Notes about the story: I have no idea what happened here. At least it's more lighthearted than that one terrible dream Mariko had that one time...(you know, the one where Madara was going to kill her for watching? Obitopede was in it. lol.)

TODAY. WAS. EXTREME. FEELS. By the way, 614 spoilers. Too late? Oh well.

Disclaimer: Heh. I obviously don't own Naruto, because why in the world would I MAKE NEJI DIE. (oops. Sorry. Spoilers, ch. 614).

NOOO THE NEJI FEELSSSS.

I am wallowing in dark Neji agony and despair right now. Despair!

ONTO THE STORY.

Warning: This story becomes nonsense. NONSENSE I TELL YOU.

Chapter 25: Hokage's Predicament - Mist's Madmen, Mold, and Mariko's Children

~Part 2~

The Hokage had priorities: what to do for his village, and what to do for his family. When it came to both being threatened at once, every single shinobi in the village feared, not for themselves or for the village, but for the misfortunate beings who were now destined to agony by the hands of the Hokage himself. Just the sight of the tall, white-haired Senju sent children cowering behind their mothers, who ushered everyone inside, and made the grown men quake from their eyebrows to their toes.

Yes. Senju Tobirama, as the Second Hokage and the current leader of the strongest shinobi class, was a force to be reckoned with. His intimidating demeanor and people-melting glares at times like this sent all the top dogs diving into holes for safety.

When it came to Mariko and his children, he spared no one.

Merciless.

"Kagami, Aki!" exclaimed Koharu, coughing as the smoke began to clear. Homura, being a partial water style, had doused the fire from the restaurant's kitchen. To their surprise, everyone minus Koharu and Homura were out cold, presumably from the strangely oversweet, thick odor—a poison—wafting in the air.

"This is that stuff we ran to in Kirigakure," Homura said, recalling an older mission. It had been a joint mission with a special team, including himself, a brand-new chuunin, as the strategist, Koharu, also a new chuunin, as the commander, two other genin, and one other chuunin. They'd journeyed to the Hidden Mist, and encountered a funky mushroom growing upon a funky mold in a tropical forest. (Well, they assumed it was a tropical forest, but it was the oddest environment they'd ever seen, and they'd exited as quickly as possible. Kirigakure was full of strange things…)

"Oh yeah." They had been woozy for a while, but upon study, the other chuunin on their team, the medic of the group, had picked it apart rather quickly, creating both a sleeping drug, a poison, and an antitoxin for it. That chuunin, a picky Aburame, currently resided in the Aburame home; across the village. "Do you have any idea how we can wake them up?" Koharu shook Hiruzen by the shoulder, but he didn't stir whatsoever.

Homura considered dumping buckets of water over everyone. Then he glanced at Danzo, and narrowed his eyes.

"Danzo, I know you're awake," Homura called, pushing his glasses up his nose, looking rather acute and smart.

"Of course you would," grumbled Danzo, climbing to his feet. "Give me that bucket."

Danzo dumped cold water all over their teammates, some of which sputtered to life, while others just snorted water and continued snoring.

Hiruzen was up, and so were Aki and Kagami, while Biwako, Torifu, and Shiro remained out cold.

"Aki, use your Byakugan," Koharu commanded.

The once-stubborn but now cooperative Aki agreed, and searched the area. He used to be vain and full of contempt, but after the chuunin exams, Hiruzen had one of those deep conversations with him, and he suddenly realized that having friends wasn't quite as bad as he thought. And, he was skilled. He easily spotted the bandits heading to the North Gate of Konoha. The group sped in that direction.

"Hokage-sama, please calm down," begged the weedy boy at the front desk. He fumbled with his glasses, dropped a few papers, knocked over a vase which crashed terribly, and whimpered. (Just as a note, this boy was directly related to the poor clerk from all those stores that the Uchiha ruin…)

Tobirama ignored the boy and brushed past him.

