A/N: Those were some of the funniest reviews I EVER got. XD Thanks guys! Now I'm going to get some mad ones. I can already tell you all are going to yell at me. Why? Well, you need to read to find out, but remember. I'm not that horrible of a person. Really! ... I feel like I'm forgetting something. Am I? Oh well, that's what a review button/PM is for. :P Okay! So I hope you read, enjoy, and review!
Chapter 17: Buttons
L was going home. It was strange to hear himself say that, to know that all of those years spent in Wammy's were about to be over and he could go and live a real life. Watari sprung the news on him after a therapy session, where L just kept talking and explaining all of his feelings. The old man had looked so happy to hear L talking like he did, had looked so surprised to hear L finally open up, and had looked slightly sad that he didn't have to take care of L anymore.
Light sat on the couch, writing in his notebook. He was passing time, for tomorrow he was going home and bringing L with him.
So he decided to write whatever it was that he was thinking to help pass the time and take things off his mind.
When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. But... Seeing death... Really seeing it makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous.
Maybe there's a moment growing up. When something peels back. Maybe.
We look for secrets because we can't believe our minds.
Life was easier without L, Mello, Near, and Matt but if I wanted life to be easier, then I wouldn't be here now.
All I know is that I am who I was again. Whatever I was, I know, that there's only one way back to the world. And that is to become the real me, whoever I am no-
"Let go of me!" A voice yelled from down the hall, echoing off the walls and gaining everyone's attention. Light stopped writing to look down and see a police officer, Watari, and Roger trying to help Mello inside.
"Mello?" Light asked, shocked to see Mello back. The policeman grabbed Mello's arm roughly and pulled the blond along side of him and Mello tried to fight back, yanking his handcuffed arms and growling.
"Don't touch me, you fucking asshole!" Mello yelled, managing to pull away from the policeman. The policeman went to grab at Mello again, but Watari and Roger persuaded him into freeing Mello and leaving the rest to them. Once Mello was free and the policeman was gone, they continued their journey down the hall. Mello's eyes were dead as he looked around, searching for something. His eyes landed on Light's, seeming to find what they were looking for, and then went back to following Watari and Roger. The older two locked Mello in the same room that Near had been locked in after having his tantrum that one time.
L walked over to Light with Near.
"Was that..?" Near trailed off, hugging his toy robot. Light put his pen down.
"Yeah. That was Mello," Light replied, knowing what the question was.
"Do you think Matt knows he's back?" L asked, placing a finger onto his lips.
"Most likely not or he'd already be down here," Light explained, standing up and walking over so he could see down to where Mello was imprisoned better. "Do... Do you think we can see him?"
"Well, Watari and Roger left so I say we do it now while we can," L answered, walking to the door, Light and Near following him. When they got to the door, the three of them could clearly see Mello sitting in the corner, banging his hand against the wall.
L knocked.
"Go away!" Mello yelled, continuing to punch the wall.
"Mello," Light called, his voice ceasing the punches against the wall. Mello slowly turned and went to the door, looking out at Light.
"Hey. It's been a while..." Light trailed off, an awkward silence taking over all of them. His hand twitched as he took himself to be the speaker of the group. "...You okay?"
"Fabulous," Mello answered. His voice was sore and his eyes were drooping closed.
"Light! L! Near!" Roger yelled, seeing the three at the door. Light sighed, looking at Roger annoyed.
"Just give me a minute, okay?!" Light asked, aggravated. Roger didn't argue.
"Light... L... They still fucking with you?" Mello asked, looking at L through the small window.
"Uh... They-uh... Actually, they're letting both of us out tomorrow," Light stated. Mello's eyes darted to Light, but then seemed to freeze. Silence took over as they waited for Mello's response.
"You should go. Roger will get mad," Mello answered, voice not leaving any hint as to how the blond felt. They just nodded and left Mello, walking over to Roger.
"Don't tell Matt," Roger ordered.
"He doesn't know?" L asked.
"No, Matt's in charge of a different wing for the time being and I plan on keeping this a secret for a little while. So please, please don't tell him," Roger was actually pleading, and it amused the three teens.
