This entire chapter is just...random.
Note: "Sparky" the Raikage is inspired by the wonderful wisdom-jewel, in the funny Team Tobirama-centric story, Breaking the Rules. Go check it out!
Note 2: Sharingan contacts are from Naruto SD, as well as Byaku-Sharingan. Whatever that is. (lol)
Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine, because Mito...hopefully didn't go this crazy. Today, she is very Kushina-esque. In other words, hotheaded Habanero Uzumaki style. Sort of OOC, but that's the wonders of old Konoha for you; we don't know anything about them ~ -wiggles fingers and pretends to spread magic sparkles- ~
Chapter 15: Which is Crazier?
Hiruzen could not have picked a better day to be angry.
"You filthy, little—" he started heatedly. An unspeakable insult was sure to follow, but the frantic remainders of Team Tobirama hastily clamped their hands over his mouth. It was not very helpful to have Senju's students yelling insults at the Uchiha when you had Uchiha Madara standing right there.
"What was that, Sarutobi? I'm a filthy, little what?" Kagami grinned. If Tsunade had been there, she would have called it…evil. But Tsunade hadn't been born yet, and besides that, she would've asked about twenty questions before calling Kagami's smile evil…also in the form of a question.
"Just stop it, Kagami," hissed Koharu.
Meanwhile, it seemed as if Madara had not noticed a thing, because he continued glaring at Hashirama for some odd reason.
"I told you, Madara. In order to establish village alliances, we do not, under any circumstances, make nicknames for the other Kage. Do you understand?" Hashirama said through gritted teeth. It wasn't in his nature to be harsh, but with Madara, anything besides force was disregarded.
"Well, Hashirama, you see, it wasn't my idea," Madara replied nonchalantly, waving his hand. "In fact, it was your little brother's."
And then Madara gave Mito a look that made Team Tobirama and Team Toka blanch. Mito returned with a glower so menacing, the two teams feared they would spontaneously combust under her gaze.
"That's just nasty," Hiruzen muttered.
"I actually agree with Sarutobi on this one," Kagami commented.
"Why are we even here?" Homura suddenly asked. They all just shrugged, and Torifu offered the group some potato chips from his insanely enormous bag of them. He seemed to pull them out of nowhere when he wanted to. Danzo crossed his arms and made a face, his chin with the x-shaped scar jutting out crossly.
"In fact, I do like the name 'Sparky' for the Raikage," Madara continued, touching his chin thoughtfully. He nodded to himself, before reaching up to brush some of his wild hair out of his face. It was rather useless, because it just fell over his right side again anyway. Izuna sort of just lingered behind his brother, leaning against the fence (a fence that would, years in the future, one day receive a nasty hole in it by the hand of a little Senju princess). He rubbed where his eyes should have been absently, as if contemplating the bandages wrapped around his head. Izuna wanted to go home, but he obviously couldn't get there by himself. Hashirama wondered why Madara even brought him. (He wouldn't bring Tobirama…or rather, Tobirama wouldn't stay…)
"Can we just get this over with?" Mito snapped. She turned to Madara, still leveling his gaze with her hotter-than-Amaterasu-burning glare. "Madara, is there anyone you don't want us to form alliances with?"
"Uh. The Cloud," he said easily. Hashirama sighed, and if possible Mito's glare increased in intensity. Team Tobirama and Team Toka unconsciously took a step backwards, sweating under the heat of the Uzumaki's intense stare.
"Do you really mean that, or is that random?" Mito fumed.
"No. Not really. How about Iwa? I'm not fond of Iwa."
"Madara," Mito warned.
"Oh, fine. Kiri." Now, Madara made a little bit of sense, seeing as no one wanted to be attacked by crazy Kiri nin, but an alliance with the Hidden Mist would be rather beneficial to the new and growing, as well as influential, Konoha.
"Well, those Kiri guys are pretty crazy." A new voice popped in, and Hashirama mentally groaned. Of course his little brother would pick this time to join in. He would only encourage Madara, despite being on different sides. Though the Uchiha supposedly hated the Senju, things like this were often more comical than spiteful.
"Just, no." Mito turned her glare to Tobirama, but he hardly flinched. The kids admired him for this.
If the children had not been staring at Tobirama in wonder with googly-eyes, then they would have missed the very subtle glance he cast to the trees behind them, as well as the hand signal he flashed. Hiruzen turned to the trees, catching a glimpse of something blue.
The only thing that color blue in this village was Mariko.
"Nii-san." Izuna had ventured over and felt his way to his brother, where he poked the elder Uchiha in the side.
"What, Izuna?" Madara waved his brother away for the moment. Izuna, as if he could see, turned slightly to the trees and shrugged. There was a rustling, and then Mariko appeared again, blue-hair wrapped up on her head and a bow-and-arrow fashioned out of her Ice Style in hand. First, Hiruzen wondered how Mariko was holding the weapon without freezing her hands off, and second, he pondered deeply over how Izuna seemed to see her. (AKA, Hiruzen was mind-blown.)
Tobirama pointed to Madara behind his back.
"So, those crazy Kiri nin," Tobirama said, as an arrow flew past his head, aimed at Madara's shoulder. It was too bad the Uchiha just laughed and caught the arrow, snapping it easily in his hands.
"That was really funny," he chortled. Then he turned so dead serious, the two teams cringed and huddled in a circle behind Tobirama (with the exception of Kagami, who just giggled until his clan leader shot him a look that could've reduced him to ashes). "Who shot that?"
Madara's glare nearly beat Mito's in fiery power, but the flaming eyes of doom (also known as the Sharingan, and/or Izuna's poor eyes) could not melt the icy bow and arrow that Mariko still wielded as she hopped out of the tree and sauntered over to them. When she reached them, the ice jutsu had dissipated and she shrugged at Tobirama, similarly to how Izuna had done so earlier.