"Hokage-sama! Please! Wait!" cried the boy, pushing his too-large spectacles up his face. The bridge of his nose was hardly sufficient for the immense lenses, and he had trouble seeing anything, let alone the Hokage.

Tobirama, however, had already shed his robes and had thrown on his armor, which he pulled from a closet. From one of his pockets, he whipped out his hitai-ate with face guards, a happuri, and donned it. As his armor clinked and the closet slammed closed, the lanky front desk boy hid behind his chair, trembling with fear. The sheer fury that the Hokage emanated was beyond scary.

Yet, who was it that saved Mariko and her children? Well…

Aki was efficiently tracking the bandits, and the five chuunin leapt through the trees, bounding nimbly from branch to branch. The great oaks shivered as the young shinobi sped past, fluttering leaves warning the forest of danger.

"They're just up ahead! Now they're—"

All of a sudden, a huge spear stabbed Aki in the shoulder, taking him down. The group screeched to a halt, hollering his name.

"Aki?" called Hiruzen. "Aki!"

The Hyuuga was lying on his side, staring at the forest floor. His Byakugan strained to see the captors of the Hokage's children, but he only glimpsed a sneering smile and then a puff of smoke. He swore to himself. He'd been chasing decoys; a trap.

"Aki!" the group was now screaming, coming to his aid.

"I made a mistake," the Hyuuga hissed through gritted teeth, angry with himself. "It was a trap. They're not the real ones."

Then he blacked out, because he'd completely forgotten about the spear driven through his right shoulder.

The moment the Hokage took a single step outside of the Hokage Tower, Toka swore she felt the ground shake. She hadn't had such a sensation since the time an uncharacteristically bloodthirsty Hashirama set out to kill Madara.

Meaning?

Tobirama was angry. Very angry.

Toka immediately sped to the Hokage Tower, only to find that the streets of people crowding for afternoon market time had pushed feverishly to the sides of the road, allowing a fuming Hokage to make his way past.

"Tobirama!"

Tobirama pointedly ignored his cousin and walked faster. He was walking, because running would signify great danger, and alarm the people. Not that he wasn't alarming them already.

"Tobirama!" exclaimed Toka. "Stop!"

Now Toka was getting angry, and it wasn't her time of the month. She ordered the Hokage, right then and there, to stop where he was going or she'd slap his face silly.

Tobirama turned, then.

The look on his face nearly rivaled that of Hashirama's right before that incident, but the glare quickly disappeared.

"Tobirama…are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just looking for my kids."

At the mention of his children, several people scrambled for safety. His two babies were his first children, and his students his next. His wife and children were his first family, and they were part of the village, which was his entire family.

Tobirama quickly calmed himself, however, reasoning that this entire thing was just a silly mishap, and he would deal with it quickly. No need for the anger that Hashirama held that day the Valley of the End was created. No need at all.

Aki drifted in and out of consciousness, with Hiruzen consistently yelling, "Don't die on me now!" Aki smirked. He, the Hyuuga genius, would not die so easily.

Tobirama and Toka chased a fake trail.

The crazy Kiri nin got farther and farther away from Konoha. In fact, they were outside the village gates, and heading for the border. That would take them quite some time, especially to reach Fire Country's Port City, but no matter. They had the first part of their plans completed successfully.

Well, they would have completed the mission that "the Second Mizukage had nothing to do with", had a messenger pigeon from a fellow genin of Tsunade's not arrived. Knowing the young blonde and her adventurous call to…adventure, Team Hiruzen set out at the speed of the Thunder God, plus some strange Jiraiya's-entrance-dancing and Orochimaru being distracted, and reached the sender of the messenger pigeon in record time. They were nearing the next town when the person of interest appeared.

"Hey guys," said the fellow genin, grinning. "I happened to see some creepy people carrying a blue-haired woman."

"And?" said the trio, intrigued. They didn't need an answer, though.

There was only one blue-haired woman with bright, sapphire hair like that in all of the Fire Country.

