Title: Plan B
Author: Fiercy
Pairings: StarMaka, SoulMaka, TsubakiStar, MarieSteinMedusa, OxKim, ChronaEmoPoetry, SteinSwivelchair.

Note: This was a challenge from none other than Completely Frazzled: AU in which all (yes...ALL) of the SE cast work in an office, someone has to photocopy their butt, MakaSoulBlackStar is madatory. Tsubaki is coffee intolerant; someone has to fall off a building at least once, spiny chair of doom the return? 1 catfight and due to lack of money Liz sells kid into prostitution ...yeah.

---

--

-

--

---

The fact that his friend was more whipped than cream had no bearing on his actions. Really.

He just wanted to see what the big deal was at first. Then the chase got fun.

He'd heard a lot of stories while working at Shibusen Ads about the mysterious Maka Albarn. Lots of guys claimed they'd gotten to the other side of the tracks if you catch his drift but were almost immediately called out and shot down by BlackStar's best friend Solomon 'Soul' Evans.

The biblically named man had claimed her to be his best friend since diapers. This annoyed (the great) BlackStar. Were best friends allowed to have other best friends that the other has never even known about let alone talked to? Apparently so. When did that law change? Stupid reforms.

BlackStar was 99.9% sure that Soul was her bitch. Why this bothered him was a mystery. Okay, no it wasn't. Soul talked big and claimed way more girls than him and when he said that he hadn't made a move ("On tiny tits? Why would I do that?") It could have meant one of two things to the blue haired man. 1) He was lying and was actually as gay as their bosses' son Kid. Or 2) she was too important to him as a best friend. Which is just as gay because there's no denying that Maka is hot.

So BlackStar decided he'd give the untouchable, top of the food chain office manager Albarn a spin. If just to prove he could do it better than Soul.

"Hey," she didn't look up at his suave greeting.

"Hi," her gaze remained fixed to the numbers in the manila folder.

"Why don't we ever talk?"

"I believed it's because the first time we met, you know, before you found out I was your boss, you called me an uptight, flat chested, stick up the ass bitch."

He twitched a little, "Well I was wrong."

She looked up for the first time, "Wow, your pride doesn't taste so good when you're the one swallowing it huh?" she looked him up and down, "I'm not giving you a raise by the way. No matter how much you kiss my ass."

"How about coffee?"

"Not even if you paid me."

XxX

Well clearly plan A wasn't working; Maka wasn't falling for his charms or debonair suaveness.

Now for plan B: ask Tsubaki what plan C is.

"TSUBAKI!" Incessant banging echoed around her apartment. The young receptionist yawned and got out of bed, scratching her head and opening the door to find her over enthused friend standing wide awake on her doorstep.

"What are you doing here BlackStar?" she yawned, glancing at her watch and internally banging her head against the doorjamb. "It's one in the morning and I have to work tomorrow. In fact so do you."

"But I need your help!" he exclaimed, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world to say that would automatically get him out of trouble. Of course Tsubaki couldn't resist the ultimate begging face of the beautiful and mighty BlackStar.

"Come in."

Score!

…30 minutes later.

"Get out of my house BlackStar." Apparently at 1:30 in the morning after listening to her friend ramble for half an hour Tsubaki was not the sweet and caring person he'd grown to know and maybe kinda like. Oh man was she a bitch when she was tired. "Getting a girl just so you can rub it in Soul-kun's face is not a nice thing to do."

"But what if I said it would keep me from harassing other girls?"

She slumped face down on her kitchen table, defeated and too tired to argue. "Go make me some coffee."

Another hour and eight cups of coffee later Tsubaki was ready to beat her head against a brick wall. Or run. Or skip. Maybe a cartwheel or two. She just had so much energy! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

"Neh, Tsubaki…Are you okay?" the perfectly complacent, somehow calm (apparently caffeine had the opposite effect for him) BlackStar looked up at his jumping jacking friend.

"Perfectly fine! Never better! YAHOO!" She grinned widely in a creepy way that was all too frightening on her face –twitch twitch- "Why wouldn't I be?"

