be alone.

Hakkai was next. He opened his eyes and smiled right at me, asked how I was, and then climbed out of the Jeep, sort of stiff and slow. I watched him walk around the area for a couple minutes, thinking about his crazy aura and how strong it felt. I wondered if I felt that way too without my limiter. But he was wearing his, so…

Gojyo got out of the car a minute later and went over to Hakkai and they walked around together, coming in and out of hearing range, so I only heard some of what they said. They said stuff about 'that woman' or 'that bitch' a lot, so I figured they were talking about crazy Jade. Somethin' about the way they moved together, almost in sync, and the way they talked, the things they said to each other, made me feel like they were looking to each other to make them feel better about…somethin'. Somethin' I couldn't even guess at. Hakkai's chi maybe. Or the fact that Gojyo was super sad. Or maybe somethin' else I couldn't even see or feel.

I felt somebody watching me, turned to see Sanzo with his eyes open, head cocked to look back at me. There was somethin' about the way he was staring. Not relieved, I guess. Not worried. Sorry maybe? I'd never seen him look so sorry.

I smiled at him, "Hey, Sanzo. Good mornin'."

He didn't answer at first. It looked like he wanted to tell me something, but then he didn't.

"Heh heh, sorry about last night." I tried to act like I didn't really know what happened, the way he and Gojyo did. I didn't wanna' face what I did last night, and I didn't wanna' think about what Sanzo went through after I took my crown off.

"I would hit you with the fan a million times right now if I weren't so sore."

"I said I was sorry."

"And you actually think that's good enough?"

I frowned. I was starting to feel bad again.

Maybe he could tell, 'cause he looked away suddenly, "Don't ever do that again. Do you understand?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't, 'cept…I kinda' had ta'…"

Sanzo snorted, "You didn't have to. It might have been better if you hadn't."

"But…" my heart started beating fast, "I didn't hurt any of you guys, right?"

He shook his head, but I could see him watching Hakkai. 'Kai was the only one wearing bandages, and he was the only one that couldn't be healed. If I hurt him…

"Don't lose sleep over it, monkey." Sanzo told me quietly.

I waited a sec before saying, "The guys came back, just like I said they would."

"Hmph. Of course they did. I can't get away from you three idiots for anything."

But I knew what he really meant by that.

…Okay, I didn't really know what it meant, but I got that he felt better having all of us together, and he didn't seem angry and scared and nervous like he had since they left. At least I got that he meant stuff was good now.

"Is ev'rything gonna' be okay now?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I dunno'. Is everything…normal?"

He said, "Everything's fine, Goku." But I noticed the long silence before it, and I knew Sanzo wasn't sure stuff was okay either. He kept watching the guys, and I saw the way he was frowning.

Whatever happened next, I told myself I wasn't gonna' let anymore bad stuff happen to my friends. We were all together now, and we were gonna' look after each other. I knew it would all be okay, even if the three of them weren't sure.

Everybody came back to the car after a couple minutes, and we had breakfast, but I noticed how quiet they were all being, and they kept looking around, like they were watching for somebody. I tried a couple times to ask what was goin' on, but no one answered me.

We finished eating, and then we got back in the car.

Gojyo drove, and I thought that was weird, 'cause Hakkai always drove, and 'cause Gojyo seemed really, really tired, but any time Hakkai offered to switch spots, he always said he was okay. I guess he thought he was in better shape to drive. Hakkai was hurt kinda' bad. His right arm was all tore up, the bandages were turning red, and his clothes were ripped, and I could see wounds and gauze through the tears. He went back to sleep when we'd been on the road for a bit, and every time he woke up, he offered to drive, and every time, Gojyo told him no.

After a while, I think Hakkai got pissy about it, 'cause he told Gojyo he was being absurd, but Gojyo didn't act like he gave a crap.

Sanzo was quiet the whole way, and I saw him sleeping a lot too. All three of them seemed wiped out.

Lei stayed awake, looking out at the scenery, so I talked to her and played some games with her, but she still acted pretty sad. I wanted to tell her how much it sucked that Deshi was dead, but I didn't know how to bring it up. So I didn't.

