A/N: So I actually got this back from my Beta a few days ago but my computer was taken away. :{ So here it is! I appreciate all the reviews, they are getting dangerously close to One hundred! :D When/if they reach one hundred I will write something special for the reviewers! Until then would you all mind taking my poll???? Anyways, I blame the book Impulse for this chapter. Really, if it gets confusing then I'm sorry! And I got virtual cake from Panda-chan, it is really good. Without any more wait, I hope you read, enjoy, and review! :D

Chapter 10: Death

Quiet. It was so quiet as L watched them sleep. He never usually fell asleep until early morning, sleeping for a few hours, but it was different now. L couldn't sleep as he sat in Light's arms, couldn't sleep as he watched Mello's chest rise and fall from on top of Matt's own chest, couldn't sleep as he listened to Light's constant and slow breaths. He couldn't sleep because it all felt too right.

The rays of sunlight grew brighter, signaling that it was becoming late morning when L heard a pair of footsteps walking to them. Light was stirred by the sound and Mello and Matt also were disturbed by the interruption.

Watari was soon seen, his body freezing completely at the sight. Light's eyes widened and he jumped off the ground, running to his room. He went to his bed and realized there was nowhere to hide, and soon Watari opened the door with a look of pure anger.

"Ever since you came here you've been causing more trouble than those kids need. I have my eye on you, Light Yagami," Watari stated, then turned to look down the hall again. "And Mail. This is inappropriate behavior. You are to talk to Roger about your punishment, but I'll be right to know you'll be grounded outside of the grounds."

Watari turned and left them after tossing Matt the key to Near's room. Matt silently opened the door and kept silent as he was getting holes glared through his head by the other four.

Finally, he couldn't take it.

"What?!" Matt asked.

"Why is Roger giving you punishment when Watari runs this place? And why did he say that you would be grounded?" L asked, standing up. Mello shot up from the ground and glared even harder than before at the redhead.

"It's not that important," Matt stated, moving to get around but Mello grabbed him and shoved him against the wall.

"Answer the question," Mello ordered, growling.

"I..." Matt trailed off, looking at Mello and then to the ground. "My name is Mail Jeevas, but my adoptive name is Mail Jeevas Ruvie. Roger Ruvie adopted me when I was younger and I've been working here under both he and Watari since I turned fifteen."

They stayed silent as they stared at the redhead. Then Mello slapped Matt across the face.

"Fuck you," Mello growled, flicking stray burnt hairs out of his eyes. "I've been waiting until I got out of here to make a move on you. Waiting until it was safe and you couldn't get fired for starting a relationship. But then I realized that I'm never getting out. So, I made a move and you ignored me! But I understood because of your job, but all along you fucking live with Roger?! You wouldn't have been fired?!"

"Do you know Roger?" Matt asked. "He's been keeping me on the tightest leash since he adopted me. He probably will fire me since Watari didn't."

"I hate you..." Mello trailed off, finally freeing Matt who took the blond in his arms, soothing Mello with whispered words. "I hate you..."

Matt kissed the top of Mello's head as a throat was cleared at the end of the hallway. There stood a very angry-looking Roger.

"I've got to go, Mello. I love you," Matt whispered before he ran off. Both he and Roger disappeared around the corner.

"I'm going to see him again," Mello stated, crossing his arms.

"How do you know that?" Near asked, curling a lock of hair as he picked up a toy.

"Because I always get what I want," Mello smirked, walking to his room. "One way or another."

--

"So Matt's in trouble? Fired?" Light asked, moving a chess piece across the board as he talked to L.

"Watari won't tell me," L answered, moving his own piece.

"Does he know about us?" Light asked, knocking down one of L's pieces and taking it to his side of the table.

"Thankfully, no. Just imagine what he would do if he ever found out." L shivered, moving his last piece to the desired place. "Check mate."