"Alright, we won't tell him, but you better when you're ready. And that doesn't mean you can wait forever," L stated, putting his hands in his jeans pocket. Roger looked relieved.
"I will. I promise."
--
It was the middle of the night and Light woke up for the third time, finding it hard to sleep when he knew that in the morning he would be bringing L home to meet his family. A thought about L rose to his mind and he decided to write it in his journal before he forgot it.
He sat up to get the journal he always placed on his desk to find out that it wasn't there, and suddenly his door closed. He didn't even realize it was open.
Light got out of bed slowly and opened the door, poking his head out to see a body going around a corner. He couldn't tell who it was, but he knew that it wasn't somebody who worked there. So, he followed slowly behind the body. The person went into the room with the toys and down under the secret door.
"Near? Matt? ...L?" Light asked to himself as he waited so that the person would not know he was following them and then went into the secret door himself. Lights were on in every corridor, making Light wonder where the mystery person went, when he heard a voice.
"Near threw a temper tantrum last night about how he cares about other people, but I think it was for attention. Near just seems to fit into this asylum, and I think he likes it here. Maybe he does this stuff so he can stay here forever."
Light knew that voice. It was Mello. And he knew those words. It was his journal.
Mello's voice sounded distant, though. Like he'd gone very far away, and down a corridor Light had never gone down yet. He ran down that one, hoping to stop the blond in time.
"Sometimes it's so damn funny that people only think of me as the pretty boy. It's as if they only look at my face and not what's behind it. They don't see that I have a mind – shut up, I'm reading. Shut up!"
"Mello!" Light yelled as he heard Mello's voice much closer, only to get lost at a part where two corridors intersected and Mello's voice echoed off of them evenly.
"My father has gotten me an apartment that I hope L will stay in with me. He also got me a job in a small computer store. I hope my father likes L, and I hope he sees that I really have recovered. Hahaha!"
"Don't do this!" Light screamed, his own voice echoing with Mello's, looking frantically down each corridor in hopes of finding where Mello was.
"It seems I used to have this evil inside of me. Tearing and ripping pain all throughout my mind. I couldn't stand it anymore. So I just wished that I could stop feeling."
Mello appeared at the end of a corridor, and then soon disappeared again. Light took the chance to run after him.
"I try to keep looking for some sort of secret inside of me. Something that will just let me understand what's going on because sometimes I can't believe what I'm thinking."
"Mello! Mello!" Light yelled, finally catching up to find not only Mello but Near and L. L had his hands tied behind his back, though, seeming to have rebelled against Mello.
"Hello, Light," Near greeted, holding his robot.
"We figured since it was your last night here we would have story time. Learn more about you, you know? I think Near is just thrilled to hear you think he wants to stay crazy," Mello explained, grinning at Light. The chestnut haired boy looked to Near who only glared.
"It's not true," Near stated, angrily. "I'm just like everyone else. I just... Want to be free. You're wrong. You're wrong!"
"Please Mello..." Light pleaded, still panting from running.
"We also read about how you tried to kill yourself. That was interesting. Too much pressure for even the great Yagami Light to handle," Mello mused, turning the pages and scanning the words until something of interest caught his eye. "Oh. Sometimes I just don't know what to do about L. I don't think he really is scared of everyone, but it's more like he's seeking attention. I don't get what he wants, it seems he just keeps playing the role of the victim-"
"Shut up!" Light yelled, walking towards Mello in anger. He looked at L and saw that he was upset, so he turned to walk towards L instead. Near stepped in front of him.
"Why, Light? You wrote it down, I'm just reading it." Mello grinned, waving the book.
"What are you doing, Mello?" Light asked, turning to look at Mello. The blond walked to Light and punched him, sending Light to the ground next to L.
"I'm playing the role of the villain, baby. Just like you want. I try to give you everything you want."
"No you don't," Light stated. Mello glared and squatted so he was eye level with Light.
"You wanted your file, I got you your file! You wanted out, I got you out! You needed a place to stay, I got you one! I'm fucking consistent, I told you the truth and I didn't write it down in a fucking notebook! I told you to your face!" Mello yelled, breathing in deep breaths. "And I told A to his face. What everyone knew and wouldn't say and he killed himself. And I play the fucking villain! Just like you wanted."