"I told you, I'm not good with the Hyoton. Did you see how badly I missed?" Mariko gestured to Madara's shoulder, making them all wonder what the intended target was.
"Nah, you weren't that bad," Tobirama consoled, "his pink eye just cut you short."
Unexpectedly, Izuna sniggered, while Madara sighed exasperatedly and told Tobirama to stop calling the "great, godly Sharingan" an eye problem. Tobirama, of course, didn't stop, and to Hashirama's dismay (and Mito's increasing anger), Mariko only joined in.
"It's a wonder you guys don't have severe dry eye," Mariko noted.
"It's also amazing that we haven't seen lots of Sharingan contacts on the market yet. The Hyuuga could pull off an intense Byaku-Sharingan," Tobirama mused.
"Then again, that would cause them some major dry eye," Mariko added. They continued on a conversation that would likely be repeated in Konoha's future, and then turned back to Madara, who was now yawning.
"If you're done with your insulting comments, are we done here?" he asked.
"We haven't even started," Mito growled. If she was more Kushina-style, she would've cracked her knuckles and beat up everybody, but instead, she just punched Madara in the face. It was so unexpected (well, not really, but still, he could've seen it coming) that Madara received the hit and flew a good distance.
"I think that's a new record," Mariko called, as Madara grumbled and got to his feet. He glared at Madara, and oddly enough, smirked at Mito. A vein popped on the redhead's temple, and she prepared to throw another punch. She would have done so, if Hashirama had not put his hands on her shoulders and murmured something like "Honey, honey, he's not worth it…" in her ears.
"Your pink eye didn't help you there, did it?" Tobirama grinned.
And then, once again, Izuna smiled, and then he smiled at the tree. Everyone turned to look, but nothing was there.
"Do you think Izuna's talking to ghosts?" asked Hiruzen.
"I actually agree with Hiruzen…again." Kagami paused. "It's a new record. Huh."
"You're all idiots," Koharu concluded.
"So, about those crazy Kiri nin," Tobirama continued, smiling at his brother and Mito. The redhead glared at him, preparing her spare punch for her white-haired brother-in-law.
"Mito, honey, he's not worth it either," Hashirama stammered nervously. His eyes flickered between his wife and his brother, trying to calm the former and reprimand the latter both at once.
"He's not worth it, but oh would it be fun," Mito sneered.
"Someone feels evil today," Mariko piped up.
"Mariko, you're going to get it too," Mito warned. The little blunette smiled and backed away slowly, letting her fiancée take care of the situation.
"Mariko?" Tobirama glanced at the girl. "You're not leaving me…hey!"
Mariko began sprinting down the alley, yelling her apologies behind her. Torifu dropped his now-empty fifth bag of chips then, and made in the opposite direction. He was closely followed by Kagami and Hiruzen, who didn't want to be there when Mito snapped. (It was a wonder they survived after she sealed the Kyuubi within herself…)
Koharu just sighed and climbed over the fence, followed by Homura. She found herself behind a restaurant, and to her surprise, she saw Danzo sitting at one of the tables, reading a book.
"How long have you been there?" she asked.
"…A while." He continued reading. The girl exchanged glances with her bespectacled teammate, who shrugged. They sat down at the table, and stayed when Danzo didn't tell them to leave (like they had expected).
Meanwhile, Mito brushed away Hashirama's cold hands—which were shaking from his nervousness, because only wives can scare strong men like that—and turned on Tobirama. Tobirama's eyes widened, and then he took off after Mariko, closely followed by Mito, who was closely followed by a trail of wood trying to catch all of them.
"Mariko, you're going to pay for ditching me!" Tobirama yelled, while the little blue-headed girl disappeared around a street corner and easily hid herself among the people. Despite her obvious blue hair, her small size allowed her to vanish among the taller heads of the crowd, unlike the tall, white-haired Tobirama who stood out too much.
"You're both doing the dishes tonight," Mito muttered to herself, giving chase to the two of them. Hashirama desperately ran into the fray, knocking over Madara, who had trying to get home, only to get beaten up some more.
"Damn you, Senju!" he hollered.
"Pink eye not working out so well, eh?" Tobirama exclaimed over his shoulder, before ducking to avoid a plate that Mito grabbed from an outdoor restaurant waiter to chuck at him.
All during this, Izuna sort of just leaned on the fence again, a little bit lost. He felt his way down the road, before running into Kagami, who was hiding behind a mailbox.
"That you, Kagami?" Izuna asked.
"Yes, Izuna-sama." Kagami had rarely interacted with the clan head, let alone the clan head's brother, and was rather proud that Izuna knew his name. "Here, the Uchiha complex is this way."
And so, young Kagami sauntered home with the clan head's brother, looking rather important. Danzo introduced a surprisingly excellent restaurant to Homura and Koharu, Hiruzen and Torifu, who had sprinted right past Kagami and his mailbox, stopped by the convenience store to buy more chips, and Tobirama continued having dishes thrown at his head. At some point, Mito had hunted him down and given him a piece of her mind, and then afterwards, she had dragged Mariko out of the dango shop's kitchen and threatened her with something that turned the blunette white with terror. Neither of the Senju brothers ever found out what it was, but assumed it was part of Mito's terrifying woman-power. Whatever that was.
And after all that, Hashirama approached his wife when he deemed it safe to do so, and offered her some precious Banana Bread that Tobirama spent the rest of the day making to soothe the hotheaded Uzumaki. They eventually all convened at the dining room table, and Tobirama just had to ask:
"So, is it the crazy Kiri nin or Madara that we've decided on getting rid of?"
Oh Tobirama. You're not even following the topic of the conversation, are you?
Can anyone guess what Izuna was "looking" at?