Title: feather dusters
Summary: Never make bets with Stein, chances are…he'll win.
Pairing: Stein/Kid.
Author: Pippicakes the first. (frazz…) (YOU WUV ME PIP!)
Length: 1850.
Comments: I love my dearest frazz so much because she's so beautiful and amazing and truly a way better (what are you doing?) Nothing… (…I can't stop you can I?) No. (Thought not.) ANYWAY! This is rather…Pippin. Yeah. That's an adjective now.
Real comment: All I am going to say is Frazzled is a very sick, sick pedo, stalker with a fetish for cross-dressing and sadism AKA Stein's dream girl.
"This is twisted, even for you!"
"Now, now Kid-kun you brought this upon yourself."
"No. You said I'd have to clean the classroom…this is not cleaning the classroom!"
If Kid wasn't looking at the floor through his mop of hair desperately trying to call upon the wrath of Karma, he would have seen the scientist's lips quirk into a smirk of pure sadism.
"Yes it is."
"The class is in it Stein," the way the Kid practically hissed in mortification made the meister really wish he'd brought a video camera, this was a Kodak moment if he ever saw one.
"You never specified the rules of our little wager, Kid-kun," the young god was caught between leaping out from the cupboard he had just locked himself in and strangling the man before he could blink, or trying to smother himself with the mop.
Perhaps he should do both?
"I'm sure this is illegal…"
"So is sending out under-age children to battle for their lives."
"…touché…"
Stein could hear the boy awkwardly scuffing his shoes on the ground, he was very tempted to just rip the door open and drag Kid out to speed up the little 'learning' process for the whole world but it would be far more rewarding if the brat came out willingly…
(For the sake of his sanity he ignored the double entendre in that sentence.)
"We're waiting," the older man went on, tapping his foot loud enough so that the other boy could hear even through his make-shift (and most likely perfectly symmetrical) barricade.
"You never specified when I had to do it Stein, I can wait in here all day if I want to." damn it, Cursed the elder meister, the kid was surprisingly good at arguing.
Then again he had been raised by constantly bickering death scythes and a father who looked like he belonged in a child's comic book.
"Ah Kid-kun, is that any way for the son of Shinigami-sama to behave?"
Bingo.
It was below the belt and by far the most underhanded tactic in the book he could have possibly used but it was one of three things that was bound to get the boy out of that blasted cupboard:
1) He'd have to mention his father/mother/estranged family member/pet rock.
2) Call 'asymmetry' at the top of his lungs
3) Blow the door down. Presumably taking the young boy with it…
(He'd have to conduct an experiment sometime, just to see what would happen if he did all three at once…
It wasn't like Shinigami would miss him anyway…
They could buy a stripy parrot, give it a gun and train it to say symmetry…no one would notice the difference.)
A sudden shifting of large materials broke the scientist out of his ponderings, the door lock clicked open.
"…you better not have a camera," the boy snarled from the gloom, Stein nodded slightly. No he didn't, Black Star on the other hand might have just accidently found one under his desk though…
"Wouldn't dream of it Kid-kun," his dreams normally revolved around talking apples and his mother's left shoe anyway…
With a mournful sigh and a subtle thump as what had to have been Kid's dignity falling to the floor, the young Shinigami stepped out of the cupboard – looking as though he'd do anything to run back in there.
"…ah…you look erm…"
"Say it," I dare you, hung dangerously in the air.
"Adorable," Stein never really had any self preservation anyway, especially since the brat was about ½ his size and would be distracted by a giant number seven.
Kid looked ready to implode, Patti was adorable (occasionally), those stupid moments when Soul and Maka had 10 minute hugs…were nauseatingly adorable, puppies were (apparently) adorable…
Death the Kid was not adorable.
(He had not been called that since he was two and his father insisted on putting him in that stupid pink t-shirt…with the hearts…and the bunny…oh that evil bunny-)
Stein wondered if the boy was alright, well…about the same as an OCD, death god could be anyway. He had developed a rather prominent twitch and kept mumbling the words 'fluffy tail' under his breath…
He hoped he hadn't broken him…again.
"You shouldn't tense yourself so much Kid, you'll develop para…never mind."
Kid growled in response too far gone in his own rage and embarrassment to even form a coherent retort.
That or he'd developed rabies. It was hard to tell.
"Perhaps if you stopped attempting to run a can of bleach through my eye you would make a passable maid, Kid-kun," Death's son began a triad of insults in something resembling dinosaur-speak, hurled a mop through the window, burst into hysterics at the ruined symmetry and then sulkily fell to the floor and mumbled something along the lines of, 'the book was better…'
"Finished?"
"…pass me the damn duster," except he hadn't said 'damn' and Stein was quite sure a nun died somewhere.
"No, I need to relish in this moment for as long as possible," as revenge for: disrupting my classes, being a bad-ass and managing to pull off a suit better than I can.
