Title: Side Order of Normal
Summary: 'Someone up there clearly hates me...'
Pairing: Liz/Kid
Length: 497
Author: The one with all the tea.
A/N: oh deary, deary me...

Liz Thompson quite often found herself wondering why she hadn't thrown her ever considerate (psychotic) meister off the highest possible point she could find. Especially as the amount of paranoid breakdowns were now increasing to: 'if it's not one every 3 hours one of you have been kidnapped.'

"Get it OUT!" shrieked the elder demon gun, batting at the air nearby said god of death with her cowboy hat, an expression of pure terror on her normally pretty features.

"But-why?!" Kid did that stupidly, annoyingly adorable thing where he tilted his head and kicked up an eyebrow making all those in the residing area cower to the sheer cute factor.

A deadly weapon, if only he'd stop using it on men…

"It's…disgusting. Disgusting!" The extra emphasis was required because it would take that amount of exaggeration before the symmetry obsessed boy even picked up something that didn't revolve around the figure 8.

"She's beautiful."

Beautiful. "Beautiful?!" Liz repeated, trying to scale the wardrobe to gain a greater distance – and if the situation demanded (which it nearly always did) suitable high ground – to glare at her enemy from above, "that is not beautiful."

Liz knew beautiful. Beautiful was the latest fashion trend, her hair when she'd managed to straighten it out after a hard days fight, Kid's seemingly never-ending bank account and freshly manicured nails.

That was beautiful.

Kid frowned, opened his mouth to protest but his attention was promptly distracted by the thing in his hands.

"I think she's hungry." He said after brief consideration.

"I think we should flush it." Liz snipped, shrieking as he walked toward her – the thing scrabbling at his hands, "don't come any closer!"

"I don't…understand." Kid admitted reluctantly, a frown on his features, as if he'd never had to use the expression before in his entire life, "how can someone so beautiful be hated by so many…?"

That statement would have been philosophically sound had he not been talking about the most horrific creature that had ever graced the earth.

"It's all…crawly and hairy and – EW!"

"She," Kid sniffed with well practised haughtiness, "is perfect." He then looked at the creature with such unrestrained fondness that something in a very dark part of the demon gun's mind popped out its cave and started sharpening the pitch forks.

"Is not."

"…yes she is."

"No she's not!"

"Is!"

"Not!" Kid sighed and rubbed his temples with his now free hand, the creature instead choosing to latch onto his arm.

"Anna stays." He said finally, scooping the tarantula onto his shoulder and marching upstairs with the dignity of a bald peacock.

Liz watched his retreating form with something akin to absolute revulsion on her features before the wardrobe finally gave out and sent her sprawling into a very asymmetrical mess on the floor.

Spiders.

Oh she hated spiders.