"Well, I thought I'd stop them." The boy grinned cheekily.

"Did you use any… jutsu?" asked Orochimaru.

"I did." The boy continued grinning. Jiraiya bumped fists with his friend and nodded approvingly. Tsunade began interrogating the other boy, the genin skilled enough to take missions on his own because he, too, was a genius.

"Slow down, princess." The boy held up his hands. "They're over there."

The boy pointed to a big tree, to which he'd tied the bandits. Mariko and her children were huddled safely under another tree, asleep peacefully. The bandits yelled through the tape—where the boy got the tape, none of them really knew, unless he carried it with him—on their mouths, straining at the perfectly done knots that held them to the tree's trunk.

"What? I can't hear you." The boy ripped the tape off mercilessly, and the man shouted in pain.

"You little brat! Give me your name and I'll make you know pain," the man hissed. His Kirigakure headband glinted in the afternoon sun, matching the fire in his eyes, and creating an overall quite menacing effect. Despite this, the boy sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Hatake Sakumo. Though I don't really think I'll get the chance to fight you," said the boy, shrugging. "Seeing as I already sent a pigeon for the Hokage. He'll make you know pain."

"Sakumo, Sakumo, always going overboard," Jiraiya joked.

"Not really," the White Fang answered, grinning again. "Though I may have made too many knots in that rope."

But Sakumo was wrong, on one point, because the Kiri nin expertly escaped their bonds and slashed angrily at the children. Surprised, Sakumo leapt back and defended deftly. He was about to grab his short blade, the one that, with his bright white chakra, gave him the name White Fang, but Tsunade beat him to it.

"This is what happens," she said slowly, approaching the leader of the group slowly.

The man glared, but then his eyes widened and he swallowed.

"When you interrupt Uncle's story time!"

Tsunade punched so hard, Sakumo and Jiraiya were worried that Tsunade had killed the man, because the insanely thick tree he was tied to snapped clean in two, and then crunched into several immense shards. The rest of the Kiri nin began quaking, sweating cold sweat.

Tsunade had, actually, been listening to her Uncle tell a story about mold in the Uchiha basement when a skinny boy wearing glasses came in and yelled that Aunty and her children had been kidnapped. Tsunade had literally witnessed Uncle Tobirama snap, and then he deposited her on the Hokage desk and stormed away. After that, Tsunade had leapt out the window—she was disastrously daring like that—grabbed Jiraiya, who was still singing, and then Orochimaru, who was unsuccessfully trying to summon a gigantic snake for some reason, and dragged them to the gates of Konoha.

"Track," she had ordered. Orochimaru, surprisingly, dropped to the ground and studied the fine gravel. He was looking for the faintest trace of footprints, but honestly, he looked like a bloodhound sniffing for a trail.

And then, here they were, via Sakumo's pigeon.

Tobirama still had no idea what had happened, but he was rather impressed when he saw that Tsunade and Sakumo had promptly beat up all the Kiri nin (rather excessive, but extremely funny to say later, "Oh yeah, I punched a crazy Kiri nin in the face"…).

And then there was Aki. The stab to the shoulder had hit a vital artery, right in the joint, and they barely managed to get him to the hospital alive. Despite Hiruzen constantly yelling in his ears, Aki soon passed out.

The medic walked out, blood on his hands, and shook his head.

Someone wailed.

The Hyuuga clan head was so angry, he used his Gentle Fist on all of the mold and expelled the nasty stuff from his home. He then screamed that this was the Uchiha's fault, and attacked the Uchiha. Kagami's father engaged with Aki's father, and the two began a clan war. Tobirama tried to stop them, but then Mito jumped in.

"Cease!" she exclaimed, authoritatively. Both clans quieted. "This situation does not call for a war. Violence is unnecessary. All we need is—"

"Love!" sang Jiraiya, humming the tune to the song. "All we need is love, love! Love is all we need!"