"Now we're tied," Light smiled at L, who's only response was to take out the box of sugar cubes he had saved and started eating them. Light watched with horror and disgust as L consumed the first sugar cube, listening to the sickening crunch of the sugar being devoured in his mouth. "Why do you like sweet things so much?"

"Why don't you like sweet things?" L asked in return.

"I don't know, I just don't," Light shrugged.

"And I don't know why I do, I just do," L replied, taking another cube into his mouth. Light rolled his eyes at the answer and smirked as L licked the sugar cube closing his eyes at the blissful taste.

"It's like an orgasm for you, isn't it?" Light asked, his grin growing as L blushed deeply.

"I-I cannot say that for I have never had an orgasm before, as Light has. Which brings up a question I would like to know, if you do not mind answering it...?" L trailed off, looking at Light with soft eyes. "Why are you in here? You said it was because you're promiscuous but... For some reason I just can't believe that."

"..." Light took a breath as he held L's hand and looked back into the obsidian orbs. "I don't mind telling you if you don't mind listening. It's not pretty, and I'm sure you won't think the same of me when you learn how... how weak," He spat out the word 'weak', voice dripping with hate towards himself, "I was."

--

So maybe it's wrong in everyone's mind. Maybe I've done the most despicable thing. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not the picture perfect person everyone sees me to be.

So what does that mean?

And why is he yelling at me?

I did a simple act. The same act he took to make myself, his prodigy. The perfect son, the perfect student, the perfect boyfriend, lover, best friend. So many titles and all that matters is the fact that I am perfect. Isn't that what he always wanted? Perfection?

"How dare you do such things! Especially under my roof; I thought we raised you better than that! I thought you would be smart and wait until you were married," Dad fumed.

"What's so wrong, Dad? It's just sex, not to mention I was being smart and used a condom. Anyways, didn't you and mom lose your virginity when you were freshmen?"

That caused a glare unlike any I have ever had to deal with.

"Didn't we teach you better? I thought we raised you to be above this," Mom trailed off.

"Go to your room. You're grounded."

And so I went to my room with my always calm and stoic expression, the mask practically glued to my face as I closed the door and stood looking at it, questions running like fire through my head.

What did I do? Why can't I ever have anything?

The memories of why I was here flooded my mind.

Keep up the good grades.

You're at the top of your class as usual.

We knew you would be accepted into To Oh University.

Hey, can you help me with this? You are a genius after all.

Your IQ is unlike any other.

Don't slack, Light. You have so much potential that it can not be wasted.

I've seen you're good at tennis, why don't you compete? I'm sure you would win.

Don't start slacking now, you're going to get a job as a police officer with me, right?

And even though every voice was talking to me in such a rush and jumble, I only clearly understood a select few words. The most important words of my life. And they rang out like everyone was saying them in unison.

Do.

Not.

Fail.

And that was it. My mind came crashing down as I locked the door and then began violently attacking the things in my room. I threw the desk over, my computer and lamp crashing horridly. But I didn't care. Why should I?

I never wanted this. I never wanted to be perfect. I was born with these smarts and looks and stamina that cursed me the day I was born. I NEVER wanted this! Sayu doesn't have to deal with this, but I do! I have no choice in anything, no choice in my future, and no choice in my happiness.

[Not anymore, anyway.]

Misa came, and forced me into a relationship. She forced me into bed and then it was so strange. So fucking strange that it scared me at first. I've never felt that way before in my whole life, never felt that feeling of being able to lose myself completely and just feel, and not only just feel, but feel good. It all felt so good, a feeling much too foreign to me that... that I didn't know what to do...

[But I kept doing it.]

Because I can't just go day to day doing things for them! I can't be at their mercy! I can't be their BITCH!

[When I'm not even my own.]

I finally snapped out of my angry haze to hear pounding at my door.

"Light! Open the door!"

"Please stop!"

"Let us help you!"

[Even now they still order me around.]

And it's not right! Why can't I control anything?! Why are they so bent on taking my life from me and playing me like I'm a puppet?!

