Title: 10 Things I Hate About Ducks, Karaoke and Kelly Clarkson
Author: Fiercest
Pairings: Oh god…who knows?
Note: I'm back babeh! This was a challenge from the possibly unstable CompletelyFrazzled…You Madam are CRAZY! It's all there though! So…Yeah…God I'm exhausted. Also, the title is in honor of the play my theatre class is putting on…well… now a few weeks ago. Wish me luck!
Challenge: BlackStar/Death the Kid/whoever you want to stick here. Soul and Star have a bet on, Star has 10 days to make Kid fall in love with *him*, or else he must admit Soul is so much cooler than he is and so incredibly epic and godlike etc... Now for the challenge XD First meeting in a duck pond, jumping out of cakes nude (bonus points if the cake's Wes's), 2 forced romance attempts on Kid from whoever the 3rd person is, bad 'romantic' karaoke, time travel, drunken kid!, failed cosplay, laxative abuse, overuse of the phrase 'for serious and/or your mother', getting arrested at a funeral - double points depending on the amount of prison ** jokes you can get in, an inflatable pikachu, going to the hospital as a toilet seat is stuck to someone's head
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"How do these things always happen to me?" This wasn't exactly what you'd expect the great, ludicrously arrogant, and possibly high as a kite BlackStar to be saying. Ever. Not unless he was on the Ritalin we all know he desperately needs. And probably not even then.
He was sitting on top of a capsized row boat; a ruined bouquet's worth of flowers floating around him in what he was pretty sure was polluted pond water. He shook some pond scum and water from his hair as he moaned his embarrassment. "Soul is so dead."
8 hours earlier…
"…Kid's a guy right?" BlackStar asked through the coffee buzz he was getting.
"Last time I checked," Soul replied tiredly, rubbing his eyes with the heals of his palms. "Why?"
"He isn't into girls?"
"No."
"Really?!"
"He's gay you moron." The scythe said casually, as if it was so unbelievably obvious and they had been discussing the use of bleach with whites.
"So why doesn't he ever come on to me? I am the great BlackStar! YAHOO! I am awesome and epic beyond all proportions and-!"
"Not his type."
"I'm everyone's type Soul my friend! Uahahaha!"
"Wanna bet?"
"BRING IT ON!"
Soul winced at his friend's vigorous and quite ear shattering consent. "I bet you can't make him fall in love with you within 10 days. If you lose you have to admit that I am so much cooler than you and so incredibly epic and godlike in front of all of Shibusen."
He had preyed on his one weakness, his own pride. What a dastardly plot! Foiled again by the likes of Solomon Evans (not that that's his real name or anything O.o).
"Deal."
Present Time…
"BlackStar…You are an idiot."
"Oh yeah? Well….your mother."
"Nice comeback moron." Kid gave him a flat look.
He was clearly not in the mood to remember the bet. "Yeah well…I'm not the one floating on an inflatable Pikachu in the middle of an asymmetrical, diseased duck pond."
"…Your mom."
X-x-X
By some stroke of pure luck. Or maybe God…you know…the guy who Kid calls Daddy? Yeah. Him. Just wants to get his son some action or something already and modified space and time (or not) so that Kid's birthday fell during the allotted time of BlackStar and Soul's wager.
The Thompson sisters had gone all out for his 18th birthday and called for an all out bash that would probably end up completely wrecking the location beyond being recognizable.
Needless to say it was going to be awesome.
BlackStar was chatting Kid up (putting in as many innuendoes as humanly possible that amazingly the poor boy had yet to notice) when suddenly the vilest of all vile things waltzed through the door uninvited.
Hiyomi Sakura. The name was forever ruined, now associated only with fangirls and pop stars with clothes three sizes too small. The girl was a meister a year their junior who could not find a weapon to stick with since no one was willing to cooperate with her attitude. She had long flowing hair with a bad pink dye job that in BlackStar's opinion made her look like even more of a skank than she actually was.
And that was saying something.
Her eyes fixed on Kid and like a lioness stalking her prey. Her posture elongated, she pulled her shoulders back and walked meaningfully towards them full of confidence. "Hide me." Kid squeaked, but it was too little too late, little miss Skank-hoe had already reached them. She sunk her claws into his arm, burying it in her cleavage and pouted exaggeratedly, taking a stance that reminded him of Playboy Bunny Playmates.
"Kid-kun! Why don't you dance with me." She leaned up so her lips were barely an inch from his.
The poor shinigami-to-be did a weird backbend bridge, almost crying.
"Back off bitch," He's mine. He Jedi mind linked her.
"Hmmm, I'll be back in a bit." She licked her finger and traced Kid's lips with it in an attempt to be sexy.
Yeah…epic fail on her part.
BlackStar was about to use his super special awesome charms in sneak attack mode when suddenly a sound pierced his ears like no blade ever could. He turned to the stage where Karaoke was going on to find none other that Sakura tapping the mike, inciting the horrible noise.
"This ones for the birthday boy Kid-kun." She said in a husky voice that she probably thought was totally sexy before bursting into an off key rendition of 'My Life Would Suck Without You.'
