Sorry for the delay. It took me a while to figure out exactly how I wanted to proceed. Thanks for your patience. =]

Gojyo

I stood face to face with Jade, heart racing. The rain was pouring, dripping off my face and hair, soaking my clothes. My jacket was heavy. I was cold. That was the least of my problems though. I hadn't gotten enough sleep to deal with this shit, and my same old injuries were still bothering me. I hadn't been at one hundred percent since the first time we fought Ryptcore and he stomped on me, and I'd have to be stupid to think I could fight Jade at less than one hundred percent and win.

So why was I doing this? Why wasn't I letting someone else handle it?

First of all, it was my right to punish her for killing Deshi. It just wouldn't feel right if I didn't so much as try.

Besides…I knew what the alternatives were. Hakkai was psyching out. He came back last night, somehow, but…all day I'd been feeling like he didn't really come back. Just the way he was acting when Jade showed up today was a huge red flag to me—he couldn't handle a fight right now, with or without his limiters on, and he definitely couldn't handle a fight with Jade, and the last thing we needed was for Hakkai to turn on us, because this time, he wasn't coming back. Last night, Sanzo said he was gone, he was bound and determined to kill him, because he'd been so sure Hakkai was lost, and then we'd lucked out and gotten him back. But not this time. This time, if he checked out, I knew that would be the end of him, and I'd do anything to keep that from happening. Maybe this was stupid, but I guess I felt like this was the only thing I could do to save him.

But, if I lost, and Jade ripped me apart like she wanted to, that wouldn't be good for Hakkai's sanity either.

I had never thought that I could be anywhere near on par to Kanan, for so many reasons. One, because she was Hakkai's girl and his sister, and I was just his buddy. Two, because I'd gathered that Kanan was the greatest girl to ever get born on planet earth, and I was a scumbag hanyou. Then, the other night…last night, he'd said he wouldn't even want to think about having to choose between us. If that was true—and it might not be—he wasn't going to be able to handle watching me lose a crucial fight like this. We'd all seen how Hakkai got when something threatened the shit he cared about.

The only answer was, I'd better not lose. I'd better shove away the blanket of exhaustion that had fallen over my mind, my body, and my heart, man up, and put this bitch in her place. It didn't matter how tired I was, it didn't matter how injured I was, it didn't matter how sick I was of all this ongoing bullshit, it didn't matter that all I wanted was to lie down and sleep for a week straight, and it didn't matter that everything that had happened since all this started was really getting me down now. All that mattered was that I had to win this thing. I had to avenge Deshi and keep Hakkai from going berserk and protect my own dignity.

This could seriously blow up in my face…

Jade was laughing at me.

"What's so funny, bitch?"

"You. The way you're so determined to put yourself in harm's way for others. It fascinates me. But, it's disgusting. And, I have to admit, it's somewhat silly."

"We'll see how funny you think it is when I rip you to pieces."

"I'm not sure why you think this will end well for you considering the way our past fights have gone."

That was probably a good point, but I told myself it didn't matter. When I fought her in the bar, we were almost on par, and when I fought her yesterday morning, I was already injured from fighting Hakkai. So even if I wasn't up to one hundred percent exactly, I felt like I should be able to hold my own. I should be able to kill her.

I grinned at her, "Hey now, don't wuss out on me now—you know there's nothing you can say to change my mind."

"I wouldn't dream of changing your mind. Don't you see? I have you exactly where I want you now."

Yeah. I was afraid of that.

"You think so, huh?"

"What's going to happen if you lose, Gojyo?"

"I ain't worried about that."

"Very well. What's going to happen if you win? Can you answer me that?"

I studied her a long moment, "What are you talking about? A win's a win. You'll be dead, and I'll be alive."

"Do you think…" Her eyes were narrow, glowing, green slits, "Hakkai wants to see me die? You and I both know the nature of his attachment to me, and don't you think, if you kill me, it could be an extension of what it was like to lose her?"

Is that even possible?

What was she saying? Did Jade actually think Hakkai would protect her? Did she think that he'd go nuts anyway and turn against me if I hurt her?

Slowly, I glanced over my shoulder at him. He looked freaked out and worried as hell, his chi was going crazy, but still…

There was no way, because he knew she wasn't Kanan

I didn't even want to think it was possible that Hakkai would attack me if I hurt or killed Jade, and I definitely didn't want to think that hurting or killing Jade could be the exact thing it took to set him off in the wrong direction.

Nothing to do but hope for the best…

We stood there a second longer, and then I sprang at her, twirling my shakujou around. I figured the best I could do was strike first and hope that the old adage about the first blow was true.

Jade jumped out of the way and swung at me with her sword. The blade cut a few strands of my hair.

I spun, aiming for her stomach. Wouldn't I love to hack her in two?

She jumped up, floating above my head, struck at me five times, all in the blink of an eye, and I was busy blocking. She landed right in front of my face. Her sixth attack almost tore my guts out; I barely managed to turn to the side, felt her sword cut into my coat.

I grabbed her wrist in one hand, pushing her sword away from me, took a stab at lopping her head off with the sickle.

Jade whirled around, swinging me with her, almost like we were dancing. I kicked her in the abdomen.

She stumbled back, doubling over, wrenched out of my grip.

It was crazy. Her sword was everywhere. Flashes of steely silver, striking like lightning, hitting hard; our weapons clashed and the sound of steel meeting steel echoed through the trees.

Jade dove back. I ran at her. I knew I had to make this fight as short and sweet as I possibly could. The longer I fought, the more tired I was going to feel, and if I let my guard down, she was going to kill me. I didn't doubt it. She was done screwing around with me, and I knew it. She'd been wanting to kill me ever since that shit I said to her in the woods, and I knew that too. I didn't know if Hakkai had known it—probably not, since he hadn't been around to hear what we said to each other—but I'd seen it in her eyes as she walked away. It was her priority to kill me. She knew she'd have to get me out of the way, even before she killed Sanzo.

She sprang back, fading into the mist, becoming a murky silhouette.

I chased her, slashing furiously, but she was so good at fading in and out of sight, disappearing behind trees and then reappearing right in front of me, I felt like I was just shadow boxing.

I took another swing at her. It would have cut her right leg and arm off, if it hit.

Jade vanished.

For a second, I stood still. The rain was pounding in my head—it was so heavy, it was almost deafening—stinging at my eyes, so I had to squint.

There was whispering and giggling. Right behind me.

I spun around; for a second, she was there. My blade cut through thin air.

Behind again. This time, she stayed a moment longer, just to laugh at me.

I missed. Over and over, I missed. She was coming and going like a frickin' ghost, never holding still quite long enough to attack or be attacked, and I was getting frustrated.

"Hold still, dammit!"

My next swing cut through a tree branch the width of my arm, like it was made of pudding. If I could just hit her, I knew I could kill her. I wanted to kill her, more than I wanted anything else.

Jade popped up in front of my face.

I shouted.

