Disclaimer: I do not own "Gossip Girl."
Author's Note: As always thank you for the wonderful reviews and comments, I appreciate every single one. Just a quick note that CB is featured very heavily in this story, but it is primarily an NS fic. So in that vein, this chapter is mostly NS.
Thank you for reading. :)
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At the time, it had seemed like a good idea— though to be honest; Serena had been hazy with sleep, so there was a chance that it had never been a good idea to begin with. She'd been awake and tucked under Nate's chin with Blair's back to her own and Chuck quite adorably snuggling her best friend in his arms beyond her.
She'd been lying on Nate's arm, his other arm slung over her shoulders, his face in her hair; their legs intertwined and curled together, and she knew— she couldn't sit up and get out without awaking someone.
And so somehow, rolling over Nate and to the floor had seemed to be the best option.
Except she'd forgotten to calculate that if Nate's face was pressed into her hair there was a good possibility that he lying on her hair— which, it turned out, he was. Which then lead to her gasp of pain mid-way through her roll over him, as she abruptly froze on top of him because she couldn't move anymore without yanking hair out of her head.
So here she was; a figment of a four-(almost-five)-year-olds imagination or a ghost from the past in the early morning, very early if the pale sunlight just barely slipping past the curtains of the room was any indication, her head angled awkwardly towards a very asleep Nate as she lay atop him.
"Oh crap," she mutters softly when she tries to tug herself free one more time and only succeeds in making Nate shift, so that his arm comes up to fall across her back. She shoots a quick look over at Chuck and Blair, but they don't move.
They're quite possibly the most adorable thing she's seen in awhile, the way they're curled into each other and huddled together— but she's a tiny bit too uncomfortable to really appreciate it.
She wriggles a little, trying to slide back down onto the mattress, but with his arm around her now, and her hair still trapped, it's doubly hard.
She takes a deep breath, tenses as she prepares to tug her hair harder, when he shifts again.
She whispers a surprised, "Oh," as he turns on his side a tiny bit, tilting her with him and freeing her hair a bit more.
And then he's blinking sleepy blue eyes open at her; and she holds completely still as he focuses on her, watches as a slow smile spreads across his face and the arm he has around her back, lifts to bring a hand up to his face. He rubs at his eyes and his hair and then promptly drops the arm back around her as he looks at her through heavy-lidded eyes— and she thinks maybe he edges out Chuck and Blair for most adorable.
"Hey," he says quietly. She can feel the low rumble of voice in his chest.
And she laughs then, softly of course, but just laughs and relaxes on top of him. Doesn't really know why she's laughing and relaxing, except that it's Nate and he's grinning at her and that seems good enough.
She lets her head tilt down in the direction of where her hair is pinned and that brings her face to his shoulder— and that's okay too. "Hey," she responds breathily.
He tilts his head to one side so he can look into her face and arcs an eyebrow at her. She smiles, because her hair's free now that he's moved, but she doesn't stir. So he drops his head back down on the pillow and when his hand starts fiddling with the strands of her hair, tugging at them teasingly, she pokes him the side.
He laughs.
And Serena shushes him quietly, a finger to her lips, before motioning to the rest of the bed. He lifts his head and peers to the foot of it, to see a little bundle swaddled among the sheets, just a pink bunny ear and a thatch of blonde hair visible.
And then he looks over Serena at Chuck and Blair and he grins so wide that it's Serena who laughs this time.
"We need a camera…" he says delightedly, voice soft.
Serena giggles some more. "They would kill us."
"It'd be worth it." He responds enthusiastically.
And she laughs harder, turns her face into his chest to muffle the sound; and for just that moment, while he's laughing too, she thinks maybe he's right and everything will turn out okay after all…
She lifts her head and their blue eyes meet; both bright with mirth and without having to say a word or make a single motion they both start to slide towards the edge of the bed. They stumble out of it in a tangle of sheets and arms; grateful for the thick carpeting that mutes the thudding sound of their legs as they slipped to the floor.