Light took the moment to stare at Mello. The blond seemed to have changed, he was no longer full of life and mysterious looking like he had been when Light had first seen him. All Light saw at that moment was someone who looked like they'd completely lost their mind.
"...Why would I want that..?" Light asked, fear in his voice.
Mello smiled.
"Because it makes you the good guy. And you both come back here all sweet and innocent and everyone sits, wringing their hands and congratulating you. And all of your bravery. And meanwhile I'm going through guys in the bus station for the money that was in A's house!" Mello yelled.
Light hurriedly untied L and got the raven to his feet, after himself.
"Stop it Mello!" L ordered.
"Shut up L!" Near yelled.
Light grabbed L's hand and ran. He didn't know where he was running, all he knew was he had to get away.
Mello followed, walking behind them.
"Where you going? Hey! I'm talking to you, where are you going?! Where you going?" Mello yelled as Light opened a door and pulled L inside, trying to get away, but Mello's voice seemed to grow louder and louder. "I'm talking to you!"
Light could see Mello behind them.
"Light. L. What is it, you don't like me anymore?"
"No! No we don't!" Light yelled.
"Stop this, Mello!" L called.
"Cause you're free? You think you're free? I'm free! You don't know what freedom is! I'm free!" Mello yelled as Light rounded a corner and saw a door. He pushed L inside and then started to pull the door close. It was very heavy, and it was a sliding door, so Light had to use all the muscle he could while he feared Mello's voice getting closer and closer.
"I've been free! And you?! You're going to go choke on your average, mediocre life!" Mello rounded the corner just as Light shut the door, but Light wasn't fast enough to move his hand so the door slammed his hand into the wall and he screamed.
Mello pushed the door off Light's hand, leaning in the doorway and holding a needle in one hand. He looked at Light's bleeding hand and grinned.
"You know, there are way too many buttons in the world. There's way too many just... There's way too many just begging to be pressed." Mello walked Light into a corner when L stood in front of Light. Mello didn't move. "They're just begging to be pressed! You know, just begging!"
"No..." Light whispered, fearing for L's safety.
"And then I wonder. You know it really makes me fucking wonder! Why doesn't anybody ever press mine?!" Mello asked, frustration turning his face red as his eyes got puffy. "Why are mine so neglected?! Why doesn't anyone reach out and tear out the truth in me – that I'm a fucking whore, and that Nate wishes I was fucking dead, and Mail's just taking pity on me?!"
"Mello!" Matt's voice was heard, yelling from far away. It was ignored.
"Why?! Why doesn't anyone rip away my secrets and tell me to just go die?! Why am I always the one who does it for everyone else and nobody – nobody – even thinks twice about doing it for me?! Why doesn't anyone just tell me to kill myself?! That I should die?! Why–"
"Because you're already dead, Mihael!" Light yelled at the top of his lungs, freezing L and both Near and Matt who appeared at the door. Light took in shuddering breaths as he stared at Mello. "Nobody cares if you die, Mihael, because you're dead already. Your heart is cold! That's why you keep coming back here. You're not free. You need this place, you need it to feel alive. It's pathetic..!"
Near threw his toy robot to the ground and yelled in anger, shocking everyone.
Mello stared at Light's determined face, and the blond could see all the truth held in those brown eyes. Everything Light said was true and that was enough to make Mello cry, falling to his knees.
The blond was sobbing incoherent words and Matt ran to him, holding him in his arms as Mello grabbed his head and started screaming. Near fell to the ground and hugged his knees, getting more and more frightened by the second. L turned around and hugged Light.
"I wasted my life... Maybe... Maybe everyone out there is a liar," Light started, holding onto L tightly. "And maybe the whole world is stupid and ignorant, but... But I rather be in it. I rather be fucking in it, then down here with you."
Mello looked at Light and then at the needle in his hand. The blond took the needle and pointed it at his arm.
"Mello! Please, Mello, please. Don't do it," Matt pleaded, holding tighter onto the blond and kissing him. Mello looked at Matt and started to cry more, letting the needle fall to the ground. Matt's own tears started as Mello leaned into him and cried.