SING FOR ME, MOYASHI
A/N: Yay! I have finally updated. Sorry, but I'm in the midst of exam preparation. I went all out writing this for my dear readers and reviewers, because I know you guys are probably cursing me for taking ages. Haha. Once again, thank you so much. Thanks for giving this fic a chance; read and reviewed. I love you guys! Enjoy! ;)
CHAPTER 5 – KANDA VISITS THE PSYCHIATRIST
"I'M GAY!" shouted one very alarmed, very horrified Allen Walker.
He couldn't believe what was happening. No, he couldn't believe what on earth he just did. Good grief…he had confessed his feelings ("Unconsciously!" quipped in his rationale mind) to Kanda in front of the whole goddamn cafeteria!
"I did not confess to anything!" Allen protested, raising his hands in sheer confusion.
He paced around the room, up and down, left to right, horizontally and vertically. After a short while, he paused in his strides and started engaging in a furious debate with his subconscious. "I hate Kanda. I hate him with every fibre of my being. Therefore, I do not, I repeat, DO NOT like him in anyway that questions my sexuality."
'Yeah right.' said a voice at the back of his head, which sounded very much like Kanda, accept in a higher, more girly pitch.
"For I." said Allen, with much more determination. "…am as straight as…"
He looked around in his room, searching for an item representative for his 'I am so straight' homosexuality-denial speech.
He saw a plastic ruler.
'Plastic rulers are flexible. They can bend.' said the same voice that Allen had officially named Mini Kanda for it responded to nothing else.
"But this one here's thick at the rim." He protested, easily bending the ruler with his fingers. "So we can pretend it's non-flexible."
He smiled widely; feeling more assured of his…sexuality?
"Fine. Be that way." said Mini Kanda. "But weren't you…hungry?"
CRAP.
Lenalee was never one to get surprise, shocked or alarmed by anything. When it came to relationships, love problems, betrayal, and all other sorts of soppy soap opera drama series, she was basically a guru - and a damn proud one if she might add. However, when she saw a certain white-haired exorcist running frantically out of the canteen and slamming his door with such a huge bang that it literally shattered all the window glass, she couldn't reinforce those statements.
"Lavi." She said in a low, grim tone and pulled the poor man by his scarf, dragging him out into a relatively quiet area, far isolated from the fervent screams of fangirl passion.
So they both ended up in the girl's bathroom, which was unsurprisingly secluded because the entire female population had replaced their 'makeup session' with 'hover and stalk Kanda/Allen' obsession.
"Please tell me that you did NOT drag me into a girl's toilet." Lavi intoned, positively humiliated. "But I've gotta say…nice streamers. Do you girls always decorate your bathrooms with pink ribbons and fluff? The last time I visited…oh shit…"
"You visited?"
"It was an urgent call."
"…"
"Honest!"
"Nevermind that, but you had better tell me everything that happened in the cafeteria. NOW." She demanded in a very un-Lenalee-like way. It was scary how her face seemed to be alighted with an intimidating glow but, Lavi noticed, it was just due to the yellowish-green light hanging above their heads.
"You might wanna sit down and take some sedatives in the process." He offered, pocketing out a few white tablets.
"And may I ask just how?" Lenalee replied, pointing an index finger at the rows of beautifully decorated pink heart shapes-teddy bears-glitters cubicles.
So Lavi was right about girls with pink streamers.
"Sedatives?"
One of these days, Kanda might just have to send himself straight for therapy. He was in a desperate need for psychiatric help, and so was the Bean Sprout, he thought. He sighed. No, he really sighed - as in a deep, abdomen, breath intake and then wheezing out the carbon dioxide from his lungs.
"Argh. This is all your fault, you stupid bean sprout!"
The visual image of one blushing bean sprout did not help any.
You didn't need to ask. For no sooner than a second, Kanda had whisked himself away for an appointment with the Black Order's one and only psychiatrist who was really there for no reason whatsoever. No one needs a psychiatrist, really. You could always, like what Kanda unconsciously and habitually carries out from time to time, pour out your feelings and seek comfort in your own solitude.
Then again, that proved useless, didn't it?
So Kanda had simply stormed into the psychiatrist's office and demanded an immediate appointment. And if that didn't scare off the unsuspecting suicidal patient, it made the poor 65-year-old Professor pee in his pants.
Kanda, very angrily and confusingly, confided in him that he was driven to the brink of insanity and was left with no other alternative than to visit him for the very same reason that he was clearly going crazy. He had even charmingly quipped in that this emotional disorientation might lead to a bloody massacre in the Black Order.