They throw the sheets back onto the bed, untangling the soft fabric from themselves, and stagger to their feet; leaning into each other as they lurch towards the door, holding their breaths to keep from laughing too hard, too loudly. And when they finally slip out into the hallway and shut the door behind them, it all comes out in big, gulping breaths— bright laughter that makes them weak at the knees and has them sliding down the wall to the floor, side-by-side, shoulders shaking with merriment.
"They snuggle," Nate gasps, his head falling to her shoulder.
And Serena nods, still laughing.
They sit like that, laughing together, until they're both breathless and exhausted all over again and then Nate lifts his head from her shoulder and grins at her, "Good Morning."
She rolls her eyes and pushes up from the wall suddenly, whirling around to face him and extending her hand, "Come on."
He takes her hand and stands. "Where?"
She shrugs, "I don't know… around, let's take a walk."
Nate glances at the door, "We're not supposed to—"
"New day, new rules, Nate," she says brightly and is already walking down the hallway.
He watches her walk for a moment and then shakes his head and moves to follow her. "So you're better today then?" He asks softly as they walk down the hallway, "Feeling better, I mean…?"
"Hm," she turns around and walks backwards, bringing two fingers to her chin as she makes a show of considering it, "Feeling less hysterical so far, yes; but it's still early."
He laughs; but he knows she's completely serious.
She turns back around, leads him past the staircase though, down the other side of the hallway, "Serena… what are we—?" he questions.
"Just looking around, Nate!" She calls back from ahead of him and he shakes his head fondly at her back, follows her trail of blonde hair.
The hallways are wide and carpeted and lined with photos of… them… of all of them, the kids and the adults; so they stop to stare and coo a few times. And he comes up behind her and she leans back to look into his face and they admire photographs of events that might never come be.
When they find another staircase they descend it together without hesitation, steps quick; don't have to be quiet she reminds him gleefully and he nods, grinning, as they race downstairs.
It leads them to the kitchen where they both come to wavering halt.
The giddy, silly mood fades at the sight of the older Serena, sitting at the counter with an untouched glass of juice in front of her. Her hair is loose around her shoulders just the way the younger Serena's is and she's wearing a thin robe over what look to be a pink tank top and matching shorts. Her gaze is fastened onto the glass with an odd focus that makes air the air around her seem heavy.
But it's not that Serena that concerns Nate. He shifts his gaze to his. "Maybe we should—"
She shakes her head. "No, it's okay… I want to see."
He sighs, touches her arm, "Yeah, but you… got really upset yesterday… so maybe—"
"It's a new day," she repeats and moves towards the older Serena.
"Yeah," Nate acknowledges following her, "But you… yelled."
She sends him a look, "You yelled back."
"You yelled first."
"Okay, fine. Sorry," she relents.
And he shakes his head as they move to stand in front of the other Serena, "That's not what I mean…" he tells her softly, trailing off. He knows she knows that's not why he's bringing it up.
She sighs. "I know it's not," she says a beat later, "But this is just something that I need to—"
Her older self stands then, moves to the cross the kitchen and Serena stops speaking; moves to follow the older woman without notice because she knows Nate's going to come with her.
Nate sighs, looks after them for a moment and then he follows.
There's another door in the kitchen, the backdoor they presume; and it leads to the side of the house, the area with the pool house and the pool and this is where the older Serena goes.
He follows both Serena's out to the poolside. His Serena is standing beside it, watching as the older drops her robe onto the platform, revealing her shorts and tank top more clearly, both pink, and then she sits down, immersing her legs into the water and splashing a little.
Her back is to the pool house, the house off to the one side of her, and her gaze fixed across the width of the pool.
He stares at her, looks at his Serena and shrugs. She looks back at him and returns the shrugs. They don't discuss it, don't need to even motion each other for it—they both just sit down on the tile too, cross their legs under them and face each other; Nate with a clear view of the older Serena, and the younger with a clear view of the house.