With a furious scream, she came at me. Down-swing toward my neck. Up-swing toward my side. Stab at my stomach. I feinted back, twisting and dodging, flung the sickle at her. I could barely hear the chain rattling over the sound of the rain.

She knocked it away, charged me, then banked left at the last second.

When I turned to follow her, she was gone again. The rain seemed even heavier. The woods were lonely.

Time seemed like it was standing still. Minutes passed, and I was turning and starting at every sound I heard, but she didn't reappear again.

"Where in the fuck is-"

Something struck me hard in the back, just between my shoulder blades.

I stumbled forward with a yelp, struggling to keep my balance, and then she was right beside me, bringing the blade of her sword straight down, meaning to cut through my skull and straight down to my crotch.

I put my shakujou up to block.

Jade kicked me again, in the stomach, forcing me back against a tree, and then she stood face-to-face with me. It was so familiar, it was sickening.

Her lips were just centimeters from mine. "It's necessary, you know." Her breath was hot, and it reeked like death. "Think of how it will be for them to watch you die. Think how it will be for him."

I knocked her in the head with the side of my hand, grabbed her by the shirt front, gave her a good toss.

Jade caught herself on a branch, pulled herself upright, but when she raised her head, I saw that she was bleeding a little.

"Is that what you think?" I snarled. "You think if you kill me they're all gonna' be too fucked up to do shit about it? Baby, you've seriously miscalculated."

"We'll find out, won't we? I will, anyway."

With a snarl, she came at me. Her sword was drawn back to take my head off.

I braced myself, took a deep breath, waited for the right opportunity.

When she was just a couple feet away, I swept the fixed end of my weapon toward her. She didn't even try to block. It should have cut her in half at the hips. Should have.

There wasn't so much as a puff as she vanished again.

"Quit doing that!" I screamed, whipping around, wet hair flying in my face.

A powerful blow hit me square between the eyes, sending me stumbling back, grasping at my nose. Damn. That one hurt. A lot. She could hit pretty damn hard for being a woman. She hit me so hard, my vision even started to go black for a second.

"Look out!" Somebody screamed. It might have been Goku. Hard to tell over the sound of the rain.

I spun around again, expecting to see her right in front of me, pulling the same shitty, nasty tricks, over and over.

Something brushed against my right arm, first just under my shoulder, and then down over my forearm, to my wrist.

I turned, but she wasn't there either. My arm though…

My jacket sleeve was shredded. Bright, bright red was spurting from my arm, soaking everything between the tip of my middle finger and my collar bone.

How did she…?

It didn't even hurt. Not at first. After a second, some stinging started to set in, but other than that…

I felt someone graze my left side next, like a woman feeling me up.

To the left.

No one was there. Just the rain and the trees and the mist.

More blood was pouring down my side.

"Fuck." I touched it. There was a cut the length of my hand, right under my ribcage.

She was fucking quick.

No. She's using some kind of magic, or something. It's like an illusion…

I didn't have any way to keep up with that. My fighting style was pretty meat and potatoes.

That doesn't mean I'm done.

"Behind you." She hissed.

I turned around, feeling slightly slower than I had a couple minutes ago.

Something hard and sharp dragged along my calf, crossing up to my thigh.

My leg gave out. I landed on one knee, feeling more blood gushing down my leg.

"Stop doing that, stupid!" Sanzo shouted. For some reason, his voice was really easy to hear over the rain. But it was weird that he was yelling at me in the middle of a fight. It didn't seem like his style to offer up any advice.

Jade was suddenly standing over me. "Oh my. It looks like you're it."

She raised her sword up; obviously she thought I was hurt bad enough that she could just slaughter me like an animal.

I waited it out, arms loose. I might be fast enough to jump up and stop her attack, or I might be so weak from blood loss that she'd just decapitate me, and there was only one way to find out.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai cut in from my right side, threw himself against Jade, and knocked her back into a tree. She hit her head hard and slumped to the ground in a daze, while he turned to me, looking more psyched out and worried than ever. He grabbed me under the arm and pulled me up. "Are you all right?"

For a sec, I was so stunned, I couldn't react, which meant I probably wouldn't have been able to dodge her swing, and then I turned suddenly and shoved him back.

He stumbled and gave me a wide-eyed, confused look.

Around then, I noticed that Goku was right there too, on the other side of me, with his bo ready to go.

I snarled, "Stay outta' my fight."

Hakkai stared, "Gojyo…"

"I told you guys to keep the fuck outta' it…and you better."

The kid tried to argue, "Yeah, but she's kinda' kickin' your butt."

"I don't need you assholes steppin' in to save me, got it?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Stay out of it." I adjusted my grip on my weapon and stepped out in front of them.

Jade was just getting up.

I didn't give her a chance to recover. I pounced on her, grabbed both her wrists, and kneed her as hard as I possibly could in the stomach. So hard she actually spat up a wad of mucky-looking reddish-brown. I thrust her back, swung the sickle at her. She was fast enough to jump back out of the way, but one of the prongs slit through her stomach, and red started pouring from the wound immediately. It must have been pretty deep.

"You fucking slut." She growled, placing one hand over the wound.

"Right back at you."

God damn, I was tired. My head felt light; my leg was on fire.

Jade attacked, even more fiercely than before. She snapped her teeth at me, trying to tear my shoulder open, got a mouthful of my jacket instead. I grabbed the side of her head, the same side where I'd cut her ear off yesterday morning.

She screamed in outrage and pain.

I slammed her head down against my knee; she slumped to the ground, moaning and writhing, holding her face. I saw blood oozing between her fingers. Her sword was lying on the ground.

Disdainfully, I kicked it away. "You weren't so tough after all."

I stood over her, shakujou clenched tight in my hand, lifted it up, ready to slice her head off.

At the last second, Jade reached up and grabbed the shaft of the shakujou, rolled over, swinging it over her head, taking me with it. She bashed me against a tree, bruising my shoulder, and, for the two millionth time, jostling my ribs.

I got my bearings and kicked her in the face.

She stumbled back.

I staggered under the weight of my injuries, then took my opportunity to send the sickle after her again.

She faded to one side, vanishing.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Gojyo!" Someone was screaming. I couldn't figure out who it was—the rain was coming down harder than ever.

I did hear the scraping sound of steel over rock though. When I glanced around, her sword was gone.

"Fuck."

My heart was racing; my body was shaking from cold.

I waited.

There was a murmur, just over my left shoulder.

Instead of turning, I suddenly flung my chain straight up, wrapping it around a tree branch that was a good ten feet above me, retracted it immediately, letting my weapon haul me up out of the way.

Below me, Jade appeared, sword in hand again, and I saw my blood was rolling off its milk-white blade.

I dropped down on her, screaming, and swung.

She dove forward, not quite fast enough.

A clump of her wet, black hair hit the ground; I heard her screaming and saw a quick squirt of red.

I landed roughly, dropping to my knees again, injured leg burning worse than ever.