BlackStar did the only thing he could do. He laughed loud, obnoxiously and annoyingly.
"You're pathetic." Kid sighed, not really sure he was getting the concept of the bet- that yes, he was very aware of.
"Your mom's pathetic."
"How romantic." Soul cut it.
X-x-X
He was dying. He was sure of it. Defeated by a pastry he couldn't even pronounce. How sad.
"BlackStar?" Soul called through the open doorway of his friend's apartment. "You home?"
"In here," he replied, groaning once again in pain, "Dying a slow painful death, I'm so sorry for the pain you will feel when I'm gone!"
"You're not dying BlackStar." The man said, picking up between his thumb and forefinger the box of laxatives. "What were these for?"
"Sabotaging the Kelly Clarkson ripoff."
Soul cringed as a particularly nasty sound came from BlackStar's stomach as he leapt up and headed for the bathroom. "How'd that work for you?"
"Not well."
"Clearly."
X-x-X
"For serious?"
"Yes."
"There is no way in hell."
"Apparently there is."
"B-but that's just so…?"
"BlackStar?"
"Yeah that pretty much sums it up."
3 hours earlier…
"Look at her in her skanky little skirt, twirling her skanky hair like the skankity little skank skank she is." BlackStar growled to no one in particular as he sat across the cafeteria alone at his table, glaring at Sakura flirting with his man candy. I mean Kid…candy……no comment.
"It is on now biatch, you don't mess with the great BlackStar's meat!"
"Who's he talking to?" Maka whispered to her partner.
"Just keep walking, stupidity might be contagious."
Present…
"Sakura…you do know that there's a toilet seat glued to your head right?"
"NO Patti, I was not aware of this! I THOUGHT IT WAS A HAT!!" she shrieked in her face.
"Well that's just silly." Things went over Patti's head like UFOs over area 51.
Sakura gave a shriek of rage and tackled the poor gun to the ground wrapping her perfectly manicured hands around her throat.
"God, that is so not cool," Soul sighed at Kid, "It's Yumi's funeral. Some respect would have been great."
"You're under arrest ma'am for the defilement of a burial ground and assault. Do you want to press charges little lady?" the police officer who appeared on the scene tipped his hat at Patti while handcuffing Sakura.
"Yes sir!"
"You heard'er." The officer said in a southern lilt, pulling her towards the parking lot and his white sedan.
"Whatever you do, don't bend down to pick up the soap!" BlackStar called as the arrestee blanched.
"That isn't funny!"
"Get used to it!" Patti put in, "where you're going there's only bad cable, shampoo without conditioner and no moisturizer." Her eyes widened. "You never know, you might even break a nail!"
Sakura whimpered a little.
"Patti, stop encouraging the idiot." Kid ordered halfheartedly, not really caring one way or the other, just that one of the grave markers was tilted a centimeter and a half to the left.
X-x-X
"Happy birthday," the paid off Ox and Harvar called, a little too cheerily for Kid's liking, wheeling a way to big cake through his perfectly angular doorway.
"It was a week ago." He deadpanned.
"Well then happy belated birthday!" Ox waved his hands extravagantly. "…We'll just go now." They slammed the door on their way out.
Mission complete.
Kid looked up at the 10 layer cake, taller than he was and glared at its lack of symmetry.
Suddenly the not-entirely-properly-baked cake exploded and a very nude BlackStar popped out of it. "Surprise! For your birthday you get the great ME!"
Kid, who was in the middle of his countdown to self combustion blinked up at him dubiously while the ninja continued to stand there wagging his…dong in the poor shinigami-to-be's face.
"Oi Kid, what's going on?" Soul rubbed his eyes, shielding them from the afternoon sun and yawned hugely, stretching his arms outward and away from his very bare chest.
BlackStar stopped his antics to stare at him from his messy bed hair to his bright red boxers, it was very clear what- what treachery had taken place.
"YOU!" BlackStar shrieked in an altogether falsetto voice.
"Me," he smirked, "You lose." He then shoved him out the door before throwing an arm around Kid's neck. "Come back to bed alright?"
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"Say it."
"No."
"Say it."
"I refuse."
"You know the conditions of the bet."
BlackStar sighed, picking the lesser of two evils. "You are so much more awesome and epically cool than me, the great BlackStar. You are god like in any way and I am lucky to be in your very prescence. You rule. For serious…Even if you are a boyfriend stealing jackass."
"BlackStar…You don't even swing that way."
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A/N: Gah, this last half was totally half hearted…But the good news is: I GOT MY COMPUTER BACK! My baby's fixed! ^^ You guys have no idea how happy that makes me. I thought ALL my shizz was lost –sigh- that coulda sucked.
OH right! We're still accepting requests… AND contest entries or nominations would be awesome for the Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards! Seriously, we've got great prizes and greater times planned so submit or nominate!
Just visit our forum: The Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards. It's on our profile.
Think we said the name 'Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards' enough? Oh well!
Good luck guys!
-Sierra