"So what should I do abo-?"

"Know what we should do?! Run laps around central park!"

"That's in Manhattan." … "We're four states away."

Too hyped up to wonder how he knew that she laughed raucously, "So we'll walk!"

Clearly his hour of choice was not opportune.

X-x-X

With no one else to turn to for sane dating advice BlackStar settled on his own….unique methods.

When Maka opened up his budget reports the next afternoon to look them over she found a photocopy of his ass at the very top of the stack with the words "Now you know what you're missing." Scrawled in bright red sharpie.

Horns sprouted from her head and the expression on her face promised great pain and suffering.

X-x-X

Stein looked at the ceiling boredly as he spun in his wonderfully epic best-friend-who-no-one-can-ever-replace Mr. Swivel. "Stein, stop mindlessly worshipping your stupid chair and focus on what really matters here! My Maka-chan is off canoodling with that no good dirty rotten pig stealing-" Oh wait, wrong movie reference. "No good punk!" Spirit sobbed over coffee, causing his tears of despair to make the beverage rather salty, thus undrinkable. For shame. What a waste.

Stein, who was severely unnerved by his coworker's blatant disrespect for Mr. Swivel just ignored him.

"Why am I wasting my time with you?! You're just like him, going out with both Marie and Medusa at the same time, you horrible fiend! They broke the fax machine in that cat fight!"

Stein, having been reminded of that rather sexy display decided that then was the opportune time to take his lunch break and return home where two very lovely blonds were probably waiting for him.

OT3s rule in his book clearly.

Spirit was left to cry some more all by his lonesome.

"Are you going to finish that coffee Spirit-sempai?" –Twitch twitch-

X-x-X

"Alright, listen up everybody!" Liz called the meeting to order. "Since we've all basically stopped caring about this company altogether in favor of other peoples sex lives- which coincidentally are exactly like my soap operas- we're basically circling the drain here! Kid's already prostituting himself to the males of the community, Chrona's been working double time on advertising slogans, Eruka and Free have bought a dancing monkey to display in front of our building and- for petes Sake Blair! Disrobe a bit for pete's sake! If you all want to keep your jobs than you'd better step it up!"

"BLACKSTAR GET THE HELL OFF ME, I REFUSE TO WALK AROUND IN A BIKINI TOP TO GET CUSTOMERS!!"

X-x-X

"-And he's being completely obsessive, and-"

"So tell her to issue a restraining order."

"He's not dangerous, but you'd think he'd have the decency to back off! God, now I have to protect that idiot-"

"From what? The evil clutches of sex with a hormonal guy? Please."

"I'm protecting her virtue here! I'm her best friend; that's what I'm supposed to do."

"Oh please as if she's a virgin-" Soul's jaw dropped. "Taste this please." He stuck a spoon of pie filling into his awaiting mouth.

"That's not the point! Of course she is! She's Maka! And DAMN Wes, this is some tasty shit!"

X-x-X

"God Soul just ask her out." Kilik groaned.

"Ask who?"

"Maka!" Harvar supplied.

"What about her?" Desk? Meet three heads who can no longer tolerate their friend's obliviousness. I think you'll get along smashingly.

"You are so unbelievably hopeless." Ox sighed, "Show her by buying her flowers, do something extravagant for her! Be a man!"

"Dude…She's not Kim. That won't make her sleep with him; she'll send him to the psych ward."

X-x-X

Finally a week and a half into BlackStar's self infliction a knock sounded on his door.

Next thing he knew he was thrown out the window of his building…

...Right into his pool.

X-x-X

Maka was unsuspectingly sipping coffee, leaning against one of the office cubicles when suddenly two people stalked towards her at exactly the same pace wearing identical expressions of determination and annoyance.

The two collided foreheads right in front of her, having a metaphorical pissing contest.

"Maka, will you go out with me!" They shouted together.

She blinked twice before tossing the hot coffee in both their faces.

Note: Well Frazz…I hope you liked it you crazy crazy person. I look forward to something even harder from you XD

I put Wes and his famous cake in there just for you guys.

Do I pass? Feel free to severely trash talk me.