"She looks sad," Nate says when they're settled, his eyes on the older woman as she stares into the water.
And Serena nods once. "Good."
"Serena!" He reprimands, gaze moving from the older to the younger.
"What?!" She says and gives him a half-grin, "She should look sad, Nate. Stop being such a softie."
He shakes his head, smiles a little, "I'm not. I'm just saying… she's not so bad."
Serena's look is skeptical.
And Nate laughs then. "I can't believe we're arguing about your probably fictional future self."
She shrugs, smiling. "I get that you want to like her 'cause you like me, which is totally understandably," she teases, "But she's a mess."
"Everybody's a mess. Some people just hide it better."
Serena snorts. "I should learn to do that."
"No," he says instantly, frowning at her a little, "It's worse if you hide it. You should never hide."
He says it intensely; like he's talking about more than just her problems, like he means all of her and everything she thinks and wants—and maybe he does.
She looks away for a moment, lets her gaze flit out over to the lawn, to the quiet house. "We forgot to check what time it was…" she says after a moment.
Nate's quiet. She looks over to him and he's watching, just like she knew he would be. He's always watched her a lot.
"You hungry?" He wonders.
She shrugs, "Not really… kinda weird actually… you?"
"Nope. Maybe since we're not really here and all…"
She laughs a little, "Where do you think we are, Nate?"
"Who knows…" he says shrugging and smiling as he adds, "Unconscious, comatose, dead?"
She leans forward and punches him in the shoulder, "Mister Positivity!" She exclaims.
And he laughs, "Says we're-cursed girl!" And he pitches his voice high at a pitch meant to mock.
Her mouth drops open and she laughs, "Hey! That's a good possibility!"She argues.
"Uh-huh… sure— if we were wizards!" He says, still laughing softly; and in the midst of her giggling he adds, "This is nice," in a tone of such complete sincerity it takes her off guard.
She blinks. "Nice?"
"Yeah, I haven't you seen you a lot this summer."
"Nate… we're like… lost in a future realm of reality or something…"
"Well, sure. But right now we're sitting outside in the sun and talking… and it's nice."
She huffs; but she can't stop smiling and she can't disagree.
"Yeah, it is," she says finally and then tilts her head to one side, "How are you doing with all this?"
"What do you mean?"
"It's your future too… me, well, her…" she says and motions to the older Serena, still just sitting quietly, lost in her thoughts. "And you haven't said anything about it except to defend me…"
He stares at her.
"You can tell me what you think, you know."
"I know…"
"Well…? I mean there's a lot… there's her," again she motions to her older self, "And there's Sunny and there's… Annie… and there's… Vanessa…"
Nate starts a little, "Sunny's great! And Annie too!" He says quickly, "Both of them are amazing…" he adds emphatically.
"And… sure," he continues shrugging a little as he ducks his head a bit, eyes dropping for a moment from her face, "I mean, I'm with Vanessa at some point, and that's… you know… I like her… so yeah— I probably… could marry her," he nods slightly after saying this, and they're both silent for a moment.
Then he lifts his eyes to her and says simply, "And then I marry you."
They stare at each other in silence. The five words lying between them—encapsulating so much of what they do, how they work— everything, everyone else first, but them in the end. It's as a silent an agreement as dropping down onto the tile, as getting up to the leave the room—no words or motions necessary, something they just know.
"And then you marry me." She says the words softly.
He straightens then, and a smile starts to spread across his face; he opens his mouth to speak when the there's creaking, a shuffling of steps, and panting.
The older Serena startles, turns around towards the pool. Nate's gaze goes beyond his Serena and she shifts to look as well.
Annie's standing by the open door of the pool house, dark hair loose around her face and Moonie's collar gripped in one hand, while the other rubs at her face.
"Annie…" the older Serena says, lifting her legs from the water.
The girl blinks, frowns a little, "S?"
