I don't even know what this is. It came out of the top of my head, which is very garbled at the moment, because I was fighting sleep the entire time - no, seriously, I'm nearly asleep here, nodding off...- and because I have no idea what happened here. It was random.

BEHOLD CavAlato's dangerous randomness...

It's not as good as Obitopede and his story, sorry. He makes a cameo, though. (maybe more than one?)

Uh. Here you go.

This is getting less and less about Tobirama and Mariko. I'll get back to that. Promise.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, because I thought the Juubi was around the same size as the Kyuubi, just a tad bigger. I was wrong. The Kyuubi and Hachibi are the size of it's freaking Eye. Or less. That, and Obito had a flashback that only lasted one panel, it didn't involve Rin (well, it did), and he said Naruto would go evil. Besides that, there was a panel where he looked SUPER old. =3=

Chapter 11: Frosty Pancakes and Crazy Things

"Pancakes." Chiyo tapped the table. Her younger brother, Ebizo, arched a brow at her curiously.

"Pancakes?" he asked.

"Well, we don't have them in Suna, so I want some."

"We're in…the Frost Country," Ebizo told her hesitantly.

"So?" Chiyo flipped her red hair.

"Uh…" Ebizo went to find pancakes.

"Tell me again why I'm doing this?" Tobirama asked his brother, leaning over the Hokage desk with a pained expression on his face. He had been tasked with the job of delivering an old treasure back to the Frost Country's daimyo, and he simply didn't want to do it. First of all, it would mean greeting the daimyo, which meant greeting his daughter, which meant greeting her husband, who was Mariko's brother. It would most likely start with something along the lines of "Snowball! You've made it! You blend right in with our country's landscape, I didn't even notice you!" and some other references to the Frost Country's snow with Tobirama's hair.

Secondly, it would also mean passing all those native Frost villagers, some of which claimed he was their Wolf God in human form and tried to keep him captive. Well, it had been more like they tried to tie him down and get him to accept their offerings. Tobirama supposed that if they treated him like a deity, or a king, he would've been fine, but they had basically mauled him and then some priest threw corn in his hair.

"Because your team's one of the only available ones," Hashirama answered, "and Toka swears that if I send her on another D-rank, she'll cut off all my hair among other things."

"Still!" Tobirama continued spluttering, especially at Toka's characteristic refusal to maintain a boring mission schedule.

"I don't get why you're so adamant against everything I assign," Hashirama sighed exasperatedly. He carefully flipped through a few more mission requests, and saw none that suited Team Tobirama more than this one at the moment.

"Not everything," Tobirama muttered, crossing his arms.

"Well, most things. Anyway, please just go to the Frost."

"I'll do it on one condition," Tobirama bargained.

"What?" Hashirama rubbed his temples, trying to massage the pounding headache from his skull. Tobirama's insistent refusals only irritated him more, and the echoing slap of pain rang loudly in his ears.

"You let me go to Mada—"

"No."

"Hash, you didn't even let me finish the sentence." Tobirama pouted. It was as if they were kids again, not even ten years old, and the younger Senju was making the puppy face at him. Tobirama was not a little boy anymore, and Hashirama found it painfully not-cute. It just didn't work with the grown man.

"I knew exactly what you were going to say," Hashirama reasoned. "Just take it, I'll owe you one."
"…Fine." Tobirama snatched the mission description from his brother, eyes running over the scroll briefly. "You owe me big time."

Hashirama waved wearily.

So Tobirama ended up going to the Frost country, but not without dragging Mariko along for some reason. Maybe it was for self-defense.

"And so I grabbed the guy's sword," Hiruzen was saying. "It was this long."

He held his hands out to emphasize, brandishing a kunai as if for dramatic effect. Koharu effectively tuned out her teammate's rambling, and stared into space. Well, actually, it was more like she stared at Tobirama, but no one besides Homura really noticed.

"And then I slashed him across the chest!" Hiruzen whipped his kunai out in front of him, making whoosh noises to depict his actions.

"That's great," Tobirama deadpanned.

"No, sensei. It's not." Hiruzen stared at his teacher, dead serious.

"Why not?"

"Because he used a replacement jutsu!" Hiruzen added a "duh!" as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and as if his story made the most sense in the world and everyone should've figured it out.

"I wish I could replacement jutsu you," Koharu snapped.

"Don't be silly, you can't replace me!" Hiruzen laughed. Homura wanted to facepalm, but at the moment, he was edging away from a steaming Koharu. "Anyway, I was talking about baby names for some reason, and you know what would be a great name?"

"What?" they all asked flatly.