"I actually think your singing skills improved just by screaming all those songs," Orochimaru commented flatly.

"Why thank you," Jiraiya answered proudly.

"I don't want to know," Sakumo deadpanned. "Hey, I'm going to Dan's house. Wanna come over?"

"Sure," agreed Jiraiya, before continuing his song.

"You guys always leave me out," pouted young Tsunade.

"You're a girl," replied Jiraiya. "Besides, don't you have to babysit Nawaki?"

"Babies are annoying," pouted Tsunade.

"That's true," Jiraiya had to agree.

About an hour later…

"Hokage-sama! Princess Tsunade has been kidnapped!" exclaimed the weedy boy.

Mito, who was discussing whether or not meatloaf was a good choice for the kids today, turned around.

"She what?"

The Kyuubi chuckled; maybe he'd get to have some fun today…

Suddenly, a huge claw wiped out the Hokage Tower, and Hiruzen's body was smashed into the—

—Toka's eyes opened.

"What the—?!" she muttered, sitting up. As her vision cleared, and the slight nausea in her stomach settled, she calmed down. The Senju woman was simply in her own bed, at home, and she'd had a nightmare. Ah. Makes sense.

It was around three in the morning, but she padded over to Tobirama's place just to be sure. Hearing nothing, she quietly opened the door to the kids' nursery. The blue boy slept peacefully in his little bed, and the little girl was dreaming in her cradle. All was well.

Sighing with relief, Toka headed back to her room. As she turned, however, a man wearing a Kirigakure flak jacket brought a knife to her throat.

"Going somewhere?" he whispered menacingly. Recognition dawned on Toka's face.

"You're that—"

For some reason, Toka flew over the village and held out her hands grandly.

"Face the judgment of a god!" she exclaimed, as if carrying out an execution. The villagers cowered, and then suddenly all went still.

"Call Hashirama back!" someone screamed.

"Shinra Tensei!"

Tsunade's eye shot open. What…what was that?! She'd had a nightmare about Toka pretending to be Pein, and what was that before it? Was that Auntie getting kidnapped? Tsunade glanced beside her, where Tonton the pig snorted in her sleep. No. All was well. She smiled, reminiscing of the time that she had seriously tried to invade the boys' sleepover, and Dan had thrown a pillow at her. Nawaki had been clinging to her pant leg.

"Oh, Tsunade-sama!" Shizune exclaimed. Tsunade jumped. Since when was Shizune in her room?!

Shizune smiled, and offered Tsunade some water. Tsunade, a bit confused, accepted it. And it was then that she saw that the water was moldy, and on top of the mold was a mushroom, atop that some more mold, and atop that a big red flower. The blonde woman looked up.

Shizune took Tsunade's Hokage hat and tossed it aside. She then, with the creepiest smile to ever graze the face of Tsunade's assistants, donned a Kirigakure hitai-ate and pulled a kunai from her pocket…

Naruto awoke with a start. He was seriously confused now, and didn't remember half of his dream. Suddenly, an empty ramen cup bounced off his nightstand and clattered onto the floor, spilling some leftover soup. That was strange.

I didn't eat ramen today, I had barbecue with Chouji and the guys…Naruto thought vaguely. The telephone rang. Naruto stared at it, and didn't answer.

"I'm sorry," said the voice message. "I made some ramen for you, but I got hungry and ate it, and then I left it on your nightstand."

It was Hinata's voice.

"Did you sleep well?"

Naruto stared at the phone.

"I like your sleeping hat. It's cute."

Naruto, with horrified slowness, turned to look out his window. There she was, the Hyuuga, staring at him from the lamppost, a creepy shadow on her cheeks. She grinned then, and the glint of the lamppost revealed the hitai-ate around her neck. It was a…

Kakashi fell off his bed. What in the name of Obito was that?! He sort of remembered seeing his father in his dream…or was it himself? Anyway, he breathed deeply and went back to sleep. The Copy Ninja wasn't really bothered by things like this. He tucked himself back into his comfy comforters, rubbing his left eye. The Sharingan was swirling uncomfortably, ruining the comfy comforters. He glanced at the clock:

Four in the morning.

