Title: referendum
Summary: Kid is cunning, Maka is oblivious, Liz is the only sane one and Soul responds to all of this by assaulting potted plants.
Author: Pippin's Sock's
Length: 1328
Pairing(s): SoulMaka
Note: Ah, a canon pairing. Surprisingly I don't hate you.
Soul chocked on his cereal, a messy concoction of wheat based products and slightly sour milk exploding over the table in his sheer indescribable horror. Maka was too busy swooning to notice, Blair helped herself to the fish.
"HE WHAT?!" Soul bellowed, Maka giggled and the neighbours promptly began to rush to the bomb shelters in the most orderly fashion time would allow.
"He asked me out to dinner! Me!" the meister sang, spinning in circles and failing to notice the slightly homicidal glint in her weapons eyes.
"…he's planning something!" Soul growled defensively, snapping the spoon he was holding in two with sheer will power.
"He's so handsome!" Maka gushed, pretending not to notice when the poor boy slumped out his seat in sheer shock.
"Since when!"
"And was such a gentlemen about it" Soul decided then and there he didn't really need a moral code anyway…"and oh gosh have you seen that body!"
Soul's brain promptly began to devour itself.
"I-I…I won't allow this!" he yelped, jumping to his feet and attempting to whisk away the naïve young girl before she made the biggest mistake of her life.
"Oh? Don't allow all you want I'm still going…" and with that Maka flipped her hair over her shoulder waltzed out the room. Soul's jaw was somewhere near Australia and Blair giggled quietly from the counter.
"Curse you females and your womanly wiles!" he shrieked, pounding a fist off the table that quite cleanly snapped in two, before swiftly dashing out the house – it was only when he arrived at Black Star's home did he realize he forgot his trousers.
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"I need your help" Soul muttered darkly, there was a sigh from the other side of the door before it flung open, revealing a rather depressed looking Liz on the other side.
"What is it Soul?" she asked in exasperation.
Soul almost smirked, he had her now, he knew women like the back of his hand – except for Maka but her chest was too small to count her as a female.
"I need you" he began in a murderous tone "to help me, sabotage Maka's date!"
From the expression on her face he had approximately two seconds before she slammed the door on him, "and why" she replied wearily "would I want to do that?"
Soul rolled his eyes; clearly she wasn't grasping the gravity of the situation.
"Maybe you misunderstand me…" he urged, Liz hoped that none of the neighbours were looking "it's with Kid. Kid. Who will attempt to stab her if she so much as moves a place setting."
"Uh-huh" he spluttered slightly, the reaction was about as far from what he expected as the earth was from Pluto.
"But…"
"I don't know why you'd think this would concern me Soul"
"Oh pfft! I'm sure you don't!" there was a deadly silence as the scythe realised that there was a line somewhere, and he'd just pole vaulted over it.
"If you're going to be like that" hissed the demon gun, moving to slam the door closed, Soul wedged his foot rather painfully into the gap.
"Aren't you jealous at all?!" he exclaimed, trying and failing to squeeze in through the post slot.
"If you are trying to manipulate me, it's not going to work" seethed the female weapon, successfully managing to remove the scythe from the doorframe with a well placed kick "Kid has had plenty of chances with women before and I don't see Maka as a threat. Goodbye."
Soul was left on the cobbled stones outside, matching bruises on his backside and ego.
Women were terrifying beasts…
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Maka was having an absolutely amazing time. Or rather…she had been. He'd opened doors, pulled out chairs, engaged in witty banter, assaulted only two seating arrangements and had even ordered them the most expensive food on the menu.
Then of course everything had to go down hill…
That stupid waiter just had to trip on the snag in the carpet, he just had to spill sauce over the woman behind them and she just had to scream and flail sending pieces of sorbet sailing through the restaurant and karma ultimately determined that all of this just had to ruin a small portion of Maka's dress…
Kid promptly lunged across the table, screaming about the balance at the top of his lungs – pulling a sponge and stain remover out of seemingly thin air.
"AHA!" Soul, who was formerly a decorative scythe on the wall behind them, roared in triumph, dragging the hyperventilating Shinigami off his innocent meister. "How dare you try and defile Maka's honour!" he went on, Kid looked rather bemused and the other customers coward in terror.
"I assure I would ask for her hand in marriage so her honour would not be at stake…twice…once for each hand so we were symmetrical" Soul looked like he was about to have an aneurism.
"Oh well…if you are willing to go along with the correct protocol – wait! No that is absolutely not ok!" Soul seemed to revive his hatred of his new arch nemesis "How dare you think that Maka would stoop so low as to marry…you!"
"Erm…No objections?" the poor girl muttered, looking from the rabid Soul to the waving Kid.
"What on earth did you DO!? You…you…MAN-WHORE!" Kid blinked in confusion, Maka's jaw became unhinged and the high class eatery suddenly became a ghost town.
"Soul what on earth-" Maka groaned, why on earth couldn't she get a normal weapon? Kid mouthed the words 'man-whore' under his breath, the look of pure bewilderment never once leaving his face.
"Sir, you're disrupting what little customers we have left…" the poor waiter (sucker) pleaded as the scythe began to froth rather prominently from the mouth.
"Are you suggesting I'm acting irresponsibly?!"
From the other side, the safer side, of the restaurant a diner muttered 'stupid horny teenagers…' a little to loudly.
"I am not sexually promiscuous!" Soul bellowed, Maka wondered if she'd be able to get that on a t-shirt but her musings were cut short as she was yanked upright by her armpits only to be dragged off in the general direction of the exit, muttering the whole time.
"Darn god's of death, think they can go about cradle snatching!"
"Have you lost it!?" Maka squealed, digging her boots into the carpet.
"-with his big playboy mansion and flying skateboard-"
"Soul!" she attempted, trying to drag the boy out his downward spiral of insanity.
"I suppose short walks would be allowed…maybe Black Star could escort you…"
"Call me!" Kid quipped merrily, Soul spun on his heel – the phrase 'if looks could destroy civilization as we know it' sprung to mind.
"Stay away from her you freak!" Maka, finally at her breaking point, yanked herself free of her weapons grasp and stormed outside – completely mortified, Soul cast one more scathing look toward the very smug Shinigami before kicking over a chair, tilting two pictures frames and ripping the leaves off a potted plant.
Then he left.
Kid twitched, lifting up the table cloth on the booth next to his.
"You owe me money Liz" he stated simply to his two cramped up weapons.
"Tch…gambling is not a very attractive hobby" the elder sister grunted, trying to remove Patti's elbow from her ribcage.
"You started the bet, you said he'd never get it" pointed out the Death god evenly, Liz harrumphed and glared at the wall opposite.
"I'm not the one fooling around with flat-chested girls, Kid" she then pulled the cloth back down leaving Kid with a funny little smile on his face.
Boom?