In a couple hours, it was raining, and that only made stuff worse. We all got wet, and Sanzo and Hakkai both got sorta' moody, and Gojyo still wasn't acting totally normal, so there wasn't really anybody to joke around with or even talk to. I got hungry, but I was too nervous to say anything when they were all bein' weird.

The rain was freezing and hard, it blew in my face and stung my eyes, and after we'd been in it for a little bit, I started to feel kinda' bummed out myself. The sky was still gray. Everything I saw was depressing and dull and wet. The road was muddy. The forest was misty. All I could smell was the rain and the blood of my friends, still covering their clothes and stuff.

When the rain got too heavy, Sanzo decided we might as well take a break for lunch, but I knew he wanted to try to get out of the rain somehow. Gojyo pulled over under some trees, but they didn't give us much cover. I was soaked and shivering and cold as Hakkai handed me some lunch. He looked bothered and distracted.

It felt like no matter who I talked to, they were either upset or very far away, so I started thinking maybe I should be worried and upset and moody too.

Right after I thought that, she showed up.

She came out of nowhere. We were gathered under the trees together, watching the rain come down in bucketfuls, no one was really talking.

I looked up and saw her moving through the trees, her long hair was soaked, blowing everywhere with the wind, and she had her sword in one hand. She walked toward us kinda' fast, like she had something particular in mind, but she was just a shadowy figure in the rain and the mist. At first, she was just creepy, and I didn't actually believe she was there.

By the time I thought about pointing her out, the others had noticed her.

"That bitch." Gojyo growled, taking a step toward her. I could smell the hate on him, and I could tell from his stance that he really wanted to fight.

Hakkai grabbed his arm, "Wait a moment."

"Wait for what?"

"We might as well see what she wants, don't you think?"

"Screw that! We know what she wants! The same shit she's always wanted! To kill Sanzo and fuck with you and just be an evil whore!"

I kept watching her. She wasn't attacking yet; I almost forgot she wanted to kill Sanzo, and I wondered if she'd changed her mind about it. I looked up at him. His gold hair was soaked, looking almost brown, and his forehead was wrinkled. He didn't look anymore worried than he had all day. I wanted to ask if he thought it'd be okay.

"Both of you put a sock in it." He growled.

By then, she was right in front of us, staring through the trees at us, with glowing, green eyes, and this creepy, wild smile. "Good afternoon, Sanzo Ikkou."

"Fuck you! You got some guts to show up here after what you did!" Gojyo screamed—like really screamed—his voice echoed all around us, and even I almost turned around to tell him to calm down.

He looked totally furious, and Hakkai was holding him back. I got the feeling that if he let him go, he'd just attack, no matter how tired and sad he was.

"Gojyo-"

She just giggled, "And you think you're going to be the one who punishes me? How charming."

"What do you want, Jade?" Hakkai demanded. He sounded…I dunno'. Lotsa' things. Tired. Nervous. Angry. Lots and lots of things.

"Ryptcore is dead and my land is secure. I can return home if I wish—truthfully I considered it—but I realized shortly after helping to destroy Ryptcore, that I have no clan to return to. No mate. No children. No brothers. No followers. I lost those things to this Sanzo Priest."

"We all know." Sanzo growled. "Just say whatever you wanna' say, or shut up and quit wasting our time."

Jade laughed again. It rang around us, echoing through the woods and the rain, like a bell.

It made me shiver.

"I'd like to put your head on display alongside Ryptcore's, Sanzo."

"Oh, is that so?"

I moved a step closer to him, getting ready to fight.

"More than anything. But it's not the only thing I want."

"Go figure. Well, you're just dripping with ulterior motives, and no one here has the patience to guess at what you want, so for the last time, tell us what it is you came here for, or go away."

Her smile looked like it got a little bit bigger, and she looked right at Hakkai, "It's about time, don't you think, my love?"

"Time?" his voice was quiet. I could tell he knew exactly what she meant, and he was shaking all over, but I didn't think it was 'cause he was scared or cold even. His chi suddenly seemed even stronger than before, like he was losing control of it. "Time for what?"

"Time to stop denying your true nature. Time to join me. Time to realize your full potential, once and for all."

Hakkai paused, "Why on earth would I want to do any of that?"