"IT'S ALL MOYASHI'S FAULT!"
The Professor squeaked.
"Why does he always have to say stupid things and make my head spin?!!" Kanda shouted and proceeded to furiously stab the velvet cushion with the edge of his sword.
Kanda had also confessed to dreaming about that 'stupid bean sprout'. Allen would be singing that song from the previous event and Kanda gaping like he really did. It would be re-enacted night after night like an old theater show, with Kanda as the only audience and Allen in his sexy white costume. Kanda would clap and applause, mesmerized by that 'stupid bean sprout' which is clearly ridiculous, considering how he hates 'that stupid bean sprout' and could wish for nothing better than to 'murder him!' Stab. Stab. Slash. Slash!
The psychiatrist just looked on, horribly paled. Both disturbed by the sudden confession from the rumored Most-Straight-Male-Alive AND the most violent destruction of his front door and disfiguration of his expensive sofa that was specially flown in from Romania.
The Professor, close recovering from the aftershock, clucked his tongue and propped his hand under his chin. "It seems that you have been experiencing some very powerful feelings." He drawled, putting verbal emphasis on the word 'powerful'. "May I ask, exactly, when did it start?"
And so Kanda rambled on, which was highly incongruous for a manly 18-year-old, giving explicit details of how he had chanced upon the naked bean sprout in his white door rug. But of course, it wasn't the details that mattered; it was the diction in which he spoke of – confusing, sexy, hot, inexplicable emotions…
"You have had recurring images of a naked 15 year old boy?" asked the Professor most abruptly.
"HE WASN'T NAKED! THERE WAS A WHITE DOOR RUG!" shouted Kanda.
The Professor was visibly frightened. "Yes, my mistake, I do apologize most sincerely. I was… distraught." He cleared his throat the second time.
"You have had these…overpowering emotions from watching…" the Professor paused, unsure of how to re-phrase patient's declaration to a slightly more logical overtone. "…the 15 year old?"
Kanda nodded.
"And these emotions, these urges, were they by any chance inherent within you, waiting for an opportunity to reveal its intentions or perhaps elicited by an unforeseen circumstance?"
Kanda paused for a long moment, reflectively twisting the corner of his lips and knitting his brows. "This question has been baffling me since, I was hoping you could tell me. After all, I wouldn't be here if I could resolve this issue myself." said Kanda finally, seething as he did. "Aren't you the guru at such psychological nonsense?"
"Very well, very well." The Professor started scribbling down furiously on his notepad.
There was a silence as Kanda waited for the Professor to give his perceptive insight with conventional wisdom.
"Having heard of your account, it would be prudent to lay the source of your frustrations and perplexities on human's natural disposition, or sexual inclinations to be more precise. Theoretically speaking therefore, but do pardon me if my assessment is flawed, it seems almost apparent to me that you are strongly attracted to this young boy. Your sexual inclinations had since then gave birth to a monstrous desire to be rid of these unknown surges within you. In other words, this…bean bag boy as you call him…"
"Bean sprout." Kanda corrected, absentmindedly, too lost in the wisdom that his physiatrist was providing to fully comprehend what his judgmental conclusion might be insinuating.
"…in doing so, however, you have obliviously harnessed greater affection, this yearning…"
Kanda was genuinely captivated.
"…the passion to have physical contact with this boy…"
"ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M GAY?!!"
A few blocks away, the bookman was giving his own account of the interesting spectacle that has, by then, attracted quite a few listeners.
"So? So?! What was Kanda's reaction?!!" Lenalee inched closer to the storyteller, eyes arrested with attention and craze. "What did he say?! What did he say?!!"
"Chill down, man. I'm getting there…" Lavi trailed off, mercilessly enjoying the suspense and cliffhanger he was providing.
"My god, I'm so hungry!" cried Allen as he slumped on his bed. His stomach started churning out a nasty sound that would have sounded very much like vulgarities if it was given a voice. "Stop growling! I can't save you now!"
Stubbornly, it continued its raging riot.
"Passion. It's the passion within you that contorts stability in your mind." said the Professor. "There is however a slight possibility…"
"Say that I'm gay and I swear I'll drive the tip of my sword into your heart!" Kanda threatened, brandishing his gleaming sword.
There were puffs and fluffs of cotton wool floating in the backdrop which has been undoubtedly created from the destruction of that expensive sofa. Put two and two together and you'll see why the Professor's verdict was rather...off track.