I'd torn down her back though, from shoulder to the hem of her jeans. I could see that it was a deep wound, and bright blood was gushing from it, already starting to soak the entire back of her shirt. Jade looked furious and pained.

Forcing myself back onto my feet, I laughed. "Oh, what? You thought that would work ag-"

She was right in front of me. I didn't even see her move.

This time there was pain when she tore into me.

Her hand was bathed in red.

The pain flowed up into my chest.

Another strike. More pain. More blood.

Angrily, I headbutted her, splitting her nose open, and I'm pretty sure I knocked some of her pretty, white fangs out. But…

But damn…

I looked down at my stomach.

Man, I was such an idiot.

There was so much red, all over the front of my torso, staining my skin and my coat, I couldn't quite tell where it was all coming from.

My vision started to turn red.

I held my shakujou even tighter, waiting for her to come at me again.

Boom. She was right beside me. She grabbed my wrist—her grip was iron-strong—twisted my arm behind my back, and more pain split through my shoulder as she dislocated it. She kicked my injured leg, knocking me face down in the wet grass. I felt her grab a clump of my hair and jerk me up again.

I felt like someone was cutting through me with a hot piece of ragged metal—her claws, hacking across my chest, so deep, I think she hit bone.

I didn't even get a chance to scream. Jade smashed my head down on a rock.

Everything went black. I could hear my own shuddering breath, and I could hear the rain all around me. I was cold. I felt numb. My body wouldn't move. I couldn't fucking see a thing.

Something…movement, I think. Touch. A vague, fluttering sensation on the edge of my mind.

My vision started to clear. She was lingering above me, just a fuzzy, shadowy shape.

"You could never have won." She was saying. "You knew it from the beginning, just like I did. Why? Why did you even bother putting up this pathetic farce? A mutt like you, with such audacity…you have no right to live, Gojyo."

She had me by the jacket. She dragged me up again.

My movements felt slow and weak and almost unreal, but I punched her with all my might, in the face. I grabbed her by the neck and clamped down hard; she clawed at my wrist, struggling to get loose.

Where did my shakujou go?

I wasn't holding it. I must have dropped it. Dropped it when she…

With a flick of my wrist, it was in my hand again, the steel feeling like a shaft of ice against my skin.

I was bleeding so bad now…I could barely breathe without screaming…I could hardly see.

Hakkai and Goku were coming up alongside me again, and this time I think even Sanzo was with them.

Furiously, I whipped the chain of my weapon back over my shoulder; the sickle lodged in a tree trunk, right next to Hakkai's head—another inch to the left, and it would have sliced his face open-the chain was stretched between me and the three of them.

They stared at me with the biggest, fucking eyes, like I was totally nuts.

I felt kind of nuts.

"I told you to stay out of this." I said. I didn't really sound as pissed as I felt, and I didn't sound very firm either, and I felt exhausted and fragile, but the look on my face must have been enough, because they stayed where they were.

With that, I let go of the shakujou again, and it vanished.

I crammed my hand into Jade's stomach. That didn't feel real either—it felt like punching a pillow. Completely unsatisfying.

I kicked her in the knee, held her up when she dropped.

Then I slammed her head back against the nearest tree. I slammed her head on the trunk. Over and over and over and over and over and over…

Blood was flowing down from her skull, over her neck, over my hand.

Her eyes were closed, mouth hanging open. Blood was oozing from the corner of her mouth.

With a snort, I dropped her. "Bitch."

I was soaked. Blood and rain were drenching me from head to toe. I felt so cold…I could barely stand it. I could barely stand up. The pain in my chest, in my stomach, in my arm and leg…everywhere. It was like a wild fire, spreading through everything. I bent down to pick up her sword, thinking I'd finish her with it.

Someone clenched my wrist.

Jade smiled up at me.

I stared down at her, trying to make myself believe that what I was seeing was real.

I just beat her brains out…there's no way…

She was whispering something. I could barely make it out.

"It's your fault, you know. Everything that's happened has been your fault. You should have stayed out of the way—at least that would have saved your life and spared his sanity."

"What're you-"

Another hot shot of pain seared up my leg.

This time it was so intense, I couldn't help screaming. I fell face forward.

Jade was up before I even hit the ground. She grabbed the back of my jacket, held me suspended for a second.

Her sword jammed through me, from stomach to back. It was almost familiar, that sharp jab, that gush of heat followed by a touch of ice.

My voice hurt from screaming.

She tore the blade out of me, dropped me.

I fell onto my knees, throwing up, holding my stomach and throwing up more.

Jade dragged me up again, forcing me onto my feet. The red coating my vision was thicker than ever. I could barely see. My limbs were totally limp—I could hardly stand. No wait. I wasn't standing in the first place. She was holding me up.

"You're stupid." She whispered, hot breath tickling my ear. "They'll be better off without you. You abomination."

There was a faint pressure on my back, but it grew tighter, quickly. I felt a pinch. I felt razor sharp nails cut through my flesh and just keep going.

The pain…it was…unbelievable. It hurt. So fucking much. It was like someone was hammering a red hot chisel straight through my back.

It took me a moment to realize I was screaming, and by then, she'd torn all the way through me. I felt that pain go straight to my stomach.

Even then, she didn't let go. She wouldn't just drop me. She held me up like I was a goddamn sock puppet, with my vision going black and my head rolling back and forth, my voice screaming…in such pain…I could hardly stand it.

This's why Banri used to run off all the time…when shit got tough… He didn't wanna' be some bitch's sock puppet.

What an ass.

Me though. I'd known from the beginning that he was right, and I had always known it—getting out while you were ahead was the only thing you could do to save yourself-so why didn't I this time?

Right then, reasons were blurry, but I still sort of remembered. Something about what Hu said… Something about not running from the people who got me.

I'm such an idiot.

There were voices ringing through my head, ghost voices echoing in the trees and the rain. Familiar voices.

I hit the ground, heavy. I saw mud and grass and a worm. I felt my blood spilling out of me.

Sanzo's gun went off a few times. I heard him snarling, "Back off!"

Someone was screaming my name, hysterically.

People were kneeling around me. I heard Lei's voice and felt her hand on my shoulder. I heard Hakkai too. He was the one screaming, I think.

Gojyo…you idiot…

Why did I do this?

Did I have some kind of death wish?

No. it was because of something else, and even if I couldn't really remember what that was right now, I knew it was worth it.

I choked up a laugh. Blood gushed down my chin and over my cheeks.

When that old fart Hu told me not to run from the only people who got me, he wasn't talking about Lei and the others.

…I can't believe how long it took you to figure that out…

It didn't matter now. I did figure it out, and I didn't care how long it had taken me, all I cared about was what was happening to me right here, right now, and I knew I couldn't just give up. I couldn't lay down and die over this shit—not after everything I went through.

Jade was still standing over me, gloating. It sounded like she was talking to the guys.

"…Face it. Removing your limiter is the only way to save him now…"

Can't let that happen.