"Because it's what you've longed for, secretly, and I know it. And you know it. Even your friends have seen it. You wish to be free from inhibition and tiresome morality."

My heart started to pound as his chi grew even more. I looked up at him, saw that his face was dark and violent. His eyes were hard like stones.

Gojyo turned to him, "Keep it together, man."

"Jade…" Hakkai snarled, "I've had enough of this foolish game of yours… Leave now. Or-"

"Or what? Will you really attack me, darling? I think I should warn you—the chances of you defeating me with your limiter on are slim. There's only one way for you to dispatch me. But why bother with this formality? Why don't you give up this charade and join me? Take the limiter off, and together, we'll kill Sanzo."

Hakkai's body jerked when he heard that.

We all stared at him for a while, waiting to see what he'd say, and I felt kinda' scared. But he wouldn't do it, right? He wouldn't really do that, ever. Would he?

I grabbed onto Sanzo's sleeve.

Hakkai murmured, "That's absurd." He clenched his fists tightly, "Completely absurd. You won't convince me to murder my own team mates."

"Won't I? You came dangerously close to doing exactly that not two nights ago, and dare I say, you're even closer to the edge now than you were then?"

Sanzo turned to him, "Hakkai-"

"Get away from me!" Hakkai screamed suddenly, taking a step away from Sanzo. "All of you!"

I stared at him. I thought my eyes were gonna' fall out of my head. He was looking sorta' crazy, like he might actually do it. "Hakkai…what's wrong?"

He was shaking, drawing back, dripping with water, eyes wide, and he looked almost like an animal. A lot like the berserk youkai we had to deal with every day, even though he was wearing his limiter. His chi was raging. I could sense that he was about to lose control of it completely, watched him toy with his limiter, and I got ready to fight.

"You fucking bitch." Gojyo said darkly, "That's what you wanted all along, huh? That's why you never laid off. You thought you could get Hakkai to kill Sanzo for you."

Eyes wider than ever, I whipped around to look at her again, "N-no way. Why would Hakkai ever even think about killin' Sanzo?"

"He would if he's berserk. Right, Jade? If he loses it and attacks Sanzo, she knows we won't be able to stop him."

"Why should I do my own dirty work?" Jade sighed, "I'm used to having a man to do everything. I still would, if it weren't for the four of you, but…I think I can fix it today."

"Yeah, well it's not gonna' work." Gojyo had his shakujou out now. "You're never gonna' get the chance, 'cause I'm gonna' kill you."

"This again, Gojyo, dear? I told you last time that you need to choose a game you can win."

"You made a big. Fucking. Mistake when you killed Deshi last night. There's no way I'm gonna' let you get away with that. No way in hell."

Hakkai seemed to wake up suddenly, "Gojyo-"

"You guys stay outta' this. All of you. Bitch is mine."

We all stared at him like he was crazy.

"That's a very bad idea." Hakkai told him quietly. "If you fight her and you lose, that could compromise…everything."

"Everything's compromised already anyway, isn't it?"

"I suppose so…still, that doesn't mean you should throw your inhibitions to the wind like this."

"I'm sick of you giving me reasons not to fight this bitch; you said I'd get my chance to avenge Deshi. This is it."

Hakkai sighed, "I can't stop you…can I?"

"Not this time." Gojyo pulled away and stepped out in front of us. "You guys just stay outta' this."

"Whatever." Sanzo snorted, "Just hurry it up."

"Um, Gojyo." I grabbed his arm, suddenly. I didn't know what else to do. I was worried for some reason. Really, really worried. I didn't know why I should be. But I was scared. How tough could this girl be? Gojyo could beat a girl by himself.

It's no big deal.

He glanced down at me, and all I could think about was how he'd seemed like he was fading away this morning. Ghost roach.

I really, really didn't want him to do this, 'cause I had a really gross feeling in the pit of my stomach now, like I ate somethin' bad.

What could I do though? If Hakkai couldn't stop him, how was I supposed to?

At last I just murmured, "Be careful." And let him go.

He didn't even answer me, just walked away to meet Jade, cigarette in one hand, shakujou in the other, and I watched him go, felt a shudder deep inside.