"Honey, what are you doing up so early? It's not even seven yet…"
The girl nods, eyes closing a little, "Gotta… let him… Moonie out..." she says sleepily. And the dog sits then as if to make his presence known.
The woman laughs a little and stands from the platform, walks barefoot, they notice, across the grass and to the girl. "I'll watch him, go on back to sleep…"
"Yeah?" Annie asks, but her head tilts forward and they can see she's already half-asleep on her feet.
Serena smoothes the girl's hair with one hand, leans down and takes Moonie's collar with the other. "Yeah… go on…" she says, tugging the dog up and away from the girl.
Annie nods, "Cool…" and disappears inside, shutting the door behind her.
The older Serena laughs a little, and pats the dog on the head, "Come on Moonie, let's fertilize Chuck's yard," she says with a little spite in her voice.
Nate laughs and looks at his Serena, "See! She's nice…" he says and points at the other Serena as she leads Moonie around to a grassy area.
"I don't doubt she's nice, Nate. I just…" Serena sighs, "I thought I'd be… better, you know?"
"Everybody thinks they'll be better, Serena, but then, like… life happens."
She stares at him; he stares back, daring her to argue. And she rolls her eyes, can't really argue that life happens, and huffs at him, "When did you get so smart?"
"I've always been this smart, you just forgot 'cause you started hanging out with other people."
She squeaks, outraged, "I did not!"
"Did too!"
Moonie barks then, comes racing away from the spot Serena had led him to; runs straight through them and Serena's playful squeak turns into an actual shriek even as Nate jumps up an inch from the tile.
They whirl in the direction Moonie has run off to; looking for what's caused its reaction.
And find the dog with its front paws on Nate's chest—the older one.
"Oh man," the younger Nate sighs.
Both Serena's tense, but it's the older one that moves forward, closer, eyes on the man that's joined her outside.
He's rubbing the dogs head, murmuring something quiet to him; and then Moonie's on all fours again and Nate's bending down to clip a leash to his collar.
When he looks up, Serena is a four feet away from him. Bare-feet on the tile, legs wet, hair loose, dressed in pink and looking younger than any mother of three has a right to look.
"Hey," she says quietly, eyeing him warily.
He straightens, nods at her, "Hey."
They don't smile at each other; just continue to watch one another. And the younger Nate reaches over and touches Serena's wrist with his fingers, "Let's go… you don't have to watch this… it doesn't have to be this way, okay?" He tells her gently, "This is just… an illusion..."
She pulls her gaze from the silent couple and meets his blue stare. "But it could be this way—and we, I, have to know…"
He sighs, nods a little and leans back again.
"I was… watching him…" the older Serena says tentatively into the silence, "For Annie… she was—it's early so I… told her to go back to bed…"
Her husband nods. "I'm taking him for a run with me." And he looks ready for a run, jogging pants and sneakers, old t-shirt and messy hair.
"Right…" she responds.
He nods. Moonie sits beside him, panting. "You're up early…" he says after a beat.
"Couldn't sleep," she admits.
He doesn't nod. "You talk to Gracie last night?"
"Yeah," she says, "Sort of…"
"Sort of not." Nate responds and it's there again, the bite in his voice.
"If you know then don't ask," she tells him and there's a touch of bite in her voice too.
"You need to talk to her; singing and jumping on the bed don't cut it."
"Don't tell me what cuts it, Nate. I know how to handle my daughter!"
"Ah right, your daughter." He snaps.
And she deflates the burst of anger gone. "You know that's not what I meant."
He shakes his head, pulls on the dog's leash as he takes a step away from her, "I have no idea what you mean anymore, Serena."
"Nate…"
She says his name softly, shyly almost; but he doesn't stop. Turns around and starts walking away and they can see panic flash across her face.
"Nate!" She calls more forcefully, taking a step after him.
He pause then, pulls Moonie to a stop, and looks over his shoulder. "What, Serena?" And his voice is low, weary.
