A/N: Hola, my faithful readers! I'm glad that most of you have kept up with the story. Anyways, this is Bella's POV from the first Chapter. I hope you like it.
= For the last two chapters I forgot these, but everything but my story plot line belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and she has graciously allowed me to play around with them a bit. ( DISCLAIMERS ARE OVERRATTED!!!!)
Failing to Admit
Chapter 3
Bella's POV
For the past seventy years I had waited. I was waiting for Edward to realize that I wasn't mad at him anymore. There was really no way to convince him that I was fine with dying- as long as he was there with me. It was ridiculous that he should torment himself with the thought that by not making me into a vampire I would place all the blame entirely on him. It wasn't what I wanted, and yes, I was incredibly disappointed, I may even go as far to say that I was furious with him at first. The thing was that in time I had gained wisdom, and even though I wanted something different than he did, I could respect his wishes.
I realized that I had changed in the last seventy years since I had first met Edward, but I believed that to be a good thing. With his help I had matured. Unfortunately with that maturity also came acceptance and understanding. Half of the time I felt like it was almost as if he was forcing me to forget and forgive, but I knew that wasn't the case. Now it was my dying day, and even in unconsciousness, I could sense that Edward was near me. With those seventy years also came a sense of connection. It was incredible that more time only made me more aware of him. I figured that as time went on; our love would either dissipate or fade.
Edward was with me through everything. I was glad most of the time and I learned to appreciate his presence instead of being irked by that fact that he would not change me.
Anyways, so as I was sleeping I could still feel his presence. I could even hear the sound of my lullaby playing in the back of my head. I was happy. I was content. This was my life and I had lived it to its fullest. I was glad that I had any years at all with Edward. Had he not come along who knows what my life could have ended up as? Maybe I would have married Mike Newton, or Eric Yorkie. I may never know. I could have asked Alice but I doubt she would have been able to see that.
I opened my eyes in the slightest, before pulling them open fully. It was a sad but true fact that I had gotten older. Unfortunately, I found that it is true that as you age you become weak. People say that you lose things- bits of time. I had never had that, and I thank my lucky stars that I didn't. Otherwise I would have lost what precious time I have with Edward.
I was more than aware that my senses were starting to give out. I hadn't lost anything though. I could tell that they were fading, but I just took that as another sign of aging. There was no stopping it so what was the point of using face-lifting cream or having Botox work done? There was really none. Edward still said that I was beautiful. I could tell that he was only saying that to make me feel better though. I was eighty-eight years old, for goodness sake! The only way someone would see me as beautiful was if they looked at one of my old pictures and told me something along those lines in the past tense. Even then it was stretching the truth. I was plain early on in life, and that plainness only amounted to becoming dull.
I wish that there was some way to reverse time, or at least to get more time with Edward. Was that really so much to ask? I still hadn't opened my eyes. Luckily, as I aged, Edward was still unable to hear any of the thoughts that passed through my head. I was glad that my thoughts remained private. Still, there were some points when I would love to be able to tell him something in my head. Such as the hundreds of times that Edward tried threatening men when I was about twenty-five years old. There was nothing remarkable about me and I yearned to tell him that when he contemplated beating them up. I could tell from the look in his eye when he became protective of me. But, really, there was nothing to protect. No one looked at me, even thought he insisted that they did. I was sure that he was just paranoid.
I went through some of these thoughts a couple of times a week, while several floated across my mind a few times a day. The most important question that haunted me was; would he still love me when I was gone? I couldn't help but worry about what my death would do to him. No matter what happened, or wherever I went it would always affect me as well as him.
I had made him promise me that he would never try to kill himself. He had mentioned that if anything ever happened to me- he wouldn't hesitate to visit the Volturi. He had hinted at such things when we were in High School but I hadn't taken it seriously until later.
"Besides," I said, trying to lighten the mood, "Alice would have seen you going anyways." I had always tried joking with him about that particular serious subject, but it was to no avail. He seemed to like the fact that even if I died, somehow we, well he, would still find a way for us to be together. I thought it was ridiculous, and so finally he broke and promised me to stay with his family, no matter what happened to me.
I finally opened my eyes to see his beautifully topaz eyes staring straight at me. I had to focus on breathing. Even now, seventy years later, I was dazzled every time I looked at his beautiful face.
Thanks to Carlisle I was still in as good a condition as, oh say, a seventeen year old. Edward constantly worried that even in my good health I would find a way to hurt myself. It didn't help that I had never outgrown my clumsiness.
I could feel my body giving out and I knew that this was my time to go. I started to panic. I didn't want to leave! Not now, not ever! I wanted to stay with Edward.
I was afraid that Edward would see the emotion in my eyes, so I closed it off. I could see now that he knew too. I tried tell him that I loved him, but I could only get out was his name. He seemed to understand, he had moved closer. I could feel my lungs collapsing, this wasn't what I expected- I had expected to see a light or my life flashing before my eyes- all the old clichés. Nothing.
I couldn't breathe anymore. I knew what I had to do then, to ease his worries, to try to help him in anyway possible before I left. With the last breath I had saved I uttered the best thing I could think of- the most meaningful.
"If it is meant to be, we will find a way."
I knew then that I was gone.
A/N: I know, I know it's a bit short and you want to know what's going on. Anyways, it will all be explained later. So one of my reviewers brought up an interesting question and that is- Did Bella die a virgin?. I would have to say no. I'm pretty sure that what happened was that in some twisted way they just decided to wait and then by chance use a condom or something.
It sounds stupid but if you have any other ideas PM me.
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Sorry but you know I love em and I seriously need to know what you guys think. If you don't like it I'll stop writing.