[Because they can. Because they have the power. Just as I had the power to fuck Misa into the bed, they have the power to control my every whim.]

No! No, it can't be true! It just can't..!

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" I yelled to the door, anger grabbing hold of my veins as I glared through the door and the occupants outside quieted.

"You think I don't hear you? You think I'm deaf or something?! Huh?! You're just giving me a headache, you're making me even more pissed! I heard you say you want to help. But how? How?! You're not willing to see through my eyes! You're not willing to understand anything! Are you even able to mutter the fucking words 'I'm sorry'?!" I screamed, throwing my arms around as I yelled at the door.

The quietness hung for a while.

"What do we have to apologize for?" My mother asked, and that was all I needed, all I needed to fully understand.

They don't care about me, and they never will. I've been their play toy, made to please the eye of anyone who chose to look my way, grab their attention with all of my gifts, and reel them in so my parents can gloat. I'm their show toy.

[I always have been. And always will be.]

No. No, no, NO! That can't be true! It just CAN'T! They can control my body, they can control the choices that are made, but they can't control one thing.

[My death.]

I picked up the desk and went to the bottom drawer that held my sleeping medication; my parents gave it to me when I started getting to worked up by my studies. I also grabbed a water bottle that was secretly hidden with wine that I was waiting to try.

[I hold this choice. To enter the blissful darkness that almost seems heart-warming. Death. A real goodbye to all life. A real goodbye to being used. A real goodbye to the pain and suffering I've dealt with my whole life. Goodbye to Mom, to Dad, to Sayu. A happy goodbye that they can't stop, even if they tried. A real free choice.

And it's all mine.]

"Light. Light, please answer us. What do you want?" Dad asked.

I couldn't help what I did next. I laughed, uncontrollable laughter.

"What do I want? What do I want?! Now it matters?! Now that you're on the opposite side of the door questioning my sanity and my actions, you suddenly want to know what I want?!" I couldn't hold back my laughter. It was all too funny.

"It's quite simple, really. I want freedom. I want escape. I want death. And I'm taking it. No matter what you all say or do. I'm going to die." It felt so good to growl at them, so good to be in control. It was like fucking Misa into the ground with all my power and making her scream and beg for more.

"No! No please rethi-"

Pounding and more begs grew as I opened the bottle. I drowned everything out, looking at the pills.

[My escape.]

I swallowed half of the pills, choking as the hard chalky substances scraped against my throat and forced their way down. Before they even finished their journey, I chugged the wine, drinking in as much as possible.

[My choice.]

I felt the effects immediately. Falling to my knees as my head started getting attacked with dizziness. My stomach was churning violently, gasping at the pain that wanted to discharge out of my stomach. I needed to throw up, but I knew that would stop me from dying. I knew I would lose it all.

[My freedom.]

Darkness was enveloping my eyes as I felt someone grabbing my body and holding it against theirs. My stomach couldn't hold out any longer and nor could my consciousness.

[My death.]

--

L's eyes felt tears threatening him as he heard the end of Light's story. Now it all made sense why someone as beautiful as Light, someone as smart as Light, someone as popular as Light, was in the asylum. L could understand Light's parents, because he saw everything about Light was perfect, even more so in his eyes. But that still gave them no right to push him, no right to take away his choices, no right to hurt Light. His Light.

"Do you hate me? Do you hate me because I was weak and for that moment in time I stopped being so perfect? Do you?" Light asked, fear and depression showing clearly in his eyes.

"I could never hate you, Light. Even if you denied me, hurt me, and threw me to be encased alone forever I would still love you," L explained, holding Light's face in his hands. Light placed his left hand on top of L's.

"I think I really understand now. Love and sex; Sex was something to make me physically feel good because internally I had no chance of that ever happening. But this love... this love I feel for you makes me feel so good internally that I would trade sex forever for a moment of just this. I'd wait forever for you to be comfortable. I just want us to be happy. Both of us."

Then their lips met in a heart-felt kiss.