"…he's going to bleed to death right in front of you anyway…"

"No way!" Goku screamed. "We ain't gonna' let that happen!"

I heard Sanzo growling, "You've been in my way long enough, and now I'm going to kill you." I heard his gun cock.

There was no way I was letting them finish what I'd started though. No way in hell.

Pushing away every thought of pain and exhaustion, cold and fear, I shoved myself up onto my hands and knees, spitting up blood, clutching handfuls of wet grass to ground myself to reality, heaving ragged breaths. Blood was spilling out of me like I was a goddamn fountain.

"Gojyo!" Lei screamed, clinging to me, "Don't try to get up!"

I shoved her off, roughly, knocked her away, and forced myself to stand, knees buckling and threatening to give out, pain searing through every fiber of my body.

"I already told you pricks…this's my fight…" I panted.

Everything in the clearing was quiet. Jade was staring at me with hate and rage, but I could tell how shocked and bothered she was too.

Finally, Sanzo answered me, "Who gives a fuck what you want, asshole? You got beat, so you might as well-"

"Not yet. I don't get beat…anymore… You gotta' kill me. That's the only way I'll ever quit. This's my fucking fight."

No one moved. Jade was smiling again. "If that's what it takes to get you out of the way, then so be it."

"Bring it on, bitch."

My mouth said the words, but I wasn't sure I could actually keep standing, let alone fight. My vision was shaky and blurry. I knew I wasn't making it out of this alive. Oh well. I'd give her hell before I went.

Hakkai grabbed me suddenly, looped my arm over his neck, hand burning on my wrist, and shoved his shoulder under my armpit, holding me up. His chi was going wilder than ever, and I could feel him shaking. "Sanzo's right. No one here really cares what you think."

I kept my eyes leveled on Jade, laughing to myself about how angry she looked. She'd done her damn best to tear us apart, and she'd failed miserably.

"Just don't take your damn limiters off."

"I'm not going to."

"Really?"

"I promise."

"'Kay." I sighed, and more blood sputtered from my lips and dripped off my jaw, but I cracked a grin anyway, "Guess you can help out… a little…"

Hakkai

If anybody's gonna' die…it's probably gonna' be me…
…it was a stupid thing to say"
"Not to mention foundless."
…That too. I'm never gonna' die."
"…you'd better not."
"I won't. I won't."
I won't.

Foolish promises…promises you can't even keep… Everything you say is so flippant and careless—do you even think before you speak?

My heart was pounding like the drumming rain around me, and I was breathing hard and fast, trembling all over from the inside out, because I was deathly afraid. I was afraid that that stupid, foundless, morbid thing Gojyo had said was actually going to come true now, because I could literally feel him getting weaker, slipping away beside me, with every passing second. I was afraid that Jade was going to succeed and somehow turn me against my companions and kill Sanzo, as she'd sworn to. Most of all though, I was afraid of the terrible wildness of the beast inside me, lashing and struggling to get out with more desperation than ever before. I could feel myself losing focus with every given second, giving in and fading away, Cho Hakkai vanishing into the rain, reverting back to something primal and vicious and vengeful, and that feeling was terrifying.

Gojyo… God damn it, Gojyo…

I so wanted to kill her. I would do anything to destroy this woman now. Anything.

Yes… Anything. I touched my limiters. They were surprisingly hot in the ice-cold rain. If I removed them, all that strength and power and superiority would take over me, fill my body, blow out my weakness and my hesitation, and I'd rip her apart as easily as shredding a piece of paper. I'd destroy her. She'd get more than she bargained for, assuming I took the limiters off, because although she thought that killing my friends was going to make me turn to her and my own insanity, she was wrong. Insanity, perhaps, but I was going to kill her first, even if it was the last thing I did.

No. No. Wait a moment. I can't do that.

Still, I wasn't sure I'd be good enough unless I did. I was too weary and afraid and altogether weak to accomplish very much of anything.

Next to me, Gojyo was sucking in ragged breath upon ragged breath, as if he were in a race to reach the very last one.

I heard Goku shifting on the wet ground, ready for the fight.

The metallic rattle of Sanzo's gun was barely audible under the downpour.

I kept my eyes on Jade, gritted my teeth, and attempted to steel myself for the impending battle. I knew I had to do this with my limiters on. How strange—for the longest time, that had merely been reality, to exist as a youkai, wearing limiters, confined to the powers of a slightly more than average human, and now I was concerned that I wouldn't be strong enough unless I removed them.

I suppose that meant she had really gotten her hold on me, at some point.

She looked me straight in the eyes, grinning toothily and mercilessly, but she was panting furiously, and she was covered in blood. "You know…the sooner you defeat me… the sooner you can heal him." She was barely concealing her own agony now, and I guessed that he'd caused her more damage than I could see. It was likely much more damage than she'd expected to incur from fighting with him. She'd underestimated, and I knew what a mistake that could be.

What she said was true enough though. I knew she wasn't going to give me the opportunity to close his wounds right now, and they were very serious. I'd have to kill her first if I wanted to save him, and I'd have to do it quickly, because if we fought for too long, I'd be too late regardless. He'd apparently reached into that absurdly deep reservoir of strength I knew he had in order to stand up again, but truth be told, I didn't know how deep that tenacity ran. I'd seen it in action numerous times, and it alone had gotten both of us through many a bloody, violent thing, but I felt that he'd been running on tenacity alone for days and days and days now, and I knew it had to be wearing thin.

But, if I killed Jade, all of that would be over. We could all rest easier knowing she was gone. Gojyo could finally begin to recover from the wounds that had been dealt him what now felt like years ago.

If only it could be that simple.

The one thing I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was that I was not prepared to let him go. Not by any means.

All of us stood a moment longer in the silence.

Jade sprang away suddenly, vanishing, and not a split second later, Sanzo fired his gun four times. If she'd been there even half a moment longer, he would have hit her.

Goku leapt after her also, swinging his bo and shouting. I watched him go head to head with Jade, keeping up with her easily. She managed to dodge and block his attacks, but only barely.

Sanzo stood next to me and grumbled, "Dumb ass fucked her up pretty good before she tore him open."

"That's fortunate, I suppose; I don't know about you, Sanzo, but I'm still not feeling entirely well after last night's battle."

"Goku's the only one who's at one hundred percent." He agreed. "And something tells me it's going to take everything we've got to kill this bitch."

Goku swung at Jade's head, almost knocking her block off.

"She's inexplicably powerful. Not to mention utterly insane."

"Not berserk though."

"You're right. Her insanity doesn't quite match up with the behavior of the berserk youkai we've encountered. I have no idea where she came from or who she is or how she got to be so strong."

"I don't care to know." He snorted, through a thick cloud of cigarette smoke. "Let's just get rid of her."

"I agree." I answered faintly.

Gojyo moaned and grumbled, "Would you guys quit with the filler? I want that bitch dead before I bleed to death."