Sighing, he tried to get some more sleep before he got up at five to start a mission. He glanced at the pictures of his teams, wondering if he should be extra late that day. His eyes closed.

The picture began talking to him.

The picture began talking to him?

"Pssst. Kakashi. Psssst." No, the picture was not talking to him. Obito himself was leaning through the window, waving his arms. He had his swirly orange mask pushed up his face, and he was grinning just as he had way back when. Besides the scars and the extra Sharingan he'd implanted for himself, he looked exactly the same.

"O-Obito?!"

"Hey, Kakashi!" Rin suddenly appeared at the foot of his bed, looking rather cheerful. Her hair was a tad longer, and she was an adult.

Had they come to haunt him?

"I'm actually a ghost," Rin said. "He's plotting world domination, though."

Rin pointed at Obito, who snorted with laughter.

"Wait. What?"

"Don't worry, Kakashi, I will make a world where—"

A voice from out of nowhere began to yell: "YOUTH. THIS IS NOT YOUTH."

Obito blanched, and used Kamui to disappear. Rin just shrugged. Kakashi stared at it all incredulously.

Gai thrashed in his bed. He woke up, then, yelling that this was not the correct form of youth he sought, and he still loved Rin, and Obito had bad fashion sense, and Kakashi is wearing a mask in his sleep!

Gai yelled some bizarre things in his dreams.

He then, in a half-awake half-asleep stupor, began chanting the powers of youthfulness.

"Tenten! Neji! Behold my true self!" he exclaimed, tossing his blankets off of himself as if he was unveiling a cape.

Gai's body was the Nine Tails.

Everyone screamed.

Neji winced. Why were these images flashing before his eyes? As far as he knew, the last thing he'd seen was Hinata leaping in front of Naruto, and then—

Ah. Here he was, body numb, coughing blood.

"We need a freaking medic!" screamed Naruto at the top of his lungs, voice straining. Neji shook his head, though. Naruto's voice was quaking, and Neji could sense Hinata shaking beside him.

"It's too late," he muttered.

"Neji, no, not at a time like this!" Naruto cried.

The bird opened the swinging cage door, hopping onto the outside bar. It flew away, then, free at last.

"Didn't you say you weren't going to let me kill your comrades?"

Madara was getting seriously worried. The boy was cackling in his sleep. Even Zetsu and Tobi were now staring at him.

"Take that, Bakakashi," Obito giggled. "See that? I killed your comrades!"

Obito laughed maniacally. What in the world was he dreaming about?! (Well, first off, he was probably confused at who he was laughing at, as well.)

"Rin, no! Don't send that mission report in!" he screamed. Madara was getting nervous, now. Sure, he himself was quite insane, and sure, he'd had wacky dreams in which he yelled obnoxious things about Mito—dreams that got him in a lot of trouble—but this boy was extreme.

That was good. Madara rubbed his hands together. His plot was coming together nicely.

"No Rin, why'd you close the window on me?! I was going to braid Kakashi's hair!" Obito shouted. "No, no, no, I'm going to kill the Hokage myself!"

Zetsu poked Obito in the side. The young Uchiha batted the plant-man away.

"Seriously, first I will kill her little pig, and then I will—Wait, what? What do you mean I lack youth? Seriously, Gai, you probably couldn't beat me now if you tried. I don't care if you beat me in the chuunin exams, I have my Kamui!"

A pause.

"No. No. I am not your ally!"

Another pause.

"You are at my mercy!"

Tobi poked Obito.

"Haha, I destroyed the Alliance's mind!"

Zetsu rolled Obito onto his stomach, so that the boy was speaking into his pillow. Not that that was weird, watching him sleep, because there was just one random bed in the middle of the cavern. (A centipede, at the head of the mattress, clicked its claws, delighting in the random things that Obito muttered.)