For starters, there was never stability in Kanda's mind.
"He ran away?" Lenalee made a grimace; she had expected much more coming from Kanda, with his bluntness and all. "He should have chased after Allen!! It's a horrible sin not to!"
"Yes, it's terribly sinful!" the girls inarticulately agreed.
"Chase after Akumas, yes. But Moyashi-chan? No." Lavi leaned against one of the basins. "Why, I don't think I've ever seen Kanda chasing after anyone!"
"No, of course not, my dear child." The psychiatrist said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Rationale deliberation proclaims that we must not, provided we have empirical evidence to do so, define your sexuality with raw, erratic feelings. I'm sure you have had exhibited emotions towards the opposite sex, no?"
The question was answered by a negative silence.
"I can't go out there!" Allen peeked through the keyhole.
Several girls, looking both frantic and crazed, were lurking outside his door. Afraid of being mobbed, he remained silent, hoping against hope that those silly people would go away soon.
"I'M NOT HERE!" shouted Allen.
The girls screamed.
And you wonder why Kanda coined the term 'stupid bean sprout'.
Lenalee looked thoughtful. "You're right, Lavi. I don't believe I've ever seen Kanda showing remote interest in anyone or anything for that matter." She mused. "Funny how he seems so fired up when it comes to Allen."
"Kinky. Very kinky."
"Have you ever been sexually attracted to the opposite sex?" the Professor asked again.
Kanda's pale face flushed – frightened almost – as though the Professor had made a dirty joke – asked him if he ever had sex, or did anything morbidly sinful.
"Here I am, being ridiculously bounded to my own room without any food or drinks to stuff myself with!"
"I say we do something, something mild yet dramatically effective to bring those two together." Lenalee clasped her hands together in excitement.
"Let's try this again." The Professor was saying. "Are you attracted to men?"
Allen felt hopeless; his life was bleak without food. "Food. Food. Where are you?!"
"Dramatically effective?" Lavi asked, doubtful. "I don't think you can ever pull a fast one on Yuu. He's much too quick and smart for any of us! And not to mention, that uncanny instinct he has."
Kanda opened his mouth and quickly closed it again. What on earth was he supposed to say? He wasn't attracted to anyone - anyone at all! Not men, not women. But that stupid, naïve, idiot bean sprout. Oh good lord, did he just say he was attracted? Oh for heaven's sake!
"Maybe I should try an online food delivery."
"Which is why we will be exploiting that uncanny characteristic of his to our advantage," Lenalee smiled. "Being too clever never did anyone good."
"Men? Women? No?" The Professor adjusted his glasses to get a better view of his distraught patient. "If that's the case, my dear child, I am positively certain that you're going through a very…how should I put this…erratic stage… Your sexual tendencies, clearly undefined, are going through the latest stage of transformation. Metamorphosis, if I may call it."
"No, no. I'll risk opening the door. Maybe I can have it flown in through my window."
"Even if you did concoct one of the most stimulatingly brilliant plan on the entire universe, you'll never be able to force a confession out of Yuu! It's impossible!"
Kanda was silent. He wasn't sure how metamorphosis would work on his state of mind. Well, even if it did alter some of his conformist beliefs, it would never change the fact that he was indeed physically, sexually and emotionally attracted to one Allen Walker.
"Silly me! As if I'd ever let those people get in the way of my eating sessions!"
"There are always flaws, Lavi. Flaws. As the next successor of Bookman, you're ironically pessimistic."
'Damn you, bean sprout! Damn you!' thought Kanda angrily. 'Why did you have you step into my life?! I haven't had so much as a migraine till you came along!"
Gulping, Allen slowly twisted his doorknob, he had a plan – he would open his door, speed past those scary looking people, to the cafeteria, order food for the next 10 days and then take cover at the library. It was flawless! Allen could have patted himself on the back.
"Pessimistic? I just don't wanna go searching for death so soon. I enjoy my life, ya know."
"WHERE ARE YOU GOING MY DEAR BOY?!" screeched the poor Professor, getting up from his seat as Kanda stormed towards what-used-to-be-a-door. He was moderately worried that the human torch before him would unleash its burning flames in full scale on the innocent residents of the Black Order. "Perhaps we could-"
"Enough," said Kanda, without turning. "I have had enough of this. I came here to seek advice. And that purpose you have filled adequately. I am now going to solve this, once and for all."
A/N: To be continued… before you know it. ;)