Jade and Goku had reached a stand-still, circling around and around each other now, holding their respective weapons in hand.

Sanzo threw his cigarette down and marched toward them, gun at the ready.

Reluctantly, I looked at Gojyo. Already I was covered in his blood—it was smeared all over my hands and staining my clothes—it was drizzling down his chin and his jaw, over the bridge of his nose and his eyebrows, spattering his jacket, coating his entire torso. His eyes were barely open, but they were hard as garnets and glinting with rage.

I wondered for the one millionth time in the last two minutes why I had allowed him to do what he did.

And I reminded myself, for well over the millionth time, that not even I could control Gojyo's behavior. I never had been able to.

"Do you honestly feel that you can fight in this condition?"

"No choice." He heaved. "That's my kill."

Sanzo's gun was echoing all around us, earsplittingly loud.

"One might argue that you had your chance at killing her and lost it."

He didn't answer. Maybe he knew I was right.

"One of us deserves to kill her." I added, very softly, "But maybe it's just not meant to be you."

"Do you think you can handle killing her?"

"I think I'm strong enough to-"

"Not that. Do you think you can hack it when she's all up in your guts?"

I frowned at the crass terminology, "Yes, of course." I watched a moment as Sanzo and Goku went on attacking Jade, but she was still in fighting shape, and I wasn't sure I was telling him the truth, now with the psychotic feeling inside me, burning through my heart and reason. If I fought her, if I hurt her, it could very well reopen wounds I'd been dealing with for the last four years. Still, I had to risk that, didn't I? "Perhaps while we have a moment, I should close your wounds, and then at least you won't die of blood loss after you pass out from exhaustion."

Gojyo grumbled something, but I ignored him, turned to lay my hand over the wound that she'd torn through his side, and just the sight of it—ragged and bleeding and violent—made me feel sick to my stomach.

I had just summoned the necessary chi to close the wound when I heard Sanzo shouting, "Hakkai! Watch it!"

I looked up to see Jade bounding at me. She kicked me in the head, and I flew back, landing roughly. Quickly, I scrambled, sitting up and trying to get my bearings, but she was already standing in my way, and I had never seen such a hideous smile on anyone's face, "Ah-ah, darling. I don't think so. There will be no healing…this time."

"How dare you?" I was literally shaking with rage as I got to my feet, spitting a little.

"Bitch!" Gojyo swung at her.

She ducked and spun around, nearly taking his head off.

He managed to dodge, but stumbled in the process, staggered back. He had his shakujou again, going at her, more slowly now, but with as much ferocity and determination as before.

I didn't give a damn about his ferocity or his determination. I was not going to let this nonsense go on.

With a shout, I sprang on her, blasting a shimmering clump of chi at her, and it sizzled through the rain.

Jade danced away, letting it breeze by, and came at me again, claws ready. "You may as well join me, love."

"Why in the world would I do that?"

We exchanged blow for blow, swinging at each other, dodging here, ducking there. I felt her claws scrape past the tip of my nose.

She coughed as she began to speak, spitting up some blood. "Because…as I said in the beginning, you can't defeat me without removing your limiter, and if you do that, you might as well just give in. I don't think you can handle taking it off again."

Even now, I could feel the overwhelming urge to run wild sweltering inside me. The smell of blood was heavy on the rain, potent and inviting, and the limiter was all I had to hold me to my sanity. If I removed it…

I knew I'd be able to kill her that much more quickly, and then I could get back to closing Gojyo's wounds before he bled to death.

Goku sprang in next to me, smacked Jade across the face with his bo, and she fell back with a pained shout, "Shut up! He's not gonna' do that!"

Even as he spoke, I was fingering my limiters once more.

Think clearly, Hakkai. If I lose it, everything Gojyo's done for you since this nonsense began will be for nothing, just as he said it would be.

But…it could be the only way to save him now. Unless I closed his wounds soon, I had little hope that he'd survive this.

"This is what's you've always wanted." I said bitterly, "To have me go wild with you and finish off my own team mates."

"Don't sound so angry, my love." Jade was standing up straight again, smiling and wiping blood off her lips. I saw that she was missing a long, sharp fang. "When you take it off, it will be final—he's not going to call you back this time, I'll make sure of that—and then you'll find that these things that disturb you so much in your human form will seem trite when you're free. Then, when the Sanzo is dead, we can go together and rule all, as far as the eye can see."

"To what end?" Sanzo demanded, appearing behind her.

Three shots rang out, and Jade had to go darting and springing away to avoid being hit. Her movements looked sluggish.

Sanzo's face was stone-cold as he spoke, "Even if your twisted, little plan works out, and he loses his mind, and you kill me, you won't get to rule shit, you little bitch. If I die, the mission fails. When Gyumaoh is revived, do you think he'll let you rule anything at all?"

"I don't care about Gyumaoh. I don't answer to Kougaiji, and I don't answer to him." She tossed her hair and leapt at Sanzo next. He barely blocked her claws, and I saw a bright gush of his human blood, the sweet scent of it alluring me that much more, and I snarled, barely stopped myself from jumping on him as well.

If I remove it…all of my thoughts and priorities and sentiments will change; the blood on the ground will entice my thirst, I'm sure, driving me to do something I'll never be able to forgive myself for.

Clearly Jade had planned it that way; she'd spilled a lot of blood, but she hadn't killed Gojyo. I assumed that was why she'd been targeting him all along.

"She's crazy strong." Goku whispered, standing shoulder to shoulder with me.

"Yes, and I'm afraid she's kicking us while we're down."

He nodded.

He was the only one who wasn't still at least partially injured from last night—my own injuries I'd incurred from fighting Ryptcore and Goku were burning inexhaustibly—even so, I knew Goku was just as demoralized and unsure as the rest of us. If the events of these last few weeks hadn't been enough to wear us all down, emotionally, watching Jade nearly kill Gojyo definitely was.

"All this crap just ta' kill Sanzo. Yeah?"

"I'm afraid so. It was necessary though. She never could have killed him if she'd had to fight all four of us together, not while we were in top condition. She must have seen how strong we were when we fought her clan and realized that the only way she could exact revenge would be by weakening us, little by little."

And she'd done so flawlessly. She'd gotten close to us, gained barely enough trust to be tolerated, and began to pick away at the strings of my sanity. For all I knew, everything she'd done since the first time she kissed me was for the cause, so that one day, we could all stand inside this moment, wondering if I was going to go berserk and help her kill Sanzo.

How disturbing. To think that I'd been little more than a tool all along… To think that she'd used Gojyo against me. It was enraging.

Enough so that I went flying back into the fray, all the more ruthlessly, all the more determined; I hit her hard, and we grappled, bouncing head over heels across the ground, vying for the upper hand, scraping at each other and snarling and cursing.

"I will kill you for what you've done." I hissed, pinning her against the wet forest floor.