"Feel despair! What?! No, I do not."

"Does not what?" Tobi hissed to Zetsu. The other one shrugged.

"Seriously, I want my dinner! Gramps, I want ravioli!"

Zetsu and Tobi sniggered. Madara rolled his eyes.

"No way! I'm not sharing it with you, Tobi!" mumbled Obito, swatting at nothing. He grabbed his comforters and tossed them off the bed. "I'll Kamui your youth away, Gai! Now shut up, I just killed your student."

"This is getting violent," whispered Tobi. Zetsu shrugged. Madara chuckled.

"Lucy in the sky," Obito sang, "with diamonds!"

"That's it, someone wake him up." Madara stood instantly, strutting over and shaking the boy until he woke up. Madara glared, his Sharingan swirling…

Hashirama shook his head. Every time Madara's Sharingan appeared in one of his nightmares—in which Madara stole Mito, or something of the like—he would wake up in a cold sweat, glancing over quickly to check that his wife was safely tucked into bed next to him.

Mito slept soundly, curled up so that her head rested just next to his arm.

Hashirama made a mental note to teach Tobirama the necessities of being Hokage, soon, because if his dreams didn't make him insane first, then Madara would seriously steal Mito, and then Hashirama would have to kill the crazy Uchiha. In the possibility of his own death, Hashirama had a responsibility to hand the village over to the next Hokage.

In the morning, Hashirama pulled Tobirama aside and told him his plans in all seriousness. Tobirama, who had initially given Hashirama the "I-don't-know-if-you've-gone-crazy-or-what" face, realized that his older brother was not kidding, so he took the words to heart.

"There are things that Hokage need to be aware of, things that he needs to divide his attention to. Priorities must be decided on," Hashirama said. "The future will bring difficulties, I'm sure."

Judging from his ominous dreams, crazy people singing and invading villages, even crushing them, was a huge possibility. (He was sure Toka wouldn't destroy the village, though.)

"Don't forget, Tobirama," Hashirama said seriously. "There are some things you must take seriously, as Hokage. There are also times where you may be lighthearted and more easygoing, because taking things seriously all the time may be harmful to health, you know?"

Tobirama nodded gravely.

"I trust you to make that decision."

And Tobirama made plenty of mistakes, but at least the village trusted his judgment. He often took the latter part of his brother's advice, the relaxing part, much too often, but he knew when he was needed. He knew what to do, when he was needed.

There were certain things that the Hokage should take lightly, and certain things he should not. The fact that the Uchiha complex was on fire should've alarmed the public, seeing as the blaze could be seen all the way from the center market, but Tobirama was not at all concerned for the well-being of that clan in particular. However, upon hearing that his two-year-old daughter had scraped her knee at the park, he was up and out of the office faster than the Flying Thunder God himself.

Tobirama knew where his priorities were.

That turned into complete madness, I'm sorry.

Stalker!Hinata is from Naruto SD.

Obito somehow can tell his future.

Spoilers for 614, sorry, sorry.

No, Aki doesn't die.

Mito, when in Tobirama's office, has no recollection of trying to stop a clan war.

Gai is really the Kyuubi.

Oh, the creepy Kiri nin.

(This was really a challenge to see how random I could be. I hope it wasn't too hard to follow.)

Creepy Shizune is creepy. Maybe I should've made Tonton the killer. lol.

Too crazy.

Toka being Pein is just lol.

The "I'll make you feel pain" is just a Pein thing, and inspired by this week's Naruto SD. (laughs)

RIP NEJI.

REST IN PEACE, HERO OF THE HYUUGA AND THE KONOHA 12.

Though in this world (Naruto), we learn to not trust character death anymore. He might just pop up again. Magically. Like Gaara, and every single villager of Konoha. /facepalm/

Comments, concerns (oh boy), BURNING DESIRES?!