"I…" she licks her lips, takes another step towards him; and they can see her draw in a deep breath, see her forcing herself to be brave. "I don't want— a divorce," she confesses.
And that has him turning back around. "You… what?"
She nods. "I don't… want to get a divorce."
He stares at her.
"I've never wanted that," she continues to tell him.
And he continues to stare.
"Never will…" she adds.
The entire yard is completely silent; even Moonie has ceased to pant into the morning air.
And then Nate laughs, a breathy utterly humorless sound that makes them all cringe. He shakes his head at her, eyes a little wide as he gapes, "You…" he says disbelievingly, "Don't want a divorce…" he echoes.
"No." Serena answers, even though she knows it's not a question.
Nate blinks, free hand coming up in a somewhat helpless gesture; and then yanks on Moonie's leash and turns around.
And he leaves.
Leaves.
Without another word to her; he takes the dog and stalks out of the yard.
The older Serena, along with the two of them, stare after him in complete shock. Because you don't just… leave when someone says that to you…
Nate looks at his Serena after a moment and shrugs, says a little sheepishly, "I get tongue tied sometimes…"
It surprises a tiny laugh out of her and she's about to speak when the older Serena quite suddenly, cries, "AUGH," into the silent yard and stomps her foot furiously before taking off like a hornet towards the house.
"Uh-oh," Nate says watching her go.
Seconds later his Serena is grabbing his hand and hauling him to his feet. "Come on…!" She shouts.
"Serena!" He tries as they run after her older self, who is moving alarmingly quickly, "Maybe we should think about this…!"
But they don't think about it.
They follow older Serena into the kitchen and around through the dining room, den, living room, and toward the main staircase at a frantic pace.
"Do you think this is a good idea!?" Nate calls.
She has him by the hand and is leading him after her future self with nary a word to him, but at that, she responds with, "Probably not!"
And he nods as they turn into the upstairs hallways, "Didn't think so."
The older Serena has stopped outside Blair and Chuck's door and there's a cell phone in her hand. She tapping her foot impatiently, eyes on the door and then something flickers in her gaze and she nods, says, "Good, you're asleep," before reaching out and pushing the door open.
They both gasp.
"Oh my god!" Serena cries, pointing with the hand Nate isn't holding at the door.
He nods. "But—but—it was closed!" Nate says.
They stare at each other; and then Serena pulls Nate into the room.
"Serena, this is a bad idea—" he starts but doesn't finish the warning, because the older Serena is pacing in front of Chuck and Blair's bed, hands waving in the air, one clutching her phone, as her hair bounces around her shoulders and her blue eyes blaze— and he realizes quite suddenly that she's furious.
"… and he walked away, Blair!" She's shouting, "Just walked away! Didn't even say anything to me!"
Blair for her part, is very slowly pulling an eye mask from her face and blinking bewilderedly at her best friend. There's a cell phone still in her hand and she can't quite seem to focus her gaze on the buzzing blonde in front of her.
"Serena?"
"You told me to tell him I didn't want a divorce, Blair! And I did!" Serena rants, "And he doesn't say anything! He walks away! So NOW what? Huh?"
Blair's trying to sit up, her hair is carefully coifed and pinned up and she's lying with Chuck's arm around her stomach and nearly submerged in pillows; but she's trying to get up so she can glare at her sister in better fashion. "It can't be even eight o'clock yet, Serena… on a Saturday… in the Hamptons…"
"Just left! And he took the dog! I was watching the dog, Blair!"
Chuck groans then, lifts his head in the direction of the voice, blinks blearily at his sister before turning to his wife, "Why is my sister in our bedroom?"
Blair groans slides back into the covers, "I don't know…" she moans pitifully.
"Is she coming to bed?"
"NO, I'm not coming to bed, Chuck!" Serena snaps, "I'm trying to figure out what to do now that I've probably made things worse thanks to Blair's advice. And you know what I don't care! He left! After I—"
Chuck turns his head towards her and frowns, like she's a sort of fly marring his oceanic view, "Come to bed or leave the room, our alarm is set for eight o'clock."