Jade kicked me off. She lunged at me with her claws. I felt their very tips cut through my clothes, like the touch of the icy wind, and into my chest. "All I've done is try to help you. Wouldn't it be nice to be free of your inhibitions? Yours is a heart full of pain—don't you want to be free of your heart?"

My heart…

What was it he'd said?

"…that bitch thinks she knows you, 'Kai, but she doesn't…"

I…I was human. Once.

"…you're still human on the inside, so listen to your heart instead of your instincts. How hard can that be?"

You have no idea.

But everything did sound so much simpler when he said it.

Jade reached out and touched my ear.

I slapped her hand away and swung at her face again. I busted her across the nose and blood sprayed. She was wearing down, slowly but surely. The wounds Gojyo had given her were severe, and she couldn't keep this up forever. And I didn't have time to wait for her to give out, and she knew that. My options were limited.

"Nothing is worth that to me." I told her, as she attacked again. "And you've made a grievous mistake today, Jade."

"Is that so?" She jumped forward and tried to drag me down.

I elbowed her in the mouth, sending her sprawling on the ground.

"I warned you not to touch him. I told you I would make you suffer."

"I'm waiting." A slow smile stretched across her lips, "My... What a terrifying face you have, even in human form."

I readied myself, "It will be the last thing you ever see."

Her smile wasn't even remotely diminished.

I rushed her, and in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to see her dead.

Gojyo ran up alongside me, and we attacked together, hit her at the same time. Jade snarled and came back at us, all teeth and claws, but we fought, and for a moment or two, it felt very familiar, fighting side by side like that, playing off one another's moves, attacking and feinting almost in sync. It made me feel good and strong, and I desperately wanted that feeling to last. For an instant, I even dared to think we had her on the ropes.

He smacked her in the face with the shaft of his weapon, and she flew back.

I started to follow her, but Gojyo fell to his knees suddenly, body heaving and shuddering with effort, and he was bleeding worse than ever.

Sanzo and Goku went after Jade, for the time being, and I hesitated next to him, "How long can you keep this up?"

Gojyo shook his head, breathing too hard to answer. He was holding the wound in his side, and blood was oozing through his fingers, thick even in the rain.

Somewhat alarmed, I said, "You should just stop. You're going to kill yourself at this rate."

"If I go down…'m takin' that bitch with me."

"What for? Don't you realize that will just defeat the purpose of killing her in the first place?"

"Maybe not."

I glared at him, "My sanity is stretched too thin right now to watch you die."

"There aint a lotta' ways ta' get you through this sane anyway." He wheezed. "Right?"

I didn't answer. I was afraid that he could be right, because with my rage, the wildness was building too.

Sanzo's gunfire was ringing in the air again, and Goku let loose a battle cry. They were beating her now, pretty soundly, and I thought it might be best to stand off to the side and allow them to finish her, although…in a way, that felt a bit like being beaten as well. If they were the ones to kill her after all she'd put us through, how weak would that make us. Was it worth it though? To lose myself, or even worse, to lose him?

No. I was determined to stand there and let Goku and Sanzo finish this. The fight was making me feel far too violent, and I didn't want to start enjoying the bloodshed. I wanted a few moments of peace and quiet. That's all I had wanted for days, it seemed.

"Gojyo." I said quietly. "You know how much I hate to lose."

"I don't hate losin'. I'm used to it."

It was a lie, in part at least, but I didn't argue. "It isn't worth it this time though, can't you see that? She knew what she was doing all along. She did it spectacularly."

"I knew what she was doin' all along too."

"Oh, come now. You know I don't believe that."

He laughed. It sounded very painful, and my heart seized up. "Well, I kinda' guessed an'way. You were too busy being nuts ta' notice."

"I suppose that's true. I regret that I allowed this to happen. I'm sorry."
"I'm so fuckin' sick of hearing that word." He snorted.

"I know. You must admit it this time though, I think—there's no sense in being so stubborn—it simply isn't worth it to carry on like this."

He didn't answer.

"Don't you agree?"

I looked at him. His head was hung, tiredly, but he was watching the three of them fight with keen, unflinching eyes.

"Maybe." He said, almost inaudibly.

"You want to keep fighting because you don't want to lose me—I understand that—but I don't want to lose you either. Maybe you don't understand that. I'd sooner be parted from my right arm."

He stood up suddenly, groaning as he did so, "I do understand, jackass. I ain't dumb."

"Yes, I know, but…what I'm asking is… You've done a lot for me in the last couple of weeks…and now, this is the last thing I'll ask of you, and then I promise you, I'll never ask you for another favor as long as we live. Just give this up, and don't get killed over it."

Gojyo didn't look at me, but he heaved a breathy sigh, and his shoulders slumped. For another moment or two, he watched the fight, and then, finally, very slowly, he released his shakujou, and it disappeared. "Fine. Have it your way. I'm fuckin' tired anyway…so fuckin' tired…"

"I know." I tried to smile, but I didn't like giving up any more than he did.

Sanzo and Goku went on attacking Jade, viciously, relentless. She was worn down and bloodier than ever, but she kept fighting. It looked like they could finish her off at any given moment. Through the fray though, amidst the whirlwind of blows and kicks and strikes and shots, she suddenly fixed her eyes on me, a dark and viciously possessive look that made my heartbeat come to a sudden stop, and I breathed lowly, "Who in the world is that woman?"

"She's the fuckin' devil, dude."

Then, just like that, Jade vanished, the same way she had earlier, when she was fighting Gojyo.

Sanzo and Goku halted in their tracks, instants before they would have struck each other by mistake, and they looked around. Goku all but shouting, "Where the heck'd she go?"

Everyone was silent.
Perhaps she'd known that she was going to lose and she'd fled.

Holding my breath, I waited, and still Jade did not appear.

"'The fuck?" Gojyo hissed, moving a step or two closer to me.

I was about to suggest my theory of her fleeing for her life, when she reappeared, right in front of us, so suddenly, I didn't even have a spare moment to shout. I caught but a glimpse of her green eyes, and then she was attacking.

She struck us both in the same instance. I felt her claws saw deeply across my arm and shoulder, creating a sharp pain throughout the entire left side of my body, and then I was flying back, the forest around me a blur of muted green and dismal gray. I hit the ground hard and bounced once, wind knocked out of me, head spinning.

Beside me, Gojyo screamed, his voice splitting even through the heavy, ominous sounds of the storm, and he writhed on the grass. To me it sounded like he'd been holding that scream back for a very, very long time, and had finally decided he couldn't bear to keep inside anymore.

I choked and sputtered, fighting to breathed, as Jade came and stood over me, and there was nothing I could do but stare up at her unfeeling, cruel smile. "Tell me, my love. I'm curious. Are you going to cry when he dies?"

I coughed.

"Make no mistake, I am going to kill him. Even if that means the death of me and it's the last thing I do. I'm going to kill him, and I'm going to kill the others as well, and there's no way for you to stop me, short of removing your limiters, which you refuse to do, for some reason."

