deep breath, deep breath
Secret of Kells © Cartoon Saloon
outsider
Everything had changed while he was away.
Which…made sense. Nothing stays entirely the same after nearly two decades, especially after a raid. He knew that.
It still made his heart ache.
The walls had been there as far back as he could remember. Much smaller, once, but they had grown along with him. At his return they were just…debris, broken down to half the size they had been when he fled.
Aside from sometimes reading out the directions when anyone else who was literate were too busy, or trying and failing to catch the goose in a wild chase through the huts, he hadn't left much of an impression on anyone but his Brothers. And Tang and Uncle were the only monks left from before the attack.
They still led the prayers in the chapel, but that was all. They felt more like remnants of another time—which they were, in some ways. What was left of Kells had become more focused on simply surviving.
He managed to change that, a little, with the message of hope and light he brought back; but even the Book couldn't change that Kells and the people in it were not what they had been…nor that Brendan wasn't who he had been.
In some ways he felt more restricted than even when the Wall threw all of Kells in its shadow. At least then he could be overlooked when he wanted to leave, but no, he was one of the few Brothers left for those (also few) who were devout. Maybe even the next Abbot.
He didn't—he didn't quite want to think about that. Of Uncle dying so quickly after his return. And Tang, however healthy, was old as well, and sooner than later Brendan would be the only one left.
Broken walls are still walls, he found himself thinking, and of the Book so proudly shown in the Scriptorium. He wanted to go spread that the darkness and danger wasn't all that was left in the world.
Even sleeping was a challenge, sometimes. He was used to hearing their leaves rustling above his head, not as an echo that felt farther than the sea. And he hadn't seen Aisling since she led him back to Kells.
He'd thought of going home at least once a night since he'd left, but with that wish fulfilled he finally realizes that it's not his home anymore (or not home again yet, just give it time Brendan and Yes Uncle, I will) and that it never will be again.
(but it was and it would be; it was the Book of Kells now, not the book of some far-off island, and so it would stay and so would he, no matter how much of an outsider he knew he was.)