"Would you stop staring at my legs?! It's awkward enough without another pervy old man trying to eye me up," Stein wasn't exactly sure what to make of that sentence and was pretty damn sure he didn't want to know either. Also he wasn't old.
"I'm sorry, you just don't wear skirts that often Kid," the boy's lips pressed into a thin line and he bit the inside of his cheek to stop a retort, it would only fuel more humiliation on his part anyway…
(Stupid teachers and their damn ability to be taller and more experienced than he was…)
Stein expected another witty comeback either involving his family tree or symmetry but was rather surprised when Kid managed to keep his mouth shut for once.
The game wasn't over already was it?
"You're apron is a little lopsided, Kid-kun," ah, the suffix was back – that meant more torture just around the corner.
With a quick jolt Kid was upright and grudgingly examining his costume once more to make sure it was up to his precise standards, the frills were all 1mm out of alignment and he didn't even want to get started on the ridiculous boots and headdress but a deal was a deal after all…
"Much better, Shinigami would be proud."
"At least I make this look good," the boy grumbled in return, he had to admit the image of Stein in a maids outfit was not one he wanted to have engraved on the forefront of his mind anytime soon…
Spirit had mentioned something about a stag night though…
A sudden hand on the boys shoulder jerked him out of his horrific mental wanderings and reminded him rather painfully of the torture he was about to endure.
(As if the breeze around his upper thigh wasn't a big enough reminder in itself…)
"I hate you so much."
"Stick and stones Kid-kun, sticks and stones," Kid could probably do quite a sufficient amount of damage right now if handed a stick so Stein took advantage of the boys simmering and steered him to the classroom door, it was by this time Kid realized he was about to die of mortification.
"I take it back…" the boy growled in response to some inner monologue, "I'd lock myself in a cupboard with Black Star again…" was the scientist even supposed to want to process that mental image?!
"Kid, you do realize you are supposed to be locking yourself in cupboards with women…right?"
"Says the sadistic scientist with fetishes for little boys in maid outfits?"
"…touché…though, I must admit you do have rather excellent bone structure-"
"I will scream rape if you continue that sentence," the Shinigami deadpanned. Stein sighed and several people walking past promptly fainted in horror.
"I'm surprised Kid-kun, for someone so willing to prove yourself worthy you are certainly reluctant when it comes to paying up the other ends of your bets," the expression of pure rage on the boys face was a delight. Even Spirit couldn't quite match the pure raw emotion of indecision, whether the boy should be dying of embarrassment or raging into a blind fury.
"Once chichiue hears about this…" Kid mumbled, whether to himself in pity or Stein as a threat the scientist couldn't care less, all he wanted right now was to see that enchanting expression of pure mortification once more.
"Ah Kid-kun, the stories I could tell," he drawled, recalling that rather nasty incident involving Kami's bikini and a tub of banana face cream…"now if you remember correctly my blackboards need cleaning…"
"I would threaten you once again but clearly those are idle," darn it, Stein griped internally, he had been craving another spontaneous outburst, "Stein…my face is up here…" the young death god sighed, seeming surprisingly unperturbed and even going as far as to lean against the door and give him a supercilious look.
"Ah yes," he slurred around the cigarette in his mouth, glaring into the burnt-yellow eyes of the younger boy and wondering where on earth the brat had learnt to glare like that…
His musings were cut off as the door slammed open and Stein found himself wishing he hadn't picked the class with Black Star in it…
As fate would have it the scientist found himself playing catch with the pre-pubescent boy and the door as both party members stumbled wildly backwards, Kid was surprisingly thin, Stein was shockingly uncoordinated and the world was cruelly unforgiving.
"…Kid…Stein-hakase?" a shell shocked Maka (of all people) stared as Stein lifted his head out from the frills of Kid's dress (he never thought he'd be using those two words in the same sentence…ever) to stare as the class defied the laws of physics and all managed to gape at the scene before them through the open door.
Kid tilted his head backwards and managed to catch Patti adding another dash to the tally of 'creepy things Kid's had done to him', they would reach 30 by the end of the week if they kept this up.
(A record breaker of the 25 from last week.)
"…it's not what it looks like?"
"Stein-hakase…you're erm…lying on Kid-kun…in a erm…dress…" Kid was oddly silent and Stein had gotten in touch with his conscience that had now decided to scream 'pedo-leech!' at him in Spirit's voice.
"I fainted."
"In a dress Kid?" Soul sneered, Stein made a mental note to give the boy 'zero' for the next couple of thousand tests he was about to receive.
"Yes…in a dress…its erm…shinigami tradition."
"No it's not," Patti mumbled, Liz continued painting her nails and Tsubaki tried her hardest not to have a hysterical break-down.
"Yes, Kid passed out…so I fell on top of him to revive him…" even Black Star looked like he wasn't about to buy that crap, "I also happen to have a surgical knife on me somewhere…" the door promptly slam shut.
"Erm Stein…?"
"Yes Kid-kun?"
"Those are not your pockets."
A/N: You cannot unsee what you have just witnessed! MWHAHAHAHAHA