Still, I couldn't breathe. I could barely move.

Next to me, Gojyo was still writhing and screaming from the pain, the agonized gasps as close to sobbing as I'd ever heard from him, and I wondered, vaguely, what in the world she'd done, but I didn't think it would have to be very much. At this point, it would hardly take anything to break him into pieces.

Jade held out her sword. "It'll be easy. After all, it was easy enough to destroy him—all I had to do was exploit his feelings toward you."

"That's indescribably sick." I managed to husk.

"Is it? Well, I think it's been just as easy to exploit your feelings, Cho Hakkai, although, that's not much of a surprise. I know you were human once—the Sanzo said so." She considered me with her heartless eyes, "Now say goodbye to him, before my moment of mercy passes."

For what felt like forever, I laid there looking up at her, and I wasn't even sure that was anything Sanzo and Goku could do now. They were a good distance away, and although they were quick, I just wasn't certain they'd reach us in time. Slowly, I turned onto my side to look at Gojyo.

He was curled almost in the fetal position, facing me, clutching his stomach, and there was more blood on him than ever. His eyes were half-shut and hazy from pain, mouth fixed in a tired wince.

"Goj…" I murmured.

He just blinked and looked at me like he barely knew who I was, and I realized he was on the verge of unconsciousness. Jade was just a few merciful seconds from severing his head, and when she did, I was going to take my limiter off and kill her, and I didn't care if that meant I went insane.

Then something else swelled inside me. I sat up a little, leaned forward to grasp his shoulder, very close to losing my composure, "Forget what I said a moment ago, about quitting." I whispered desperately.

Jade laughed at me, "You're wasting your breath, my love. He has no choice but to quit now."

"You were right, Goj…" I lowered my voice even more. "We have to fight…even if that means losing. At least if we lose, it means we'll lose together, doesn't it? I wouldn't mind that terribly…losing side by side with you."

"Ridiculous." Jade snorted.

But Gojyo smiled slightly. He closed his eyes.

My heart skipped a beat and my breath hitched, "Gojyo?"

"That's enough now." Jade said heartlessly, her sword hovering over his neck, "You wasted your last words to him, and there will be no goodbyes for you."

"Wait!" I shouted. I would have begged if I had the chance.

A gunshot rang out. A cloud of red exploded from Jade's shoulder, and she screamed, nearly dropping her sword as she stumbled forward.

Gojyo sprang up, even though I'm sure, at that point, so much as blinking would have hurt beyond belief, and he held out his hand to me, even with blood running and dripping off it. "We're not losin', Hakkai." He yanked me to my feet.

By that time, Jade was recovering, coming at us with the sword cocked back, blood spraying from her shoulder. She shrieked, "I'll kill you both!"

"Might as well." Gojyo laughed. "There's no takin' us apart."

"Under no circumstances." I added.

Jade swung.

Gojyo managed to sidestep the blade, planted a heavy boot right in her ribs.

She gagged and fell back, holding her stomach and vomiting. Her eyes flashed and she came forward again.

I tore into her, and I didn't care if she made me think of Kanan or if she awakened feelings I'd long thought were lost to loneliness forever. I had to consider what was here, now, in front of me in this instant, not what I'd lost in the past. I punched her in the face, and then in the chest, grabbed her arm and swung her around. She flew and bounced off a tree.

We both dashed after her.

"Whatever happens." He huffed, "Don't you dare take off your fuckin' limiter."

"I'm not going to. I promise."

"I mean it, man. Even if I die, you better not-"
"I said I promise!" I cried.

"Good. Now let's fuckin' finish this. For Deshi." With a quick strobe of light, he had his shakujou in hand again. Blood was pouring off him, pooling where he stepped, but his eyes were bright as fire, looking almost orange in the dim, gray atmosphere. It looked as if he could fall at any given second, but he shouted and lunged at her.

Jade leapt forward to meet us.

My heart began to race, because I knew this was it. Someone was going to die—her or us—and that would be the end, at last, of this nightmare.

They clashed, red against green, steel meeting steel as her sword gnashed against his shakujou, "You don't know when to quit." She grated out.

"I've never known how ta' do that."

Jade seemed furious at that, and she was forcing him back, in spite of her wounds and the blood dripping from her shoulder and the pain in her own visage.

Gojyo looked as if the slightest gust of wind could knock him over, but he stood firm, and I was impressed with him all over again, just as much as I'd ever been; then, all my emotions were suddenly overlapped—the fear, the guilt, the worry, the sadness, the longing, the shame, all of it enveloped in rage and hate, and I let myself draw from those feelings, allowing them to swell through me and manifest outside my body, and the chi born out of those dark emotions crackled on my hands. Yet, there was more to that energy as well: something desperate and graceful and noble. I hated Jade, and I was not going to let her win this, but not purely out of my hate and anguish, but out of something very opposite to that.

"This ends now!" I shouted, heaving the chi blast forward, and it flared brightly, evaporating the rain all around us.

Gojyo was laughing like a madman, rain and blood making his hair hang heavily. He dove out of the way at the last second, "Die bitch!"

My attack struck, engulfing Jade in my hate, rage, desperation and love. It tore through her chest, leaving a dark, smoking hole; her mouth, her eyes, gaped, hands fluttering at the wound, frantically, sword clattering on the ground.

Gojyo slung his shakujou at her, and the sickle struck but a second later, severing through her, cutting her arms off at the mid forearm, slicing her torso apart, just below the ribcage.

Her ragged scream rang through the sky, and she was suspended there, blood and demonic light spraying all around her. She hit the ground, bounced once, pieces of her body scattering around her, and she writhed, screaming and choking and cursing.

Gojyo and I moved forward at the same time to stand over her.

She was staring up at us with those green eyes, which were now very, very dull, and not a bit like Kanan's, "Wh-why…Cho…Hak-?"

"Because I hate you." I said so darkly, it almost frightened me.

"O-over…this...abomination…?"

"I warned you it would be so."

"I can hardly…b-believe it…"

"You'd better." Gojyo snorted. He sputtered and almost fell over. His shakujou vanished, and then he lifted his boot. "You dumb bitch." With a sickening snap, he brought his heel down on her sternum.

Jade's eyes and mouth opened wide and she let out a final, rattling breath, and then she was dead.

We were silent.

Gojyo lit a cigarette and hooked his arm over my neck, practically hanging off me. "Sonnova' bitch…"

Goku, Sanzo and Lei joined us, gathering around the body. Sanzo seemed bored and disinterested now, but Lei's expression betrayed horror and disgust, and Goku looked nervous and curious. He nudged the body with his bo, "Is…isit really over?" He glanced around, as if more enemies were going to come out of the rain.

"Hn. At this rate, we can make the next town before nightfall."

"The rain's stopping as well." I said quietly.

"An' we can stop for dinner, yeah?"