Serena glares at him for a beat and then turns on the heal of her foot and strides out of the room. They both jump out of her way and then follow quickly as she slams the door behind her.
"I think we know where Gracie gets her temper," Nate says, a little frightened as he stares at the older Serena. She's pacing the hallway now, taking deep breaths in an effort to calm herself.
Serena frowns at her older self, "I don't usually get like that…" she sends Nate a sidelong glance, "I think you pushed a button. I think she's... scared, really, really scared..."
Nate's quiet for a moment, watching the older woman, and then nudges his Serena's shoulder gently, smiles a little at her, "Admit it, I get you hot and bothered."
Serena startles at the comment, pulls her gaze from her counterpart; and then rolls her eyes at him; laughs, "Looks more like irrationally homicidal…"
He squeezes her hand and she jumps, looks down at their intertwined fingers like she'd forgotten they were holding hands at all.
She stares down at their joined limbs for a moment and when she lifts her gaze to his; it's a touch more serious than a moment ago, but not nearly as despairing the day before.
The older Serena's pace slow suddenly. And they turn to look at her. The anger's gone from her expression. In fact everything is, her face is curiously blank as she starts walking down the hallway. And a moment later they start after her; their hands still clasped.
The woman walks to Sunny's door, stares at it for a moment and then walks inside slowly, so as not to wake him.
Nate and Serena exchange quick glances.
Chuck and Blair are still snuggled together, still asleep, and the two of them grimace at each other, because it becomes quite obvious, when the older Serena stands over her son and tisks at his placement on his bed, that she's going to move him. Up to where the two brunettes are sleeping.
"You do it," Nate says to her.
"No way, you."
"Your brother and best friend."
"Your best friend and ex girl friend!"
"Serena," he says and blinks at her, "Come on… they'll yell at me."
And there's a pull to his bottom lip that's almost a pout. She sighs. The older Serena is lifting Sunny into her arms, blanket and bunny, included.
Serena moves quickly to Chuck and Blair, makes Nate stand next to her as she uses her free hand to shove at Chuck, "Wake up! Guys! Wake up! You're about to be sat through!"
He starts under her touch and in reaction, Blair does too. They blink up at her in unison, confusion on their faces, and it's like watching a bucket of ice water fall over them when they realize exactly how they were sleeping and just who is watching them and just what is about to happen.
It's the fastest and clumsiest the two brunettes have ever gotten up from a bed; and it takes Nate's quick reflexes to keep them both from tripping to the ground.
"What is—"
"What just—"
They both go to speak when they're standing facing the blondes, but Nate and Serena simultaneously point behind them, to where the older Serena is now settling against headboard with Sunny in her arms.
Blair blinks, rubs at her face, "What is she doing—?"
Chuck's doing the same, but watching them, not the older Serena, "Why are the two of you—?"
But they both fall silent as Sunny stirs in his mother's hold, "Mommy…?" He asks, blinking sleepy, blue eyes at her.
And she smiles at him, touches her forehead to his, "Hm, yes, baby… let Mommy cuddle you for a little while okay…" she says very softly; and the blank expression is gone then. It's nothing, but love there now.
He nods, presses his face into her chest, "m'kay… song though…" he mutters, closing his eyes.
And she laughs a little, "A song, huh?"
Sunny nods again, mumbles sweetly, "Mine, kay..."
And Serena laughs, the sound loving. "Your song it is…" she breathes.
And then whispers very gently against his ear, "You are my sunshine… my only sunshine… you make me happy… when sky's are gray…" she rocks him a little then, rubs a hand through his silky hair, "You'll never know dear… how much I love you…" the song breaks a little as her voice wobbles, but Sunny's sound asleep by now and she lowers her face to his, presses a kiss on his forehead, "So please don't take… my sunshine away…"
***