"Asuma!" Hiruzen nodded to himself.

"Asuma?" Tobirama, to be honest, would've named his kid (or grandkid) something cooler…like Sakumo.

"Yep! Or Konohamaru. Maybe I'll save that for a grandkid."

"If you have any," Koharu sneered.

"Someone's moody," Hiruzen sang. "Maybe it's her time of the—"

Koharu slapped Hiruzen across the face and sent him sprawling in the frosted grass. He shut up for the time being.

Chiyo had her fill of pancakes, but was interrupted by the local parish priest who claimed that he'd seen the Wolf God leading his pack through the forest trails. A number of hotel staff clamored excitedly, crowding around the front desk. Chiyo just wanted the rest of her breakfast, and then she and Ebizo would be checking out to continue traveling to the capital. But no, some "Wolf God" had to skip on by and waste her time, because there was no way she was getting checked out any time soon. Seriously, there wasn't even a person at the front desk. They were all outside watching for the "Wolf God".

"Oh, Wolf God, mighty lupine deity!" the priest sang, his followers chanting as he spun in a circle tossing fistfuls of corn around him. The maize clattered onto the rocky ground with a consistent clatter, and the hotel staff crooned the fallen pieces of corn. Chiyo blanched.

"Appear, oh great Wolf!" the people sang. Chiyo wondered if all of Frost was this insane. "Banish the Centipede from our land!" Now, what? An evil centipede? Okay, was this Wolf God a god, or a hero? "Banish the Centipede from the Five Great Nations and secure our future!" They were preaching for the five countries, excluding themselves? That made total sense, Chiyo thought sarcastically.

"Nee-san, we should get going."

"I know, Ebizo. I'm trying." Chiyo ground her teeth together, irritated.

The priest began singing something, and then he paraded off into the direction of the town center, leaving the hotel staff still chatting animatedly, but thankfully returning to their posts.

"Seriously, again?!" Tobirama snapped, as corn was thrown on his head.

"You've appeared, mighty one!" the priest shouted, shaking what looked like a handful of corn stalks and the corn itself. Mariko glanced at Tobirama, confused. As far as she knew, Frost Country didn't practice any religion, but this priest was obviously crazy about some Wolf God. Well, given that Tobirama did resemble an arctic wolf, Mariko could see the resemblance, but the people here were crazy.

"Tobirama-sensei, you're magical?" asked Hiruzen.

"I'm not sure magical is the right word." Homura nodded, pushed his glasses up his nose, and nodded again.

"I'm leaving." Koharu randomly made off away from the town center.

"We are too." The group began running, Tobirama in the lead.

"Watch the mighty Wolf God lead his pack!"

Koharu ran headfirst into a redhead girl, and they both fell backwards onto the hard ground. Rubbing her forehead, Koharu glared at whoever had dared get in her way, and found herself in a staring contest with Chiyo.

"Watch where you're going," Chiyo scoffed.

"You watch it," Koharu retorted. The two began arguing, throwing out nasty village insults among other profane language, until Mariko and Homura, along with Ebizo, dragged the two apart. Ebizo apologized multiple times before running away from his older sister, who continually slapped at him and told him to let her go or else he'd get it.

"Koharu, don't cause trouble," Tobirama reprimanded, pulling up his jacket hood to cover his "Wolf God" hair.

"I didn't."

"…Let's just go."

Eventually, they made it to the capital, delivered the old treasure, and were about to hightail it back to Konoha, but ran into both Chiyo and Katsurou again.

"You're that Konoha girl," spat Chiyo. A string of insults began to follow, and Koharu mercilessly fired back with her own word arsenal.

"Snowball, please control your children!" Katsurou drawled. "I worry for my future nieces and nephews. By the way, have you worked on making any yet?"

Tobirama glared at his brother-in-law, momentarily forgetting the squabbling children in front of him.

"I would, but you keep threatening me. It's kind of contradictory, don't you think?" It was true; Katsurou threatened to do things similar to that of Toka, should Tobirama try anything with his sister. "We're married, you know."

"That's exactly why I worry," Katsurou grinned.

Tobirama swore to himself, and as if she could hear him, Mariko slapped his shoulder. Hashirama was definitely paying big time for this mission.

Hashirama sneezed.

(An insanely large centipede, startled, hastily crawled away from the Hokage Tower's window.)

Uhhh...that was so bad. Do you see how it snowballed at the end into a disaster?

I could call it...the Fourth Great Fanfiction Word War. /shot

(4th...or 5th...or 6th...who knows.)

Sorry. But still, lol. OBITOPEDE!