They started that age-old discussion, and I turned to Gojyo, "Well, you got what you wanted, against everything that even remotely resembles sense and self-preservation…"

He didn't answer me; his skin was almost white and his body was shuddering from effort, but I heart him emit a low laugh.

"Do you think you'll last to the next town?"

"Dunno' dude…now that it's over…I feel…totally wiped out."

"You never cease to surprise me. You made me think you were finished two or three different times."

He didn't seem to hear me, "Ya' didn't hafta' take your limiter off after all, huh?"

"Well no. I told you I wouldn't. Remember? I promised."

"It's about time. I thought we'd hafta' deal with her forever." His eyes were glazing over now, and he was staring into the distance like he was in a dream.

Concerned, I watched him. "Yes, well…I think her psychological threat was what made her a dangerous enemy. I suppose if we'd all been given the opportunity to fight her when we were at our best, she wouldn't have proven so tough. Which reminds me." I turned to Goku and Sanzo, "You two seemed to drop out of the fight completely near the end."

"It was your mess." Sanzo snorted, unforgivingly. "I thought you should clean it up."

"I thought that might be the reason. At any rate, I think-"

Gojyo let go of me and broke away from us suddenly, striding in an unsteady, clumsy manner over to Jeep, who was sitting just a few yards away now, waiting patiently. "Think I'll go die in the back seat."

"We should move out." Sanzo decided suddenly, and he too turned away. The rest of us followed, and as we went, I was feeling sick again. Gojyo had left a thick, bloody trail behind him, and in the Jeep, more blood was pooling around him dark and pungent, dripping off the seats and running across the floor. He was sitting upright, head tilted back, eyes closed, and the cigarette hanging from his mouth had gone out. There wasn't so much as a crease in his brow, lips not even quirking with pain, and there was but one lock of hair misplaced, draping across the bridge of his nose. It was the same appearance of peace and oblivion he used to take on while sleeping on the couch back home, after a night of heavy drinking. It was the same tranquility that always seemed to take him after the chaos, as if he meant to shut everything out.

A little frantically, I climbed in after him, "Hey." I shook his shoulder, "Gojyo?"

There was no response, and I searched for his pulse, finding it weak and unsteady. His skin seemed cold. The touch of it raised the hair on the back of my neck.

Goku climbed in next to me, "Is he okay?"

"No. I don't think so. No."

"But…he was movin' around an' stuff…"

"He shouldn't have been. Gojyo. Can you hear me?"

He stayed motionless, his blood unspeakably gruesome to me, and a great shaking started within me, as if something were going to crack.

He must have tapped the very last well of his strength… I'd seen him do such things before, because, even though he didn't have latent power like Goku and I, and he wasn't a natural-born killer like Sanzo, his tenacity was his strength, and there had been plenty of times in the past, moments when I'd thought he couldn't stand up on his own, and then he'd not only done it, but practically carried me all the way home as well. Apparently, he'd reached deep inside and found that last pool of physical strength, perhaps driven by his own rage and desperation, and he'd expended it down to the last drop. And now…

This was what I'd been afraid of all along, that if the fight wore on long enough, it wouldn't matter when I finally got my chance to heal him. That he would have already lost too much blood, that he'd be beyond saving. That Jade would succeed in killing him, even if she didn't really get what she wanted. Even if she was dead. Maybe, if he hadn't been such a thoughtless idiot, and he'd stayed out of the fight after we stepped in, he could have held out longer, but I knew better to actually think that. He shouldn't have been fighting her at all to begin with, because it had been a very long time since he'd truly been all right, and I had let this all happen to him, out of my own negligence and selfishness and fear.

"Perhaps we really should have gone back east." I muttered, automatically.

He'd all but begged me to forsake this mission and go home, but I didn't listen.

"Maybe if I had…he'd be…"

I felt the others watching me without a word, but I couldn't pay them any mind.

Nothing they thought was important. Nothing they could say would make me feel any better, and nothing could possibly make me feel worse. If he was going to die now, all I wanted was to somehow lie down and die next to him.

Because I don't think I can go on without you. Does that make me pathetic?

No, I would make it. I'd made it through Kanan's death, and I knew I could make it through Gojyo's.

"He's not dead yet…" I murmured. I stripped what was left of his coat off and set to healing as much as I could, but it didn't take long for me to see what a futile endeavor it was. The wounds were too numerous, and far too deep. Jade had carved right through him in two separate areas, impaled him on her blade, right through the stomach, and there was nothing I could do to fix that. I did manage to close a few incisions, but they were mere scratches compared to the deep, violent slashes that seemed to be everywhere, so closing them did very little good for either of us.

"Don't." I said under my breath. "Don't do this. Please, please don't do this to me."

I refused to give in though. I had to do what I could. I couldn't let him die.

The others watched without a word, and the rain continued to fall.

At some point during the healing process, Gojyo seemed to regain consciousness—perhaps the sensation of my energy flowing into him brought him around—he shuddered and moaned and tossed his head as if he were waking up from a nightmare, and then he opened his eyes and looked right at me. They were glassy from pain and delirium. "Hakkai…"

"Hush."

"You…can't do it…"

"I said hush."

He closed his eyes again, and I felt angry, because he was right. I didn't have the strength or the skill to heal such serious wounds, and he'd already been bleeding so long, it might not matter even if I did.

I felt unbelievably weak as I leaned over him, and it was almost as if I could sense him slipping away fading into the nothingness of the rain.

Rain. How I hate rain…

"It's no good." I panted, fighting to stay calm. I felt exhausted from giving up so much of my own energy. "He's bleeding too much, and he's already lost a lot of blood. I can't do enough."

No one spoke.

What could I do? It seemed to be a hopeless situation—it seemed like I would lose him.

No. Not after everything we've been through. I'm not going to lose him that easily.

I stood up again suddenly, "Goku. Lei. Find anything you might be able to function as a tourniquet and stop the bleeding the best you can. Sanzo, there's a town near here, but it's a bit off course."

"Off course?" He scowled. "How far off course?"

"I don't know, and I don't have time to look at the map to find out. However, if you'd rather not take the time to accompany us, I understand. If you feel so inclined, you may begin walking westward, and the three of us will catch up."

"The three of you? You think he's going to survive, Hakkai?"

"He has a long lifeline." I climbed over the front seat and sat down behind the wheel.

"Lifelines don't mean shit in the face of fate."

"You're more than welcome to believe that—I don't have time to argue the point—but I believe traditional medicine can save him, so I'm going to the closest town, though I regret it does happen to be a bit off course, and I'm going to find a doctor, and when he wakes up tomorrow, the three of us will meet you on the road to the west." I started the engine.

"Wait." Sanzo said darkly.

"As I said, I don't have time to wait, or to argue. If you're not coming with us-"

"I am going with you, you sensitive, little bastard. Just wait." He threw his cigarette down and climbed in. I heard him mumble, "I hate that mouthy son-of-a-bitch. I hate him so much." And despite the circumstances, I smiled, grimly, at his insincerity.

The second he was seated, we were off.